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The Nominations for the 1st Annual Political Oscars Are In!

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"Washington is a Hollywood for ugly people. Hollywood is a Washington for the simpleminded."
- John McCain


In the category of "Best performance for (unintentional) low comedy in high places", the nominees are:

  1. Joe Biden as one example why the Vice Presidency is "not worth a bucket of warm s*it" in "I Didn't Know He Was Loaded"
  2. Barack Obama for his touching tribute to Special Olympians in "Barry Obama Can't Bowl!"
  3. Hillary Clinton for inadvertently describing the real theme of the Obama presidency: "overcharge" not "reset" in "(Diplomatic) Mission Impossible"
  4. Michelle Obama for her sage advice in the choice of gifts given to Gordon Brown and Queen Elizabeth in "The Unthinkable Michelle Obama"

In the category of "Best Continuing Performance In A Comedy, Farce or Official Duties", the nominees are:

  1. Obama Press Secretary Robert Gibbs for "Say Anything"
  2. Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) for "Support Mental Health or I'll Kill You!"
  3. Eric Holder in "Abbott & Costello Meet Khalid Sheik Mohammed"
  4. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in "The Invisible Womyn"

In the category of "Best Impersonation of Nero Fiddling While Rome Burns", the nominees are:

  1. Barack Obama as "Hamlet, Prince of Afghanistan": "To Surge or not to Surge; for 8 months, THAT was the question!"
  2. Janet Napolitano in "A Clockwork Orange Threat Level": "Danger. No danger. Wait, danger! No, no danger. Well, maybe danger..."
  3. NY Governor David Patterson emulating Barack Obama making a decision in "Oh, My Darling Senator Caroline"
  4. Barack Obama for his repeated failed attempts to arrest Iran's nuclear program in "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Goes Fission"

In the category of "Best Demonstration of Obsequiousness in a Foreign Country", the nominees are:

  1. Barack Obama for "I wasn't bowing to the king, I was picking my ego up off the floor" in "The Saudi King and I"
  2. Barack Obama for "I wasn't bowing to the emperor, I just didn't want to throw up on him" in "Thirty Seconds Under Tokyo"
  3. Barack Obama for crediting Muslims with inventing algebra, compasses, used cars, garbage bags and most of the modern world in "Five Caves to Cairo"
  4. Barack Obama for unilaterally canceling the planned Eastern European missile defense system in return for magic beans in "Gullible's Travels"

In the category of "Best Hiding of a Decline", the nominees are:

  1. Micheal Mann and Phil Jones in "The Dog Ate Our Temperature Data"
  2. The gang at Recovery.gov for "Curse of the Phantom Congressional Districts"
  3. CNN for their explanation of their last-place ratings in "Broadcast Non-News": "Just because nobody's tuned to our channel, it doesn't mean they aren't watching"
  4. CBS, NBC, CNN, et al for their non-coverage of Obama's lies, gaffes and missteps in "The Greatest Story Never Told"

In the category of "Best Landing After Being Tossed Beneath Obama's Bus", the nominees are:

  1. Van Jones for "George Bush blew up the World Trade Center and I'M the one who gets canned!"
  2. Anita Dunn for "This wouldn't have happened if I'd said 'Mother Theresa and Che Guevarra'..."
  3. Tom Daschle for "I should've tried TurboTax like Timmy suggested"
  4. Yosi Sargent for "Nobody complains about art depicting that OTHER God"

In the category of "Best Imitation of a Deer Caught in the Headlights", the nominees are:

  1. Nancy Pelosi stammering how the CIA and the Bush Administration hid the truth about Bush-era waterboarding from her in "Lie to Me"
  2. Eric Holder struggling to define "torture" to congress in "A Fine Line Between Bathing and Waterboarding"
  3. Sonia Sotomayor trying to walk back her clearly leftist judicial philosophy during her confirmation hearings in "The Life and Times of a Wise Latina Womyn"
  4. Chris Dodd reacting to questions about favorable mortgage deals in "The Sweetheart of Countrywide"

In the category of "Most Impressive Production of a Spectacular Flop", the nominees are:

  1. Barack Obama cluelessly over-hyping of a bag of junk liberal programs in "The Amazing Colossal Stimulus"
  2. Harry Reid exerting gargantuan effort to produce a turd healthcare bill, in an adaptation of the poet Virgil's "The mountains are in labor; a ridiculous mouse will be born."
  3. Nancy Pelosi forcing the political poison of "Crap n' Charade" and "PelosiCare" down the throats of whimpering centrist Democrats in "Speaker Pelosi and the Blue Dogs That Didn't Bark"
  4. David Axelrod and David Plouffe for foisting a self-righteous Marxist clown on a nation which soon came to long for the good ol' days of Jimmy "Peanuts" Carter in "I Can't Believe You Ate The Whole Thing!"

In the category of "Best Rendition of Hypocrisy, Global Warming Edition", the nominees are:

  1. Al Gore for the mysteriously canceled "Give Al Gore $1200 And Watch Him Shake Hands With An Idiot" event in Copenhagen
  2. Prince Charles for selflessly flying himself and a small army of staffers to Copenhagen to condemn global warming
  3. Ed Begley for deftly explaining to Stuart Varney why the modern technique of "peer review" beats archaic empirical method any old day
  4. Hugo Chavez for the amazing scientific discovery that giving him lotsa money helps stop climate change

In the category of "Most Audacious Self-Dealer of the Year Award", the nominees are:

  1. Nancy Pelosi for "Big Ol' Jet Airliner"
  2. Barack and Michelle Obama in "We Flew All the Way to Copenhagen and All We Got Is This Lousy 'Rio Olympics' T-Shirt!"
  3. Max Baucus for "Mr Blitzed Goes to Washington"
  4. Al Franken for "Stuart Smalley Steals a Senate Seat"

Cited for Posthumous Award:

  • The Late Ted Kennedy for his roles in "The Swimmer", "The Best Beers of Our Lives" and "Raging Bullsh*t"
Nominated for Special Award:
  • Louis Caldera for his convincing portrayal of the fall guy responsible for the unannounced April 2009 NYC flyover in "The Sound of Airplanes"
Honorable Mentions
  • Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE) for his hilarious parody of a man of principle in "For A Few Dollars More"
  • Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA) for her hilarious parody of a womyn of principle in "The Best Little Whorehouse in Washington"
  • Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) for an utterly unconvincing portrayal of a politician concerned about fiscal stability in "Who's Minding the Mint? Nobody!"
And the winners are....

Well, we won't know who the winners are until the Academy votes and stuff, and that won't be for a couple of months yet. But, in a real sense, the American People are the winners here, doncha think?

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And a consolation prize to the Obama Administration and all the progs who voted them in:

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Yes, the American People are the winners! Maybe we could cut up the Costitution and make envelopes for the winners? Would add a nice touch to the event.

Great work Comrade Opiate of the People! So glad we didn't have to vote on anything. I'm tired of voting again and again and again...........................

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As a high ranking Party member, and a person under 25, I am supposed to let ACORN take my vote as "Barack Hussein Obama" and do with it as they see fit.
(off)
Hmm. . .

1)b
2)d (close, with c as a close candidate)
3)d
4)a
5)d (easy)
6)a
7)c
8.b (Anyone of them is a good candidate)
9)a (C is close, but the poor sap is just some young fool. Gore on the other hand canceled his trip when the evidence showed up, he know's his balls are in the lockbox)
10)b

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Comrade Grigori, I concur this constant voting is a frightful bore. So many decisions to make! One of the reasons why I became a progressive is to have the all-knowing wise state make them for me. Thankfully, the Political Oscars are a true Progressive People's election; all decisions will be made by a secretive cadre of self-dealing elitists!

Commissar Elliot, ACORN is a good choice to cast your votes for you. They rigidly adhere to the progressive principle of fair elections: one man, seventeen to thirty votes. I wonder, did many members do cameos in the Stuart Smalley thing? Or was all of that just wise progressive vote adjustment at the official level?

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I just added illustrations to Opiate's excellent post and moved it to the Current Truth section, promoting it to the People's Editorial.

In the past we also had the Silver Shovel Award that comes with an extra ration of one (1) potato, named after the original silver shovelwhich magically repelled the demonic forces of moonbatic mimes (it only worked on full moons).

<img src="/images/Shovel_Silver.jpg" width="150" height="300">


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Comrades, all this talk of voting and choices fills me with a sense of unease. Can't we appoint a Czar to appoint a panel of judges who will appoint winners?

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Opiate of the People wrote: Commissar Elliot, ACORN is a good choice to cast your votes for you. They rigidly adhere to the progressive principle of fair elections: one man, seventeen to thirty votes. I wonder, did many members do cameos in the Stuart Smalley thing? Or was all of that just wise progressive vote adjustment at the official level?
Probably the latter, it's all about making sure the votes are counted based not upon numbers, but all the credits that go with it.

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Thank you, Comrade Red Square. And I want to thank my producer, my director, my drug dealer therapist and all the little people who have made this award possible.

Comrade Whoopie, czars are only appointed when the government needs to "help out" the private sector with things the poor dears are no good at, like running auto companies. When it comes to controlling counting votes and other traditional governmental functions, there are well established protocols in this regard. Please speak with your local ACORN representative the next time he or she comes to call: "Ding, Dong! ACORN Calling!"


The Political Oscar Academy is thinking of awarding a special award to Obama Advisor-Without-Portfolio and Senate Foreign Relations Committee chairperson Sen. John "Lurch" Kerry, who recently applied for and was denied a visa to visit Iran. Comrades, it is not every day a senior member of the governing body of the world's most concilliatory pro-Iranian utopia has the door slammed in his face by the object of his affections like he was some two-bit door-to-door pickle salesman or something. It's really a tough job trying to make friends with other countries again after all the years of ill will built up by those Bush assholes. So, in recognition of that fact and because John may be a bit down and need an "atta boy", the Academy will be awarding him with the first annual "Nice Try At A Difficult Job" Award:
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I am surprised that Bonnie Fwank's epic pic, Dial M for Mortgage, didn't get a nomination.

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BTW that's not confetti floating down from the rafters; thats the shredded remains of the KKKonstitution

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All most outstanding selections deserving of Progessive award.
And I am also support decision to eliminate most over rated option of voting. Is only importent who COUNTS votes anyway so just allow Party Central Committee to count what they determine votes will be to start with and save everyone effort that can be better spent supporting People's Agenda.
ACORN and SEIU already know how to handle this, anyway. Will be good practice for 2010 show elections.

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The State will of course correct my vote if it sees fit to do so:

1. b for Barry
2. c (d was invisible)
3. a (d was a close second - how fitting that Dear Leader gets more than 1 nomination)
4. d
5. a and d (tie)
6. c
7. I think it's a four-way tie; if I have to pick, I'd say a
8. I'm going to say a and d because the other 2 haven't quite happened/flopped yet
9. a for Al
10. a, because the Obamas weren't successful this time, and Pelosi is the highest-ranking of those listed who were.

Dishonorable Mention: tie between Nelson and Frank

In the category of "Best Imitation of a Deer Caught in the Headlights", the nominees are:

(my fav, I think) :)

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Komsomolka Olga Katrina wrote: 3. a (d was a close second - how fitting that Dear Leader gets more than 1 nomination)

Comrade, Chairman Obama under the direction of his new drama coach TOTUS has authored so many fine performances this season, nominations committee found itself in turmoil deciding which to EXCLUDE from honors. And his craft continues to impress; it seems each time he opens his mouth in public, it is an award-winning moment.

Komsomolka Olga Katrina wrote: 8. I'm going to say a and d because the other 2 haven't quite happened/flopped yet

Nominations committee decided to add b. and c. because both productions appear to be very unpopular with audicences. Then again, what do audiences know anyway, eh?

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Indeed!

Imagine my delight in finding that Question #4 had ALL FOUR nominations for Dear Leader! That just goes to show how busy he is with such important roles!!

Referring to #8, that is a good point. They have come quite close to happening, so it's good to bring attention to such Landmark(TM) events. It was only a technicality.

Regarding Caldera's Honorable Mention, could we perhaps consider Chuck Schumer for so brilliantly casting him in the role of "Bush hack"?

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ObamaCareTM really IS a LandmarkTM event, isn't it? Likewise, a large bomb hitting the ground also is a LandmarkTM event.... known as a "crater".


Comrade Schumer did impress the Nominations Committee with a late-season role which came too late for the 2010 awards but should make the list for next year. I'm referring to his tour-de-force portrayal of a selfish a$$hole who delays a planeload of people from taking off with his stupid cellphone conversation and then calls an attendant "bitch" when she politely reminds him of the requirement that it be shut off (gee, if a non-prog said that, it would be sexist, wouldn't it) in the knee-slapping comedy "Next Time Take the Train".

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My "Fister" vote goes to my local Hero of the Revolution Comrade Alan Grayson, for his glorious superhuman efforts to give the workers of his central Florida section a little "jocular relief" from their toil in the shadow of the capitalistic "magic kingdom" that saps the landscape of valuable collective farmland for the entertainment of the bourgeoisie, rendering denial of the people sufficient local beet and potato production.

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I'm stunned that there is no "Best supporting useful Idiot" category.
I'd like to nominate Henry Louis Gates Jr. for his role as a oppressed college professor in "My beer with Barry"
ETA -
I will not cast my final vote until I am contacted by Central Planning and "advised" of how I should vote.

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100% Infidel wrote:I'm stunned that there is no "Best supporting useful Idiot" category.

A great idea, but there were so many eligible candidates for that category that the Committee simply didn't have time to decide. Perhaps next time.


 
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