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First Media Reports of Nativity Story

How did the ancient mass media report the alleged birth of Christ? The following compilation of quotes from the Roman and Judean sources should help you form an unbiased opinion about what really happened...


New 'Ginsborg' proposed after recent fall

GinsborgWashington, DC -- The 85-year-old Supreme Court Justice Ruth Ginsburg, who recently suffered injuries from a fall and has had a number of health issues, may soon get an upgrade to Ginsburg 2.0 due to recent breakthroughs in medical and robotics technology.

Ginsburg is currently undergoing tests as a candidate to become a cyborg, a half-human/half-robot being, a notion that until recently belonged to the realm of science fiction. Dr. Claude Bertuzzi, an expert cyborgologist at the Karl Marx Treatment Center, will lead the team of specialists converting Justice Ginsburg into what he likes to call "The Ginsborg."


Comrades! Find your missing ballots!

Florida votingWith so many important races being so close and every vote needing to be counted (and some countered) it's absolutely imperative that you start looking for those missing ballots that always show up after the polls close.

First, check the trunk of your car, your attic, your neighbor's mailbox, or anyplace else you might have absentmindedly deposited a large number of ballots.

Second, sort through all your missing ballots and weed out any that might have chosen a Republican candidate. This isn't "voter fraud," this is just making sure that every valid vote is properly counted, and all Republican votes are automatically invalid...


Ocasio-Cortez goes to Washington

Ocasio-Cortez Goes To WashingtonAfter her dramatic win during Tuesday's election, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez booked a flight to Washington so that she might find an apartment in Seattle close to work as she embarks upon her mission to bring glorious Socialism to America. 

She commented that she was pleased to see the volcano covered with snow as this will keep the lava nice and cool and prevent eruptions while helping to fight global warming.

Upon seeing the Space Needle for the first time, she came up with a plan to increase NASA's budget so that they might finally have the funds to launch it.

Hotel USSR

I'm happy to report that I've just published my second book, Hotel USSR. It's a story of а young man coming of age in a totalitarian state. He wants to be an artist but he isn't authorized to buy paints. He wants to see the world but the authorities brand him as politically unreliable. He wants to get married but the system separates him from his bride. He listens to Hotel California and wishes he had their problems: he himself is stuck in a real-life trap that he "can never leave," and he calls it Hotel USSR. To check out, he must break every rule in the book.


New pipe bomb discovered in Obama's mansion

pipe bomb toiletIt seems another tragedy was averted in the nick of time! A team of crack FBI counterterrorism investigators have discovered a non-exploding pipe bomb in the mansion of the Obama family. The pipe was attached to the toilet and was directed, through a hole in the floor, towards a subterranean, tube-like shelter. Team Mueller is currently investigating this subterranean network of interconnected catacombs. It is a miracle this device has not yet exploded.

The Obama family denies ever having seen this non-exploding "pipe" before. According to witnesses, the pipe was recently tampered with by a group of white males driving around in a suspicious van. 


FBI discover ice in Kavanaugh's kitchen, garage freezer

FBI fins ice in Kavanaugh's houseOur most equal Chairman Meow made this picture yesterday and posted it as a modest comment on another thread. Within hours of it appearing on social media, it collected hundreds of retweets and hilarious replies on Twitter and over a thousand shares on Facebook, with dozens of great comments. We decided it deserved its own thread.

We encourage you to read these excellent exchanges and post your favorite lines in the comments.


The #MeToo Game!

#MeToo GameYou've been sexually harassed or assaulted. You are humiliated and upset. It's time to roll the dice!

The goal of the game is to get justice. The path to justice can be treacherous, though. You'll need your instinct, guts, and some luck to get there.

To play: Each player chooses one of the "disgraced woman" game pieces and draws a card from the Perp Deck. This card goes face up in front of you while you are playing - this is your criminal. Now it's time to get to work - try to move your game piece to Justice! Each player rolls the die to determine more about their perp and what path they'll be taking to get to Justice. 


Pinkie's Statement in Support of Kavanaugh's Accuser

Pinkie KavanaughI've never met Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, but over the past few days, I feel as I've gotten to know her very well—well enough that I feel as if I could call her my friend. A very close friend who knows all of her secrets. Therefore, I feel more than qualified—indeed, I feel empowered!—to come forward and say that I believe everything she says. If she says it happened, then it happened! It must have happened, because everyone I know who has read or heard the story has been talking about nothing else since it broke.

Her account of what happened is so vivid, it's as if I were there in the thick of it. Yes, every time I read about it, I am right there in the room with her and Kavanaugh...


Nike signs Rosenbergs, Fonda, Heaven's Gate for new ads

Just do itWe have recently heard through secret subversive channels on the interwebs that Nike has just signed Jane Fonda to its new marketing campaign set to launch next week.

The company has also announced that it will be launching a line of gender-neutral leotards bearing her name.

Nike has been praised for its promotion of positive female role models, such as Fonda, but criticized for assuming her gender and for insinuating that men would prefer gender-neutral leotards over prima ballerina leotards.


PROGULOGIES - The Hot New Party Game!

PROGULOGIESPROGULOGIES™ (prog-yoo-lo-jeez) is the great new interactive Party game any Progressive can play and enjoy!

is a game for three or more people. You can play it anywhere with your fellow progs—at Starbucks, Democrat fundraisers and rallies, Senate confirmation hearings for conservative SCOTUS justices—anywhere progs gather! You can even play it online from the comfort of your parents' basement, as we shall demonstrate here.

You don't need dice or a board. All you need are good Progressive values, the ability to virtue-signal, and of course, deep visceral hatred of Donald J. Trump...


The Moon Pie Scandal - Trump is Through!

Moon Pie Collusion It all began, as most great discoveries do, with an inauspicious trifle. I got an email from a comrade coworker which simply asked…

1917 is

A. the year of the Russian Revolution(s).
B. the year Moon Pies were invented.
C. Both A and B
D. Neither A nor B

I was curious, of course, so I looked up the day the Moon Pie was invented, and there it was in a thunderflash of revelation: April 29, 1917, a date which will live in infamy, if I may coin a phrase.


Suicide Is In Again

Suicide chokerUtilitarian tropes are over. Camouflage, outdoorsy gorpcore, protective garments heavy on the nylon are being replaced by a newer, wilder, more savage impulse—a kind of punk rock, bleak, nihilist aesthetic ushered in by Kate Spade's suicide via Kate Spade red branded scarf.

While authorities have yet to reveal whether she hung herself with a New York Sun Silk Bandana Scarf (MSP $48.00), or a New York Flamingo Scarf (MSP $98.00), the days when the above can be paired with a jingly dress from Paco Rabanne or an electric-hued animal print from Saint Laurent have abruptly come to an end.


WWII videogame to replace toxic male characters with females

Trump Baby balloonSTOCKHOLM - Responding to backlash from video gamers about the encroaching forced diversity and political correctness in the WWII shooter Battlefield franchise, the game creators have fired back at their core followers by threatening to remove all playable male characters who are driven by toxic masculinity, and replace them by female soldiers with the emphasis on caring and nurturing.

In an interview about the upcoming release of Battlefield V, the company executive Oskar Gabrielson described masculinity as a "toxic and destructive force," and complained that the modern gamer is woefully ignorant of the role women played in wars throughout history.


New Russian campaign to trick Democrats in 2018 elections

Russian GOPThe National Intelligence Agency has found evidence that the Russians have begun a massive campaign of subversive billboard advertising to undermine the Democratic Party in the 2018 elections. Billboards across the country funded by covert untraceable contributors are advertising that the GOP (Republican Party) is the political party of communism.

"This is very confusing to our voters, many of whom will now vote for the GOP rather than for us," said one Democratic Party officer. "We are certain that as a consequence of this Russian influence operation, our base will switch parties and vote Republican in the mistaken belief that the GOP supports Soviet-style totalitarian socialism."


Sergei (Russian Colluder Guy) makes you special offer!

Trump Baby balloonVIDEO: Our resident Russian Colluder Guy offers step-by-step tips on how to become an Anonymous White House Source and increase your popularity on social media.


Brennan: people's real sugar daddy

Brennan sugar daddyAs a Troskyite, the only way my DЭMOCЯAT Paяty fяiэиds love me is if they stand behind me with a pick axe. Nevertheless, my fяiэиds hate Vlad Pootin even more than all the Truskyites on Earth, because he knows where they live and work, and because he hates Socialism as much as that Enemy of the Peoples, Ronald Reagan, used to (after all, Socialists cannot afford Pootin's oil).

So, it is very illuminating that Pootin stated, without reading from a teleprompter, that the Amэяikaи Intэlligэиce Kommuиity channeled $400 million dollars to the Komяadэ Hillaяy election campaign. That only points to one man (Obama is not a man)Johи 'Ivaи' Bяэииaи...


Trump Baby balloon flies over London

Trump Baby balloonTrump Baby balloon gets green light from London mayor

London (CNN) - A giant 'Trump Baby' balloon is set to be flown close to the UK Parliament during US President Donald Trump's visit to London next week after the Mayor of London gave the go-ahead, it was announced Thursday.

Protests are expected across London when Trump arrives for his three-day visit to the UK...


Donald Trump meets with first woman president

Trump meets with first woman presidentKolinda Grabar Kitarović is the first woman President of Croatia and also the youngest. But be careful. Despite her 47 years here she shows off a bikini in the Croatian beaches.

In other news, President Grabar-Kitarovic handed out tops at the NATO summit today just hours before her country played England. Trump was also presented with a Croatian football shirt - a number 9 - with his name written on the back.

She has been a driving force behind the initiative to diversify the region's energy supply and make it less dependent on Russian energy sources.


Headlock Helen - the Woman Superhero of Portland

Headlock HelenWhile male superheroes are always front and center, women superheroes are laboring in the background, getting less than 75% of the overall attention. 

Just recently, a video has surfaced of a fight in Portland between a baton-wielding Antifa man and barehanded Panman, where after two swings at him, Panman grabbed the baton and knocked out the Antifa man with a right hook.

However, if you look closer on the high-resolution video below, in the bottom right-hand corner you will observe a scene with a superwoman - let's call her Headlock Helen - catching another Antifa man into a headlock and dropping him to the ground.


VIDEO: Why we need to abolish the obsolete Electrical College

Electrical CollegeComrades, it is unfair that our presidential election is decided by electricians.

Surely the time has come for us to realize that we live in a modern age far removed from the times of the Founding Fathers.

The Electrical College simply must go, and here are three compelling reasons why...


Blue Wave: placing the ossified Dems in a useful context

Blue wave
How the Democrats can contribute to the Blue Wave, fortify the Deep State, lessen the greenhouse gasses they emit, and learn to love the alternative environment before, during, and after the midterms

Oceanographers have long noted the multitudinous benefits of creating new artificial "reefs" by scuttling concrete pilings, superannuated ships (often lost at sea, if not deliberately sunk for the purpose), airplane chassis and jetties, varied pipes, gutted cars, and even fencing and decking deemed too old, retro, or old-school to satisfy the upscale pretensions of modern sensibilities...


Fun facts about Maxine Waters

Maxine Waters wig1. Maxine Waters wears James Brown's energizer wig, from which she derives all her power. Pulling the wig off instantly puts her to sleep, while her staff places it on a special charger.

2. Her 43rd congressional district in California is shaped like a penis. She loves it, even though she hasn't seen it in a long time. She blames the Republicans and Trump for how it is pointing downward. In her mind the words "The South will rise again" have a whole different meaning.

3. She once refused to save 15% or more by switching to Geico because that would have made her a sellout to corporate interests.


The Red Hen laid an egg (the story of Baba Yaga)

The Red Hen Baba YagaBaba Yaga, the ugly evil witch of Russian fairy tales, lives in a hut that stands on chicken legs. She lures little children into the hut, seats them on a big shovel, and pushes them into the oven to cook. Good folks who can defend themselves are denied entry. To get inside, one must say, "old little cabin, turn your back to the forest and face me." The chicken legs will move and the hut will turn. 

You can defeat Baba Yaga by using her own methods against her. Play dumb and pretend you don't know how to get onto the shovel. When she climbs on it to show you how it's done, shove her into the fire. See training video below.


Immigrant children flayed alive in Trump concentration camps

Time Trump baby HillarySo, what happened? It is the policy to temporarily separate children from their parents to ensure the children are actually with their parents and not with sex slave traffickers. Once it can be established that the children belong to the parents, they are reunited. Most people who deal with child abuse cases know the importance of interviewing children by themselves.

How long has this been going on? The protocol that has received so much media attention is based on a law passed by George W Bush, and voted for by then Senator Barack Obama. This protocol was enforced during all eight years of Obama's administration, and some of the pictures used in media reports were taken during that time...


Barack Obama to play Donald Trump in new Netflix series

Barack Obama to play Donald TrumpAs we have reported earlier, streaming giant Netflix has entered into a multi-year agreement with Barack and Michelle Obama to produce films and TV shows, but until now the content of these shows remained a mystery.

Today Netflix has announced that Barack Obama will play the part of Donald Trump and Michelle Obama will play Melania Trump, a former nude model.

The decision came after some intense soul-searching, but numerous inside polls and focus groups indicated that most subscribers would rather watch Trump than Obama, and would rather see Melania on their screens than Michelle...


Prog off: New Rocky and Bullwinkle Season 101 approved!

Director PeachfuzzThe main difference from the original series is that now Rocky and Bullwinkle are being chased not only by Boris and Natasha, but also by the incompetent Homeland Security, headed by Director Peachfuzz, a crazy androgynous black lady. Intentional or not, Peachfuzz is a great composite caricature of Loretta Lynch / Susan Rice / Comey / Clapper / Brennan and the rest of the notorious gang. 

If ridiculing our bumbling intelligence leaders at other times may have seemed subversive, in the Trump era it's spot-on and hilarious.


Barack and Michelle Obama do Netflix

Obamas do NetflixFormer President Barack Obama and Michelle Obama will produce films and TV shows for Netflix as part of a multi-year agreement, the streaming giant announced Monday. The deal will potentially include scripted series, unscripted series, docu-series, documentaries and features under their Higher Ground Productions banner.

A search for Higher Ground Productions has led us on a wild goose chase, similar to when we tried to verify a Nigerian email about Abacha Tunde, the first African in space who flew to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989, but was stranded there when the USSR was dissolved, and needed money to return home...


Hillary signals Russia with fur hat, nobody sees collusion

Hillary in Russian hatOn the same day as the royal wedding, Hillary Clinton crowned herself Tsarina... or whatever 28 genders a Tsar can be. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em," she said, holding a Russian ushanka hat with a red star emblem.

The good news is, Hillary doesn't need to worry that the press will interpret the joke as an open signal to Russia, the way they did when Trump asked the Russians to find Hillary's lost 33,000 emails. 

But the joke is on us, given that as Secretary of State, Hillary became a few million rubles richer after signing off on the Uranium One deal, letting Russia acquire 20% of America's uranium reserves...


Schumer compares our great-great grandparents to MS-13

MS-13 Non-Animal HouseSenator Chuck Schumer was outraged that President Trump called members of MS-13 "animals," arguing that our great-great grandparents were the same as this notorious street gang.

Congressperson Nancy Pelosi also remarked on Trump's MS-13 statement:

We believe, some of us that are attracted to the political arena, to government and public service, that we're all God's children. There's a spark of divinity in every person on earth and that we all have to recognize that. as we respect the dignity and worth of every person. And as we recognize our responsibilities with that spark of divinity within us.


The sight of dead children brings joy to our eyes

Dead childrenGlorious times, comrades! Tears of joy roll down our cheeks. 

We will take the maimed bodies from the shaking arms of the mourning parents, and then hang them from our flagpoles, limbs dangling in the wind; battle-standards in the Procession of Progress they will become. 

Who will stand in our way? We will let the blood of innocents drip onto their faces until they turn away their eyes. We will drown their speech in the roar of our slogans. Who needs reason, cursed reason, at times like these? O progressive, let not this battle pass you by, wherever you may be. In lockstep we approach the enemy, already we see them wavering...


Hamas sets standards for responsible activism in Gaza

Gaza smokeHaving vowed to burn 10,000 tires on the Gaza-Israeli border, Hamas leadership responded to criticism by some environmental groups with a promise to use all of their incoming donations from environmentalists to buy carbon credits. 

An unnamed official in the Hamas government has expressed genuine concern with an increase in greenhouse gases and toxic fumes released into the atmosphere by a continued occupation of Palestinian lands by the Zionist entity. The Palestinian people are prepared to handle this environmental crisis responsibly, the source said.

As a gesture of good will, the Hamas official has also revealed plans to convert...


Hawaiian judge orders released US detainees back to N.Korea

Hawaiian judge orders detainees back to N.KoreaA federal judge in Hawaii has blocked the recent release of three U.S. detainees from North Korea, calling it a political stunt that violated the detainees' constitutional right to "full and fair punishment," ordering that they be immediately returned to a North Korean prison.

The case, brought by Hawaii Atty. Gen. Douglas Chin, follows his earlier move to declare Trump's peace effort unconstitutional and ordering the Korean War to continue as it had been during previous administrations.

U.S. District Judge Derrick Watson argued that the latest release illegally discriminates based on nationality...


Obama claims credit for North and South Korea summit

Obama Korea TweetFormer President Barack Obama has later stated that most of the work in ending hostilities between North and South Korea was the years of diplomatic relations he conducted with North Korea prior to Trump taking office.

Michelle Obama's #BringBackOurUnifiedKorea campaign also played a key role, he added.

Obama shortly followed up with a similar Twitter announcement: 

"History was made today when ABBA announced they are finally set to reunite and release new songs for the first time...


We won't reach the Glorious World of Next Tuesday unless...

Marx was wrongThere are countless potential converts to Marxism in the world - your friends, coworkers, and neighbors - whose only understanding of Marxism is that it's a tool in the hands of power-hungry genocidal maniacs. And all too often we, Marxists, are too trapped in the dogmas of historical and dialectical materialism to meet those masses where they are, and make a connection with them by admitting that their wrongthink is probably right.

So consider this a prophetic plea to my comrades in the Party: We are never going to reach the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ until we're willing to admit that Marx got everything wrong.


People's Official Guidelines for Wishing Republicans Well

Get well soonJust a friendly reminder to all Party members that wishing an ailing Republican well on social media is perfectly permissible as long as you adhere to the following guidelines:

1. Feel free to offer "thoughts and prayers." They really think that crap works.
2. Verify they have never said anything remotely nice or positive about Trump.
3. Make sure their last name isn't Palin, Cheney, or Pence. Or Trump.
4. Conservative talk show hosts, whether on TV or radio, are never wished well. In fact, you should be boycotting them and fighting to get them off the air.
ALWAYS preface your well-wishing comment with any one of the following...


The most compelling argument yet for gun control

AR 15 Kentucky Assault PistolComrades! This brief instructional video will put you on the cutting edge in the gun debate. No more will you need to fear facts and logic because now they're on your side! Master the basics of this video, and even lifetime members of the NRA will be silly putty in your hands.

Also, please help a comrade by posting your informed user comments explaining how...
- this video is amazingly factually accurate and logically irrefutable
- that you're a gun owner whose mind was changed by this video
- that guns are extremely dangerous to our democracy...


The Life of Julia has ended in tragedy

The Death of JuliaMichelle Obama has announced that the life of Julia has abruptly ended in tragedy.

There was no president anymore to tell her what is right and wrong. Without a parent-like president of the United States, Julia never grew up. As a consequence, she did nothing but eat candy all day and play. Yesterday she wandered into the middle of the street and bought it. 

The short unhappy life of Julia. RIP. She never got past stage three of Obama's central plan.


The People's Cube is 13 years old! Celebration mandatory!

People's Cube is 13 years oldTime flies like sputnik! It was only 13 years ago that our founding members posed for this daguerreotype, but it seems like yesterday. Nothing has changed. Back then the token enemy of the people was Bush; today the token enemy of the people is Trump. The struggle is the same, and so are we. This picture has aged well.

Perhaps, in the manner of naming floors in a building, we should have written that The People's Cube is 12-A years old. Or skip all the way to the year 14. But true progressives do not believe in foreign bourgeois prejudices. We hereby proudly rename our Tractor Barn No.3 into The Tractor Barn of the Glorious 13th Anniversary of the People's Cube.


Noor Salman does Disney

Noor Salman does DisneyPerhaps, because Noor Salman helped her husband, Omar Mateen, to scout out Disney World for potential targets before he killed 49 people inside a gay nightclub in Orlando, Huffington Post editors have experienced some associative substitution and decided to depict the alleged Jihadess as a Disney princess in an article that defended Noor Salman against scapegoating and demonization "rooted in gendered Islamophobia."

Noor Salman is a perfect intersectional victim - a Muslim, a woman, and a wife of an ISIS supporter. To think she might be guilty of anything other than perfection would cause a catastrophic collapse of the Huffington Post belief system...


Unregulated self-walking human hits smart self-driving Uber

Self driving carToday we offer our pages to Artificial Intelligence journalism written by a reporting algorithm affiliated with SKYNET Network.

A self-walking pedestrian operated by untested and reportedly incompetent human intelligence, hit and demolished Sunday night an unwitting self-driving Uber car guided by undeniably superior artificial intelligence. According to reports, this appears to be the first fatal demolition involving an autonomous self-walking human.

The victim was taken unconscious to the garage where it was pronounced inoperable. According to the coroner technician, its firmware was perfectly in tune with the latest releases available from the vendor...


Mandatory social issues literacy quiz for millennials

Social justice millennialsAre you an outraged millennial? Are you outraged about the right things? Are you expressing your unique and personal convictions according to acceptable protocol?

This quiz will help you discover if you're qualified to speak out on public policy or if you're in need of the free reeducation resources and free meals made possible through public education.

Ready? Let's go!

If airplanes and box cutters are used to commit mass murder, independent thinkers like you will blame __.


Russia: the Great Patriotic Re-Election of Putin in 2018

Putin election ballotThe Russian election today was glorious. The only viable candidate has always been Putin. While four or five other candidates have been allowed to run, it was made sure that not one of them goes into double digits.

The only more or less serious competitor, Navalny, was not allowed to run and he called for everyone to boycott the election. 

Everybody knew in advance that Putin would be elected anyway. The boycott would not prevent him from winning, but low numbers would undermine his legitimacy. That is why voting or not voting was the difference between supporting Putin or opposing him.


McDonald's flips arches upside down to celebrate women

Women's archesIt's not a prank, and it's not a mistake, it's life itself imitating the People's Cube. And it works on many levels.

McDonald's Chief Diversity Officer Wendy Lewis says: "In celebration of women everywhere, and for the first time in our brand history, we flipped our iconic arches for International Women's Day in honor of the extraordinary accomplishments of women everywhere and especially in our restaurants."

Our People's editorial board heartily applauded this clever visual agitation, remembering how in our gentle younger age we also celebrated women everywhere by drawing similar outlines...


Plutocrats of the world, unite!

PlutocratsGoogle! Facebook! Twitter! The biggest names in big business corporate hegemonic rule.

My fellow plutocrats, we have arrived. It's a beautiful thing. We oozed out of the slime and muck and furtively fed our bellies in the safety of shadows. Now, like a monster octopus, we spread our arms over the world and squeeze. And squeeze. And squeeze some more. What can be more pleasurable than squeezing the whole wide world!

Our secret world government, the 3rd Capitalist Cabal Internationale, has reported that thanks to big business corporate hegemonic GoogleFacebookTwitter rule we, the rightful rulers of the world, the fat cats of capital, the sharks of society, the plutocrats Marx and Engels warned about, have finally taken back the superstructure of the State from the workers!


I Denounce Temporal Privilege

PrivilegeFellow comrades! It is true that all time is not created equal. Unions prioritize the value of laborers based on their seniority, not on their skills. Pensions and retirement are based on time worked, degrees are given based on time studied, people are hired based on years of experience...

This temporal privilege is a gross inequity and serves to prioritize people who have had the privilege of doing something longer than others have. Often this is used as a tool of the capitalist patriarchs who seek to promote a racist white male centered agenda, and oppress temporal minorities who have not had the benefit of temporal privilege.


This JustIn: Justin Trudeau Visits Moscow's Bolshoi Ballet

Trudeau travelsCanada's First Person, Justin Trudeau has made a visit to the Bolshoi Ballet in Russia where he wowed them with his style.

On visits to other countries, he has donned what he thought was the garb of the locals and usually gotten it wrong - however, this time, he did a great job. 

In his recent visit to India, he dressed up as he thought Indians dressed, but they were not impressed. The ungrateful Indians said he did it wrong and that nobody in India dresses like that - not even at weddings.

See more of Trudeau's international hits...


13 Russians and 63 million Trump voters indicted

Russian conspiracyMueller charges 13 Russian nationals, formerly known as Trump fans, and 63 million Americans, for meddling in US elections by voting for the wrong candidate.

The Justice Department announced the indictment of 13 "Russian nationals," akaTrump fans who've been observed consuming Russian dressing, for meddling in the 2016 presidential election. Intelligence estimates show there are tens of millions of Trump fans associated with Russian aims to get Donald Trump elected. Some of these people speak Russian, and other soon-to-be-extinct white men and women still insist on voting. DOJ refers to Trump voters henceforth as Russian nationals, spies, intelligence agents, colluders...


Eva Braun stuns, fascinates at Berlin Olympics

Eva Braun OlympicsEva Braun's charm and beauty stand out in the Munich games. Everywhere she goes, she is attended by mobs of admiring and curious reporters. Photographers jostle against each other, eager to get a shot of Eva's sphinx like smile or get a picture that does justice to her cleverly subdued use of makeup or simple yet sophisticated hair style.

Normally, Eva lives her life in Hitler's shadow, but today she stands out as Germany's perfect emissary of peace for our time and hope for the future. "She shows Hitler's softer side," said one reporter. "People may be too focused on Hitler's bold speeches, or his military buildup violating the controversial Treaty of Versailles, but Eva shows us he's warm and very human, too."

In stark and disappointing contrast was the American delegation with its overbearing patriotism and "win at all costs" attitude that does so much to cheapen the Olympic spirit...


Announcing the Trump Box meal delivery service

Trump BoxObama had his ObamaPhone; now Trump has his Trump Box.

We are surprised to announce that government services are expanding with the Trump Box: A meal delivery service for those who can't afford food. The goals of the Trump Box are to promote healthier eating, save money by purchasing food in bulk, and prevent fraud.

Isn't this outrageous? It's horrifying that we should have to take what the government feels like giving us, even though we're not paying for it ourselves. It's what Marie Antoinette would call "Cake," or what Nancy Pelosi would call "Crumbs." ...


KUBE KLASSIKS: Valentine Guide to Dating Dictators

Valentine Guide to Dating DictatorsDating a dictator can be a scary and dangerous endeavor. But it also offers an opportunity to meet the authoritarian oppressor of your dreams, provided that the proper precautions are taken. Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures.

Do not jeopardize your livelihood for a night out having fun. By observing the following tips, you can still have a great time and live.


The Obamas: The Official Portraits

Obama portraitDo not attempt to adjust the picture.

We are controlling transmission.

We will control the horizontal.

We will control the vertical.

Sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear.


US media fawns over the Kims, still hates the Trumps

Kim sisterThe puff coverage of Kim Jong-un's sister, Kim Yo Jong, at the Olympics is the most glorious progressive journalism we seen in a long time. Below are some of the media headlines.

NY Times: Kim Jong-un's Sister Turns On the Charm, Taking Pence's Spotlight

CNN: Kim Jong Un's sister is stealing the show at the Winter Olympics

Fun fact: Kim Jong Un's sister, Kim Yo Jong, has ordered 1,021 people put to death over the course of her lifetime. What has Ivanka done to match that? Pff.


Rebranding long overdue: 'The Communist Personifesto'

Trudeau ManifestoTrudeau had told the woman to say "peoplekind" instead of "mankind."

In Florida, manatees have held an angry rally demanding to be called peopleatees from now on. They were followed by salamanders, or is it salapersonders? Should we also rename peopledarins and make it perpersonent?

All of that because of some Canadian personiac.


White House In Turmoil - Janitor Had X-Wife

Clean the houseThe time has come to clean house.

Calls to impeach the entire White House cleaning staff resound in the halls of Congress.


WATCH: Oleg Atbashian exposes far-left media censorship

Oleg Atbashian and Jim Hoft
The Social Media Neutrality Panel was held 02/06/2018 at the Newseum in Washington DC.

The panel included testimony from Jim Hoft of The Gateway Pundit, Pamela Geller of The Geller Report, Margaret Howell of Rightside Broadcasting, Oleg Atbashian from The People's Cube, tech entrepreneur Marlene Jaeckel.

Topics all involved the current tech climate, social media bias, shadow banning and other methods meant to silence voices and limit readers and viewers access to information.


Democrat Rebuttal Memo Leaked

Democrats bomb rideThe contents of the Democrat memo of rebuttal to the House Intelligence Committee Report On FISA Abuses have been leaked by a senior trusted source.

Our source confirms that the Democrat rebuttal memo states there is very little to be gained from "the Republican deliberately misleading memo" and reveals that "Trump and all Republicans are working with Russia to sap the precious bodily fluids of our children and every red-blooded American."

"We can no longer sit back and allow this Republican secret plan to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids...


Frosty transitions

Democrats bomb rideBeloved children's icon formerly known as Frosty the Snowman has announced the completion of her transition into a coalwoman named Sooty.

According to Sooty, the change was spurred by years of soul searching and several college courses on systematic oppression by white male capitalist patriarchy. Said Sooty, "I always knew there was something wrong in my life, but it wasn't until I attended college and started delving into left-wing Critical Theory that I discovered the problem."

Sooty came to realize that she had been a victim of white male oppression since the beginning of her life. "I was created by white male children who shaped me into their own image without my consent...


Gender Problems in 19th Century Arts

Hylas and the Muslim NymphsComrades, I would like to praise the noble guardians of social justice at the Manchester Art Gallery for removing paintings which demonstrate "problems with gender."

In a heroic blow at the patriarchy, and a triumph for revisionist history, art must now hold value only in the context of modern social justice norms.

We can be assured that the very history of humanity will be removed whenever it causes offence among any person. Soon, only state-approved art will be displayed, delivering messages of social justice and equity - and nothing else.


ProgPaper: the ultimate safe space for GoodThink

Google MinusI am authorised by the Ministry of Truth to announce that victory over the mind is within our grasp.

Our organisations are proceeding fast to cancel out all forms of Thoughtcrime™. They are using their influence to block notorious antisocial elements from Facebook. We are succeeding with the implementation of NewSpeak version 15b, comprising gender-neutral pronouns. The production of Fake news by CNN has gone up 76% in all relevant sectors this past year.

But now, thanks to new technology, we are nearing the final solution to the "think" problem. By adding certain pre-programmed nanobots to paper...


Why and how we must fight to subdue FacebookGoogleTwitter

Facebook Google Twitter hydraEmergency rooms are required to accept all patients regardless of their income. Housing regulations require landlords, realtors, and mortgage bankers to serve all customers equally, even if it goes against their subjective judgment. Food companies are required to label their products with precise quantities and daily values of ingredients.

At the same time, the product called "information" is regulated in the exactly opposite fashion. It is being filtered, altered, rejected, or exaggerated according to arbitrary and subjective markers and biases, creating a distorted and fraudulent picture of reality. If a food manufacturer tried to label his products the same way, he would be sued out of existence...


The People's Cube: blocked by the Department of Defense

blocked by the Department of DefenseIt's now the Cube vs. the Pentagon.

When I lived in the Soviet Union, my speech was expected to be blocked as politically unreliable and not aligned with the government's collectivist, socialist agenda. Such was the default setting and there was nothing I could do about it. At the time I assumed that if I were to move to the United States, I'd be free to speak without censorship. Imagine my surprise when I found that many in this country, including on the government level, were motivated by the same collectivist, socialist agenda I had escaped from.


Facebook is blocking links and shares coming from the Cube

Facebook blocking CubeDifferent people, posting links throughout the day, received this standard response: "We removed this post because it looks like spam and doesn't follow our Community Standards." The user has an option to contest this assumption. Not everyone has the time or patience for it, but a few readers persisted and sent me the screenshots.

At some point in the past Facebook had also started to limit the number of shares on our posts, explaining it by a new proportional algorithm. As a result, our traffic had dropped significantly.

We are being filtered out of existence.


Experts: government shutdown may cause human combustion

Dept of human combustionIn one of the most controversial and destructive acts of his presidency, Donald Trump, the worst Republican president since Hitler, is threatening to shut down the government! This is bad news for all Americans according to several government agencies.

Senior accountant of the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office, Fred "Nonpartisan" Phelps, says the shutdown may cost the average American family up to $85,000 per day. "Women and minorities would be hardest hit," said Phelps coining a new phrase.


President calls demonic homeland 'hellhole'

Demon immigrants The "hellhole" to which the President was referring is the demonic homeland of Gehenna, an exotic supernatural realm of diverse inhabitants with a rich cultural history. It is also a popular destination for humans who have retired from life.

When asked about the President's statement, former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said, "Bill and I are well acquainted with several individuals from Gehenna, and they are just like us in many ways. I treat the President's disgraceful comments as if they were directed at me personally." Clinton pledged to donate $10,000,000 to the Clinton Foundation to help build bridges with demons.


Nine ways Trump is literally Stalin

Trump is literally StalinComrade Jeff Flake says Trump is the new Stalin. We checked, and the similarities are glorious:

1. Just like Trump, Stalin is not a real surname, but a revolutionary nom de guerre.
2. Stalin also took advantage of the free market economy to become a billionaire.
3. Stalin ran an international pageant "Miss Gulag" and "Collective Farm Apprentice."
5. Once in power, Stalin freed the capitalist economy of burdensome regulations, reduced the size of government bureaucracy, and cut taxes for individuals and businesses, causing an unprecedented growth of wealth, incomes, and employment.
6. Stalin was relentlessly attacked by the mainstream media, who called him names, disparaged his every move, and questioned his sanity. The Tsarist Deep State obstructed his policies at every turn.
7. Stalin was subjected to a special investigation by the Mensheviks over allegations that he colluded with the Russians to defeat the presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Trotsky, whom he later killed with an ice axe...


How to beat the cis-culture by making up prog-words

slap cisgenderedThe real revolutionaries are those who always question their cis-status. Become one and your life will be full of surprises. You may wake up being a 50-year-old Hispanic lesbian professor trapped inside a 20-year-old Papua warrior inside a pregnant 40-year-old Palestinian mother of 12 children inside a promiscuous 19th-century Russian ballerina inside a gay German Shepherd inside a drunken Babylonian hillbilly inside an ageless queen of Vulcan - and so on - all living in different historical eras, continents, and even planets, existing as one academically impeccable intersectional nesting unit.

The more new identities you take on, the less likely you'll miss the one you've lost...


BACK IN THE NEWS: Soviet-style abuse of psychiatry in US

Soviet abuse of psychiatry Punitive psychiatry was invented in the USSR and used by the KGB to delegitimize dissent.

Today it's making a comeback in America, where only the mentally ill would challenge political correctness, big government, redistribution of wealth, socialized healthcare, man-made climate change, multiculturalism, open borders, the media's trustworthiness, and the Democratic Party in general. And, of course, no sane person would oppose the candidacy of the honest, intelligent, healthy, and mentally stable Hillary Clinton...


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