"Everybody Loves Ahmadinejad" Rally & Fun Activities

NEW YORK - Sept. 24, 2007. It was a pleasant sunny day in New York - just like the one on 9/11 six years ago. Peace activists gathered outside Columbia University to support Iranian President's speech on campus, anticipating a great leap forward towards World Peace™ and a glorious blow to American imperialism.

Supporters of international socialism stood side by side with supporters of the international caliphate - against the crowd of Jews and other agents of the international Zionist conspiracy who descended on the corner of Broadway and E 116th Street to oppose Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and steal his oil.

Oil-thieving Imperialist:
Give me your oil, Mahmoud! I don't care if your children drink oil or if your wife drinks oil! I don't care if drinking oil is part of your cultural and religious experience! I don't care if your people have been drinking oil for thousands of years as their only source of vitamins and minerals. Not anymore! I'm gonna take that oil right now! Watch me!

The forces of sweetness and light were represented by the Revolutionary Communist Party, StopWarOnIran.org (listed under the same address and phone number as all the other Ramsey Clark's subversive front groups), The World Can't Wait (Marxists for Instant Gratification) whose Advisory Board includes Lynne Stewart, Gore Vidal, and Howard Zinn (see their anti-Bush sign on the left) ...

...friends of al-buruj.com - a group of nice people whose Jihad-friendly site is adorned with violent fantasies about America's destruction and Noam Chomsky's videos....

...and other Important Intellectuals of our Age.

Raising
the collective
grandiloquence
one big word
at a time

Mr. Silvertongue: No, I'm not a Marine but I wear this shirt so that I can tell people that I was in Iraq and how we are getting our asses kicked over there by freedom fighters. Yeah, it worked on about three people so far but I'm shooting for my fourth this afternoon.

There were jolly old ladies whose former adherence to choice and progressive collectivism must have precluded them from having children, and now some of them are working out their neuroses by telling stories about their imaginary sons dying in Iraq and calling radio shows to share their unbearable grief...

There was a representative of Sumo Wrestlers Against The Elders of Zion cult who announced in a strong Japanese accent that all evil in this world is the result of a diabolical Jewish conspiracy.

Disgruntled Sumo Wrestler: The Jews put man-boob hormone in my sushi, tooth-yellowing agent in my sake, and mind-control substance in my crack!

The Jews shall be defeated in a worldwide Wrestling Championship! All your Zion are belong to us!

Let's be fair - not all Jews are evil. There is a number of progressive, self-hating Jews who support the annihilation of Israel, who travel to Tehran, and who kiss Ahmadinejad on the mouth (see below). Peace activists can respect that. All the other Jews are, of course, evil. And the numbers of evil Jews at Columbia that day prevailed over the Red Jihad coalition.

Five minutes among Jewish right-wing warmongers turns a progressive dog into a thoughtcriminal

Before going in ourselves, we sent in an undercover agent - one of Laika the Space Dog's many relatives, a rookie whose psychological profile stated, "Self-hating dog who wants to be a cat: a staunch progressive of correct moral disposition." When the dog didn't return we had to look for it ourselves, in the middle of a crowd of Jews and their right-wing cronies, fearing for our young agent's physical and emotional wellbeing. We found our operative lying on the sidewalk completely drunk, brainwashed, and wearing "Ahmadinejad Not Welcome" buttons on the collar. No more Fox News for this thoughtcriminal!

The Zionists in the crowd played their usual mind games, imposing cognitive dissonance on the motorists. "Honk if Bush is a Terrorist" and "$300 Fine if you Honk." Moral choice versus materialism? They should be sued for challenging peace-loving progressives with having two conflicting thoughts at the same time.

Idealistic Progressive Activist:
Oh sure, we've been here all afternoon taking the names of those who resist progress. These papers in my hand are the lawsuits we are filing against the scoundrels who think they can protest against World Peace and cause us to have cognitive dissonance. The "honk" trick alone can lead to a psychological trauma endangering one's progressive behavior. Umm, you said you were from the New York Times, right? This is off the record, I assume?

Do the right-wingers have any idea who they're up against? Let's see...

Peace (from The People's Glossary) "The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism" (Karl Marx). The essense of the international peace movement is, therefore, to fight opposition to socialism and shake the foundations of capitalism until the Party gains control of the government and silences thoughtcriminals by legislative means. Until then, all those who oppose socialism must be denounced as enemies of peace, child murderers, and war criminals.

The need to advance the dream of World Peace may involve violent uprisings, looting, and extermination of enemies of World Peace. To the uninitiated such activities may look like war, but in reality it is struggle for World Peace. When a progressive group engages in mass murder, torture, imprisonment, deportations, and terror, they are only advancing Peace. But when the U.S. government tries to stop them, it endangers World Peace with imperialist wars of aggression.

That's why Ahmadinejad is a friend of peace, while George Bush is an evil warmonger. Other noted fighters for World Peace include Yaser Arafat, Carlos the Jackal, Unabomber, Saddam Hussein, and Joseph Stalin (who organized and financed the first international peace movements).

The unifying theme for the progressives at this rally was not as much Iran of which they knew nothing, but a transcendental hatred for Bush.

We only wish they had contacted the People's Cube in advance for better and more radical slogans, like...

• The Truth Will Give You Cancer
• Bush is the Reason You Needed a Root Canal!
• Vote for Osama (D-Afg)
• I Want Ahmadinejad's Baby!
• Green Cards To Gitmo Prisoners!
• Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kim Jong Il
• Death to America '08!

The Neocons had a greater number of signs, no doubt paid for by Rupert Murdoch and Halliburton.

The centerpiece of right-wing propaganda was a group of young men from The American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family and Property (TFP) with large banners and a bagpipe. This was counter-revolution at its worst. What is TFP if analysed from the correct perspective of the Greater Good™?

• Tradition is what the progressives are trying to replace with political correctness

• Family is a repository of wrong ideas, violence, perversity, and home cooking. Parents are the scum of history to be replaced shortly by experts whose skill at social engineering will make the family an obsolete nightmare.

• Property is a false concept because no one has the moral right to claim ownership to the world's limited resources that belong to everybody.

Representatives of the progressive Religion of Peace promptly confronted these Catholic scoundrels and explained to them the true meaning of Tradition, Family, and Property by repeatedly calling them morons. The TFP guys were guilty of refusing to acknowledge the wonderful advantages of multiculturalist immigration policies set up by Ted Kennedy, including the Diversity Lottery that awarded green cards to anyone in the world simply because they were diverse - especially if they had different ideas about Tradition, Family, and Property - like these supporters of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Tired of such negativity, Mahmoud's supporters returned to displaying their more positive messages, such as, "May Allah Make A Mushroom Cloud Over 'Israel'!"

Claiming that Iran needs nuclear fuel for peaceful purposes while wishing that Allah nuke Israel is the result of the same logic as used by Muslim radicals when they claim that 9/11 was carried out by Zionists and then threaten to do it again.

Apparently multiculturalist immigration policies also welcome radically different ideas about logic.

The Progressives soon joined them in the pen protected by the NYPD from the Zionist aggressors. They might as well started chanting, WHAT DO WE WANT? SHARIA LAW! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW!

Islam is today's most politically correct religion of choice. Its wild popularity with the Western liberals following the attacks on America has caused the cultural elites to give up Paganism and other progressive cults in favor of Islam.

Progressive Peace Activist:
Islamic radicalism is a way oppressed minorities of the Third World conduct class struggle against white imperialists, reactionary Christians, and Zionist colonialists. They hate the Western lifestyle and bourgeois morals as much as we do - and that's all one needs to do in order to have our full support and cooperation. We'll sort our philosophical differences after the Western civilization collapses. I think.

A middle-school history teacher enlightens the crowd about the peaceful nature of the Islamic Republic of Iran, maintaining that until 1948 no wars ever occurred on planet Earth and that she never heard of Hamas, Hezbollah, Islamic Jihad, or any Iranian weapons and operatives in Iraq killing Americans.

Progressive Democrats and Third World's Anti-Semite Minorities stand side-by-side as they alert the world - and Iran in particular - to be weary of the Joooooos! Carefully monitor them, President Ahmadinejad! Iran needs a good set of Nuremburg Laws before it is too late!

Oppressed Third World Minority to the interviewing journalist:
That's what I said, Mr. Journalist. If anyone understands the Jewish question it is Hillary. I mean, didn't she call Harold Ickes a "Jew bastard"?

Americans better vote for her if they don't want another 9/11 - which was, of course, the work of the Zionists!

Communist Activist from RevCom:
There are about 1.2 billion Muslims in the world, many of whom pray daily for the destruction of Jews and Israel. It is mandatory, therefore, for all progressive organizations to display a fervent support for Islamism, denounce Zionism, and compare Jews to the Nazis.

The opportunity to recruit 1.2 billion Muslim supporters is just too good to let go; if that means watching a few million Jews pushed into the sea and drown, it's all for The Greater Good™, wouldn't you say?

We are currently working on helping the Muslims to accept our definition of them as an oppressed minority under the umbrella of international Marxism. It works. It really works.

Is her burqa worse than her bite?

Progressive Unveiled Iranian Female:
I tried flaunting my hooters over in Iran but I always got rocks upside my head. Then I got arrested by the Moral Police and so I agreed to be sent to America and parade my big tatas there while agitating for the Islamic Republic and against Israel. If I go back to Iran, there's a hole in the ground and a pile of stones waiting for me. My plans for the future? To join the "Breasts not Bombs" campaign where I might get more exposure.

Other international guests included Borat Sagdiyev and his producer who came to denounce the Zionist-Imperialist entity known as "Israel" on behalf to make benefit for glorious country Kazakhstan.

Smoking the Kosher Herb

A group of Yiddish-speaking ultra-orthodox Jewish supporters of Ahmadinejad showed up to advocate for the annihilation of Israel, Islamic Revolution, and Egyptian slavery. It was the same group that attended Iranian Holocaust Conference in 2006.

Bad Hair Day. Moishe ben Gefehlenmishpochah had to hide the sorry state of his forelocks under the hat. "It's absolutely impossible to get a decent Peyos 'set' in Tehran," he lamented later.

If they had contacted the People's Cube we'd have given them more effective signs:

One could go on...

Up Against The Wall:

Pro-Ahmadinejad Jews debate whether to face The Wall and pray, or face outward and wait for their turn to be shot while carrying a sign that says "Judaism dictates Jewish subservience to all nations."

Three youths attempt to illustrate the content of their sign by miming "See no evil, Hear no evil, and Speak no evil" while their two compatriots on the left argue whether "speak no evil" is being correctly mimed.

Pull My Finger

Rabbi Shmuelly ben Simpkopf tells the story of his first meeting with Ahmadinejad:

"So, I walked up to him and I said... Mahmoud... Pull my finger... and he did! And then I pulled his finger... and we became good friends."

Media reporters wasted no time to beat Flat Gareth to all the choice pickings of Hippie pussy. As shown: a reporter chats up a young radical hoping to score for world peace, socialism and someone to make him breakfast in the morning.

The media was represented by an Eyewitness News van with blinded windows, a teleprompter with direct feed from Laika the Space Dog, and a great number of shiny objects.

But then the Cube was stolen from our hands by Zionist Michelle Malkin and we had to retreat to our underground bunker.