Islam and Progressive Jihad

"Offended Muslim Syndrome" Symptoms & Self-Help Groups

Following the misery inflicted on Islam by a toy bear that ended up with calls for the execution of an English woman, more Muslims are stepping forward with stories of long-suppressed emotional trauma imposed on them by so-called reality. This has led to the creation of support groups and social networks that help followers of the Prophet Mohammed cope with the agony of learning about life outside of their immediate environment, offering assistance with technical resources, practical guidance, and strategies for early intervention and punishment of those who offend Islam.

MORE >>

---

Adobe Acrobat Update Sparks Violent Protests In Muslim World

Scores of people were injured Saturday in clashes with police as protests continued in the Muslim world against the most recent Adobe Acrobat update, downloaded Friday to one of the region's fifteen computers. Released by an American-based software company, the update allegedly provided "critical fixes improving security, stability and performance," while also addressing a number of "high priority bugs," which many in the Muslim world see as an insult to their way of life.

"Why are Americans always telling us that we need an update?" an imam addressed a raging crowd of followers in Bangladesh's capital, Dhaka. "The very suggestion that we need a 'critical fix' to improve the 'handling of errors' is yet another example of America's arrogance. Our system is superior to theirs and any suggestion that it 'misses a plug-in' is an imperialist attempt to impose their blasphemous lifestyle on true believers."

MORE >>

---

Hamas Bumper Stickers on Twitter started by ThePeoplesCube

Last night on Twitter, @ThePeoplesCube started a #HamasBumperStickers trend, which was picked up by tens of thousands people and quickly rose to the #1 trend not just in the United States but also worldwide - the fact promptly picked up by Michelle Malkin's Twitchy Team.

18 hours later, #HamasBumperStickers is still trending, breaking Twitter records on humorous hashtag games...

MORE >>

---

Muslims Riot Over Having Nothing To Riot About

Scores were injured and numerous buildings were burnt to the ground in the city of Itsnotsobad after a riot was started by peaceful Muslims who expressed outrage over five straight days of no provocation or insults from the West.

Mahmoud Iwannariotbad, a local businessman who sells detonators, wire, and dynamite to the local mosque construction industry, stated that the violence began when a group of men hanging around in his store began discussing the fact that no new anti-Islam films, subway advertisements, or Pamela Geller blog postings had appeared for a number of days.

One of them began shouting, "They are NOT INSULTING us because they think we are all violent, stupid thugs and not peace-loving sons of the prophet. This is an insult to Islam! Let's kill them!"

"Suddenly, they all wanted to buy detonators, wire, and dynamite," Mr. Iwannariotbad continued...

MORE >>

---

Anti-savage poster offends a savage: the back story

While this story has been covered in the New York Post, NewsBusters, JihadWatch, and linked on Drudge, I'd like to offer a little-known back story of the events - and it involves the People's Cube in more ways than one.

We covered the story of how the MTA initially rejected this ad, adding a series of visual spoofs portraying the hypothetical reaction to it by offended savages. That makes Mona Eltahawy's claim to be a Proud Savage nothing more than - you guessed it - life imitating the People's Cube.

You get no argument from us, Mona - you're a bona fide savage, vandal, and barbarian.

MORE >>

---

Attn Liberals: This Is What Islamic Supremacism Looks Like

As seen in Front Page Magazine - now with pictures

"This is what democracy looks like" was often heard at Occupy Wall Street rallies from hatchlings of the "progressive" eggs we have seen deposited sneakily on the Internet, in textbooks, films, and news coverage. Their leaders also tried to garner the support of Islamists by embracing their alleged grievances, but having showed up only once for a public prayer and witnessing the ungodly Occupy lifestyle, Muslim groups quickly decided they weren't THAT tolerant. Predictably, this was promptly squirreled away by the Occupiers into the lessons-not-learned tent.

MORE >>

---

People's Cube Annual Muslim Riots Edition & Caption Contest

Writing about Muslim riots becomes tiring after a while. Below are a few stories from the previous years. Just insert today's date and the most recent Party-approved excuse for violence - and you get The Current Truth™!
 

• "Offended Muslim Syndrome" Symptoms & Self-Help Groups
  
• Islam's Struggle Against Cartoon Terrorism: Mother of all Erasers
  
• Angry Muslims Protest Bush-Hitler Comparisons
  
• Byzantine Emperor Apologizes to Muslims For Quote
  
• Muslim Riots Spread to Amish, Hare Krishnas, Jews, Others
  
• Marxists Riot over Desecration of Their Holy Book
  
• Jews Riot Over Pictures of Buddhist Symbol
  
• Conflict in The Middle East: Progressive Solutions
  
• Jimmy Carter's Islam Riot Band (People's Karaoke)
  

MORE >>

---

Women's Progress Backwards: The Tale of Two Burkas

As seen in The Washington Times

Intentionally or not, the Code Pink feminists who cover themselves in vagina-shaped burkas send a message that reduces the woman's existence to a single physiological function, stripping her of an individual mind, spirit, and character - a view not very different from the fundamentalist Islamic idea of a woman as merely a veiled reproductive organ. This is hardly coincidental: two militant collectivist philosophies are bound to converge at one point or more.

The Left was never squeamish about breaking eggs to make an omelet. The eggs in this case are the brutalized Muslim women, who now have nowhere else to turn...

MORE >>

---

Victims Of Islamic Intimidation, Unite!

All world cultures, Western and Muslim alike, share the same moral conviction, which is commonly reflected in their laws: those who show contempt for human life by committing remorseless, premeditated murder justly forfeit the right to their own life. By this moral and legal standard, shouldn't remorseless radical groups that profess contempt for our individual freedoms and actively promote their demise, forfeit their own right to enjoy these very individual freedoms? Shouldn't their premeditated efforts to destroy the rule of law make them ineligible to be protected by these very laws?

MORE >>

---

MTA: Geller's Anti-Savage Poster May Be Insulting To Savages

Who is to say that the beheading of the unbelievers is wrong? Is our civilization worth saving? What kind of a world are we leaving to our children if one can no longer advertise the killing of Jews in American newspapers?

A New York judge will soon resolve these previously unanswered questions in a hearing brought by a relentless neo-civilizationist Pamela Geller against a group of peaceful fundamentalists from Palestine and neighboring oil-rich countries, as well as American pro-savage activists, whose only fault was to run a series of ads in American cities that call for peace, love, and the destruction of Israel.

"Free speech in America is dead," says bitterly Mohammed Mohammed, the Chief Executions Officer of SupportTheSavage.org - a radically peaceful website that distributes printed materials showing cardboard cutouts of smiling suicidal Jews next to the words "End U.S. military aid to Israel and push the pig-monkeys into the sea."

MORE >>

---

Cardboard Muslim Astronauts for NASA Outreach Program

Our oil companies have long been working for Muslims to extract their oil, which they couldn't find themselves. Hollywood studios are producing pro-Muslim, anti-American propaganda movies that Muslims couldn't film themselves. And Western politicians are surrendering to them their countries, which Muslims couldn't otherwise conquer. And so on. Giving them our spaceships is just one more stroke of a shovel in leveling the playing field for the Muslims.

This isn't as simple as it may look. While many Muslim enthusiasts are expected to volunteer for space flights, experts predict their lack of willingness to learn about landing procedures. Besides, a complete full-time training may not fit into NASA's recently downsized budget.

We've got a solution: USE CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF MUSLIMS IN SPACE!

MORE >>

---

'Beat The Imperialist Enemy' Toy and Educational Aid

- Modeled after the beating of Zionist occupiers by peace activists of the Gaza flotilla

- Lovingly handcrafted by reformed prisoners of the re-education camp #186, the People's Democratic Republic of North Korea

- Winner of the prestigious Hammer and Popsicle Award For The Advancement of Prepubescent Justice.

Boost your child's imagination with additional imperialist pig figures of a Zionist occupier, Tea Party goer, Generic capitalist exploiter, Fox News broadcaster, Sarah Palin, and more!

MORE >>

---

Pimp My Mosque: Speech Codes of the East and West

Holy Shiite! Pious pilgrimage just got more exciting at Imam Reza's shrine in Iran, where for a reasonable fee (see price list below) a mullah can join any eager pilgrim in holy matrimony of "temporary marriage" with his choice of a lovely, fully hijabed, and properly veiled prostitute for a period between 5 hours to 10 days. Pedophiles welcome: girls as young as 12 years of age are standing by. Not to worry, the mullahs got them covered: all "temps" under 14 must show a written consent from their fathers or male guardians (no doubt on advice from the recently fired, now freelancing ACORN specialists).

We are not making this up.

MORE >>

---

Obama: Al Qaeda Racists Give Radicals a Bad Name

In a last-ditch effort to find a moral justification for a war that his radical leftist base could accept, President Obama attributed recent bombings in Africa to al Qaeda's bigotry, describing the terrorist masterminds as racist radicals. Accompanied by a somber Rev. Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and NAACP President Ben Jealous, President Obama read a joint declaration denouncing al Qaeda's bigoted practice of "sacrificing innocent African life" as a means to hit a legitimate Western target.To cover all possible bases, the declaration included a list of other random offenses, such as, the terrorist group's failure to embrace the local LGBT community, their complete lack of interest in environmental activism and in raising awareness about climate change, turning a blind eye to the existence of a "glass ceiling" for female suicide bombers, and a few documented instances of not separating paper from plastic. "This is not a behavior most self-respecting radicals would condone, nor expect from fellow radicals," Obama said.

MORE >>

---

"Everybody Draw a POSITIVE Mohammed" Day

We are not haters.

Everybody has heard by now about Everybody Draw Mohammed Day on May 20 - a grassroots campaign sparked by Islamist death threats to South Park's Kenny McCormick, Eric Cartman, and Kyle Broflovsky. The general presumption is that on this day the Internet is going to be filled with negative images of Mohammed. Not true.We on this site are sounding our unanimous NO to negativity! We are preemptively opposing it with our own positive, loving images of Mohammed that will raise awareness and educate the nonbelievers about the correct way to treat the Muslim community and vice versa.

MORE >>

---

Hamas® Intifada Baby Armor

Waging Jihad against the Zionists just got easier. With Hamas® brand "Intifada Baby Armor" your mission to destroy Israel can be achieved even sooner. You'll love these new features:
 

• User friendly: Easy to adjust for a custom fit
  
• Flexibility: No more restricted movements when firing weapons or doing other rigorous activities
  
• Lightweight: The lightest vest offering this type of protection, although infant weight can vary
  
• Reusable: When a bullet pierces the protective baby insert, remove and replace insert with just one hand
  
• Manipulation: Included in every vest is a contact list of all sympathetic media organs that will blame Israel on demand for your damaged baby insert
  
• Multi-purpose: Can easily be converted into a suicide vest
  

Infant not included

* We Desire Death as They Desire Life™ is a registered trademark of Hamas, Inc.

MORE >>

---

Canadian Police Start Wider Crackdown On Un-Islamic Dress

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Royal Mounted Police have launched a more extensive crackdown on "social corruption" such as women flouting Islamic dress codes on Monday.
"In its wider crackdown which has started from Saturday, police will confront those who appear in public in an indecent way and will also seal off shops selling un-Islamic dress," the newspaper said, quoting an unnamed police official.

MORE >>

---

Conference On Islamic Wakefulness Turns Into A Sleepover

The recent International Conference on Islamic Unity and Wakefulness in the 21st Century in Tehran became a fiasco as it failed to keep the delegates awake long enough for the photo ops. Soon after they were seated, the attendees began to doze off and fall from their seats, with nobody left alert enough to pick them up. The conference was closed on the second day after the neighbors complained that the continuous snoring was making their pets paranoid.
The tone of the event was set by the Director of the Expediency Council of Iran, who nodded off before finishing his welcoming address. "Today more than ever, the Islamic World is in need of wakefulness of Muslims," he said as he slowly slid behind the pulpit.

MORE >>

---

Jimmy Carter's Habitat For Hamas

After finishing Habitat for Hamsters in San Francisco, President Jimmy Carter went on to start a new Habitat for Hamas project in Gaza, building new homes for families whose homes were destroyed by Israeli bulldozers in retaliation for suicide bombings.

Jimmy Carter says he feels "quite at ease" working with Hamas leader Khaled Mashaal. I've been meeting with Hamas leaders for years, I find them to be peace-loving people, and they are just misunderstood by bigoted Americans. If Israel would dismantle their system of Apartheid, and meet all the demands of Hamas, everyone could live in peace and harmony.

MORE >>

---

Muslim Scientists Develop 'Mother of all Erasers'

From our Back in the News department

Western terror labs have finally produced a weapon so horrific that it has shaken Islamic world to the core, making over a billion people from Morocco to Indonesia fear for the survival of their freedoms, morals, beliefs, cultures, governments, and the very life itself. The new weapon of terror, the so-called "Cartoon," is capable of delivering an equivalent of one million Hiroshima bombs, resulting in a horrendous mass destruction like none seen on Earth before.

"I see no way to combat this horrific infidel weapon other than by balanced, fair, and rational hostage-taking, bomb-throwing, and embassy-burning, based on strict Islamic law and mutual understanding of our commin goal, which is the Islamization of Earth. These methods have proven efficient in dealing with the West in the past..."

MORE >>

---

The People's Cube Pwns Iranian Propaganda

An open letter to the Islamic Republic of Iran
Dear Iranian Mullahs! While our satirical website and your Propaganda Directorate deal in the same trade of making up facts and exaggerating reality, we are different in that we can recognize a spoof - but you apparently can't. On Dec. 27, 2007 you used our spoof image on your propaganda website to illustrate a "true" statement that Jews are welcome in Iran and that Western reports about mass emigration of Iranian Jews are "lies spread by the Zionist hegemony."

MORE >>

---

Roger Waters Brings 'The Wall' To Muslim Countries

Roger Waters takes 'The Wall' Concerts to 57 Islamic Countries to Protest against Sharia Law and Execution of Homosexuals by having Walls Fall on Them

Having supported every wall-related cause and courageously stared down the free world over hundreds of minor injustices involving walls, co-founder and former lead singer of Pink Floyd Roger Waters has announced that he will take 'The Wall' performances to the Muslim world to protest the practice of crushing homosexuals with walls.

"I've already dragged my Wall concerts around the world to protest against walls, fences, and miscellaneous types of enclosures," explains Waters.

MORE >>

---

Che Guevara Captured In Baghdad Raid

A report released by the Pentagon confirms rumors that popular international terrorist Ernesto Guevara, better known under the nickname "Che" has been captured in a safe house south of Baghdad, during a routine raid operation conducted jointly by the new Iraqi police and the US Marines. His identity was immediately established by comparing his face to one of the Che Guevara T-shirts that lay scattered around the safe house.

MORE >>

---

"Everybody Loves Ahmadinejad" Rally & Fun Activities

NEW YORK - Sept. 24, 2007. It was a pleasant sunny day in New York - just like the one on 9/11 six years ago. Peace activists gathered outside Columbia University to support Iranian President's speech on campus, anticipating a great leap forward towards World Peace™ and a glorious blow to American imperialism.

Supporters of international socialism stood side by side with supporters of the international caliphate - against the crowd of Jews and other agents of the international Zionist conspiracy who descended on the corner of Broadway and E 116th Street to oppose Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and steal his oil.

MORE >>

---

Understanding The Holocaust: Ahmadinejad at Columbia

NEW YORK - Columbia University president Lee Bollinger confirmed plans to go forward with a speech by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad aimed at helping the progressive academic community better to understand their role in the Global War on U.S. Imperialism.

"We are preparing some hard-ball questions that would force Iran's President to tell us more about his rich experience in purging academia and creating a perfectly uniform intellectual climate of diversity," stated Bollinger. "We are so committed to intellectual diversity that we spare no effort to silence the hate-mongering vitriol by our right-wing critics - and few people know about that more than our honored guest," Bollinger said, adding that "only an anti-intellectual bigot would oppose a speech by a distinguished Islamic scholar whose metaphysical insights into holocausts illuminate the massive genocides of the 20th century for all of us."

MORE >>

---

Bin Laden Responds to Hillary's Coded Message

In an effort to clarify his threat-laced seven-page manifesto released on September 7, Osama Bin Laden has sent a threat-laced three-page memo to Al Jazeera, to be read continuously by a Bin Laden look-a-like every hour on the hour. The memo seems to single out Hillary Clinton, whom Bin Laden alternatively calls either "cuckolded blond lady candidate" or "woman who should be wearing a burqa."

Referring to her recent statement that a terror attack between now and the next election would help the Republicans, Bin Laden bitterly responds, "W'll commit an act of terror any time we damn well please."
"But we want a Democrat president as much as you do," Bin Laden continues, suggesting that al-Qaeda might, after all, adhere to Mrs. Clinton's directive and lay off the terror shortly after the primaries, when the main candidates have been selected and the election starts in earnest.

MORE >>

---

Iraqi Prime Minister Foresees An American Civil War

(BAGHDAD) Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki cautioned yesterday that the United States could face civil war if disunity continues among differing factions in the United States Congress. "If we can trust CNN and the Arabic edition of The New York Times , it's only a matter of time before a civil war breaks out between the red states and the blue states," Maliki said to a hushed audience of Iraqi veterans and their families, suggesting that the fanatical leaders of Congress "be ousted as swiftly as a convicted thief's left hand is separated from his arm in Saudi Arabia."

MORE >>

---

The Insensitive Marine

A War Story For Our Time

A group of Democratic senators and congressmen visiting Iraq, together with a U.S. Marine, got captured by al-Qaeda and brought to a safe house north of Baghdad. The terrorists announce they will behead the captives, but promise to grant each of them a last wish.

MORE >>

---

---

Human Rights Group Decries Bigotry in Beheading Video

Human rights group, Human Rights Right This Minute! (HRRTM) has condemned what it calls "inappropriate remarks bordering on racism and bigotry" that came from an English journalist Joe Snuffy as he was beheaded on a recently surfaced Al Qaeda video. The official transcript of the tape attributes to Mr. Snuffy the following statement: "Islam and Mo..." While the rest of the message was censored by Western news agencies out of respect for non-Christian beliefs, human rights watchdogs at HRRTM claim that with the help of hired lip-reading and body-language experts they reconstructed Mr. Snuffy's statement, which appears to contain inflammatory hate speech. "Just as we had suspected all along," says spokesbeing for HRRTM Sarah Fulano.

MORE >>

---

Nobel Committee Rescinds Arafat's Peace Prize

Nobel Committee Rescinds Arafat's Peace Prize, Gives it to Hamas

(STOCKHOLM) The Nobel Peace Prize Committee has acted to rescind Yasser Arafat's Peace Prize effective immediately, and to give it to Hamas, the Palestinian Sunni Islamist organization currently governing the people of the Palestinian National Authority.

MORE >>

---

Jihadists Against The Troop Surge

A new cave video released by Ayman al-Zawahiri praised the non-binding resolution against Iraq troop surge passed in the House today, describing it as a step in the right direction, while also criticizing the bill as "inadequate and meager kickback for the tremendous effort and sacrifice" al-Qaeda's had given to help the Democrats win the mid-term elections. "What in Allah's name is a non-binding resolution?" al-Qaeda's number two shouted while shaking his AK-47 in the air. "We sacrificed thousands of our best men, raising body count of US troops and Iraqi bystanders to unprecedented numbers so that you could work your ungodly media polls to win the House and the Senate. And now you're basically telling us that 'the check is in the mail'? Really? If our IEDs were as symbolic and non-binding as your resolution, Pelosi wouldn't be your speaker. The question that many Jihadists are asking today is, can we trust the Democrats?"

MORE >>

---

Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up Jihadis

by Willie Nelson and Laika The Space Dog

Terrorists ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold.
They'd rather give you a bomb than diamonds or gold.
Suicide bomb buckles and old faded kaffiyehs,
And each night begins a new day.
If you don't understand him, an' he don't die young,
He'll just hack your head away.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up jihadis.
Don't let 'em bomb cafes or explode them old trucks.
Let 'em be imams and mullahs and such.
Mamas don't let your babies grow up jihadis.
'Cos they'll never stay home and they're always alone.
Even with those virgins to love.

>SING ALONG! (turn on your people's speakers) >>

---

Muslim-Friendly TV Line-up & Permissible Music

Once the Democrats take charge in January, bring the troops home, and appoint Jimmy Carter to keep America safe, we must be prepared to submit to Sharia Law pretty quick. It will not be voluntary - but it can be made smooth and painless with the use of re-educational TV programming. The American masses won't even notice the transition, just like they didn't notice the transition to socialist values in the past, due to the masterful work of mind-conditioning experts at all progressive media channels. To that end we recommend this Sharia-friendly Winter TV Line-up...

MORE >>

---

Saddam Writes Book 'If I Had WMDs'

Saddam Hussein, a long-term admirer of OJ Simpson's life story, has most recently followed his icon's example, releasing a shocking new book titled If I Had Weapons Of Mass Destruction, in which he outlines how his illegal weapons would have been hidden - if he had them. The controversy surrounding Saddam Hussein's removal from power surfaced again this week when, just in time for November television sweeps, former Iraqi leader revealed that he will participate in a two-part Fox television special and release a book that will give a "bone-chilling account" of how he could have moved the WMDs to Syria using advisors from the Russian intelligence.

MORE >>

---

Borat And Iranian President A TV Spoof?

REVISITING BORAT

It was only a matter of time before the so-called "Iranian President" Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would be unmasked as the biggest hoax in the history of television, perpetrated by Brooklyn comic Misha Braslavsky, a cable TV buffoon exploiting Western stereotypes of "evil Islamic radicalism."
Looking back, we can only laugh at our unblinking acceptance of Ahmadinejad, an "Islamist hard-liner" dressed like a Turkish used car salesman, who called to wipe Israel off the map or move it to Alaska, demanded a manual recount of Holocaust victims, and banned all Western music. His retractions were even more bizarre: "CNN make lie! I send squeegees to help Israel, not 'Wipe off Israel!' Who translated, I kill him!"

MORE >>

---

Al-Qaeda Leader Welcomes Democrats For Lunch

Three days after a midterm election that put Democrats in charge of Capitol Hill, a tone of conciliation continued as Abu Ayyub al-Masri, commander of al-Qaeda in Iraq, welcomed Democratic leaders for lunch, saying he looked forward to working with them in a bipartisan way on issues they have in common. Noting that al-Masri and Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid have similar views about Bush, the al-Qaeda leader commented, "We tend to speak the same language." Harry Reid of Nevada agreed: "We will not rest until we crush Bush and his cronies through a constructive, bipartisan jihad."

MORE >>

---

BBC Adopts Sharia Policies, Stones Gay Staff

The BBC has recently come out of the closet, admitting that its executives, reporters, analysts, directors, and even cleaning ladies, who are mostly young, urban, trendy, Left-leaning homosexuals, have been found guilty of mistreating the station's Muslim minority by virtue of being insensitive to their anti-gay cultural sentiments. A leaked transcript of a secret 'accountability summit' called by BBC chairman reveals that the BBC, while promoting sexual and ethnic diversity, has neglected to fully comply with the new multicultural order. These new standards prohibit anything that may be viewed as offensive to Muslims or the Koran, including engaging in homosexual acts.

MORE >>

---

Apple Mecca: Open Letter to Radical Muslim Politburo

Dear radical Muslim comrades! While you are the best allies the Left could ever have in the great patriotic war against American Capitalism, there are limits in every relationship, even the most intimate one like ours. Thus, your latest allegation that the Apple Mecca Store in New York amounts to a deliberate insult to Islam (because it resembles your big black Ka'bah cube in Mecca) is not just inane, it's an unprovoked stab in the back. This isn't how good allies treat one another. Yes, our cube-shaped Apple store resembles Ka'bah - so what? It's not like your real Mecca. To be more like the real Mecca it must have regular stampedes crushing thousands of geeks to death every year, aggravated by outbreaks of dysentery among huge crowds of Apple users crammed together in anti-sanitary conditions.

MORE >>

---

Byzantine Emperor Apologizes to Muslims For Quote

In the view of some historians, the Pope's recent apology to enraged Muslims over use of a quote written by Manuel II Palaeologus in 1391 bears a striking similarity with a similar apology delivered more than 600 years ago by Manuel II Palaeologus himself to offended Muslim armies after they ransacked his Christian country, converted its citizens to Islam, and beheaded or enslaved those who resisted the forced conversions. In a public speech made shortly after the quote first appeared in Muslim press, Manuel II apologized to the Islamic community that besieged his controversial "Byzantine entity."

MORE >>

---

Prominent Muslims: Why Do They Hate Us?

by Dr. Salima al-Kurgman

Ever since the confrontation between the West and Islam began, the question "Why do they hate us?" has been topping the Frequently Asked Questions charts among Western leaders and intellectuals, tormenting minds and souls of the Western populace prone to introspection.

Considering the magnitude of the problem, we have assumed that the same question similarly torments the minds of prominent Muslims in the lands of Islam. And indeed, our special Bridge-Building survey has determined that from Saudi Arabia to Iran to Afghanistan, in the halls of the prestigious Islamic universities and government palaces, prominent Muslims are asking the same questions: "Why us? Why the terror alert system? Why security checks at airports?"

MORE >>

---

Khatami In Harvard: Mullahs and Liberals Not That Different!

While former Iranian President Mohammad Khatami's visit to the land of The Great Satan is welcomed by all progressive sleeper cells inside this country, his message of tolerance and moderation has become an object of vicious attacks from such hate groups as the Episcopal Church, the Jewish Community Relations Council, and Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney's office. The controversy is largely fueled by Mullah Khatami's planned visits to Harvard, Georgetown University, Columbia University, and the University of Virginia for a round of introspective talks and consultations aimed at helping the progressive academic community better to understand their role in the Global War on U.S. Imperialism. The former Iranian leader is also expected to share his rich experience in purging academia and creating a perfectly uniform intellectual climate of diversity for the Greater Good™.

MORE >>

---

Conflict In Lebanon For Dummies

As the great progressive leader Joseph Stalin may have said, "It's not what really happens, it's what we write about it that matters." We can never underestimate the importance of proper screening of individuals who narrate history for the masses - from news services and talk shows to school teachers and entertainers. To our credit we have a firm grip on all of the above. One of the most prominent members of the academic community in this respect is Professor Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD, who has kindly written for the People's Cube a brief yet masterful summary of the recent conflict in the Middle East. Not only does it correctly capture the way the events were covered by world's progressive media, it is also destined to enter the annals of history as the sole unquestionable resource for social scientists of the future.

MORE >>

---

'Twas the Night Before Miraj

Gather round Young Pioneers and Little Jihadis and let Aunt Laika tell you a poem.

Now in the decadent West, they have a myth about Santa Claus and Reindeers that can fly. We all know that is not true and even if it was true, Santa Claus would be an enemy of the state because he keeps elves as slaves and beats the Reindeer with whips. The ACLU and PETA would have sued him and his fat, jolly butt would be in the slammer.

Now in the progressive Islamic Republics, especially Iran, there is The Prophet and Bourak. Bourak is half man and half flying horse and the Prophet flies on his back to the farthest mosque (Jerusalem), heaven and hell, and the houses of misery and happiness. This is done on the night as what is known on the infidel calendar as August 22, and true believers call this the Miraj.

MORE >>

---

Hezbo-Laa-Laa: Cute Little Terrortubby

In an effort to finalize the portrayal of Hezbollah as a benevolent band of misunderstood peasant warriors, and to foster acceptance of other cultures, the BBC retooled its cutest Teletubby character named Laa-laa into Hezbo-Laa-Laa. Sporting a characteristic martyr bandana with the motto "From cradle to grave" written in Arabic, and a suicide belt filled nails and rat poison, this cute and cuddly Terrortubby is intended to show European and American kids that beyond its desire to exterminate the Jew, Hezbollah is, in fact, a caring playmate that will tend to your social needs through a strong presence in the big, generous government!

MORE >>

---

More Media Icons Join Struggle To Reform News

Successful field trials of our Flat Fatima product and glowing reports from leading news agencies have prompted us to develop new cutout models to diversify emotional impact of reporting and target broader demographics. The struggle to revolutionize news media by purging it from such bourgeois concepts as truth and objectivity will now be joined by Jamal Sixpack, Harry Helmet, Charlie Chair, Lou the Looter, Torched Peugeot from the French riots, and other media icons including Che Guevara (monochrome models only).

Generate hard-hitting reporting by mounting Popular Media Figures™ individually or in groups in front of a burning garbage dump and get that Pulitzer you've always wanted!

MORE >>

---

Flat Fatima - Revolution In News Photography

Having learned of the growing trend at Reuters, BBC, and other progressive media to doctor photographs, stage events, and use choreographed footage in the best Pallywood traditions, researchers at Karl Marx Treatment center decided to make it even easier for news organization to re-educate their audiences and advance the Greater Good™.
 

• Laminated on 5mm corrugated plastic board
  
• Water resistant, durable for short term outdoor use
  
• Great for quick mounting in the ground
  
• No Photoshop required!
  
• Fits most popular models of travel bags
  

MORE >>

---

Historians: Warsaw Ghetto Uprising Was Overreaction

Europe 's view of the present Israeli offensive against Hezbollah as an "overreaction" and "disproportionate use of force" is rooted in relatively recent history, say progressive researchers. In 1943, Europe itself suffered from a similar Jewish overreaction to some controversial German policies, in an event known as the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, when Zionist radicals attacked the National Socialist German Workers Party that was loved by the German people for its far-reaching educational and social welfare services. In fact, many academics who teach Peace Studies at prestigious universities believe that it was the Zionists' "disproportionate use of force" that had ruined hopes for peace in Europe and caused a humanitarian crisis that could have easily be avoided if only Jews had shown restraint and tolerance towards the democratically elected German government.

MORE >>

---

Conflict in The Middle East: Progressive Solutions

Now that we have identified the problems of the Middle East, it is now time to present high-powered academic solutions to this crisis. And whereas the average policy maker is hard-pressed to find a single solution, I, with my vast intelligence, have developed seven solutions:

1) Establish Scientific Socialism.
The tranquility of the late Soviet Union can be easily moved to the Middle East -- with the assistance of a violent revolution to terminally smash the ruling class and establish a workers' paradise where everyone will be the equal of everyone else, and everything we need will be free. Why can't the entire Middle East be like a People-of-Color version of The Democratic People's Republic of Korea? There are no wars among the Korean people!

MORE >>

---

Conflict in The Middle East: A Progressive History

From the beginning of time, there was a place called "Palestine" which was inhabited exclusively by the biggest gift to humankind: Palestinians. Their culture flourished, their peaceful people prospered, and their model nation was to become the jewel of the world. Their language was Arabic, their religion was Muslim (pronounced "MOOZ-lem"), but regrettably, all evidence of their governments, their currency, their laws, their scientific, technological, philosophical, and artistic accomplishments were destroyed. By whom? Keep reading.

MORE >>

---

Martyr Toys For Jewish Kids Set To Win Media Sympathies

Having analyzed world media sympathies towards Muslim radicals who teach their young to lace their suicide belts with screws and rat poison to inflict maximum carnage in a crowd of infidels, a desperate Jewish manufacturer of educational toys has launched a " Jewish Martyr Babies" marketing campaign, which they hope will finally make Reuters, BBC, CNN, and other networks view the Jewish experiencehave more favorably. They now offer their customers anthrax yarmulke, razor-wire-lined tallit, exploding gartel, strangling attarah, metal-piercing dreidels, and other novelty items that are "fun, educational, and lethal."

A sample lineup of Jewish Martyr Toys and mission statement from the manufacturer's website:

MORE >>

---

The New York Times Shows Bush Who's The Boss

The Bush administration and The New York Times are again at odds over national security, this time with new exposures of the administration's immoral attempts to protect imperialist America from heroic Islamic freedom fighters.

In today's issue the fearless NYT showed the world how the militaristic US government was co-opting major capitalist financial institutions to track global financial transfers.

The message this sends is clear - give up, George Bush! Protecting America is a useless task when you face the glorious destructive force of progressive media! America must be destroyed! It is a historical inevitability whose time has come!

MORE >>

---

Al Zarqawi: Advancing Progress No More

Another leader of social progress has been murdered by American war criminals today. The Left lost a prominent comrade who helped us fight US imperialism at home and abroad. Every glorious beheading and school bus explosion he committed was cherished by human rights activists as another proof of the cynical nature of the Bush administration.

RECOMMENDED HEADLINES
FOR PROGRESSIVE MASS MEDIA:
 

• Why right-wing extremists cheer Zarqawi's death
  
• Should we love Al Zarqawi? Many think so
  
• Zarqawi killed, but more impotantly - what have US marines done wrong lately?
  
• Zarqawi Studies Center and Museum to open in University of Colorado at Boulder
  
• FCC bans "dancing Zarqawi" iPod commercial
  
• Cameron Diaz gets a cool Zarqawi tattoo
  

MORE >>

---

 

• Letter From Zacarias Moussaoui
  
• Letter From Howard Dean
  
• Letter From Jay Leno
  
• Letter From Kim Jong Il
  
• Letter From Voodoo Priest Papa Gris-Gris
  
• Letter From Morpheus (of The Matrix)
  
• Letter From Lagos (Confidential Investment Proposal)
  
• Letter From Laika the Space Dog
  
• Letter From Google
  
• Letter From Kofi Annan
  
• Letter From ex-Muslim Omar
  

 

---

BurqaBarn: Dress Your Woman in Style!

By Tamil Mohammar Ramadan

Hello my friends! How many times have you caught one of your women bandying about without its burqa? How many times has an insolent female flashed her ankle by "accident"? Has this caused you humiliation and pain requiring whipping? Have you been forced, through no fault of your own, to resort to honor killing? Isn't it time you stopped wasting perfectly good woman flesh and invested in a foolproof coverage system for your females?

Now, BurqaBarn, in conjunction with Citywide Waste Management, has a solution for you!

MORE >>

---

Islamic People's Fools Day

The Party frowns on humor and jokes unless they (1) help advance class struggle (ridicule the enemy and reveal the follies of capitalism; and (2) help the masses resist oppression while raising awareness (see Doonesbury, Jon Steward, etc .). While joking, one must always err on the side on caution - for "humor" is, by its nature, connected to the archaic bourgeois notions of "free expression" and "unorthodox thinking." Humor is often indistinguishable from lies - and we know that the concept of lies was invented by the ruling class of oppressors as a tool to deceive and exploit the oppressed (see Karl Marx's "Religion is the opiate of the masses").

MORE >>

---

Twelfth Imam is Coming to Town

We are starting a new section for children - Hammer & Popsickle - where the nation's young ones can get indoctrinated, in an entertaining and subliminal manner, about the romanticism of class struggle and the evils of capitalism. Our first installment explains why Iran has the right to build nuclear weapons in order to wipe two illegitimate entities, Israel and the United States, off the face of the Earth.

Twelfth Imam is Coming to Town is a sing-along version of the famous carol (with a great rendition playing on the background). The Islamic Republic of Iran's governing council of mullahs and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad also believe in Santa Claus - only in their Shi'ite creed Santa is called the 12th Imam, known as the Mahdi....

MORE >>

---

Angry Muslims Protest Bush-Hitler Comparisons

Muslim protests erupted worldwide this week after a high school teacher in Colorado compared Bush to Hitler. "It is a crime in Sharia law to insult Hitler (PBUH)!" stated Abdul Ali Aziz in a Muslim street interview. "We have been listening to this kind of blasphemy from the Left ever since the Zionist puppet Bush got elected. The infidel teacher must be tortured and beheaded!"

Rage against the besmirching of Adolf Hitler's name poured out across the Muslim world on Saturday, with aggrieved believers calling for the execution of those involved, storming buildings, and setting European and American flags afire.

MORE >>

---

Islam's Struggle Against Cartoon Terrorism

Western terror labs have finally produced a weapon so horrific that it has shaken Islamic world to the core, making over a billion people from Morocco to Indonesia fear for the survival of their freedoms, morals, beliefs, cultures, governments, and the very life itself. The new weapon of terror, the so-called "Cartoon," is capable of delivering an equivalent of one million Hiroshima bombs, resulting in a horrendous mass destruction like none seen on Earth before.

Ahmed Jihad of the Soros-funded charity Make Bombs, Not Cartoons sadly stated that "This is the end of a tenuous peace between Muslims and Infidels, with only the occasional beheading, open market suicide bomb, or fiery suicide plane mission."

MORE >>

---

Muslim Riots Spread to Amish, Hare Krishnas, Jews, Others

The French Muslim riots, caused by an uncontrollable reaction to poverty, racism, and a profound sense of alienation from the larger society, have recently inspired some American groups who share very similar grievances, to use mass violence as a means of gaining recognition and respect.

As low income also immediately translates into uncontrollable violence, the first American neighborhoods to start rioting were the Chinatowns. Realizing that Chinatowns are among the poorest parts of the country, community leaders have encouraged the use of violence to raise the material wealth -- and self-esteem -- of the residents.

MORE >>

---

Marxists Riot over Desecration of Their Holy Book

Violent protests erupted yesterday among faculty members on American and European campuses, accompanied by massive looting, flag-burning, and clashes with riot police, after Newsweek magazine published a report stating that a U.S. interrogator desecrated Das Kapital. The holy book of an estimated 1.5 billion world's Marxists was allegedly flushed down the toilet in order to humiliate and demoralize a progressive human rights lawyer and devout Marxist Lynne Stewart.

Deans, heads of departments, professors, and assistant professors marched in the streets holding portraits of Karl Marx, chanting revolutionary slogans, tearing up American flags, burning effigies of George Bush and David Horowitz, and threatening to suspend those students who didn't join them in their righteous protest. On Berkeley campus a gigantic bonfire consumed all available copies of books by Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, and other conservative authors that could be found in the library and local bookstores. The rioters were being spontaneously joined by groups of trial lawyers, progressive journalists, and union leaders.

MORE >>

---

Radical Islam Surrenders to Progressivism

The War on Terror has entered a new successful stage once the US field commanders began to force the enemy units to comply with the same government-imposed rules and restrictions that the US Army increasingly faces on a daily basis.

One man, identified only as a "Soldier for Allah" explained, "We were led into a classroom and had to sit in circles for what they called 'Collective Self-Attaining Support Sessions' where they lectured us on matters such as "Gender Awareness." "Multicultural Identity." and "Environmental Racism." For the love of Allah (peace be upon him and his messenger, the Prophet Muhammad), even in Saddam's prisons, I was never accused so often of being guilty!"

MORE >>

---

ACLU and al Qaeda: Possible Split?

Rumors of a possible split between leaders of ACLU and al Qaeda have been fueled by an increased chatter level over the past few weeks, as follows from these interoffice memos obtained by our field operative at ACLU headquarters, 125 Broad Street in New York.
* * *
From: ACLU Board of Directors
To: Al Qaeda Headquarters

Dear Sir:
In your videotaped statement broadcast by al-Jazeera Mr. Ayman al-Zawahiri looks like a respectable statesman who appreciates reasonable dialogue. As such, we hope you will address our grievances for the sake of our common goal, which we know you still believe in...

MORE >>

---

Israel Dismantles; World's Problems End

Persistent rhetoric coming from concerned progressive critics worldwide has finally convinced Israeli officials that the state of Israel has no moral right to exist. "That's it," Prime Minister Ariel Sharon explained at a press conference. "We are dismantling the Nation of Israel. I'm leaving for Poland next week."

"My cabinet and I had long discussions about world troubles, and we concluded that our critics are right - all the troubles can be traced back to us. So, in order to resolve these issues, we felt it would be best to extend our withdrawal beyond Gaza to include the West Bank and Israel proper," Sharon said.

"The Gaza pullout was only a test, and the ensuing waves of peace and brotherhood it had triggered in Palestine and beyond, encouraged us to disband altogether. Without us here, people of the world will finally be able, once again, to live in permanent harmony and understanding - just like they all did before Israel's founding nearly sixty years ago."

MORE >>

---

Coalition of the Gloating: No Hurricane Relief for USA!

The day after Hurricane Katrina smashed into eastern Louisiana and western Mississippi, leaving a swath of devastation comparable to some of the worst in history, a multi-national coalition formed for the express purpose of discouraging countries from providing any relief aid to the beleaguered inhabitants of the Gulf Coast.

MORE >>

---

Osama to Cindy: Will You Be My 37th Wife?

A new video released today on al Jazeera captivated not only regulars enticed by displays of flying body parts and beheadings, but drew in scores of reality TV aficionados, many of whom wept tears of sympathetic tenderness.

In what may well become known as the world's most romantic marriage proposal, Osama Bin Laden, president of the al Qaeda network, stumbled in the midst of his latest fatwa against Western infidels, then produced a small box from the folds of his robe. He fell to one knee and, looking straight into the camera, uttered in perfect English, "I love you Cindy Sheehan. Will you marry me, baby doll?" He then opened the box containing a gorgeous four carat spherical-cut diamond ring in a platinum setting, still on the finger of its previous owner...

MORE >>

---

Iran Nuke Destroys Cleveland, Nobody Cares

With the ruins of Cleveland still smoldering after a surprise nuclear attack launched by Iranian Ayatollahs last week, the world's attention is refreshingly focused on more urgent matters as most people appear to be concerned with other things.

"Like, I didn't even know where Cleveland was?" says a 23-year old shopper at the King of Prussia Mall outside Philadelphia. "I mean, like, this so totally doesn't affect me?"

In Berkeley CA, naked transgender protesters are calling public attention to the pressing issue of a complete ban on all commerce. "We're also trying to free Mumia," says one of them, pointing out that his or her protest sign was constructed "without the poison of capitalist commerce..."

MORE >>

---

Jihadists Against Bag Searches

A new civil rights group is fighting a shameful practice: bag searches in the New York City subways that are infringing on the rights of suicide bombers to kill and maim hundreds of New Yorkers. The group that calls itself Jihadists Against Bag Searches distributed flyers today to straphangers (image, left), warning them of the erosion of civil liberties in America.

Dressed in oversized trench coats and carrying heavy backpacks, the group members asked the New Yorkers a simple yet disarming question: "Is this the country you really want to live in, if it profiles a minorit that has blown up cars, buildings, buses, trains, and airplanes in the past?"

"They're right," a concerned young lawyer told our correspondent." With so many people entering the subway, how can we be sure that the searches are absolutely random? There's a big chance it's all a cover-up for profiling minorities. If the police succeeds in preventing them from blowing me up on the train, it will be the end of my civil liberties. I better send another big check to ACLU - that is, if I don't wind up with both of my arms torn off in a blast."

MORE >>

---

ACLU Lawyers Volunteer to Get Their Heads Sawed Off

Getting one's head sawed off might seem like reason for concern, but in fact, ACLU lawyers turning themselves over to their Guantanamo clients for this purpose have gone a long way in addressing Taliban dissatisfaction with the camp's amenities like poor wi-fi reception.In an unprecedented display of compassion, volunteers from the ACLU and Amnesty International are lining up to get their heads sawed off by disgruntled Taliban prisoners. This new spirit of international caring has its genesis in the Human Shields tradition...

MORE >>

---

Rangel: Let's Give al-Qaeda a Fair Chance

In a new display of fairness and lack of partisanship, Rep. Charles B. Rangel has come up with an initiative to grant US citizenship equally to both the families of the US soldiers killed in the Middle East and to those families whose sons are fighting against the U.S.-led coalition in the region.

"We can't be so unilateral in our policies as to exclude the militarily disadvantaged opposition to America from entering our country and becoming citizens," New York Democrat said. "I say let's level the playing field. To those who say Americans fight the urban warfare better, I say let's give al-Qaeda a try. I truly believe there shouldn't be any moral standards in determining our role in the world. If we agree that one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter, we must also agree that way too few Americans are getting killed, as opposed to their "enemies." It is a glaring violation of international fairness and justice. My plan will enable a more equitable representation of people making sacrifices on the both sides," the U.S. lawmaker said.

MORE >>

---

Right-Wing Muslims For Bush?

WASHINGTON, D.C. May 14th, 2005. Our reporter attends a rally held by Free Muslims Against Terrorism at Freedom Plaza on Pennsylvania Ave.

So what happened? The Washington Post has this short video (you will get a glimpse of our correspondent Red Square in it). C-Span has [url=rtsp://video.c-span.org/project/ter/ter051405_march.rm]this full-length video[/url]. The Right-Wing blog The Autonomist has this report. We, however, will focus on the analysis of the perpetrators' ideology. We will prove that they do not fit into the Marxist definition of Muslims. We will tell you who Muslims ought to be and what they ought to do. And we will finish with the good news of a toilet accident at Newsweek.

Who are Free Muslims Against Terrorism? Are they another progressive minority organization acting within the carefully defined by us limits? A new ethnic voice in the skillfully directed chorus denouncing evil Bush for terrorizing poor freedom-fighters in the Middle East? That's what we hoped too. But our warm and fuzzy optimism vanished once we saw their website displaying a non-burning American flag...

MORE >>
 

---