As all progressive humanity celebrates the Glorious 15th Anniversary of The People's Cube, we officially advise you to conduct spontaneous celebratory marches within at least six feet from one another in square formations. The Great Pandemic of International Coronavirus dictates that workers of the world must unite cautiously and without touching. Once having been united, don't forget to sanitize your equipment, marching signs, and/or shovels. Beet vodka-based hand sanitizer will be provided behind Tractor Barn #2.MORE >>
We were minding our own business tonight, sharing our ration of beet vodka with comrades and not bothering anybody, when along came Facebook and blocked our access for 30 days - for something we posted more than four years ago, a spoof of CNN's Fareed Zakaria.
Far be it from us to accuse Facebook of blatant political bias, let alone of being petty, vindictive, and making no sense. We completely trust their explanation that they had justly banned us today only because our 4-year-old post "goes against our Community Standards on adult sexual exploitation"...MORE >>
Who would Joe Biden choose as his running mate? This question loomed ever since Biden became the apparent 2020 Democratic presidential nominee, and it was finally answered today.
Biden and his advisors were looking for a candidate with sufficient name recognition and the ability to bring down Donald Trump's presidency by canceling his crowded rallies and reducing his voter base. And the only candidate who checked all those boxes happened to be Coronavirus. "We may differ on some tactics, but our strategic goals and our vision for the country are the same," Biden told reporters...MORE >>
We've got ourselves a nice crisis here, it would be a shame if something happened to it. In these glorious times, our foremost advice to all high-ranking Party members is to keep talking about the pandemic until Trump's presidency falls on its back and dies like the coronavirus victim that it is.
Since Trump's reelection depends on a strong economy, we must by all means paralyze all economic activity, causing massive scale bankruptcies and layoffs until the economy falls on its back and dies like the coronavirus victim that it is.
For your own safety, do not confuse these with mandatory tips for the low-ranking Party members...MORE >>
Don't go on vacation or take cruises this spring break - you can find just as much water and sun in your local community if you know where to look.
As always around this time in election season, our Party's strength depends on how much fear and panic we can spread among the gullible population. To that end, we encourage all Party members to lead by example.
For your own safety, you must not confuse these with the tips for the high-ranking Party members...MORE >>
Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, who is threatening to defeat Joe Biden in the 2020 Democratic primary, has been offered an exorbitant advance in a book deal that puts to shame the meager $575,000 vacation home he had bought after conceding to Hillary Clinton in 2016, sources say.
Tentatively titled Das Krapital
, the book is going to be a compilation of inspiring speeches that candidate Sanders had delivered in 2016 when he ran against Clinton, and then in 2020 while running against Biden...MORE >>
To all oppressed persons of gender:
All GENITALS BELONG TO THE STATE!MORE >>
Sex change we can believe in!
End the inequality - make America a one-gender country!
Brought to you by Americans for Sex Change and Society For Advancement Of Secondary Sexual Characteristics
Having just received a sort of notice in the mail which contained 2,500 good reasons to vote for Bloomberg, I'm here to tell you that I'm all in for Mike.
First of all, Mike is smarter than you. And me. You see, any ordinary schlock could be you or me, but it takes gray matter to be Mike. You may only be a doctor, a veteran, an emergency responder, or just a farmer. Anybody can do that. Mike has gray matter, lots of it. Mike is qualified to tell us what to do with our lives so we don't end up wasting them. Mike will get it done.
Mike is misunderstood...MORE >>
A lot can be learned about a person by how they maintain their household and especially with regard to their personal hygiene practices.
One can only learn so much from documents such as tax returns and each candidate's professional resume (CV). We needed more personal papers.
So we sent our reporter - disguised as a plumber - behind the scenes into the homes of each of the Presidential frontrunners to inspect their personal hygiene habits.
You may or may not be surprised by what we discovered...MORE >>
He said "kill it" to his pregnant employee as a condition to her further employment, but these words can be applied more broadly, to encompass all his campaign promises on global warming, gun control, abortions, taxes, and soda drinks.
As such it has now become Bloomberg's riveting new campaign slogan that accurately reflects on his values and his vision for America.If you can't regulate it, kill it. If you can't kill it, buy it. If you can't buy it, steal it.MORE >>
Correct me if I'm wrong, but my Joe Biden theory is confirmed more and more every day. Let's start from the beginning.
1. At first Biden is reluctant to run. But in the spring of 2019 he gets wind of Trump investigating his corruption in Ukraine - and he immediately enters the race on 4/25/19. On the trail he looks old, tired, and his heart just isn't in it. Why do it then? Because it's about a lot more things than simply running for president.
2. If Trump isn't stopped, the entire Biden family's dirt will come out. At this point, the only way to avoid or at least to delay it is Biden being in the race...MORE >>
Dating a dictator can be a scary and dangerous endeavor. But it also offers an opportunity to meet the authoritarian oppressor of your dreams, provided that the proper precautions are taken. Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures.
Do not jeopardize your livelihood for a night out having fun. By observing the following tips, you can still have a great time and live.MORE >>
For those who have discovered The People's Cube only recently: we have been following Rush Limbaugh very closely throughout the years and have compiled an impressive Rush Dossier, detailing his many exploits.
In lieu of a formal briefing, here are some links all comrades must review and memorize for future reference. You don't know when, you don't know where, but you will be tested.Rush Limbaugh Hails the People Cube's Editorial Cartoon
"It's a great, great, great cartoon because this is how libs see America today"...MORE >>
Responding to criticism that its initial diversity version of Moby Dick was merely a "fish tale in blackface", Barnes and Noble vowed to radically restructure Melville's pondersous tome
Too begin with, the whale will no longer be a neutral symbol of unstoppable, remorseless nature. Rather, it will be recast as a sort of immense guardian whale shepherd who protects the more vulnerable members of the "oppressed cetacean community" from the "genocidal depredations of a heartless, hypocritical Christo-fascist patriarchy who would despoil the Earth itself in its hysterical racist fear of ….. The Darkness."MORE >>
In a historic speech delivered with emotion in his voice, Senator Mitt Romney announced Wednesday that he would publicly cut off his nose to spite the face. The Utah senator is the only Republican who has responded to this latest Democratic challenge.
Speaking on the floor of the Senate, Romney said he hated his Republican face ever since the 2012 election, when the media told him he was a monster. "How can I not trust the mainstream media?" said Romney. "Only a fool would call it 'fake news' and choose to believe his own lying eyes"...MORE >>
Lead House Impeachment Manager Congressman Adam Schiff of California stated during closing arguments in the Senate trial that he had irrefutable proof President Trump was going to give Alaska back to the Russians.
He had learned about it just an hour ago, Schiff claimed, from an anonymous whistleblower who approached him during lunch. He was wearing a brown paper bag over his head with a hand-drawn picture of a whistle on it. The man told Schiff that he had overheard Donald Trump promising Vladimir Putin that he'd give him Alaska if Russia helped him to cheat in the 2020 election...MORE >>
One Wheel of Fortune contestant lost out on some major prize money on Thursday night when he failed to recognize a name he was intimately familiar with.
Adam Schiff, who was playing alongside fellow Democratic House Managers during the impeachment trial, was the leader heading into the last round. But his guesses left some viewers confused.
The puzzle was "Name the whistleblower," which was a name everyone in the audience already knew, and they also knew that Schiff knew it. But Adam Schiff's mind had seemingly drawn a blank and he bought the wrong vowel...MORE >>
Sometimes we follow other people's advice at our own peril, especially if they advise us about matters they have no knowledge of. This happened to several people who watched a recent interview of congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, in which she revealed the dirty, capitalist-pig secret of how to become a billionaire.
"No one makes a billion dollars, they take a billion dollars," she said, adding that people become billionaires "by sitting on the couch and taking money from black and brown people, the undocumented, and single mothers"...MORE >>
Comrade Schiff dazzled dozens of CNN viewers by deftly quoting the Founding Fathers in the well of the Senate. His timely references to Lenin were heartwarming to this news reporter:
- There are no morals in politics; there is only expedience. A scoundrel may be of use to us just because he is a scoundrel.
- The press should be not only a collective propagandist and a collective agitator, but also a collective organizer of the masses.
- To rely upon conviction, devotion, and other excellent spiritual qualities; that is not to be taken seriously in politics...MORE >>
In a recent stump speech, current Democrat frontrunner Bernie Sanders addressed the growing crisis of loneliness in America. "Being lonely is a violation of the right not to be lonely," declared Senator Sanders, adding that loneliness was the result of "the tyranny of the patriarchal, white supremacist, capitalist system creating too many opportunities for individual choices."
Sanders assured the crowd that he was the only candidate who could stop this growing scourge with a simple, two-word solution.
"My policies will end loneliness for all good Americans, especially women, people of color and the undocumented...MORE >>
In what was destined to be the worst terrorist event in our nation's history, people's hero, Ralph Northam stepped up to the plate and prevented mass anarchy and bloodshed. News cameras captured several incidents of white gun owners arm in arm with black gun owners, protesters menacingly waving placards, gun owners picking up trash, and other violent episodes at the white supremacy rally held yesterday in Richmond.
Thanks to Northam, what was anticipated to be the beginning of a racist civil war was narrowly averted, and the rally was as peaceful and orderly as any Antifa gathering.
Meghan Markle is the quintessential empowered Progressive woman. She not only cares, but she tirelessly travels the world raising awareness of how much she cares about all the issues that matter—and like every empowered Progressive woman, she has the uncanny ability to make an issue out of anything and everything. She's a strong woman of independent thought if not means, who knows exactly what she wants and doesn't hesitate to go after it by any means necessary. (See Hillary.)
And even without these qualities, the very fact that she hates Trump should be more than enough for any of us! MORE >>
Meghan Markle's husband is running away from home with her to an uncertain future as an abused, cuckolded, gaslit house-husband in Canada.
He has given up the only thing he is known for and has no identifiable job skills.
Meghan has returned to the ornament 8-month old child they left behind in Canada.
The child had to be left with friends as it is inconvenient for a person with such difficult living circumstances to also be responsible for a useless baby - the royal child will be useful later during the divorce and headline drama in punishing the royals.MORE >>
When will it stop, comrades? When will the War Criminal Trump, who stole the election with Russian help from Ukraine, be stopped from repeatedly starting World War III?
From the earliest days of his illegal presidency, the War Criminal Trump has been a loose cannon in foreign affairs, destroying the carefully crafted diplomatic matrix that has sustained an acceptable level of terrorism on a global scale since the Carter administration.
The Democratic-Socialist giants that preceded this rogue established a workable system in which the United States acknowledged its proper place in the world...MORE >>
There must be some bitter rivalry in the prog-media's terrorist eulogy sector. "Austere scholar," "most revered," and now this.
This passionate Soleimani eulogy in the New Yorker reads like a romance novel. I looked it up and indeed, it was authored by someone who seems to be a vulnerable woman with the hots for brutal Islamic strongmen. Robin Wright is the New Yorker's eminent expert on Iran, obviously not without dark, erotic fantasies about sadistic tyrants in their rape rooms and dungeons filled with BDSM paraphernalia, all of which becomes subliminally encoded in her body of work...MORE >>
A Trump era remake of the Benghazi story '13 Hours' has just finished filming in Baghdad. Titled '13 Minutes,' it chronicles the short period from when the U.S. Marines landed at our Baghdad embassy to when the Iran-backed militias ran away losing their sandals.
Starring John Krasinski and such crowd pleasers as Apache helicopters, the remake is admittedly much more enjoyable than the Obama-era original, with a bigly satisfying ending. Finished ahead of schedule and under budget, it immediately showed on your screens as of January 1, 2020.
No YouTube videos were harmed in the making of this movie.MORE >>
Former president Obama, known as an avid reader of books that other people only buy to decorate their interiors with, continued his tradition of releasing a list of his favorite books of the year, all so the rest of us would know which titles we should put on our coffee tables while pretending we have read and liked them.
As always during this festive time of year, an email from a trusted Soros-funded source informed our former president of what his "favorite books of 2019" were. As is the tradition, he immediately ordered his personal secretary to tweet this list in the shape of a nicely formatted graphic image - nothing too extravagant...MORE >>
How did the ancient mass media report the alleged birth of Christ? The People's Cube prepared the following compilation of quotes from the Roman and Judean sources, which should help our readers to form an unbiased opinion of what really happened in the days surrounding the so-called Christmas.
© 2007 Directorate of Historical Revisionism, Karl Marx Treatment Center.MORE >>
I'm happy to report that I've just published my second book, Hotel USSR
. It's a story of а young man coming of age in a totalitarian state. He wants to be an artist but he isn't authorized to buy paints. He wants to see the world but the authorities brand him as politically unreliable. He wants to get married but the system separates him from his bride. He listens to Hotel California
and wishes he had their problems: he himself is stuck in a real-life trap that he "can never leave," and he calls it Hotel USSR. To check out, he must break every rule in the book.MORE >>
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