PROGULOGIES - The Hot New Party Game!

PROGULOGIES™ (prog-yoo-lo-jeez) is the great new interactive Party game any Progressive can play and enjoy!

PROGULOGIES™ is a game for three or more people. You can play it anywhere with your fellow progs—at Starbucks, Democrat fundraisers and rallies, Senate confirmation hearings for conservative SCOTUS justices—anywhere progs gather! You can even play it online from the comfort of your parents' basement, as we shall demonstrate here.

You don’t need dice or a board. All you need are good Progressive values, the ability to virtue-signal, and of course, deep visceral hatred of Donald J. Trump and all he stands for. But I repeat myself.

One player is chosen to be The Deceased. The others will take turns eulogizing (or progulogizing) The Deceased.

The object of the game is to progulogize The Deceased by trashing Trump—but without mentioning Trump’s name—because seriously, who wants to make a celebration of one’s life, or any occasion, for that matter, all about Trump?

Nothing poops a party like the mention of his name.

For demo purposes here, I, Pinkie, will play the part of The Deceased. Anyone who comments below will progulogize me by bashing Trump, without mentioning his name but leaving no doubt in anyone’s mind that he’s the one being bashed.

Any player who mentions his name and says anything even remotely positive about him (e.g., by stupidly confusing good things about The Deceased with him) is automatically The Loser. The Loser is not only eliminated from the game, but from The Party, all good society, and life in general. The Loser will be denounced and subject to show trial in a separate game we’ve already been playing for years. Losers on this thread will be whacked with my shovel and expected to apologize and make the appropriate reparations.

Once everyone has had a chance to progulogize The Deceased, why, you just pick someone new and start all over. We can have fun for HOURS! I mean, we’re progs—it’s not as if we have jobs to go to or anything.

Suggestions for improving the game-playing experience are welcome. The important thing is to Get Trump!

Commissarka Pinkie is a longtime contributor to The People’s Cube, and is dedicated to raising awareness of how much she cares. When she isn’t busy making an issue out of everything, she enjoys jumping on bandwagons, spending other people’s money, and searching tirelessly for something to offend her.
 

Friends, Progressives, Internationalists! Lend my your ears!

I come here today not to praise Pinkie, but to bury her! For yon egotistical, sub-moronic, worse-literally-than-Hitler, stupid, jingoistic, nationalistic, racist, misogynistic, rich, capitalist, fat, badly-tanned, wanna-be-dictator, twittering, Nazi-who-colludes-with-Russia-which-used-to-be-cool-before-we-lost-the-election-but-now-is-really-bad-because-Hillary-should-have-won hath said that Pinkie was ambitious!

And egotistical, sub-moronic, worse-literally-than-Hitler, stupid, jingoistic, nationalistic, racist, misogynistic, rich, capitalist, fat, badly-tanned, wanna-be-dictator, twittering, Nazi-who-colludes-with-Russia-which-used-to-be-cool-before-we-lost-the-election-but-now-is-really-bad-because-Hillary-should-have-won is an honorable man...They are ALL honorable men.
 

Oh! Well! If you've come here to bury me, Betinov, then you'll need a shovel, won't you? Here's mine:

WHACK!!!

Friends, Progressives, Internationalists! Lend Betinov a new jar, and some brains to go with it.
 

Comrades, the worst is over.

The racist, homophobic, greedy, power hungry (you're FIRED!) one has overbaked in the tanning bed.

Bossy bastard.
 

 

Comrades,

I've always considered overt emotionality a sign of inner weakness in my fellow rodents. I admit it. But I'm evolving emotionally and among comrades, so I'd like to admit something else.

When I first heard of beloved Pinkie's untimely departure from our little commune I was struck by the unfairness of life, unequal distribution of wealth in America, the intersectionality of pleasure and pain. Then, as the full realization of her passing materialized before me, a cresting wave of misery and self loathing broke across my tiny brain I began weeping openly, uncontrollably.

Pinkie used her shovel to benefit humanity, to tend The People's beet gardens, not to break ground for a gold plated 200 story Pinkie's-Penthouse-Pedestal skyscraper! She had no need of corrupt business lawyers to falsify the records of her non-profit charities and NGO's! Her simple pleasures came from knowing she'd helped lighten the burden of America's downtrodden, raised up the miserable and lowly scum of our impoverished slums, and brought hope to women formerly paraded across stages as though they were cattle at an auction. She had no $5000 an hour hair dye specialist to prepare her simple babushka for the ever present cameras at her many award ceremonies.

Pinkie's watchful presence (and shovel) in TPC's news headquarters lent an air of unimpeachable - Pinkie herself - to The Party's real news broadcasts. I'm proud and honored to have played the small part of Craptek in her life. No FAKE NEWS She!

Comrade (The Sad) Craptek
 

If we turn Pinkie into a mummy, we can progulogize every day and have a line of progulogists streaming from the street into her Pink Mausoleum to view her Pink Sarcophagus, like we do it with Lenin (see Exhibit A below).

A panel of judges will award points for best performances and recommend the winners to become candidates in 2020 election so we can finally get our country back. The most memorable progulogies will be televised and included into the Progulogy Anthology album to be played on all channels annually on Pinkie's birthday.

Charging entrance fees can also add some badly needed stream of Party Cash into our Party Coffer, which has become empty because everyone has been distracted lately by incessant Tweeting, lies, phobias, nationalism, Russian operatives, and covfefe.

EXHIBIT A:


 

Pinkie’s dead? Oh my gawd, that’s horrible. I’ll bet what’s-his-name and the Russians did it. Can I have her shovel?
 

Is there PROGULOGIES Karaoke? That would be fun.
 

Margaret

Is there PROGULOGIES Karaoke? That would be fun.
(A progulogy song sung to the tune of “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number”© Steely Dan
From the Album “Pretzel Logic” by Walter Carl Becker/Donald J. Trump Fagen 1974)

We hear you’re leaving, that’s Okay
I thought our little wild time had just begun
I guess you kind of scared yourself, you turn and run
But if you have a change of heart

Pinkie don’t lose that shovel
You don’t want to call nobody else
Send it off in a posting to yourself
Pinkie don’t lose that shovel
It’s the only one you own
You might use it if you feel better
When you get home . . .
 

Death, be not Pink. For though some have called her
Mighty and purposeful; truly it was so
For that which she didst purpose, thou shan't overthrow
Die not, poor Drumpf, for yet canst thou match her
For extracting beets, by which our sustenance be
Much harmony; whence from her equality shall flow
And sooner shall The Deplorables with thee, Oh death, go
Grind their bones, and withal our Collective's delivery
They are slaves to hate, charlatans, Nazis and Supremist men
And doth with bitterness, guns, and Bibles dwell
And opioids and flags shall make them sleep as well
'Tis better than The Cube? What blinds them then?
And one short sleep past, she digs eternally
And hunger shall be no more. Pink, thou shall not die
 

Everyone loves a clown, and OBozo was one of the best! How he made us laugh with his "constitutional scholar" routine where he would actually accomplish nothing brandishing his pen and phone, and who could forget the haughty way he avoided legislation! By the way it must have been a red pen, because of all the red lines he was drawing on the map, and it must have had an eraser to remove the aforementioned red lines......Remember your doctor? Me neither....... Anyway, suffering from a severe "legacy deficiency" this clown has left the building! Thank you lord Jesus!
 

My Our entire beet-collective has voted UNANIMOUSLY to mourn our Most Heroic Fallen comrade <fill in name of comrade here>, who selflessly fell in Revolutionary Zeal For The Enslaved Proletariat During The Peoples' Struggle Against The Reigning Capitalist Conspiracy Against Peace, Justice and Workers' Rights.

Also we voted UNANIMOUSLY to make the following pledge mandatory for all beet-collective comrades:

We Workers Of The World pledge to DOUBLE our annual beet production to help alleviate the limitless conditions of starvation across the entire USA that are totally due to the current crashing post-0bama economy.Signed,
<Your name goes here>

[And YES, we WILL cross-check pledges to our worker-rolls to be certain of the loyalty of all beet-collective comrades...]
 

Comrades! Excellent posts all! Except for Ivan Betinov. Beet of the Week for all of you! Except for Ivan Betinov.




And Beet of the Week bumperstickers for everyone's mother! Except for Ivan Betinov's.




I must say, seeing myself progulogized almost makes me wish I really were dead!

Just like Ivan Betinov.
 

Woo Hoo! Not only did I use the word "bossy" and live to tell about it, I got a bumpersticker and some resume enhancing street cred!

It's a good day in Tractor Barn #2!
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Woo Hoo! Not only did I use the word "bossy" and live to tell about it, I got a bumpersticker and some resume enhancing street cred!

It's a good day in Tractor Barn #2!

Don't get too excited, comrade. Things will return to normal in the morning.