In an effort to fight the looming food shortages and the empty shelves crisis, the Biden Administration is rolling out a revolutionary solution dubbed the Word Salad Program.
Leading government scientists have confirmed that The Word Salad Program is a healthier meal choice than deep fried Chicken Tenders with adobo spiced ranch dipping sauce on the side with fries...MORE >>
Today President Biden signed legislation making January 6th an annual national holiday.
Bonfire Day (as it is to be called) has been set aside as a national day of remembrance. "January 6th is to be forever remembered as the day of Donald Trump's plot to blow-up the Capitol building, the day when our democracy and the American way of life were snuffed out," the document says...MORE >>
In this issue:
- Who is Elon Musk and why you should never start an argument with this man
- List of managers who laugh at your complaints and call you Karen]
- Real names and job positions behind the Twitter accounts that called you Karen
- Names and addresses of school children who talk back and call you Karen
- 10 worst things in your community (and shame on you for not already knowing about them!)
The FDA has approved the mandatory use Zyklon-B as a preventative treatment for those who doubt the science and are hesitant to accept either of the three recommended COVID-19 vaccines.
An FDA spokesperson clarified that "early research shows Zyklon-B generates strong immune responses in 100% of the recipients. It's a gift...MORE >>
As 'smash and grab' flash mobs become a normal part of business in California, stores are being forced into action. Some are leaving the state or shutting down, while those intending to remain are remodeling their facilities to discourage looting and other forms of mostly peaceful protest.
"We unconditionally support protestors working to end racism by stealing things, but we'd rather them not do it while in our stores" ...MORE >>
The Florida-based rock band / touring company formerly known as "Trans-Siberian Orchestra" has suddenly become extremely hip and popular by simply dropping the dash from its name and replacing it with a space. The band typically plays concerts nation-wide only for the month of Christmas in gigantic stadium shows...MORE >>
Across cultures an historical periods, people who stick their necks out to defend the innocents have been regarded as heroes. Seven Samurais in medieval Japan come to mind, and a subsequent remake set in 19th century America. Different time, different continents, same moral values.
Today this millenia-old morality is being turned upside down. We are expected to treat those who defend us as villains and murderers, and think of the bandits as noble heroes instead.MORE >>
Fauci warns vaccinated Americans of 'waning immunity,' potential winter surge. America warns Fauci of 'waning patience,' potential winter pitchforks.
Rep. Gloria Johnson: Let's Go Brandon 'should be equated with burning the flag.' The Flag: 'Ha,ha,ha,ha! GTFO!'MORE >>
History repeats itself with a recurring pattern: pallets of bricks magically appearing at strategic locations around cities just before a violent, destructive peaceful riot protest breaks out.
Now it's happening again in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Where are they coming from? Why are they there? Authorities are baffled.MORE >>
TIM COOK, a tech CEO living in a tiny mansion, is forced to make luxury goods for his capitalist overseers. Despite his miserable existence, he is buoyed by his unwavering faith in socialism.
The book suffers from pacing and slow plot development. The biggest complaint is believability, however. How can someone's faith in socialism stay strong when they are living in an area that demonstrates its worst...MORE >>
In traditional chess, white gets to go first. A shocking and racist beginning to anything, but pretty much what you'd expect from a game invented by white people.* Anti-racist Chess is an updated, more equitable version of this ancient but problematic pastime.
Before playing, the skin color of both players is determined. If both players are the same skin color, the player with the fewest grievances must play as white...MORE >>
Portland, OR -- Sean Kealiher was killed in a hit and run accident a week ago. After the police called it a possible homicide, the investigation appears to have stalled.
Mr. Kealiher and his mother, Laura "All Cops are Bastards" Kealiher, are member's of Portland's local Antifa group which protests law and order, sometimes violently...MORE >>
For millenia, mariners have assumed ships and boats were female and referred to them as "she/her." As the world becomes more aware that people are actually whatever gender they happen to be thinking of at the moment, a nearly universal outcry erupted that we are assuming the genders of all sorts of objects...MORE >>
What happened to the legendary obedience of rock musicians and their compliance with the party line? Aren't they supposed to speak in one voice with the progressive establishment, saying only what has been pre-approved by the High Commissar of the Rock Music Directorate?
Below is a most equal article worthy of the editors of Pravda, who have now apparently moved to the Rolling Stone Magazine...MORE >>
China's sorties in Taiwan's airspace were met swiftly and decisively by our Defense and State Departments.
"First, we are going to vet all of our senior officers to assure that none of them have made any racially motivated jokes about Asians since kindergarten. Secondly, we are going to demand that the People's Liberation Army use gender appropriate pronouns throughout all their ranks...MORE >>
The People's Cube might appeal to more of the masses with a shamelessly commercial ad campaign. Here are some proposals. Add your own if you'd like.MORE >>
After a decades-long uphill battle for the right to bear arms, the NRA decided to just call themselves the Taliban, which gives its members unrestricted access to all kinds of assault weapons paid for by the U.S. taxpayer...MORE >>
In an bold move, Joe Biden announced his unshakable determination in completing his vacation and ensuring that there will be no hasty pullout to his time off.
"No Taliban takeover, no border crises, and no failing economy will ever cause a hastily prepared end to my vacation. I can promise the American people that," declared a steadfast Biden from a golf cart donning the presidential seal...MORE >>
So many headlines contain so many spins, obfuscations, half-truths and outright lies. Wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to "read between the lines" to discern the hidden truths?
Here are some examples. Perhaps you can provide some of your own.MORE >>
A modern twist on the 1986 Tom Hanks / Shelley Long comedy of the same name. Newlyweds Joe and Nancy decide they're going to try running a prosperous nation... into the ground!
By simply redefining the word 'infrastructure' to mean 'anything,' they can spend taxpayer dollars we don't have on everything we don't want. In one of the funniest scenes in the film, the couple are bickering...MORE >>
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Seante Majority Leader Charles Schumer have vowed to impeach President Trump for inciting Riots™ in Cuba.
"We've seen, over the last 5 years, how former President Trump's rhetoric has incited so much Hate in this country and around the world," Nancy Pelosi stated. ...MORE >>
Supermodel, author, and distinguished twitterer Chrissy Teigen has earned her right to be in the sixth issue of Poor Me Magazine after she has been cancelled amid allegations of cyber-bullying.
Chrissy is "very sorry" to everyone she has hurt by getting caught, and says she is sick and tired of hearing "you're both pretty" when fighting with other models.
Read the recipes from her new family cookbook, Cook With Your D**n Kids
: "You F***ing Jerk Chicken," "Utter S**t Sandwich on Rye," and "Chicken and 'Monumental A**hole' Trumplings" ...MORE >>
As news that one of the dangerous January 6 insurrectionists had a Lego Capitol taken from his home as evidence, further news has leaked that the FBI will likely charge many of his Lego mini-figures with weapons and conspiracy charges. An unknown number of mini-figures was taken into custody. At least four were reportedly cooperating with law enforcement and may have been long-time FBI informants.MORE >>
LANGLEY, VA - In a bid to better multi-culturalize the intelligence community, the CIA has come up with a new plan allowing the agency to meet its diversity quotas and remain flexible in the face of any future adjustments. According to the new plan, the CIA offices will now be staffed by vats of multi-cultural goo instead of agents, while the actual work will be done by artificial intelligence and Chinese back-office staffers.MORE >>
Lansing, MI -- Michigan Governor Gretchen "Big Gretch" Whitmer's announcement of a new multi-million dollar sweepstakes for Michiganders who get the COVID vaccine, received some media attention this week. But not as much as some other Governors who are upping the ante when it comes to effective and interesting uses of tax dollars.MORE >>
Dictionopolis, NY -- Experts from the International Guild of Linguists (IGL) have issued a warning that the word "racism" is being used too often in print and speech. They offer convincing evidence that the word itself is becoming worn out and may become completely unusable in the next 20-40 years if utilization continues at the same pace.MORE >>
This isn't a joke. Already in 2005, soon after The People's Cube was born, Google canceled us by removing the site from their search registry. Soon afterwards Cafepress canceled our "Che is Dead" t-shirts. In the next few years our numerous products also got canceled by Zazzle and Spreadshirt. Once we signed up on Facebook and Twitter, our posts got repeatedly canceled, our account suspended for days and weeks...MORE >>
The People's Cube is 16 years old - but that's in Laika-the-Space-Dog years. Our researchers at the Karl Marx Treatment Center tell us that to a human - which describes most of our members - it is only one year. So we are pretty young still, and maybe that's also why we're a bit disoriented about current events.MORE >>
If you think the events of the January 6th "insurrection" at the U.S. Capitol will never be faithfully described in an award-winning movie, you are mistaken. Such a fact-based movie had been made and released to critical acclaim last year, before the above events even occurred. It is titled "Dear Comrades!" and I watched it last night online. And so can you...MORE >>
Comrades! Fact Cheka wear is here!
Wear the spiffy red shirt to remind people that you're a Party™ member and that you too are watching. Relish the fear you instill in others just by wearing this t-shirt.
Denounced? No problem! The t-shirt also comes in GULAG grey and is made of durable fabric guaranteed to last as long as your prison sentence.MORE >>
Dating a dictator can be a scary and dangerous endeavor. But it also offers an opportunity to meet the authoritarian oppressor of your dreams, provided that the proper precautions are taken. Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures...MORE >>
Mackey was conspiring to disseminate misinformation, my fellow travelers - everyone knows you have to vote repeatedly by mail or send in boxes of printed, unfolded voting forms after midnight to have a righteous election! I don't think this worthless prole even suggested connecting voting machines to the internet for manipulating tallies, as is properly done now in swing states.MORE >>
Impeaching Trump is not enough! We must impeach all Republicans who might run for president without Democratic-Socialist approval. We are open to nominations for The Executive Purge List from all approved members of The Party™ (we know who you are.)
There is currently only one "Protected Republican" on The Party™ Approval List, though "protection" is limited and temporary...MORE >>
it warms my old Soviet heart greatly to finally see Next Tuesday arriving, after all these years of waiting patiently!!
And among the many joys Next Tuesday brings is finally seeing white supremacist militia leaders like Mike Lindell of "MyPillow™" being unpersoned!
What a glorious new day is dawning!MORE >>
American Comrades! Welcome to the global fraternity of managerial regimes, theocracies and socialist dictatorships! Now that your last bastion of freedom has fallen, some of you might consider moving. This handy comparison table will help you choose your own preferred flavour of despotism. After all, the little differences between the regimes is what adds flavour to life. Until you get executed, that is. Enjoy!MORE >>
New addition to Newspeak 2.6:Peaceful protests:
"Breaking into private property to voice your opinion while harassing those inside and causing damage", synonym: warm expression of one's feelings, people doing what people do (cfr Pelosi, 2020).Domestic terrorism:
"Breaking into wherever politicans work to voice your opinion while harassing those inside and causing damage"; synonym: Coup attempt, right wing violence.MORE >>
I'm happy to report that I've just published my second book, Hotel USSR
. It's a story of а young man coming of age in a totalitarian state. He wants to be an artist but he isn't authorized to buy paints. He wants to see the world but the authorities brand him as politically unreliable. He wants to get married but the system separates him from his bride. He listens to Hotel California
and wishes he had their problems: he himself is stuck in a real-life trap that he "can never leave," and he calls it Hotel USSR. To check out, he must break every rule in the book.MORE >>
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