Disclaimer (A "Liberal" Hitchhiker's Guide to the Cube)

We do NOT equate all "liberals" with communists. The purpose of this website is to pick up "liberal" hitchhikers and give them a ride to the communist wonderland - the inevitable end result of their "well-meaning" policies.

Rational arguments cannot, in our experience, survive in your Dionysian mindset. Part of the "liberal" experience is the inability, due to self-righteousness, arrogance, or mental lethargy, to understand our points, let alone step into our frame of reference. Therefore, we are stepping into your frame of reference, boots and all - laying railroad tracks all over it, preparing for the arrival of the glorious locomotive of progress.

The nausea you're experiencing is plain motion sickness. In case you didn't know, the "liberal" train of thought you're hitching hauls from the good old Marxist depot - and that's where it shall return.

We've laid the tracks deep into the enemy territory and offered free rides to those who are too lazy to work for their ticket or even to check the schedule.

But this is a one-way trip, comrade. Follow the winding rails far enough, and you'll see them go beyond the borders of bourgeois individual liberties, and straight into a collectivist dictatorship where group rights overrule individual rights, collective property overrules private property, and class struggle overrules pursuit of individual happiness. Douglas Adams never traveled that far.

All aboard!
 

Two tickets please!
 

You like window seat, boxcar, or smokestack, comrade?
 

non-smoking with shovels included
 

First Stop!

The Gulag at the End of the Motherland!


Next we visit

Strife, Your Puny Purse, and Barack the King


Then we go to

So Long, and Banks Are Now My Dish


And then

Mostly Charmless


Last Stop

There's Famine, No Doubt
 

Do not forget, that the train will have to stop often, and the passengers be compelled to scavenge wood to fire the boilers, plus pick berries and harvest food if they wish to eat on the train ride
 

Comrades

I beam with pride, and encourage all our progressive friends to climb on board. The first class accommodations, will include a beet, and a communal toilet. Such luxury borders on bourgeois.
You wanted Shovel ready you got it!!!

Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality® INC
The Kind and Lovable, Green Commissar
Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight
Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Defender of the Faith
 

The Inner Party(TM) though has it's own special train though, with right of way over all other trains, armed guards, air escort, a fully stocked dining car and lounge, plus private cars for each Politburo member, right?
 

But of Course.....you would not expect the Inner Party(TM) member to travel like a ...... suffices to say we need to be rested and comfortable to handle errrrrrrrrr. Important Stuff.

Remember, the Affairs of State take precedence over the the Affairs of State. Now if you will excuse me, I need to work on tonight's Door kicking agenda, I located some contraband "Hummels" Great and Powerful Leader Theocratus will be thrilled. Bruno will present them to him for "Mothers Day" As we all know Theo can be a Mother at times.

Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality® INC
The Kind and Lovable, Green Commissar
Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight
Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Defender of the Faith
 

While you are kicking in doors, can you check for any high grade timepieces? I have plenty of OPM of course. Naturally I have taken a page from Mussolini's book. Our train will run on time.
 

Why certainly Comrade Colonel, I will have my goonsHighly trained Life Counselors keep a close look out. Unfortunately, they are generally a-bit rough and damage occurs quite often.

But I will see what i can do.


Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality® INC
The Kind and Lovable, Green Commissar
Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight
Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Defender of the Faith
 

Last stop: The People's Republic of Zimbabwe. The true destination of all Liberal policies!
All Hail Dear Leader, (That's Me) Beloved Tyrant and Source of All Truth, Father/Mother/non-Gender Specific Parent of the Zimbabwean Nation!

Hail Me!

Amandla!

Obamugabe.
 

Red Star

As we all know Theo can be a Mother at times.
Ah, Red Star, how I have longed for the tender caress of your dulcet tones. And yes, I can be a mother. In fact I revel in being a mother. But don't worry about Bruno. He's been spending his time recently wondering what the next get-up for Miss Resentment will be. Will it be another aquamarine baby-doll dress, waist to her armpits, wearing high heels?

Well, I don't care and I advise you not to. But if you are ever in the possession of a silly queen, and I do not recommend it in general, then invest in a television and gossip magazines. If you buy enough then the your ears will heal from being chewed with endless prattle all the time.

Obamugabe, in another room, far, far away, I was appointed the chef to Idi Amin. It's not as though I'm a great chef; I just happened to know how juniper berries will cut the grease of stewed missionary. Dr. Amin was so grateful that he appointed me Chef Advisor and Keeper of the Doctor's Balls.

This is not, of course, a sexual thing. It is in reference to his application to come to America to be a professional bowler.

I offer my services to you. I have since been doing some recipe development with an eye toward progressive countries. Since you've done such a splendid job of changing cabinets every six months to let in another gang of thieves worthy hope-and-change-filled progressives, I have heard rumors that the farms seized from rich, white pigs have stopped producing.

I have just the spice mix for rotting fruits and vegetables.

Are you interested?
 

I think we should solicit names for the Locomotive. And I want to ring the bell.
 

Sorry Betinov,

His O'liness has banned all bell ringing for fear the proles will think of the Liberty Bell. I risk 90 days in the Gulag just using the L word, but I thought you should be warned.
 

How about a toot on the whistle then? I hear His Obamaness never said no to a little toot.
 

Hmm. A toot on a whistle and His O'liness? What was that tell-all book by that man, Larry, Larry something?

Reiuxcat, the reason that President Awesome Zero has banned bell ringing is that it competes with the call to prayer issuing from the mosques.

Surely you, as a made prog, knew that.
 

Comrades, comrades, I must interject. Tooting whistles and His O'liness is a toot, but a rooster in the hand is worth two in the bush. Now get thee to the nearest mosque!

And that's all I have to say about that.

Hail Obama!
 

All this talk of wanting to blow whistles and name the locomotive reminds me of a sign I once saw in the office of an Air Force colonel many years ago. I can't remember the exact words but it went sort of like this:

I'm not allowed to run the train,
The whistle I can't blow.
I'm not allowed to say how fast or far the train can go.
I'm not allowed to blow off steam or even ring the bell,
But let it jump the goddamn track,
Then see who catches hell!
 

Pinkie, that colonel must have been a true prog, knowing that blame is only important if it adheres.

I have to admit some sadness though. Here at the Rancho we have had our elections and we have elected a mayor who is no longer a stupid, shallow screw-your-puta-while-your-wife-is-dying thief. How do you live in a city with an honest mayor? And I know she is. Damn it.

We also bounced our county judge, who got the commissioners to vote millions for rubbish while ignoring needs. We replaced him with our chief of surgery, Dr. Bang, and this is a horrible blow. I've known Dr. Bang for 30 years and he's never told a lie that anyone knows.

And we bounced out two commissioners who were known to have their hands out.

Alas and alack. Probity comes to Reeves County.
 

You could always move to Howard County,
 

Howard County is a model of probity compared to Reeves County. To get more corrupt than Reeves County at one time you'd have to move to the Valley. Say around Rio Grande City where people who are pissed at other people merely forge deeds to themselves.
 

I want to be dragged under the train like the bitch I am. Might as well get into the true character of an oppressed and beaten down comrade for this ride.
 

che.mao.joe, in January of 2009 you were, along with all of us, thrown under the train. And now we're all being dragged under it.

Isn't it wonderful to be nothing but fodder to the social-engineering ambitions of President Awesome Zero? Isn't it wonderful to be run over so that someone can jet around the world apologizing to people who hate us and spurning people who like us?

I don't know how much happier I could be as made progressive, unless of course I didn't utterly hate myself, as a made prog.
 

That's right prole che.mao.joe and if your aren't beaten down yet The Party™ will make sure of it! Have you had your ration of guilt and shame today?



Most Holy Embalmer Commissar Theocritus there is so much to do for The People™, just remember where we came from(the bottom on a pit of mendacity) and just think were we will go:


 

RR, tonight I heard the wonderful speech of Barack Huseass Obama from the Oval Office in which he told us the shape of our future. A moratorium on local drilling, meaning that our talent will leave; Brazil continues drilling with American money; beating up on BP just to show he can; and our long march into sustainable energy.

I see a long dark night coming, comrades, and I am so proud. I would hate for the next generation to have it as good as our grandparents.
 

Commissar Theocritus

Hmm. A toot on a whistle and His O'liness? What was that tell-all book by that man, Larry, Larry something?

Reiuxcat, the reason that President Awesome Zero has banned bell ringing is that it competes with the call to prayer issuing from the mosques.

Surely you, as a made prog, knew that.

I'll have to respectfully disagree Comrade Commissar. The Hindu bell ringers continue to be ding-a-lings at some airports.
 

How about we fist some of you in the teabags?

Oh, I'm only KIDDING!!! This site is entertaining, however misguided it is.
 

/prog off

Bravo, bravo
 

Train, what train? Paying a $5.00 tax on a pack of cigarettes does not put me on a train. Owing a $70,000 student loan to the government, with a recent change in the law that lifts the statute of limitation on how many years they can keep hunting me down to pay for it, is not getting on a train! Owing a mortgage to the government via Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, along with that student loan may make me feel that I owe my soul to the company store, but there is no train, dammit!

Comrade Red Square, where did you say that train was going?
 

Leninka, this is the Choo-Choo Ch'Commie that we're riding now. But the Asleep at the Wheel version I like better. It talks about palling around with Democratic fellows named Mac.

I want to pal around with Democratic figures named Blago and Jeremiah. What's this shit about low-level commie proles? I'm a made prog, you know, and only consort with other high-minded felons.
 

Advocating mass transit for the masses is neither misguided or a joke.

"Driving that train, high on cocaine, Casey Jones you better watch your speed"
 

Oh god. Thanks to all you Cube people. Thanks a big heaping deal. Now Bruno spends all his time singing to a picture of Obowma:

"I get no kick from cocaine
Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all
So tell me, what should I do?
Cause I get a kick out of you."

I think that the only possible tribute to His O'liness higher than outshining cocaine would be if he outshined Ecstasy too, plus a quadruple dose of Viagra.
 

Comrades.....

Speaking of trains, I think this is the one we proles are currently on.....


 

Funny you mentioned cocaine. Cocaine is like Communism. You get a temporary high, but you don't realize that, like a commie living off of other people's money that inevitably runs out, the cocaine starts to deplete the serotonin in your brain. Pretty soon, you find yourself in a permanent state of depression because you brain has been completely depleted of serotonin, and you are looking up from the ruble, like Al Zarqawi, wondering what the hell happened.
 

Comrades, comrades, comrades.... AssoProfundo is much to smart for your collectivist shenanigans. This prole has founded the time continuum in an ass hair. No kidding, the prole is on top of the game and can see right through any ass, IN FACT, it is my belief that prole Asso has an ass hair microscope BUILT RIGHT INTO HE'S EYE!!!


Comrades, comrades, comrades when you have ass hair specialists in your midst it is far to assuming to mince logic... logic is what the ass prescribes. Especially the collectives ass hair specialist -- AssoProfundo.


Hail Obama! Kick Ass! (If you know who's ass to kiss kick?!?)
 

Red Rooster

Comrades, comrades, comrades.... AssoProfundo is much to smart for your collectivist shenanigans. This prole has founded the time continuum in an ass hair. No kidding, the prole is on top of the game and can see right through any ass, IN FACT, it is my belief that prole Asso has an ass hair microscope BUILT RIGHT INTO HE'S EYE!!!


Comrades, comrades, comrades when you have ass hair specialists in your midst it is far to assuming to mince logic... logic is what the ass prescribes. Especially the collectives ass hair specialist -- AssoProfundo.


Hail Obama! Kick Ass! (If you know who's ass to kiss kick?!?)
. . . point proven.
 

Wake me when train is stop in Chicago.
Am still ill from eight years of oppression by Bushovics.
 

Comrades,
The best feature of this train has to be the running toilet. The problem is you have to run beside the Caboose to get on. After your done, there are no condiments to clean up with.

Safe return to the train is a big issue, the bigger you are, the bigger the issue.

Have a good trip and remember, the big O is watching you!
 

Quote:

We do NOT equate all "liberals" with communists Gosh, you say that like it's not an insult. Aren't all liberals instructed in the glories of the communist mindset? Now I'm going to have to go rethink all my previous thoughts. Very disturbing.
 

Obamugabe

Last stop: The People's Republic of Zimbabwe. The true destination of all Liberal policies!
All Hail Dear Leader, (That's Me) Beloved Tyrant and Source of All Truth, Father/Mother/non-Gender Specific Parent of the Zimbabwean Nation!

Hail Me!

Amandla!

Obamugabe. Well- stated Komrade Obamugabe. You are to be commended for correct progressive views. We are one in revolutionary fervor Mercedes Benzes ,Swiss bank accounts and forward-thinking struggle on behalf of the masses.
We salute you for restoring your proud land once again to glory befitting of Mother Afrika: Long live Rhodesia, Amnesia Zimbabwe breadbasket to the nations and granary of world proletariat. Let the imperialists flee at the roaring of the great Lion of the People's struggle.
 

That is a privilege to be earned. Or you could organize an "Occupy Engine Car" collective. Those seem to work out really well.
 

....Not the Gloriousky Kommie Sovietski army I fought....
 

http://www.everydaynodaysoff.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Spongebob-Squarepants-Operator-Rifle-AR-15.jpg
 

Oh thank god... I at first thought this was a legitimate communist forums when I saw some posts about Benghazi, so I decided to sign up and troll some communist assholes but than looking around the site I couldn't tell if A.) It was all a joke (The Onion) or B.) These guys are serious, which makes them the dumbest fuckers alive... I gotta admit I was kind of hoping B).
 

Quote:

Welcome to the People's Cube- where a group of conservatives have banded together to show the unintentional but inevitable consequences of well-meaning liberal policies.
Enjoy the ride, comrade!

AND we're some of the dumbest fuckers alive, too! You win both ways, Comrade!
 

That this page is needed to provode a didactic on parody & sarcastic humor scares me more than the Tsar Bomba and entire Soviet arsenal.