Published with permission by Canada’s Department of Approved Cinema & Emotional Regulation

OTTAWA — Audiences are in polite disarray this week as the surprise box office smash Red, White & Blue Dawn continues its historic run. The film, which depicts the unthinkable—Americans showing up without inviting themselves first—has sparked record-breaking sales of buttered popcorn and emotional support flannel, leaving Canadians unsure whether to be offended or offer snacks.

“We just didn’t know how to feel,” said Toronto resident Doug McKinnon, sipping a lukewarm Tim Hortons double-double. “I mean, on the one hand, it’s an act of war. On the other, the soldiers wiped their boots before entering.”
“I wanted to give them cookies,” added a woman from Manitoba. “They seemed cold.”

Produced by the Bureau of Emotionally Conflicted Cinema, in association with the National Snack Reserve, the film is rated C for Confusion and has been deemed “mildly destabilizing” by the Department of Cultural Reassurance.

Film critic Lucien Laroche of The Ottawa Overthinker called it “a bold and deeply unnecessary film that challenges our national identity by suggesting we even have one.” Others described it as “chilling, yet weirdly polite.” The emerging consensus: “It doesn’t refer to anything real—but it should.”

The movie’s now-iconic tagline, “They came for oil. They stayed for the hospitality”, is backed by scenes of American paratroopers descending from the sky holding Starbucks cups and scrolling Yelp for “best poutine near me,” while bewildered Canadians stand politely with trays of maple cookies and mild emotional distress.

As for the Americans portrayed in the film, early focus groups in the U.S. revealed most were unaware Canada had a capital—but they overwhelmingly approved of the film’s bold messaging and high snack-to-conflict ratio.

The filmmakers are already in talks for a sequel, tentatively titled Fifty-One and Done. Critics warn that if this trend continues, Hollywood may greenlight Yukon Vice: The Alberta Reckoning by 2026.

Red Square wrote: ↑

4/9/2025, 2:46 pm

OTTAWA — Audiences are in polite disarray this week as the surprise box office smash Red, White & Blue Dawn continues its historic run.

Comrade Red Square, "Red, White & Bue Dawn," is easily the best Canadistani film since the crime thriller, "Bring Me the Eyebrows of Justin Trudeau."

With the dry monotone elements of the musical, "Strike Up the Bland," and the emotional depth of the drama, "The Grapes of Sobey's," this new film proves that some of the best movies are produced right there in Canadistan by Hollywood Bollywood Plywood Studios.
 

In addition, I'd like to apologize to all Canadians for any non-consensual humor they may find here.

By the way (since you mentioned it). Canada has two capitals. Ottawa for most of Canada, and Quebec City for the secessionists who insist on making life miserable for the rest of Canada by forcing it to speak, read and write some weird foreign language within the borders of the Quebec oblast.

Quebec City is known for its haute coutre ice-fishing parkas, a fondness for eating raw beaver and it's mouth-filling Québécois cuisine.

 

Colonialism, American style.

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

A comrade, who knows one or two things about Canada, has sent me this comment:

Canadians aren’t really that hospitable. Less so than Americans, actually. But Trump-fleeing American emigrés will figure that out the hard way while they are also learning about what it’s like to wait over a year for an MRI or pay double the rent they paid in the States.

Another comrade from our tentative 51st state shared this with me on FB, to put a spotlight on the next tentative governor.

 

Red Square wrote: ↑

4/10/2025, 9:56 am

A comrade, who knows one or two things about Canada, has sent me this comment:

Canadians aren’t really that hospitable. Less so than Americans, actually.

He's right.  I've lived in a border state with Candanadia for a while and many of them are actually kinda a-holes to Americans when you go to visit.

And don't you dare try to play hockey there - they HATE that and will do everything they can to stop you.
 

Red Square wrote: ↑

4/10/2025, 10:38 am

Another comrade from our tentative 51st state shared this with me on FB, to put a spotlight on the next tentative governor.

For the benefit of The People™ who may not read Kitaiski, it translates as "HELP THE PARTY" (same as The Party™).
 

Panem Et Circenses wrote: ↑

4/10/2025, 11:10 am

Red Square wrote: ↑

4/10/2025, 9:56 am

A comrade, who knows one or two things about Canada, has sent me this comment:

Canadians aren’t really that hospitable. Less so than Americans, actually.

He's right.  I've lived in a border state with Candanadia for many years and many of them are actually kinda a-holes to Americans when you go to visit.

And don't you dare try to play hockey there - they HATE that and will do everything they can to stop you.

A comrade in Canada posted this on Facebook:

"You really need to spend some time in Canada and interacting with Canadians to learn proper humour. This attempt is ok but is not up to your usual delightful socialist satire. (Sorry.)"

Well, allI could say is EXCUUUUSE MEEEE, because I've spent time in Canada and I know that the last places I'd go to "learn proper humor" are Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, North Sentinal Island and Canada, in that order.

Also, there is no "u" in humor unless you're in a vassal state of the unhinged (and soon to become The Islamic Republic of the) United Kingdom.
 

Colonel Obyezyana wrote: ↑

4/10/2025, 12:41 pm

A comrade in Canada posted this on Facebook:
Well, alI could say is EXCUUUUSE MEEEE, because I've spent time in Canada and I know that the last places I'd go to "learn proper humor" are Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, North Sentinal Island and Canada, in that order.

Also, there is no "u" in humor (unless you're a vassal state of the unhinged (and soon to become The Islamic Republic of the) United Kingdom.

I disagree - there have been quite a few funny Canucks, eh?
These guys seem to have pretty good senses of humor (humour):
Norm MacDonald, Mike Myers, Dave Thomas, Rick Moranis, Eugene Levy, John Candy, Joe Flaherty ..
We'd get Second City TV in Michiganistan and it was a funny, funny show back in the day.  'jus sayin'

 

Panem Et Circenses wrote: ↑

4/10/2025, 12:48 pm

Colonel Obyezyana wrote: ↑

4/10/2025, 12:41 pm

A comrade in Canada posted this on Facebook:
Well, alI could say is EXCUUUUSE MEEEE, because I've spent time in Canada and I know that the last places I'd go to "learn proper humor" are Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, North Sentinal Island and Canada, in that order.

Also, there is no "u" in humor (unless you're a vassal state of the unhinged (and soon to become The Islamic Republic of the) United Kingdom.

I disagree - there have been quite a few funny Canucks, eh?
These guys seem to have pretty good senses of humor (humour):
Norm MacDonald, Mike Myers, Dave Thomas, Rick Moranis, Eugene Levy, John Candy, Joe Flaherty ..
We'd get Second City TV in Michiganistan and it was a funny, funny show back in the day.  'jus sayin'

 

Most Equally Esteemed Comrades (Especially Margaret),

I think David Bowie said it best. 

"God is an American"  David Bowie

Again, I apologize for the KKKapitalistic messages before the entertaining video of Trent Raznor chasing David Bowie around New York.

Note:  This video was made years before 9/11. 

Red Salmon

Some Grok takes on the idea:














 

trashmouth wrote: ↑

4/12/2025, 4:21 pm

Red, White, Blue, and Pink Dawn 

A Hello Kitty Hitler? That should be trademarked.

Red Square wrote: ↑

4/20/2025, 1:39 pm

trashmouth wrote: ↑

4/12/2025, 4:21 pm

Red, White, Blue, and Pink Dawn 

A Hello Kitty Hitler? That should be trademarked.

Bindun. Examples:



 

Two more* revealing factoids about Canada.



* Found by chance.