Government Forces Galactic Shutdown: Stargazing Prohibited



With the galactic shutdown comes the need to lay off non-essential personal, so the National Park Service has been tasked to make sure no illegal astronomical activity takes place, even among those with privately owned telescopes or similar optical devices. Further, all citizens will be required to wear rainbow themed umbrella hats to show support for same-sex marriage and to inhibit upward glances that may result in stargazing.
For now, NPS personnel are advised to set their phasers on stun for non-compliant veterans, restaurant owners, elderly tourists, and other threats to national security. "If they don't cooperate now," said an anonymous NPS official, "we'll just change the setting and vaporize 'em."
Blog sites from other solar systems were abuzz with comments on the galactic shutdown.
"I find the behavior of earth's government and the harsh measures of the National Park Service to be illogical in the extreme," said Mr. S from his retirement home on Vulcan.
"The government of earth has failed me for the last time," said a voice message from a caller who may be an asthma sufferer.
ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and NPR all dutifully quoted Senate majority leader Harry Reid as wheezing, "This unnecessary and reckless shutdown could bring interplanetary war just because TEA Party Republicans want to hold all life forms on earth hostage to their extreme agenda."
Until the issue is resolved, all citizens are advised to stay indoors, especially on clear nights.



SKY CLOSED due to government shutdown. Stargazing not allowed. Violators will be punished
for crimes against the State.



*gag*







Komissar Blogunov
Until the issue is resolved, all citizens are advised to stay indoors, especially on clear nights.
Unless indoors is on federal land, in which case citizens will be evicted.




The proper response will be "Thoughtcrime!"







Komissar Blogunov
Komissar Blogunov I am touched by your praise and recognition of my readiness to recognize even heavily disguised enemy forces as I am also a very vigilant and
FORWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






--KOOK



Sorry, I couldn't resist the descent into clichéd puerility.


It's Dr. W.....S.....P !
Back from the cyber nether-regions to astound & amaze !






Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
What about the probe being sent to Uranus? Has the mission been aborted?No, that's about every five years at our age.


KOOK
I guess this means we won't be able to observe the Red Square Nebula any more. Blugunov, I think you may have squirreled away (no offense to Captain Craptek) an exclusive Infra-RED astronomical image of the Red Square Nebula, so perhaps you can save the Collective from continuation of this trauma by posting for viewing by all loyal members of the Cube Collective.--KOOK


Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
What about the probe being sent to Uranus? Has the mission been aborted?No, this is part of Dear Leader's program for transformation of fundament.


I have it on good authority that the asthmatic sufferer you mentioned in your original post has now been personally supervising the training being given to his storm troopers to support the star gazing ban, if we request formal assistance from him and his minions. He keeps babbling on about the galactic dark side for some reason that I couldn't really catch and between the wheezes he thinks this will fit right in with that.


Krasnodar
O.....M.....GIt's Dr. W.....S.....P !
Back from the cyber nether-regions to astound & amaze !
I'll do my best, Comrade Krasnodar, as long as they're no real STARS around. The mere sight of Matt Damon gets me tongue-tied. Not to mention Viggo M................


Commodore Snoogie Woogums
Kommissar Blogunov,I have it on good authority that the asthmatic sufferer you mentioned in your original post has now been personally supervising the training being given to his storm troopers to support the star gazing ban, if we request formal assistance from him and his minions. He keeps babbling on about the galactic dark side for some reason that I couldn't really catch and between the wheezes he thinks this will fit right in with that.
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Many of you appear to be confused about your rights. The evil and deceptive capitalist pigs have tricked you with the use of free market consumerism into thinking you have a RIGHT to gaze at the People's stars.
First, my brothers and sisters, you need to understand the difference between a RIGHT and a PRIVILEGE. You have a RIGHT to those things which enable you to work in support of the One State. For instance, you have a RIGHT to food, housing, healthcare, a cell phone, and self esteem.
Everything that is not a RIGHT is a PRIVILEGE. After all, you cannot look into the stars if you have no eyes. Of course, you have been allowed to keep your eyes only as PRIVILEGE granted to you by the People's Benevolent Leader so that you might be better able to serve the State. Eyes, however, are not imperative to your productive capability. If the People's Commissar were to assign you to work, say, in a dark mine or as a pleasure servant of a Member of the Party Elite you would not need eyes.
So tonight Comrade, when you get down on your knees to say your nightly prayers to our Benevolent Leader, please remember to give thanks that your eyes have not been plucked out and given to support the needy.
And stop gazing at the stars. This is an experience only the People's Supreme Leaders can appreciate.


Comrade Robespierre
Comrades,Many of you appear to be confused about your rights. The evil and deceptive capitalist pigs have tricked you with the use of free market consumerism into thinking you have a RIGHT to gaze at the People's stars.
First, my brothers and sisters, you need to understand the difference between a RIGHT and a PRIVILEGE. You have a RIGHT to those things which enable you to work in support of the One State. For instance, you have a RIGHT to food, housing, healthcare, a cell phone, and self esteem.
Everything that is not a RIGHT is a PRIVILEGE. After all, you cannot look into the stars if you have no eyes. Of course, you have been allowed to keep your eyes only as PRIVILEGE granted to you by the People's Benevolent Leader so that you might be better able to serve the State. Eyes, however, are not imperative to your productive capability. If the People's Commissar were to assign you to work, say, in a dark mine or as a pleasure servant of a Member of the Party Elite you would not need eyes.
So tonight Comrade, when you get down on your knees to say your nightly prayers to our Benevolent Leader, please remember to give thanks that your eyes have not been plucked out and given to support the needy.
And stop gazing at the stars. This is an experience only the People's Supreme Leaders can appreciate.
I see what you mean.