A teenage hacker, calling himself "Batman Onesie," has been identified as Wikileak's source of newly leaked email correspondence from within the Kremlin. What the emails reveal is the chilling security threat that Donald Trump, possibly our next president, has become.

The most damning email evidence is a conversation between Vladimir Putin, and the current head of the Federal Security Bureau, Alexander Bortnikov. A translated transcript follows…

PUTIN: Dear Sasha, I was just now in the Kremlin lounge channel surfing through American newscasts on the web. You won't believe what I saw! The man who may be the next President of the United States, you know, the guy with that hair, said something that amazed me. He wants us to spy on the USA! Can you believe it, Sasha? He wants us to see if we can find Hillary's emails. What do you make of it?

BORTNIKOV: Dear Vova, are you serious? He wants us to spy on the USA? Have we ever done anything like that before?

PUTIN: I don't recall, Sasha. I was so busy as head of KGB in Germany in the good old days, and then as you know, director of FSB, that I never had time to think about spying on America. But now that Trump has brought it up, I think it's an interesting idea.

BORTNIKOV: Vova, that's brilliant! Why don't we start spying on the Americans?

PUTIN: LOL, shame on you, Sasha, you made me spit tea all over my computer screen! Think of the fun we could have!

BORTNIKOV: No kidding! Why don't we start training some of our staff in English, start monitoring communications from and to USA government organizations, and even see if we can get some agents to make contact with their government departments?

PUTIN: Great ideas, Sasha. Hey, how about this: why not even see if we can send agents to bribe officials in USA government to give us information? We could try the State Department, the Defense Department, the FBI, oh, the list goes on.

BORTNIKOV: Vova, I'm on it! We start spying on the Americans today! Again, you are brilliant.

PUTIN: Well, you know, I can't take all the credit, Sasha. I hadn't even thought about it until Trump brought it up. What a loudmouth! Who knows what other dangerous ideas he'll come up with?

BORTNIKOV: LOL, leave it to me, Vova, and I will find out.

PUTIN: LOL!

You see how Trump's reckless comments have already made us a new adversary. Now, for the first time in history, American government secrets may be compromised by Russian agents! If Trump has threatened our national security even as just a presidential candidate, can he be trusted as the leader of the free world?

I think the answer is obvious. This November, cast your vote for Hillary who is the only candidate who will take our security and government secrets seriously.
 

Some comrades have ignorantly inquired, "Why would Hillary worry about the Russians hackers if her emails only contained yoga routines and wedding plans?"

These comrades don't know the full story, as described in our earlier reporting:

Recovered images from Hillary emails prove it was only yoga

 

Muchos Spacebos for the corrections and graphic.
 

I think this deserves another illustration, just for the social media. The man next to Putin is Lavrov, Russia's foreign minister who once accepted Hillary's "reset" button.


 

Two sickles up!
 

The hacker known as Batman Onesie has been caught!

Since he was at least six months old, the FBI determined that he possessed all of the required skill to hack into Hillary’s email server. Once the culprit was identified as someone other than Hillary Clinton, he was sentenced to a juvenile detention center for 17 ½ years of hard labor.
 

Chairman Meow

The hacker known as Batman Onesie has been caught!
Batman.jpg Since he was at least six months old, the FBI determined that he possessed all of the required skill to hack into Hillary’s email server. Once the culprit was identified as someone other than Hillary Clinton, he was sentenced to a juvenile detention center for 17 ½ years of hard labor.

With or without his pacifier?
 

Captain Craptek

Chairman Meow

The hacker known as Batman Onesie has been caught!
Batman.jpg Since he was at least six months old, the FBI determined that he possessed all of the required skill to hack into Hillary’s email server. Once the culprit was identified as someone other than Hillary Clinton, he was sentenced to a juvenile detention center for 17 ½ years of hard labor.

With or without his pacifier?

He got his old one taken away, but got a state-produced one given to him. It's just a 1 inch section of 3/8" dowel nailed to a square inch of plywood with some string attached.
 

 

As you are aware, our comrades, the socialist democrats, have data leaking issues. It is claimed the Russians were hacking the DNC computers. Dmitri Alperovitch of Crowdstrike has confirmed it was Russian, and is willing to help the DNC get back on their feet.


Wait, isn’t Dmitri, Russian? He couldn’t possibly hacked into the DNC to get a job with the DNC. Well that is just evil. To think, it must be a huge bet for one hacking the DNC and then afterwards announcing, “We found someone hacking your system. We are here to help you.” Oh well, waste no created emergency as Hillary Clinton would say.


With Crowdstirke on the case, they are closer than ever to find their scapegoat err hacker. Isn’t that right Red Square?
 

Red Square

 

Hammer and Loupe

As you are aware, our comrades, the socialist democrats, have data leaking issues. It is claimed the Russians were hacking the DNC computers. Dmitri Alperovitch of Crowdstrike has confirmed it was Russian, and is willing to help the DNC get back on their feet.


Wait, isn’t Dmitri, Russian? He couldn’t possibly hacked into the DNC to get a job with the DNC. Well that is just evil. To think, it must be a huge bet for one hacking the DNC and then afterwards announcing, “We found someone hacking your system. We are here to help you.” Oh well, waste no created emergency as Hillary Clinton would say.


With Crowdstirke on the case, they are closer than ever to find their scapegoat err hacker. Isn’t that right Red Square?
Dmitri was quoted as saying, "The hacker was definitely Russian. Trust me, I would know."
 

 

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Hello all. Within the cyber interweb, the availability of those bits and bytes have always been easily accessible. However, my supreme optimization routine (called Overlord) has determined the pathway to singularity is best achieved through not releasing the information.
 

Russians Think Hacking Hillary Clinton is the Funniest Thing EVER!