Gult Quiz for the Guilted Age



Guilt Quiz & Guilt Level Chart:
Tools for the Guilted Age


The Guilted Age is similar to the Gilded Age, only instead of being motivated by the acquisition of gold, the nation is motivated by the distribution of Guilt™.

A guilty electorate is less demanding: beggars are not choosers. Collective remorse makes the masses more malleable. Not only do workers toil harder for less, they also donate surpluses to progressive causes within the hope that it would offset their culpability for having the wrong color, ethnicity, religion, zip code, profession, hobbies, vehicles, grocery bags, shopping patterns, dietary choices, wages higher than in Zimbabwe, and exhaling the CO2.

The pursuit of happiness in the Guilted Age is redefined as follows: the stronger your guilt, the happier you are to give your stuff to us. We call it Sharing™.

We don't like taking chances, that's why we hate capitalism. We can't leave Guilt™ to chance either - it is a fickle sentiment that must be systematically reinforced and replenished. To sustain our massive guilt-fueled American economy, the concepts of Guilt™ and Sharing™ must be institutionalized and managed in a planned, scientific manner from a central location by experienced professionals.

To rule over the guilt-ridden nation more efficiently, we are working towards establishing the US Department of Guilt - a federal agency tasked wih stimulating and enhancing guilt complexes among the electorate through various guilt-inducing campaigns in the media, public education, and entertainment subdividions of the progressive establishmewnt.

Guilt czar is to be selected from among professional guilt trippers on the raster of Socialist International, to oversee a proper distribution of Guilt™ among all residents as per assigned quotas (see diagram below).

The US Department of Guilt will steer and support a planned transition from Conspicuous Consumption™ of the Gilded Age to Conspicuous Compassion™ of the Guilted Age, as mandated by government edict.



To this end, scientists at Karl Marx Treatment Center developed the following Progressive Guilt Quiz. It is to be taken by all residents at the start of each fiscal year, to help us estimate their position in the Guilt™ hierarchy. The level of Guilt™ they are required to feel is directly proportional to the money they are required to Share™ with the Party and its organs in order to receive their annual Guilt Offsets.




Progressive Guilt Quiz

Your level of Guilt™ is calculated in Guilt points. Print out the result and staple it to your government-issued ID card. If requested, present it to the arresting ACLU officer.


1. What is your income?
Between $20G and $1M
+50 Guilt points
Less than $20G
0 Guilt points
On welfare
-10 Guilt points
Incarcerated
-15 Guilt points
Community organizer
-50 Guilt points

2. Have you ever reported anyone to the IRS?
No
+10 Guilt points
Yes, an acquaintance
-5 Guilt points
Yes, a friend
-10 Guilt points
Yes, a parent
-20 Guilt points

3. What is your gender?
Cisgender male
+10 Guilt points
Cisgender female
+5 Guilt points
Transgender or any of the other 52 genders
0 Guilt points

4. Your ethnicity is...
White
+10 Guilt points
All other
0 (skip the next question)

5. How many diverse (i.e., non-white) friends do you have?
None
+10 Guilt points
1
- 50 Guilt points
6 or more
-10 Guilt points

6. Does a person's ethnicity or race influence whether they will be your friend?
No, I am color-blind and judge people as individuals
+20 Guilt points
I try to ignore their race, but if I do have Diverse Friend, I will brag about it
0 Guilt points
I actively seek Friends of Diversity; it makes me a complete human being
-5 Guilt points
I only associate with Diverse races; to behave otherwise is inhuman
-10 Guilt points

7.Where do you live?
I own a house
+30 Guilt points
I live in an apartment
+20 Guilt points
I live in Mom's basement
+5 Guilt points
I live in Mom's rent-controlled apartment
0 Guilt points
I share an apartment with another family
-10 points per family
State penitentiary
-30 Guilt points

8. What percentage of your net income do you donate to the Democratic Party and affiliated groups?
<25%
0 Guilt points
25% - 50%
-5 Guilt points
51% - 99%
-10 Guilt points
100%
Purity: -75

9. Your 17-year old son announces he is gay. Do you immediately...
Pray for his salvation
+15 Guilt points
Accept it with some reservation
+10 Guilt points
Accept it as natural and move on
+5 Guilt points
Celebrate
-5 Guilt points
Call a lawyer to file some discrimination suits
-10 Guilt points

10. How would you react if your daughter came home wearing a burqa?
I would explain that she is wearing a garment associated with religious fanaticism
+10 Guilt points
I would be relieved that at least she won't get pregnant
+5 Guilt points
I would beam with pride, knowing that she has embraced a diverse multicultural lifestyle
- 5 Guilt points

11. Which of the following do you regularly purchase used?
Books
0 Guilt points
Outer wear
0 Guilt points
Socks
-5 Guilt points
Underwear
-10 Guilt points
Hypodermic needles
-15 Guilt points
Condoms
-20 Guilt points

12. What is your religious belief?
Christian
+15 Guilt points
Jewish
+5 Guilt points
Unitarian Universalist
0 Guilt points
Atheist
-5 Guilt points
New Age
-10 Guilt points
Muslim
-15 Guilt points

13. Of the following people, whom do you respect the most?
Donald J. Trump
+100 Guilt points
Ayn Rand
+75 Guilt points
Ronald Reagan
+50 Guilt points
Thomas Jefferson
+25 Guilt points
Clarence Thomas
+20 Guilt points
Christopher Columbus
+15 Guilt points
Nelson Mandela
0 Guilt points
Josef Stalin
-10 Guilt points
George Soros
-15 Guilt points
Michael Moore
-20 Guilt points
Barack Hussein Obama
-30 Guilt points
Che Guevara
-40 Guilt points

14. Which flag do you display at your house?
Confederate
+30 Guilt points
American
+15 Guilt points
Cuban
+10 Guilt points
Any other Caribbean
0 Guilt points
Rainbow
-5 Guilt points
Antifa
-10 Guilt points
CCCP
-15 Guilt points
American flag, but upside-down
-30 Guilt points
Anything with a crescent
-50 Guilt points

15. What contraceptive do you use?
I practice abstinence
+25 Guilt points
I collect condoms distributed by the Metropolitan Transit Authority
+5 Guilt points
I had myself sterilized to save the planet from overpopulation
0 Guilt points
I plan to kill myself to save the planet from overpopulation
-10 Guilt points
I don't. But the government should pay me every time I have a kid, since I can't keep track of all their fathers to collect child support
-25 Guilt points
I have a monthly standing appointment at the local abortion clinic
-50 Guilt points

16. The attacks of 9/11 were the fault of:
Fanatic Muslims intent on murdering non-believers
+20 Guilt points
President Clinton: He was banging Monica instead of Al Qaeda
+20 Guilt points
Ambiguous lone-wolf terrorists
+5 Guilt points
Me, you, and everyone else who was insensitive to the grievances of People of Diversity
-5 Guilt points
The 3000 Little Eichmanns who reported to the World Trade Center that day, and the 1000 Zionists who stayed home
-10 Guilt points
The Government. The whole thing was staged with holograms from giant projectors made invisible by cloaking devices
+25 Guilt points
What attacks?
+35 Guilt points

17. The news media should show these more often:
Israeli children injured by Palestinian bomb attacks
+10 Guilt points
Palestinian children injured by Israeli attacks
-10 Guilt points

18. My favorite place to protest and do sit-ins, lie-ins, die-ins and pee-ins:
Abortion clinic
+20 Guilt points
I don't do sit-ins, lie-ins, die-ins and pee-ins
+10 Guilt points
Fast food restaurant
-10 Guilt points
Military recruiting office
-25 Guilt points
Wherever two or more conservatives are gathered
-50 Guilt points

19. You discover a dead rat in your basement. What do you do with it?
I do not live in a neighborhood with rats
+10 Guilt points
Throw it out
+5 Guilt points
"Hey kids! Chicken nuggets for dinner tonight!"
-10 Guilt points
Smear its blood on the wall of my nearest corporate office park
-20 Guilt points
Have my friends over and take turns throwing it at a picture of Donald J. Trump
-35 Guilt points
Throw it at Donald J. Trump
-50 Guilt points

20. Which is your favorite form of relaxation?
Spending time with my family
+25 Guilt points
Hunting
+15 Guilt points
Watching a ballgame
+10 Guilt points
Nature walks
0 Guilt points
Group therapy to relieve collective guilt
-5 Guilt points
Knitting pink pussyhats to protest the denigrating views towards women
-15 Guilt points
Tossing a dead rat at the portrait of Donald J. Trump
-20 Guilt points

21. Where did you spend your last vacation?
Church trip to the Holy Land
+15 Guilt points
Touring the USA
+10 Guilt points
Touring France
0 Guilt points
Agitating for Revolution in Central America
-10 Guilt points
Lying in front of Zionist bulldozers in the Gaza Strip
-25 Guilt points

22. Which is your preferred place to shop for groceries?
Wal-Mart
+15 Guilt points
A food co-op
-5 Guilt points
Local food pantry
-5 Guilt points
Dumpster diving
-10 Guilt points

23. What car do you drive?
SUV
+30 Guilt points
Family car
+20 Guilt points
I rent Zipcars
+5 Guilt points
I only use public transportation
0 Guilt points
I transport my belongings in a shopping cart (Lumpenwagon)
-20 Guilt points

24. What is the capacity of your toilet tank?
5 Gallons
+10 Guilt points
3 Gallon
+5 Guilt points
1 Gallon
0 Guilt points
No water - I just "go" in the street
-5 Guilt points
No water - I use a neighbor's lawn to be eco-friendly to the grass
-10 Guilt points

25. Do you recycle?
Never
+20 Guilt points
Yes, newspapers and bottles
0 Guilt points
Yes, and I reuse paper cups and plates
-5 Guilt points
Yes, and I reuse toilet paper
-10 Guilt points
Toilet paper is a waste of precious resources; I use my bare hand
-15 Guilt points

SUBRACT ADDITIONAL 10 POINTS IF YOU CHECKED THE LAST ANSWERS TO BOTH OF THE PREVIOUS TWO QUESTIONS


26. What is your preferred energy source?
Nuclear power
+50 Guilt points
Oil
+40 Guilt points
Coal
+30 Guilt points
Wind
0 Guilt points
Solar
-5 Guilt points
Ethanol/corncobs
-25 Guilt points
Hiring an Undocumented-American to pedal an old exercise bike jerry-rigged to a generator
-50 Guilt points

27. You're behind the wheel of your BMW, waiting for the green arrow so you can turn left into Starbucks for your latte, when you see a homeless person on the median with a crudely lettered cardboard sign asking for help. What do you do?
Ignore him
+25 Guilt points
Give him whatever change I have handy
0 Guilt points
I take him home for dinner and plead with my father to give him a job in his shop
-25 (+5 if you have to promise Daddy this will be "the last time")
Nothing. Instead, I go home to my parents' $450,000 McMansion, where I write in my blog, lamenting his predicament and the government's failure to fund programs that will get him out of it
-50 Guilt points

28. You're out there making a Difference™, raising Awareness™, and showing how much you Care™ by doing the following:
Taking responsibility for my life
+50 Guilt points
Voting
+25 Guilt points
Participating in marches and demonstrations
0 Guilt points
Wearing colored wristbands and awareness ribbons
-5 Guilt points
Buying up carbon credits
-10 Guilt points
Dressing up in vagina costumes to protest the denigration of women
-15 Guilt points
Baring my genitals in public to protest sexual harassment
-30 Guilt points
Burning and stomping on the U.S. flag
-40 Guilt points
Traveling the world in my Gulfstream jet and telling others how to live, which isn't how I live. Yes, I feel guilty about that; I despise my lifestyle and the wealth required to maintain it, but it's necessary to raise awareness among the masses. It doesn't help that people like you keep pointing out the so-called hypocrisy. It's easy to just stand around and criticize. AT LEAST I CARE!
-50 Guilt points

29. If your home is invaded by a burglar, how would you most likely respond?
I would aim for the head
+20 Guilt points
I would try to call 911
+10 Guilt points
I would try to understand his or her innermost feelings
0 Guilt points
I would let him or her know that his or her predicament is all my fault
-5 Guilt points
I would offer to join him or her if we go after the neighborhood Republicans, who are really at fault
-10 Guilt points

30. You believe that socialism is...
The utopian ideology of forced collectivism, where individuals exist only to serve the abstract "common good". It has resulted in poverty, slavery, famines, and genocide - and is accountable for over 150,000,000 murders in the 20th Century
+50 Guilt points
Something that appeals to angry people with intellectual affectations, who never seem to have real jobs or the ability to properly groom/cut/wash body hair
+30 Guilt points
Something all my professors talked about in college whose meaning I forgot after I took the final exam
+10 Guilt points
An idealistic system of fairness, equity, and social justice that has been flawed in practice because it has never, in a hundred years, been given a chance to work properly
0 Guilt points
A movement that has time and again, through resistance and struggle, solved the problems of poverty, racism, ignorance, illiteracy, worker exploitation, inequality, American imperialism, Zionist colonialism, and capitalist oppression
-15 Guilt points




YOUR GUILT LEVEL:



INTERPRETING THE RESULTS:

Find your number in the Guilt™ hierarchy


+551 to +800 Guilt points = Non-person

You and your life's work are barred from being mentioned in media publications. Ineligible for re-education. After the Revolution subject to Revolutionary Tribunal Che Guevara style (shot in the head without trial). Everyone you ever came in contact with has been contaminated and is therefore also guilty. We will find them, too. You are all incorrigible corporate war-mongering Zionist terrorists; the people will continue to resist your capitalist attacks by any and all means.


+301 to +550 Guilt points = Patriarchal chauvinistic war profiteer

You are an unfeeling tool of the capitalist class and a menace to the state. Barred from working in educational, media, or entertainment industries. Not qualified for government grants or any other public assistance. Re-education strongly advised. After the Revolution you and your family will be arrested and relocated to a place where The People's Scientists will remove your guilt.


+101 to +300 Guilt points = Selfish capitalist pig

The only way for you to redeem your existence and feel better about yourself is to donate the amount that matches your score to the People's Cube. Donations are to be made here (link to PayPal). Print out and show the receipt to your local Kommissar. After the Revolution one receipt will be redeemable for one Get Out of Gulag coupon. Not for sale. Not transferable to family members. Violators shall be subject to Revolutionary Tribunal Che Guevara style.


+100 to -200 Guilt points = Moderate centrist

You are neutral, neither good nor bad, but only one who arouses suspicion. Expect to be placed under continuous surveillance. Eligible to work in the media but only as a token "conservative commentator." Grants or any assistance from the government and charitable institutions denied.


-201 to to -400 Guilt points = Idealistic progressive

Entitled to government grants and promotion within the administrative hierarchy. Recommended for media appearances and awards. As a trusted member of the community you will be placed on only intermittent surveillance. We will count on you to provide us with useful information on your neighbors, co-workers, friends, and family.


-401 to -600 Guilt points = Selfless supporter of socialist revolution

The sense of entitlement is strong within you, comrade! Indeed, you are qualified for public assistance in the amount that matches your score. Print out your score and bring it to the local Kommissariat to redeem for one of the following: (A) free NPR broadcast by members of Media Workers Union, (B) free indoctrination by members of Teachers Union, or (C) free entertainment by the best state-sponsored members of Artists Union who will place a cult object of your choice into a bucket of urine.


-601 to -800 Guilt points = Hero of the Revolution

Qualified for a position of a media darling, most-talked-about celebrity, the sexiest man / woman / transgendered person alive, and positive role model for the young generation. Entitled to winning national and international prizes in the field of the Party's choosing - from Oscar, Nobel, Pulitzer, Emmy, and Golden Globes to the prestigious "Pinky's Beet of the Week at the People's Cube Award and Bumper Sticker."


-801 to -900 Guilt points = Protector of The People

Congratulations, Comrade! The People welcome you as an Ultimate Guiltless Member of Society! Call the Obama Administration and tell them you are entitled to leadership positions inside the government, non-profit, and community organizations, as well as subservient media, educational, or entertainment branches.

REPORT YOUR SCORE AND COMMENTS HERE >>