The New York Times Predictor


This is where the People's Cube comes in, with our newest AI technology that emulates the thinking of the NYT headline writers. Without paying a dime at the newsstand, a single mouse-click can now generate an instant NYT headline that will brighten your day and ruin it for the capitalist pigs.


There aren't too many templates for building a pushy headline that contains emotive language, exaggeration, and hyperbole all at once. Here are just a few:
- Robust economy, high employment detrimental to the environment
- Iraq: Quagmire or Morass?
- America: Decadent or Effete?
- Is Owning a Business Criminal? Many Think So
- ISIS dilemma: not enough abortion clinics
- Rebuilding of roads in Afghanistan leads to more traffic accidents
- Can Losing a War be Good? Many Think So
- Open political debate triggers widespread laryngitis epidemic. Who will foot the bill?
- Are All Americans Fat, Insensitive, Gun-Toting Morons? Many Think So
- Syrian gays and lesbians critical of US Army over "transgender ban" policy
- The US Space Force may preempt alien invasion, but their uniforms still don't look hot
- Refugee parents: US-built schools cause child obesity
If you generate a headline that you feel can move us all forward, post it below!
NYT Headline Writer
Cruisin' the yellow seas of journalism on the Battleship Potemkin,
Anonymous NYT Headline Writer
SMERSH
PREMIER ANDROPOV
Ivan Josefovich

Analysts: School Voucher Program Increases Third World Debt
US-made purple ink causes rash, fever: thousands of Iraqi voters hospitalized
CNN reporter struck by SUV while crossing Halliburton-built road in Kirkuk
Village-Useful-Idiot
SUNLIGHT CAUSES GLOBAL WARMING -DAILY!!!!
Chief, Main Organ
You are urged to remember -this most glorious of socialist-utopian inventions -the "NYTime 2006 Headline Predictator" - is to be used as an addition and not as a substitute to the greatest of the glorious socialist-utopian inventions (even greater than the internet!) - none other than the A. Gore "Media's Historical Revision and News-story Concoction Machine" -

Chief, Main Organ of the Great Comintern AgitProp Directorate
G.SoreRUs
"The Order of the Walter Duranty Bourgeois Baffling and Genocide Cover-up Medal"
(this effort can be funded via one of my many tax exempt socialists charity and political-activists' operations financing organizations)



Is that really you? The Cube's Prodigal Son?
My Tail is Wagging and not the Space Dog!
Welcome Home!
Laika
FOX BUTTERFIELD
Chairman Meow
New Study Proves Fox News can cause Impotence, Americans Asked to Watch More CNN.
No Child Left Behind Increases High School Graduations, Labor Unions Outraged.
Evolution Proven True, Missing Link Found in Clinton Family Tree.
Comrade Alexei
Indeed so! People's Cube, you just brightened up my day! :-D
BTW - why does this picture in the header say "куб народов"? It's like "cube of peoples" or something. IMO it should say "народный куб"

============
Dear Comrade Alexei -
Indeed, the literal translation would be "народный куб" but since "people's" in the English language modifies many nouns that, taken together as an idiom, can't translate in a literal way, we decided that we should go with a non-literal translation that would sound grandiose enough to reflect its true meaning. The closest approximation would be "куб народной демократии" but that may be too long. In German the precedent was "Volkswagen," hence "Volkswuerfel." In the Mother Tongue, there was Stalin's "дом народов" - hence "куб народов".
- Red Square
Comrade Alexei
:-D :-D :-D
Finally, the truth is known to the people!
Comrade Alexei
Oh, come on! SO MUCH TRUTH in one day! It's killing me, I can't take it anymore.. :-D :-D
SMERSH
Cubbie the commie


No, not the penguins!
dissident agitator #96
This is simply unfair, so much laughter was produced by this work of the 'people' that milk came out of my PINK nose...
Okay, while on the road today, being driven out of NYC to Princeton, NJ, our car viewed...
1. 'Kerry for President' bumper display cut off an older women and flip her off.
2. 'Friends don't let Friend's Vote Republican' bumper display drive into a toll booth, wrecking both car and booth.
3. 'War is not the Answer' bumper display tailgate some poor man, shooting, hand waving, horn honking, showing massive aggression and road rage.
I hate to stereotype, but I feel I am seeing a trend...
Are these DNC Liberal Nuts just plain upset, or were they nasty, ugly, pathetic to begin with?
Chief, NoAmPPsAgitPropCD
Fie and double fie upon you! What you have witnessed are none other than main-organ members of the proletariat vanguard of the Soros and Dhimmicrat (commonly known by their fake name "Democrats") and secret legions who are engaged in the most important of all works - causing division and disorientation among the bourgeois masses.
It may seem that their activities are uncouth, uncivilized, hostile, etc., - but this is because you have obviously been brainwashed by American right-wing extremists (copyright- Peoples and Jihadi Hero of the Revolution - Chuck Schumer) - thought and fail to recognize these as the most talented and highly intelligent progressive revolutionaries leading the way to the true utopia of the 21st century's H.R.Clinton Global Peoples' Village (to begin in 2008).
For you - it's OFF TO RE-EDUCATION CENTER NAMED IN HONOR OF HARRY REID and ROBERT BYRD!!!
Gather 50 kilos of food and belongings and be waiting outside your flat at 0300 for pick up by Black Maria!!!
Failure to report at assigned time will result in your arrest and internal exile!
By order of Chief, North American Progressive Plans and Strategery and Agitation Propaganda and Civil Disobedience Directorate
Comrade Rogue
http://googlefight.com/index.php?lang=e ... s+for+Bush
Surely, this shows the superiority of the Communist ideal over that of the filthy billionaires supporting the fascist pig Bushler! However, I note that the Party, in it's infinite wisdom, misspelled "billionaires" in the Googlefight search, thus skewing the results. The correct link is
http://googlefight.com/index.php?lang=e ... s+for+Bush
Happily, the glorious Communist ideal still triumphs against the real thing, which is of course better than triumphing over a clerical error.

praxis9
Am I wrong about this?
Red Squirrel
Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals: Eating Red Meat Linked to Domestic Violence
International Observers: Iraqi Occupation Breeds More Terrorists
Nobel Laureate: Rush Limbaugh Bad For Self Esteem
TLA:
Hey guys, the headline generator is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time!
TLA
The Dick List
http://dicklist.blogspot.com
Anonymous
Comrade Kraven Buttholz
Increases In US Life Expectancy Means Fewer Resources for Africa
JD Eastman

PittsburghProletarian
Damn....the thing REALLY does work.
PP
Ripley
Viagra Prescriptions Soar
PK


Now also behold "Automatic Bob" - the NY Times' Bob Herbert column generator (at http://www.BrainTerminal.com ):
... many of Herbert's columns during the Bush presidency contain similar, interchangeable passages ... that make it seem like your average Herbert column is just a random recombination of wording from earlier columns.
Given the paper's recent stock performance and rumblings from restless investors, I thought I'd help the Times find ways to put out the same product for less money. So I spent about fifteen minutes writing software that can generate Bob Herbert columns while using a minimal amount of our Earth's precious resources.
http://brain-terminal.com/posts/2006/05 ... ob-herbert

Muslim Women: Christmas Tree Must Be Stopped


Bush Critics: Celebrating Christmas Causes Birth Defects In Spotted Owls
CIA Whistleblower: US Constitution leads to decrease in Penguin Population, or something like that. Couldn't cut & paste.


Rich333
No TreasonLysander Spooner, 1867, Part I
[HR]
INTRODUCTORY.
The question of treason is distinct from that of slavery; and is the same that it would have been, if free States, instead of slave States, had seceded. ...
.
What was true of our ancestors, is true of revolutionists in general. The monarchs and governments, from whom they choose to separate, attempt to stigmatize them as traitors. But they are not traitors in fact; in-much they betray, and break faith with, no one. Having pledged no faith, they break none. They are simply men, who, for reasons of their own --- whether good or bad, wise or unwise, is immaterial --- choose to exercise their natural right of dissolving their connexion with the governments under which they have lived. In doing this, they no more commit the crime of treason --- which necessarily implies treachery, deceit, breach of faith --- than a man commits treason when he chooses to leave a church, or any other voluntary association, with which he has been connected.
This principle was a true one in 1776. It is a true one now. It is the only one on which any rightful government can rest. It is the one on which the Constitution itself professes to rest. If it does not really rest on that basis, it has no right to exist; and it is the duty of every man to raise his hand against it.
If the men of the Revolution designed to incorporate in the Constitution the absurd ideas of allegiance and treason, which they had once repudiated, against which they had fought, and by which the world had been enslaved, they thereby established for themselves an indisputable claim to the disgust and detestation of all mankind.
[HR]
In subsequent numbers, the author hopes to show that, under the principle of individual consent, the little government that mankind need, is not only practicable, but natural and easy; and that the Constitution of the United States authorizes no government, except one depending wholly on voluntary support.
[HR]
For the remaining parts, check out lysanderspooner.com
Wow...you got all that from the NYT Headline generator?


The enlightening headline I got:
Nancy Pelosi: Christmas Tree Connected to Global Warming
I thought as much. I knew there was a reason I liked Kwanzaa better than Xmas, although Ho-Ho-Ho wears the right color.
EDIT: Did I say "obtain to"? Drat. That's what happens with a state-sponsored edumacation.


I thought this thread should be rehabilitated.


New York Times
Praise be to government officials for enforcing multiple orgasms!


UPDATED: Washington Post changes obituary headline to describe Baghdadi as 'austere religious scholar'
...no mention of whether he died in darkness.

