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A Glimpse Into the Future... Obama's LAST Day in Office

Comrades, recently I called in a favor from an apparatchik in Colonel 7.62's department and obtained a combination Visa to The Future™ and hall pass. I was wondering what kind of glorious utopia awaits us when Chairman Obama's work is done well underway and Changeable Hopeyness has taken hold. With the benefit of the top-secret technology in the Department of Chronological Warfare (and a couple of cartons of cigarettes), I took a look...

The date: January 20, 2019*, Chairman Obama's last full day in office. Here is his top secret schedule from that day...


Cindy Sheehan's New Website Tea-bagged by the People's Cube

Metaphorical tea-bagging befalls moonbats who become overconfident and register activist ".org" sites without a ".com" version.

Which is exactly what happened to Cindy "campout" Sheehan and David "Gloria" Swanson when they started as part of a new scheme to lure the unwashed progs into a tent camp in front of the White House, to shake fists and demand a surrender of America's "imperial forces" to all enemies, foreign and domestic. A People's Cube member who discovered their omission immediately bought for us to play with...


China Says U.S. Too Big To Fail, Offers Obama Bailout

During the recent meeting with President Obama, Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao minced no words when he stated that "immediate action is necessary to keep a once prosperous nation" from falling flat on its face.

"If the U.S.economy collapses, so will China because we are so heavily invested in your country," said Wen Jiabao. "We thought we were investing in a nation of the world's greatest entrepreneurs, but a recent analysis shows that America has become little more than a home to overpaid union workers, whiney media, and spoiled welfare recipients."

"Our fears were confirmed last year when Americans elected you, Mr. Obama, as their president. But, to use one of your own expressions, America is too big to fail and so we will have to bail you out. This is no longer your decision. As your biggest creditor, we will now decide how to get the best return on our investment. You got elected on a vague promise of change; now we're giving you the specifics."


Christmas in History: First Media Reports (from our archives)

TEABAGGERS vs. FISTERS: The Debate Is Over

After the "progressive" spokespersons at MSNBC and elsewhere labeled the Tea Party movement "Teabaggers," dismissing their opposition to socialism as deviant sexual practice, many began to wonder what equally deviant term could be applied in retaliation to the "progressives." Suggestions made at the People's Cube later turned up on Breitbart's Big Hollywood. But the "culinary" term didn't catch on, apparently because proponents of individual liberties are largely ignorant of collectivist sexual practices.

That may change with the latest Fistgate scandal, which exposed Obama's Safe Schools Czar Kevin Jenning's proclivity to teach young children such non-conventional sexual techniques as fisting. "Progressives" are Fisters!


America's Vonn Wins Downhill; Dems Demand Investigation

Lindsay Vonn's dual victories at Lake Louise over the weekend have drawn sharp criticism from ranking Democrats, followed by demands for an inquiry into the troubling incident. President Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder held a press conference announcing an investigation into Vonn's motives. "America has been arrogant in the past," stated the president. "We need to atone and ask for forgiveness. These victories in the women's downhill events send the wrong message to the world - that America is still arrogant and seeks to win. For this I intend to apologize directly to the IOC." MORE

New Yorkers Protest Obama's KSM Trial (a Story of Signs)

On December 5, 2009, hundreds of New Yorkers converged on Foley Square next to the US Court building to oppose Obama's injudicious plan to try terrorists in a civillian court in New York - a city that has already paid dearly for letting "progressive" demagogues play political games with our security.

Speakers included Steve Maltzberg, Curtis Sliwa, Andy McCarthy, Debra Burlingame, and others.

A large elevated LCD screen to the right of the stage alternated images of the speakers with close-ups of the audience, their home-made signs bobbing like white sails above the sea of umbrellas. In spite of the cold rain, over five hundred people showed up. On a better day the turnout surely would have been in the thousands.



During Thanksgiving, as American toiling masses traditionally give thanks to the government for what it has distributed to them, all conscientious members of community are required to experience the following emotions:


Progressive Thanksgiving Prayer: Blessing of the Taxes

This year's secular Thanksgiving prayer was written by the People's Economist Professor Kurgman, PhD,PhD,PhD

As much as I abhor Christianity, I occasionally attend progressive churches in my community - as long as the pastor expounds on socialism and its variants like environmental causes, and the rights of the oppressed masses of gays, wymyn, African-Americans, Palestinians, Hugo Chavez, and Hezbollah.

Our local pastor, thank Lenin, rarely talks about anything else. He even asked me, a Marxist, to compose a prayer for this week's Thanksgiving sermon. Now, everybody knows that Thanksgiving observance does nothing more than perpetuate the Holocaust of the Native American. What positive meaning could be found in such a grotesquely shameful holiday? Well, my admirable laser-sharp mind of an economist with three PhDs immediately found a brilliant, socially significant answer. I wrote a prayer thanking God for the gift of government, and thanking the government for the gift of taxes.


Thanksgiving With A Space Alien

Last Thursday a flying saucer landed in my backyard. A friendly, if slightly disoriented alien pilot told me he needed a drink. I had just what he wanted, since this was Thanksgiving and all.

>His name was Ollie and he came to Earth looking for an honest, self-reliant, optimistic, and technically inclined nation that could benefit from a contact with his more advanced civilization.

"Whoa, whoa!" I raised my finger. "To call yourself advanced you must take at least three diversity training classes. What planet are you from, really?"


Goodbye, America, My Country!

This October I received a few chain mails from my Russian-speaking friends with a long Russian-language poem titled "Goodbye, America" by Alexander Matlin, an ex-Soviet satirist now living in New Jersey. Brilliantly written, it contained all signs of the traditional Russian nostalgia with references to erstwhile Soviet realities. I didn't post it then because the American masses reading this organ are not yet proficient in the Mother Tongue. But last night I received a translation into kapitalist from our bi-lingual reader Ilya Kazakov.

Goodbye, America, my country!
Goodbye, my dearest, goodbye.
Above our heads is rising sultry,
Socialistic crimson sky.


Bush Still Causing Job Losses and Hardship

Dozens of local area workers were left jobless yesterday as the doors closed on their workplace after more than nine years of frisky business. Devastated staff at the "I Hate Bush T-Shirt and Vendor Wear" factory wept as the moment they were dreading finally became a reality: the firm went into bankruptcy in result of sagging orders for their goods and slim prospects for a renewed demand in the future.

"The management can say whatever they want, but I personally blame Bush," said Fred Fluger, a longtime employee, as he carried home a storage box filled with "I Hate Bush" shirts, sweaters, boxers, beach towels, and pajamas, with which the cash-stripped company had been paying its workers for the last three months.


Homeless Man Claims Responsibility For Own Problems

In an odd expose' that has left the worlds of politics and academia abuzz, a local homeless person revealed yesterday that he only blamed himself for his failures. The incident occurred near the dumpster behind the Shop Rite store in Brooklyn, when Willard Kookish, formerly of 435 Subprime Lane in Nutly, NJ, casually told a reporter that "my problems are my own fault." The veteran New York Times reporter Ken McLiar, who has been searching area dumpsters for a 3,785-part series on people who are homeless due to the evils of American capitalism, admits he was astonished by Mr. Kookish's bizarre confession. When asked to elaborate, Mr. Kookish went on to say, "I went through college drinking and smoking dope and never learned anything. I've had many job opportunities but didn't bother to show up. My family left me a nice house to live in but I took out home equity loans on it and spent the money on hookers and gambling. When the housing boom collapsed I lost everything. I made bad decisions... MORE

Congress Repeals Ban on Perpetual Motion Machines

WASHINGTON - In a bold move to lessen our dependence on traditional fuels and decrease carbon emissions, Congress voted to repeal an old Republican ban on perpetual motion machines, clearing the way for the development of self-propelled water wheels, self-flowing flasks, float belts, zeromotors, and other environmentally-friendly industrial equipment.

Director of the White House's Office of Science and Technology Policy John Holdren hailed the effort as an example of the hope and change President Obama's leadership promised to bring to the world. "The anti-perpetual-motion propaganda was unleashed by the previous administration in the interests of Big Oil," said Holdren, describing the "manufactured consensus" against perpetual motion as a "clever dodge" to suppress alternative competition.


Obama's War on Fox News Becomes a Quagmire

THE WHITE HOUSE - Despite the President's promise of a swift and decisive victory, Obama's War on Fox News has developed all signs of an unwinnable quagmire, making the White House even more isolated in its unilateral attempts to crush the growing media insurgency. As the war continues to grind on for a second month, public opinion is shifting towards a quick and complete withdrawal. While many observers still agree that the "War on Limbaugh" is a "just and necessary war," even the former supporters of the war effort are now labeling the War on Fox an "unnecessary war of choice" and claim that the cable channel had nothing to do with Obama's falling...


Unions, Lenin, and the American Way


No matter where I worked in the USSR, I was always a union member without so much as a formal notice - starting with the student union in college and then on to whatever union was assigned to the state-run enterprise that hired me, regardless of the job description. The only indicators of this one-sided relationship were monthly union dues, automatically deducted from my measly wages. It was like paying alimony for a fling I never had. To be fair, in the early 80s, I did go on a union-subsidized one-week tour of Uzbekistan - mostly because a friend knew someone at the union office who owed him a favor. But that was it.


Be the Nobel Prize Winner this Halloween!

Hurry! You may have already won the Nobel Prize in our Nobel Clearing House Sweepstakes™! Get yours today before these products are banned by the neo-kulak kapitalists! Wow the world collective by Trick-or-Treating as a proud Nobel Prize Winner!

How to Make a Butt Bomb: Al Qaeda Training Video

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT On the heels of a half-assed attempt at assassination of a Saudi official by an al-Qaeda operative who had a pound of explosives stuck up his rectum, comes this latest al-Qaeda training video. We have obtained the full transcript.

Ass-Sahab and Purple Jihad present

Al-Qaeda Training Video

Party Communique: Recognizing Racism


9-12 Tea Party Pictures: People's Cube Goes to Washington

Now updated with my story of it published in PJ Media (Part 1 & Part 2)

tea party washington dc pic

On September 12, 2009, I took part in the largest anti-big-government demonstration in the history of mankind. To borrow an expression from Joe Biden, the Taxpayers' March on Washington was clean and articulate. It was clean because over a million earners of American wealth didn't litter or destroy things and generally behaved as responsible property owners - as opposed to leftist protesters who often act as unwelcome gatecrashers. Once again the political class was reminded who really owns the place, only this time the owners were adamant about it...


Sharpton, Jackson Confess to Own Racism

In a hastily convened press conference this morning, renowned civil rights leaders Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson confessed to harboring racist attitudes themselves, something they were admittedly quick to fault in others. Both Sharpton and Jackson made brief, prepared statements before admitting themselves to the Rush Limbaugh Treatment Center in Cape Girardeau, Missouri.

Al Sharpton was the first to speak. "I always knew that anybody opposing Barack Obama for any reason was a racist...


Obama Regresses to Cold War Mythology, Switches Sides

As seen on PJ Media:
The world needs post-Cold War thinking. But Obama is stuck in a world of parochial cliche's. (By Oleg Atbashian. Published on PJM in six parts, here in one piece.)

Why is this president always doing the opposite of what needs to be done? Instead of supporting Iranian protesters, he snubs them. Instead of snubbing the ousted Honduran would-be dictator, he invites him to Washington. Instead of leading the world, he apologizes to it. Instead of offering a new vision, he resurrects hoary cliche's. Instead of promoting liberty, he bows to kings and hugs tyrants.

Some think he acts like an enchanted prince; others think he's a spoiled brat. But there's a method to this madness; its logic should be obvious to anyone familiar with antiquated leftist cliche's, which Barack Obama seems to have smuggled into the White House without as much as pausing to brush aside the decades-old creepy cobwebs.


Obama To Appoint Self G.O.D. (Gov'ntal Overall Director)

Finally American progressives can have a G.O.D. they can believe in.

Banking on a wildly successful media coverage of its efforts to transform the backward, individualistic America into a nation of enlightened state-worshippers ruled by unelected czars, the administrative branch is preparing for a next radical reform that will further streamline the system and dispel the accusations of oligarchic rule by concentrating all the powers enumerated, extrapolated, and imagined under the constitution in the hands of only one man.

Said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "We must urgently streamline the decision-making process because the time for talk is over. The outdated 19th century idea of reading and debating bills must end. Face it, not only does debate delay immediate action, so does voting."


Foodicare: Health-Through-Nutrition Care for America

Since the best minds of the country have concluded that health care is a basic human right, it must also be presumed that this right automatically includes the most fundamental component of all human health - food. Leading nation's scientists have long been warning us that denying a person the nutrition from food impairs health in the most direct and injurious manner.

Today the debate is over: the right to health and the right to food are pretty much one and the same - the inalienable human right to have your bodily functions regulated by the government for your own good.

Life imitates the People's Cube: this was posted on this site 15 months ago, in May 2008, as a joke. Yes we can be eerily prescient.

"What's The Difference" Game: Bush v. Obama

bush obama editorial humor

Also from the People's Archives:

Everybody Wants To Kill Bush

A lesson in instant gratification went bad when a New York high-school freshman's remark about assassinating President Bush earned him a visit from the Secret Service, prompting a loud outcry from the educational community.

"I don't know where this President is taking our country if a student can no longer openly express his idealistic aspirations and make a difference," says English teacher who oversaw the publication...


Woodstock's 40th Anniversary: Official Chants and Slogans

Comrades! August 15th (July 31st in the Julian calendar) marks the glorious 40th Anniversary of the Great Woodstock Revolution, when a 500,000-strong army of heroic young workers, peasants, and toiling intelligentsia courageously rose in massive rebellion throughout the 600 acre dairy farm, 69 kilometers away from Woodstock, New York, to struggle together for the deepening of the widening of the expansion of the awareness of their struggle.

Within a few short years, similar revolutions happened in almost every country of the world, especially Canada. Now that the dream had become an incredibly colorful reality, it was time for the unwashed everywhere to develop the theory and tactics of the revolutionary movement according to their ability to access the capitalist parent's wallets.


Kamp Obama: Teach Kids to Punch Back Twice as Hard!

The end of summer rapidly approaches, but there is still time for your child's indoctrination at Kamp Obama!

At Kamp Obama we educate young skulls full of mush in such progressive activities as groupthink, activism, denunciations, and show trials. From Marx and Engels to Alinsky and Ayers, your child will learn the best tactics, thinking techniques, and viewpoints. In addition to fun, we train in the following useful skills that he, she, or it will need as a progressive adult:

  • Pie Throwing
  • Bullying
  • Shout Down
  • Physical Intimidation
  • In Your Face
  • Punch Twice As Hard
  • The Chicago Way

Posters: Do Not Spread Fishy Rumors or You'll be Flagged

Considering the overwhelming response to these designs, we created a few new items for sale with them:

obamacare t-shirts

North Korean Beer Summit with Bill Clinton

AP BURBANK, Calif. - Riding on the success of last month's "Beer Summit," President Barack Obama utilized the same winning negotiation technique by sending former President Bill Clinton for a round of beers with North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il, so that the two world leaders could share a few chuckles and discuss the release of two American journalists imprisoned for playing peek-a-boo on Kim Jong-Il's property.


Amends for Hiroshima: Congress To Bomb Two U.S. Cities

In a belated expression of remorse for the nuclear strikes on Hiroshima and Nagasaki sixty four years ago, Congress has authorized the Army to launch apologetic nuclear strikes on two American cities.

The selection of cities is not final, but they will most likely be Dallas and Houston in a nod to the Democratic desire to attack cities in a "red" state.


Cash for Clunkers: Obamacare Edition

How much is your old family member worth? Turn them in to the nearest Planned Grandparenthood Center and find out! Receive cash prizes and free healthcare entitlements!

As part of a new incentive tied to Obama's upcoming healthcare reform, the network of Planned Grandparenthood Centers are to begin running ads, themed "Double Cash for Your Old Coot."

The push offers a cash incentive or zero-percent financing on top of free government plans for all families whose trade-in old-timers qualify for the government's program known as "Cash for Clunkers," up to a maximum of four grandparents over 70 years of age.




Obama's Strange Affliction Stresses Need for Health Reform

Change has been subtle, but astute observers have noticed an increasing number of physical oddities about superstar celebrity President Barack Obama, seen here addressing a recent rally to raise awareness of the new healthcare reform bill. "I can't put my finger on it, but there's something different about him lately," says T. Kennedy, a diver from Martha's Vineyard, Mass. His impression is seconded by H. Clinton, a State Dept. employee from upstate New York: "In his recent appearances, he's looked flat, almost cartoonish. But in spite of the lack of emotion, he's still bigger than life."

White House Press Secretary Robert Glib insists the President is healthy and blames his "somewhat altered demeanor" on the Republican steamrolling. "It makes the President flat angry and steaming for days; his head seems to be about to explode," says Glib.


July 19th is International Swimmers' Day

ted kennedy drunk cartoon



Enlarge Your Economy in Just Days with Stimulus Package

Did you ever ask yourself is your economy big enough? Do you feel insecure about the pork in your portfolio? Do you want to stop your Dow Jones from shrinking at the most embarrassing moments?

It is finally possible with the only economy enlargement product that works. You can become a lean, mean and fierce economy-stimulating machine in just days! Satisfy your community's dream of having a representative with a massive Stimulus Package. Enhance, enlarge and upsize the economy today! Stop settling for second best, get your huge bailout here!


The People's Cube Over Chicago

The People's Cube likes to travel across the United States - over the fruited plain and halcyon skies - in a planned effort to stake out the thoroughfare of freedom from sea to shining sea. It takes pictures of itself posing against amber waves of grain, alabaster cities, and on top of purple mountain majesties, as it crowns the common good with quotas on brotherhood and equal outcomes.

In this installment, the Cube goes to Chicago...


July 4th Tea Party Posters from the Cube (Tea Party Organ)


The Alternative Secret History of the World

On the Fourth of July Americans will be cynically celebrating the greatest setback world progress has ever endured in all of human history. The rest of humankind will, of course, be grieving over the dark day when the United States of America was born. To understand the full scope of this tragedy we must look back at the pre-7/04 world and see what it was like to live on planet Earth before 1776.

Prior to July 4, 1776, not a single person in the world starved, got sick, worked hard for a living, or experienced any pain and anxiety. No one had ever been oppressed or unfairly exploited because the oppressive and unfair American system had not yet been created.

global warming editorial humor


Letterman: Hate Show with a Dirty Old Man

After nearly 5,000 hate-night broadcasts, Quagmire "ODB" Letterman remains one of the sickest and unfunniest dirty old men in the history of conservative-bashing on television.

Miranda Rights for Terrorists (Improved Intern'l Version)

In an effort to repair the damage inflicted by George W. Bush's presidency, Barack Obama extended a gesture of goodwill and understanding to the victimized community of man-made disaster operators by promising them Miranda rights, wishing them luck in future undertakings, and advising them to abstain from earning money in the private sector. Apologizing for the fact that the existing Miranda warning is unfairly slanted towards US citizens, Obama unveiled an improved international Miranda version, drafted by a team of ACLU experts. MORE

Socialized Healthcare: No Drugs For The Useless!

Voice of progress: kill the health care hogs!

>"Kill the health care hogs!" is the progressive message we hear increasingly from the more socially advanced comrades in Europe. How many times have you stood in line at the pharmacy behind an ancient decrepit walking dead? Inevitably, they order dozens of medications and then pay almost nothing as our Mother State picks up the tab! How is one to deal with these selfish broken-down useless monsters as they suck the economic lifeblood from our cities?


Dancing with the Czars: Obama's New State - Run Show

The cast of Obama Czars hit the dance floor on the new show with the highly anticipated season premiere of Dancing with the Czars. h/t iMaksim Political Humor You will be introduced to twelve Czars, who hold varying positions of power within the administration.

The great thing about them is that Czars operate with impunity and are "under the radar" when it comes to making policy. They are accountable to no one except the President and, oh man, can they dance.



Al-Qaeda Kidnaps Obama's Teleprompter

In an audacious raid Friday, al-Qaeda terrorists managed to slip past White House security and seize President Obama's teleprompter. Their demands were released in a grainy video, which apparently showed the president's teleprompter, bound and blindfolded but unharmed, while heavily armed masked men stood behind it, quoting from the Qur'an. The content of their demands is not being released.

President Obama, visibly shaken, attempted to address the White House press corps on his own. "Words, uh, um, I, uh, heh-heh, well..."


Che + Heart + Cowbell = World's Most Popular T-Shirt

A recent discussion on the People's Blog prompted us to create a new line of People's Products under the title "Che Heart Plus." The thinking behind it is that if we combine the most popular T-Shirt designs into one, we must surely come up with an ultimate, most popular design that will guarantee us a timeless commercial success for the Common Good.

The idea is similar to the People's Cube FAQ, that is, if you combine all the FAQs that exist in the world in different languages, put them into a gigantic computer database financed by non-political charities sponsored by George Soros, and rearrange the questions in the order of priority, the list of world's most important FAQ must begin with "How to fight capitalism with Global Warming?"


Obama Show And Tell: Photoshop & Caption Non-Contest

Submit photoshopped entries with captions for a non-competition on 'Obama Show and Tell.' We all know there's a lot that he's hiding, but what does Obama want to show to America and the rest of the world?

At the end of his presidency, Obama reveals his imaginary friend whose name is "Collective Economic Worth of Amerika." Mr. Obama seems to be the only one capable of seeing his little friend.
Obama announces his running mate, whom he met at the circus, the magical fairy elf Jobama O'Biden.

On Moderation: Mr. Gorbachev, Tear Down Half This Wall

As seen on PJ Media:
The People's Cube takes a look back at great compromises of ideals and principles throughout history.

As all principled Democrats are pounding their uncompromising collective fist on the GOP's big tent, demanding that conservatives compromise their principles, and even Colin Powell has joined their unanimous opinion about the glaring lack of diverse opinions among Republicans, conservatives are clearly left with no other choice than to move their big tent down from the moral high ground to where the progressive majority is, so it can be better monitored by the media and have easy access for morally disabled persons with diverse opinions.


I Want To Be Banned From England Like Michael Savage

We don't always agree with Michael Savage, but yesterday we learned that the San Francisco-based radio talk-show host was barred from entering Great Britain because of his opinions. Tonight our reader Jill emailed us with this I-am-Spartacus-type answer to the British Home Office, which is responsible for the ban:

So, Michael Savage is a thoughtcriminal. I humbly beseech with shovel in hand for Commissar Smith to place me on the banned list with Michael Savage.

Here are my thought crimes:


Official May Day Address 2009 (Featuring Fearless Leader)


It is no coincidence that May Day would fall on a Friday this Glorious Year in The Progressive World of This Tuesday! We deserve a three-day weekend!

Air Force One Attacks Wall Street, Takes Hostages

Obama's plane scares Little Eichmanns out of their offices.
For too long have Americans scorned and disparaged the government - and now it's the government's time to fight back.

Belittled by America's arrogant self-reliance, individualism, and competitiveness, the government has finally organized and launched a fierce counterattack against American citizens by increasing their taxes, destroying their wealth, restricting their economic freedoms, controlling their guns, indoctrinating their children, and limiting their free speech.



A Lenin's Birthday Story

As seen in American Thinker:

This was written when I still lived in Ukraine in the early 1990s. It was intended to be a chapter in a fact-based novel, as yet unpublished. Although the Communist Party had been officially disbanded, it still maintained a firm grip on the country, using every means of manipulation available.

Proponents of leftist ideologies around the world share one common trait: they always demand to be included, but once you let them in, they force everybody else out, while refusing to leave themselves.


Obama: Shovel-Ready on Lenin's Birthday / Earth Day

From the People's Glossary:


A symbol of suffering and sacrifice for The Greater Good™. Used in hard labor therapy or in self-criticism sessions to redeem potential thought crimes. Every citizen must keep his or her shovel in good repair at all times and bring it to the railroad station if called to duty by the Commissar. The shovel is an important part of Earth Day festival, or Sacrificial Earth Shoveling Day, celebrating the death and rebirth of Great Lenin.


The People's Cube Visual Agitation at Tea Parties

FROM THE PEOPLe's ARCHIVES: The Renegade Exodus

Now that the idea of social awareness and class struggle has reached American pulpits, it was only a matter of time before progressive historical revisionism left its academic confines and flooded the nation's churches, raising consciousness of the worshiping masses and prompting them to re-evaluate archaic concepts of "faith," "freedom," and "morality." Armed with the winning theory of class struggle, more and more oppressed churchgoers are finding the courage to speak out against violations of human rights in the ancient world, and indeed against the entire litany of "traditional" "conceptions" based on the "Bible" and its "teachings."

In this sense, the conference of religious leaders and scholars from around the world, titled "From Security to Homelessness: Moses and the Renegade Exodus of the Hebrews" was the first major event of its kind, focusing on Moses' fraudulent activities and the resulting major humanitarian disaster called the Exodus.


Obama the Pitchfork Operator: Remake of the Soviet Classic

As seen on PJ Media (out of karakter)

While some of today's comparisons between Obama and communist dictators may go over the top, the general direction of such thinking is not without merit: since they share a utopian goal of forced equality, it's logical to expect that their methods may also converge at some point. To wit, recent actions from Obama reminded me of a ploy Stalin used on Western entrepreneurs, which in itself is an illustrative morality play contrasting the differences between socialism and capitalism.

"My administration is the only thing between you and the pitchforks," Barack Obama told the CEOs of the world's most powerful financial institutions on March 27, when they cited competition for talent in an international market as justification for paying higher salaries to their employees.


Obama: Doing the Darfur Shuffle

Someone emailed us a caption for this image "Doing the Darfur Shuffle." This prompted us to animate it so it looks more like a real party. Pick a tune you like to watch it with - below are some Party-approved suggestions. The best way to listen is put the mouse over the link and click on "play" inside the little window.

  • Two Trillion Bucks (Moonbattery)
  • Mr. Jefferson (Mike Church)
  • Harlem Shuffle (Bob & Earl)
  • Liar (Argent)
Anything we missed? Suggest other tunes in the comments.



This tax season you have surely wondered why you weren't allowed to claim your talking parakeet as a dependent .

Many of you maintain a strong loving relationship with your cats, dogs, hamsters, or sheep. You can't imagine life without your pet - just like your next door neighbor whose companion happens to be human - yet you are denied the same rights, respect, and recognition that your neighbor enjoys - only because your companion happens to be a member of another species.


Obama Rides Unicorns, Michelle Rides Dolphins

Men ride unicorns, women ride dolphins. Everybody knows that. What we didn't know was that unicorns could also apply massage oils on their riders at the beach as they drink pina colada, or that dolphins could join Code Pink, cover their private parts with Obama logo, and wear S&M gear.

This discussion started as an auxiliary tunnel on another thread dedicated to Zen and the Art of Shovel Maintenance, but the Party is convinced that it deserves to be dug as a glorious separate tunnel. Sharpen your shovels, comrades!


The Purpose of This Site

The purpose of our Progressive movement is to instill enormous guilt among wealth creators, causing them to give their money to us voluntarily.

Think of guilt as secondary taxation. While the government extracts the first round of money by taxing a limited number of activities by wealth creators (with the help of a mind-numbing tax code), the imposition of guilt allows us to extract the remaining money in virtually unlimited amounts by associating guilt with the broadest range of activities - from what you eat to how big your toilet tank is. Most of you are guilty merely for breathing air, and the number of victims suffering from your noxious CO2 exhaust is unlimited - from the whole planet Earth to endangered microscopic communities of bacteria that thrive collectively...


Guilt Quiz & Guilt Level Chart: Tools for the Guilted Age

Now that the properly conditioned guilt-ridden voters have elected the first Certified-Oppressed-Minority™ president, America has officially entered a new Guilted Age. The Guilted Age is similar to the Gilded Age, only instead of being motivated by the acquisition of gold, the nation is motivated by the distribution of Guilt™.

A guilty electorate is a less demanding electorate: beggars are not choosers. Collective remorse makes the masses more malleable. Workers toil harder for less pay and donate surpluses to progressive causes within the hope that it would offset their culpability for having the wrong color, ethnicity, religion, zip code, profession, hobbies, vehicles, grocery bags, communing and shopping patterns, taste in food, living standard higher than in Zimbabwe, and exhaling the CO2 while breathing.

Take the Guilt Quiz >>


David Frum: Greedy Limbaugh Stole My Crown Of Evil

David Frum, ruler and protector of conservative netherworld
Hi, I'm David Frum - the rabid right-wing ultra-compassionate conservative, the uber-centrist, and the monster of moderate extremism. My unthinking fanatical followers have dubbed me el-Frumbo, a lovable little sleazeball, and Doctor Doom of Democracy. The legendary Al Franken wrote a book about me titled David Frum is a Big Fat Idiot.My phenomenal name recognition and huge popularity among capitalist ruling classes are making the common man shudder at the very sound of the word "Frum." It invokes horrible images of right-wing conspiracy and an imminent reactionary junta that dwarfs the bloody tyranny of George W. Bush. Such are my bona fides.

I have been outed by the unbiased media and members of the US Congress as the sole cause of all wars, poverty, famines, country music, and Republicanism. Every disaster in the last two thousand years has been traced back to my long, scaly tentacles...


How Do You Say 'Hillary's Gaffe' in Russian?

As seen on PJ Media

Did you know that if you translate "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" into Russian, it becomes "the vodka is agreeable but the meat has gone bad"? Literal translations can be tricky that way.

It seems that no translators were harmed in the manufacturing of Hillary Clinton's "reset" button, which she presented to Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov in Geneva on Friday.

"We worked hard to get the right Russian word," Clinton addressed Lavrov in a deliberately slow voice, as if talking to a special-needs child. "Do you think we got it?"
"You got it wrong," Lavrov answered in fluent English. "This says 'peregruzka,' which means overcharged."


Contradictions of Socialism (I've seen the future & ran away)

As seen on PJ Media | Listen to it on podcast

There was a time in recent American history when certain Soviet jokes didn't work in translation - not so much because of the language differences, but because of the lack of common sociopolitical context. But that is changing. As President Obama is preparing us for a great leap towards collectivism, I find myself recollecting forgotten political jokes I shared with comrades while living in the old country under Brezhnev, Andropov, and Gorbachev. (I was too young to remember the Khrushchev times, but I remember the Khrushchev jokes.) I also noticed that the further America "advances" back to the Soviet model...


Enlarge Your Economy in Just Days with Stimulus Package

Did you ever ask yourself is your economy big enough? Do you feel insecure about the pork in your portfolio? Do you want to stop your Dow Jones from shrinking at the most embarrassing moments?

It is finally possible with the only economy enlargement product that works. You can become a lean, mean and fierce economy-stimulating machine in just days! Satisfy your community's dream of having a representative with a massive Stimulus Package. Enhance, enlarge and upsize the economy today!


Grievance Reporting for Hope'N'Change Operating System

To automate the growing number of grievances, reduce paperwork, and bring the grievance collecting into the 21st century, the Obama Administration has created a new agency, the U.S. Department of Grievances, linked with other agencies and taxpayers through the newly launched 2009 Hope'N'Change Operating System.

Given that the most optimistic evaluation of Obama's stimulus plan included this language, "If we do everything right, there's still a 30 percent chance we'll get it wrong," and that the government's record of "getting everything right" is shaky at best, the new department's current goal is to prepare for the impending "30%" outcome.

If you and your family find yourself among the 30-percenters, you may submit your Grievance Report, which the government will redress within the limits of its estimated efficiency rate of 70%.


Media The Lapdog for Obama Spiraling Down the Drain

New installment by Big Fur Hat to the existing series


Oscars Winners 2009

Political editorial humor may be dead, but the Oscars are alive and well and our picks are:

Best push of a political agenda in a motion picture:

Best Actor:
Barack Obama in Hope and Change

Best Supporting Actor:
Mainstream Media in Hope and Change

Best Actress:
Barney Frank in Stimulus Package

Best Foreign Film:
Honey, I Shrunk the Border Fence by The DNC

Best original screenplay:
Barack Obama in Grant Park


Genuine Obama Brand Snake Oil Sale!

Howdie-Hi there Friends and Neighbors, It's Yer Ole Pal Crazy Ivan Betinov, and have I got a deal fer YEW! We got us a brand new product line down here at the Stalin Storehouse! We are proud to announce that we are the new regional distributors of


It Stimulates! It Enervates! It Lifts and Separates!


We got us a brand new Progressive President in the White House and the Most Progressive Congress EVER. Between them they have cooked up a batch of Snake Oil to End All Snake Oils!

It Lubricates! It Percolates! It Cleans and Penetrates!


Want "Hope and Change"? Buy a Goat

Advice from an old Ukrainian Rabbi

Also postedin PJ Media
Although the mainstream media won't report it as such, Obama's approval numbers are shrinking. Which means that elsewhere, certain numbers are growing - the unreported-by-the-MSM growing numbers of Americans who are kicking themselves for not having bothered to read the small print underneath the word "change."

The small print was kind of blurry, while "change" was spelled in huge, pleasing letters on the signs they held at the rallies. The fierce urgency of now was in the air. Everybody was in such a hurry to bring about change; there was no time to ask "why" or "what kind of change." As objectivity faded into the sunset, their individual brains melted into a euphoric collective mush, swirling around the only remaining absolute - change. In the absence of other standards, the truth became a mere matter of taste, subject to change without notice. If it didn't change, it wasn't the truth.


Denver Greets Obama with the People's Cube Posters

Our friends in Denver - El Marco and Comradette Ronitchka - joined the protest on the steps of the Colorado State Capitol where Obama signed the Pork Bill this Tuesday (2.17.09).

They took photos, which they posted on their blog, including one of Michelle Malkin holding a People's Cube poster. There were quite a few of our other posters there. Find them all!


Obama Hope™ Parody Posters

We decided to try as an optional store because it offers more products - posters, mugs, magnets, stickers, etc. It also has this cool Flash panel. We created only a few products for now - mostly posters that have been in demand. We'll see how it goes and then will add more. Send us a note if you're interested in other designs on posters, or any other products!

Welcome Message to Newly Arrived Thoughtcriminals

Welcome to the Cube, comrade. You may collect your blunt shovel from the guard and get in the line to the left. You will be washed down in the People's Shower to rid you of any possible"bugs," and undergo initial capitalist delousement. The bus will take you to the Karl Marx Treatment Center where those who survive will begin to get in touch with their "Inner Comrade."

How To Get In Touch With Your Inner Comrade

Get a firm grip of your proletarian shovel and make several slow, deep and heavy digs, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Dig in peace and love for the common good until you start experiencing the people's pain, suffering, and hatred of the class enemy, its running dogs, and capitalism in general...


"Thank You Sucker" Motivational Currency Replaces Dollar

obama money


A flexible magnetic sticker 8x3.5" for your fridge (also looks great on a shovel)!

Basic economic analysis of the $780 billion stimulus package indicates that the plan to socialize the US economy will likely fail unless the Obama Administration backs it up by replacing the existing legal tender called "the dollar" with a new kind of motivational currency called the "Thank You Sucker" (TYS) notes, which would flood the markets and stimulate the economy without causing inflation.



Every Man has a Right to the Left (and other neo-proverbs)

  • No matter how much you cheat the government in taxes, you'll never get close to being even. Trust me.
    (Tim Geithner, Treasury Secretary's proverb)
  • Good intentions make the most noise.
    (Proverb of Obama's Economic Recovery Team)
  • All good things are either illegal, immoral, or lead to obesity.
    (Kennedy family proverb)
  • Surely you can fool all the people all the time.
    (Proverb of the mainstream media)
  • To err is human, and we use this faculty frequently and with much pleasure. (Proverb of the US Congress)
  • All work and no pay makes Jack an exemplary citizen.
    (Proverb of Obama's Economic Recovery Team)

Cracking the Obama Code: Don Quixote vs. Windmill Owners

A new out-of-character essay by yours truly, published today in Big Hollywood - Andrew Breitbart's new project for Hollywood conservatives and anyone interested in the interaction between culture and politics.

* * *

Four hundred years ago, Miguel Cervantes described an archetypal delirious fruitcake who wanted to change the world by turning the clock back to the idealized Utopian times that never really existed. Imagine what Cervantes would write today about the futility of his satirical effort, if he were to learn that four centuries later, a whole movement would arise that emulated his loony character and elected one of their kind as the leader of the free world.


A Hussein in the White House

What the Arab world thinks of Barack Obama

One of our images born of the creative power of the masses (and delivered to us in full glory by Superkommissar Maksim) has been chosen to adorn a book cover in Italy. We have been contacted by the author Donatella Della Ratta and prepared a high-resolution image for her cover designer. We expect the books to arrive shortly and hope this is not some capitalist ruse but a mighty progressive blow at Western imperialism.


Hamas® Intifada Baby Armor

Waging Jihad against the Zionists just got easier. With Hamas® brand "Intifada Baby Armor" your mission to destroy Israel can be achieved even sooner. You'll love these new features:

  • User friendly: Easy to adjust for a custom fit
  • Flexibility: No more restricted movements when firing weapons or doing other rigorous activities
  • Lightweight: The lightest vest offering this type of protection, although infant weight can vary
  • Reusable: When a bullet pierces the protective baby insert, remove and replace insert with just one hand
  • Manipulation: Included in every vest is a contact list of all sympathetic media organs that will blame Israel on demand for your damaged baby insert
  • Multi-purpose: Can easily be converted into a suicide vest
Infant not included
We Desire Death as They Desire Life™ is a registered trademark of Hamas, Inc.


Farewell To President Bush from the People's Cube

For generations to come Americans will benefit from our footing in the War on Terror, citizens of Iraq and Afghanistan will enjoy the opportunity to live in freedom, and millions of Africans will live without disease because of President Bush.

He will be remembered as one who did whatever was necessary to defend your country from terrorism, staying the course...



What the End of the Bush Regime Means to You



Media The Lapdog for Obama Dumps on Israel

Do you smell what the lapdog is cooking?

obama media bias jews

See the main Media the Lapdog page >>

15 DOs and DON'Ts of New Progressive Order

How to comply with the new Progressive order and achieve a happier life while avoiding jail time:

  • DO buy vehicles from GM, Ford and Chrysler because it helps our UAW friends the economy
  • DON'T drive them as they pollute the environment and cause global warming
  • DO insist that nationalized, single-payer government provided health insurance is the solution to our health-care crisis
  • DON'T mention that a government health care bureaucracy is just like a private insurer's healthcare bureaucracy except that with the former, you don't get another choice

Progressive Lightbulb Jokes

Q: How many Obama voters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Hoping that it would change is quite enough.

Q: How many autoworkers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 17 at GM, Ford and Chrysler; 1 at Honda, Hyundai and Toyota.

Q: How many Chicago pols does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: F--- you, what am I gettin' outta this?

Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It's burnt out on the Republican side, so we're not changing it.

Q: How many MSM journalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: No need, Obama is the Light.


Reid Offers Burris The Three-Fifths Compromise

The Supreme Court's decision to review the refusal by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (who is white) to allow a seat in the Senate to appointed Illinois Senator Roland Burris (who is black) has caused Mr. Reid to offer a compromise in the form of "separate but equal facilities for colored senators" and 3/5 of a vote for Mr. Burris.

"My offer is backed by not only legal precedent and a long-standing tradition of the Democrat Party which I represent," said Reid, "but also by Article I of the Constitution which I revere. If that's not progressive generosity, nothing is."


The Middle East Conflict For Dummies

Nostalgic Progressive Haikus of 2008

Commemorate the outgoing year of 2008 with these nostalgic progressive haikus. Feel the paradigm shift as the clock strikes 12 and we move from the Year of Bush to the Year of Obama!

Just as progressive poets have liberated the verse from the oppression of rhyme, we have liberated our haikus from the archaic 5-7-5 syllable restriction, which was a purely bourgeois formality. Who's counting? Report them to the nearest ACLU officer!


Even More Previously Current Truth™

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