Government Forces Galactic Shutdown: Stargazing Prohibited

As a result of the ongoing government shutdown, not only is NASA's astronomy picture of the day not available, but stargazing has been banned as unlawful "recreating."

With the galactic shutdown comes the need to lay off non-essential personal, so the National Park Service has been tasked to make sure no illegal astronomical activity takes place, even among those with privately owned telescopes or similar optical devices. Further, all citizens will be required to wear rainbow themed umbrella hats to show support for same-sex marriage and to inhibit upward glances that may result in stargazing.

For now, NPS personnel are advised to set their phasers on stun for non-compliant veterans, restaurant owners, elderly tourists, and other threats to national security. "If they don't cooperate now," said an anonymous NPS official, "we'll just change the setting and vaporize 'em."

Blog sites from other solar systems were abuzz with comments on the galactic shutdown.

"I find the behavior of earth's government and the harsh measures of the National Park Service to be illogical in the extreme," said Mr. S from his retirement home on Vulcan.


A spokesman for the Klingon Empire simply said, "This means war!" again.

"The government of earth has failed me for the last time," said a voice message from a caller who may be an asthma sufferer.

ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and NPR all dutifully quoted Senate majority leader Harry Reid as wheezing, "This unnecessary and reckless shutdown could bring interplanetary war just because TEA Party Republicans want to hold all life forms on earth hostage to their extreme agenda."

Until the issue is resolved, all citizens are advised to stay indoors, especially on clear nights.
 

The illustration and propaganda department kindly provides a larger lead image:



SKY CLOSED due to government shutdown. Stargazing not allowed. Violators will be punished
for crimes against the State.
 

I don't understand, don't these peoples know that the only star we need to bask in the glow of is Dear Leader himself?


*gag*
 

The memorial star over the birthplace of our beloved Dear Leader (PBUH) that guided the wise men from the middle east to Kenya Indonesia Hawaii (wink, wink...) Is still availabe as pay-per-view.
 

Comrades, of course the sky is off limits, such irrefutable evidence is staring them right in their right-wing faces because they still continue to refuse our leader’s special supreme powers. Special powers that magically transforms flatulent blowhards and ignorant bumbling idiots into international statesmen who are imbued with the spirit of confiscatory forms of taxation to fund the fine art of social engineering. Unless people of this country take drastic steps, social scientists predict that we will be plagued with many more existential problems that can only be solved by the next Democrat National Convention or the Republican leaders will be willing to roll over and play dead once again.Certainly slapping a greenpeace bumper sticker on your Prius would help some!

 

Komissar Blogunov

Until the issue is resolved, all citizens are advised to stay indoors, especially on clear nights.
Unless indoors is on federal land, in which case citizens will be evicted.
 

And there are the lawbreakers! Comrades we can not tolerate disobedience by any innocent looking person. They may come in a form of a child or a plush puppy, we still need strict enforcement of the law. If we go soft on the enemy the outcome will be jeopardized. Please report any illegal sky-gazing activity to the authorities. Our great Texan representative Sheila Lee Jackson is already hard at work to implement the "Martial Law" and with God's the force of the progressive movement's help we ought to re-institute the death penalty for political enemies and sky gazers. Forward!



 

Next time someone asks, "What's up?"
The proper response will be "Thoughtcrime!"
 

 

Komissar, the Meteor Tax could be improved with your brilliant idea of shutting down the entire sky, by taxing anyone who happens to be under the sky. What a stroke of genius, to just go for the taxing jugular, instead of beating around the bush! Let us boldly go where no tax has gone before!


 

Komissar Blogunov

Comrade Atilla, neither am I fooled by the veneer of sweetness and feigned innocence. We need to start the impalings.

Komissar Blogunov I am touched by your praise and recognition of my readiness to recognize even heavily disguised enemy forces as I am also a very vigilant and slightly bipolar, tripolar, quadpolar, psychopath and downright paranoid always suspecting proud member of the Army of the People's Cube. We can not let the wolfs in sheepskin distract our focus.
FORWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

 

Man, oh man. They even shut down the Karl Marx Treatment Center's search for Next Tuesday on other planets!




 

I guess this means we won't be able to observe the Red Square Nebula any more. Blugunov, I think you may have squirreled away (no offense to Captain Craptek) an exclusive Infra-RED astronomical image of the Red Square Nebula, so perhaps you can save the Collective from continuation of this trauma by posting for viewing by all loyal members of the Cube Collective.

--KOOK
 

What about the probe being sent to Uranus? Has the mission been aborted?
Sorry, I couldn't resist the descent into clichéd puerility.
 

O.....M.....G

It's Dr. W.....S.....P !

Back from the cyber nether-regions to astound & amaze !
 

Doc, I hear the probe to Uranus was greased. NASA will attempt re-entry from 180 degrees if the thrusters still can rise to the occaision.
 

 

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest

What about the probe being sent to Uranus? Has the mission been aborted?
No, that's about every five years at our age.
 

KOOK

I guess this means we won't be able to observe the Red Square Nebula any more. Blugunov, I think you may have squirreled away (no offense to Captain Craptek) an exclusive Infra-RED astronomical image of the Red Square Nebula, so perhaps you can save the Collective from continuation of this trauma by posting for viewing by all loyal members of the Cube Collective.

--KOOK


 

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest

What about the probe being sent to Uranus? Has the mission been aborted?
No, this is part of Dear Leader's program for transformation of fundament.
 

Kommissar Blogunov,

I have it on good authority that the asthmatic sufferer you mentioned in your original post has now been personally supervising the training being given to his storm troopers to support the star gazing ban, if we request formal assistance from him and his minions. He keeps babbling on about the galactic dark side for some reason that I couldn't really catch and between the wheezes he thinks this will fit right in with that.




 

Krasnodar

O.....M.....G

It's Dr. W.....S.....P !

Back from the cyber nether-regions to astound & amaze !
I'll do my best, Comrade Krasnodar, as long as they're no real STARS around. The mere sight of Matt Damon gets me tongue-tied. Not to mention Viggo M................
 

Commodore Snoogie Woogums

Kommissar Blogunov,

I have it on good authority that the asthmatic sufferer you mentioned in your original post has now been personally supervising the training being given to his storm troopers to support the star gazing ban, if we request formal assistance from him and his minions. He keeps babbling on about the galactic dark side for some reason that I couldn't really catch and between the wheezes he thinks this will fit right in with that.

The attachment Funny-Star-Wars-Pictures-18.jpg is no longer available




 

 

 

One-UpsPersonShip by Capt. Craptek..An excellent Peoples GIF!
 

Comrades,

Many of you appear to be confused about your rights. The evil and deceptive capitalist pigs have tricked you with the use of free market consumerism into thinking you have a RIGHT to gaze at the People's stars.

First, my brothers and sisters, you need to understand the difference between a RIGHT and a PRIVILEGE. You have a RIGHT to those things which enable you to work in support of the One State. For instance, you have a RIGHT to food, housing, healthcare, a cell phone, and self esteem.

Everything that is not a RIGHT is a PRIVILEGE. After all, you cannot look into the stars if you have no eyes. Of course, you have been allowed to keep your eyes only as PRIVILEGE granted to you by the People's Benevolent Leader so that you might be better able to serve the State. Eyes, however, are not imperative to your productive capability. If the People's Commissar were to assign you to work, say, in a dark mine or as a pleasure servant of a Member of the Party Elite you would not need eyes.

So tonight Comrade, when you get down on your knees to say your nightly prayers to our Benevolent Leader, please remember to give thanks that your eyes have not been plucked out and given to support the needy.

And stop gazing at the stars. This is an experience only the People's Supreme Leaders can appreciate.
 

Comrade Robespierre

Comrades,

Many of you appear to be confused about your rights. The evil and deceptive capitalist pigs have tricked you with the use of free market consumerism into thinking you have a RIGHT to gaze at the People's stars.

First, my brothers and sisters, you need to understand the difference between a RIGHT and a PRIVILEGE. You have a RIGHT to those things which enable you to work in support of the One State. For instance, you have a RIGHT to food, housing, healthcare, a cell phone, and self esteem.

Everything that is not a RIGHT is a PRIVILEGE. After all, you cannot look into the stars if you have no eyes. Of course, you have been allowed to keep your eyes only as PRIVILEGE granted to you by the People's Benevolent Leader so that you might be better able to serve the State. Eyes, however, are not imperative to your productive capability. If the People's Commissar were to assign you to work, say, in a dark mine or as a pleasure servant of a Member of the Party Elite you would not need eyes.

So tonight Comrade, when you get down on your knees to say your nightly prayers to our Benevolent Leader, please remember to give thanks that your eyes have not been plucked out and given to support the needy.

And stop gazing at the stars. This is an experience only the People's Supreme Leaders can appreciate.

I see what you mean.