Pinkie's Statement in Support of Kavanaugh's Accuser

I’ve never met Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, but over the past few days, I feel as I’ve gotten to know her very well—well enough that I feel as if I could call her my friend. A very close friend who knows all of her secrets. Therefore, I feel more than qualified—indeed, I feel empowered!—to come forward and say that I believe everything she says. If she says it happened, then it happened! It must have happened, because everyone I know who has read or heard the story has been talking about nothing else since it broke.

Her account of what happened is so vivid, it’s as if I were there in the thick of it. Yes, every time I read about it, I am right there in the room with her and Kavanaugh and that other guy. Even writing about it, I can picture the scene in my mind. Those two guys on top of her, threatening her virtue. Threatening her life. And I’m standing there feeling helpless and terrified, wishing I could do something to help her. Then I remember that I never go anywhere without my shovel. It’s there in my hands. I must use it!

And so I do. I whack both Kavanaugh and the other guy upside their stupid heads, hard enough to beat them right off of her and send them tumbling to the floor.

“Go, Christine!” I shout. “Flee! Flee for your life! Flee for your virtue! Flee to the bathroom and lock yourself inside! And don’t ever tell anyone I was here. These guys have rich and powerful friends who could kill me in retaliation for what I just did!”

She flees. Her two assailants are crawling around the floor, moaning and groaning and spitting out blood and teeth. I raise my shovel over their heads. “Are you guys gonna tell anyone what happened here? Huh? Are you? Do you really want your stupid macho preppy friends to know you were bested by not one, but two girls? Huh? Huh?”

On his knees by now, Kavanaugh holds his hands in front of his face in a pathetic, protective gesture. He is totally afraid of my shovel. “No, I won’t tell anyone. Ever.” He spits out another tooth. “I thwear if anyone ever athkth me about thith, I will deny it ever happened and I know nothin’. Abtholutely nothin’!”

“Me too,” pipes in his friend. “Pleath don’t hit uth again with your thovel. We never thaw you before and we pray now to Thethuth Chrith our Lord and Thavior that we never thee you and your thovel ever again! Anyone ever athkth ’bout thith, I’ll thay I dunno wha’ anyone’th talkin’ ’bout!”

You see, comrades? Not only did it happen, but they even admitted at the time that if this incident ever came up in the future, they would deny it through whatever remains of their lying teeth.

Can you not picture all of this, the way I do? Surely you do! You must! You’re a bigot and a hater if you don’t believe I was really there, too!

Let me conclude by saying that I have no wish to testify before the Senate. My statement here should suffice. In the meantime, please visit my GimmeYourMoney page so my ongoing efforts to tell the Current Truth will continue to be fully funded.

 

Commissarka Pinkie

And so I do. I whack both Kavanaugh and the other guy upside their stupid heads, hard enough to beat them right off of her and send them tumbling to the floor.

On his knees by now, Kavanaugh holds his hands in front of his face in a pathetic, protective gesture. He is totally afraid of my shovel. “No, I won’t tell anyone. Ever.” He spits out another tooth. “I thwear if anyone ever athkth me about thith, I will deny it ever happened and I know nothin’. Abtholutely nothin’!”


The F.B.I. needs to send a swat team to Kavanaugh's dentist's house at 2 A.M, kick the door in, storm into the bedroom and force him/her to produce the dental records! (I hear this is quite an effective and quick way to obtain documents for evidence.) I'm sure there will still be shovel marks on his jawbone that will be obvious on his X-Rays.

After a couple of years or so of a Special Council investigating, I'm sure they will get to the bottom of the 'Rape Illusion'.

Whew......I must go and rest on my fainting couch........this whole Dr. Christine Blasey Ford ordeal is triggering my internalized misogyny. (Hat tip to Komrade Pingvin for the free diagnosis.)
 

Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin

Hat tip to Komrade Pingvin for the free diagnosis.

Internalized misogyny is the grievance that keeps on giving. Dr. Ford certainly suffers from it, having to keep this horrible incident secret for so many years until *right* before her rapist ascended to one of the highest offices in the land (it's as if she somehow *knew*). And after Next Tuesday™, when all the toxic masculinity has been cleansed for society, you can then suffer from PTSD from having internalized all that patriarchal misogyny in the first place!
 

As Harry Hoo used to remark of Maxwell Smart, "Amazing. Simply amazing."
 

Once the show trials are complete and all the miscreants (Kavanaugh, the Other Guy, the dentist, the Rethuglikkan accomplices, etc.) are convicted, I recommend that said miscreants' estates be redistributed to Pinkie and her shovel to help them recover from the trauma.
 

If you like your diagnostician pingvin, you can keep your diagnostician pingvin... or so I've been told.
 

I remember being in that room, too!

My doctor tells me that at the time I was an inmate at a forensic psychiatric facility in Siberia, but I know where I was. People can be at two places at the same time, can't they? All you need to do is squint your eyes and imagine being somewhere else.

Read about it in my upcoming tell-all book! Coming soon. Very soon. With a lot of hand-drawn illustrations.
 

Imagine
John Lennon, Pinkie Shovel Band

Imagine a teen party
It's easy if you try
With Dr. Ford below,
Above her is Kavanaugh
Imagine all the people imagining it as well

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope Monday you'll join us
And Kavanaugh will be as good as gone
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

If you like your diagnostician pingvin, you can keep your diagnostician pingvin... or so I've been told.

Thanks to Trump's assault on Obamacare, I've been priced out of the market, but you'll soon be able to see me in my new practices in Juarez and Tijuana.

Cash and credit cards only.
 

Imperatorskiy Pingvin

Ivan the Stakhanovets

If you like your diagnostician pingvin, you can keep your diagnostician pingvin... or so I've been told.

Thanks to Trump's assault on Obamacare, I've been priced out fo the market, but you'll soon be able to see me in my new practices in Juarez and Tijuana.

Cash and credit cards only.

Tijuana? It is smart to relocate to a costal town where you can sell them the benefits of sea water vapour breezes.

On the other hand, Juarez allows you to be closer, and more accessible to your U.S patients.

Once again, the world's most intelligent penguin who is not even recognised by Guinness Book of World Records strikes again!!
 

It is just as the First Comrade says, "In the end, The Jesuitofascists will even provide you with the shovel to bury them

Well stroked, Comissarka
 

Imagine there's no country
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to restrain our worst selves
No Constitution too
Imagine all the people
Fighting it out in the streets
You-hoo --ooh, you may say I'm a screamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope Monday you'll join
And the law will be undone

Imagine no due process
I wonder if you can
No need for facts or reason
A servitude for men
Imagine all the baggers
Living lives in fear
You-ooh-, You may say I'm a schemer
But I'm not the only won
I hope Monday you'll join us
And the law will be undone
 

Who dares to disbelieve "She who must be believed?"


 

 

Apparently a movie no Democrat in our Solar System has seen....even Spartacus.




 

Red Square

Imagine
John Lennon, Pinkie Shovel Band

Imagine a teen party
It's easy if you try
With Dr. Ford below,
Above her is Kavanaugh
Imagine all the people imagining it as well

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope Monday you'll join us
And Kavanaugh will be as good as gone

I will not testify on a boat,
I will not testify with a goat.
I will not testify,
Here nor there.
I will not testify anywhere.

I will not testify first. Or last.
I will not testify slow or fast.
There's nothing more for me to say.
I can't remember, anyway.

Dr. Seuss-Ford
 

Demand is exploding



 

Democrat desperation is now on an intensity level with that of the encircled 6th Army in Stalingrad. I pray glorious People's Army wins again!
 

Should Grassley and the committee refuse to participate and take a knee, or be required to respect all the red flags on display?
 

Hillary Comes Out and Accuses Kavanaugh of Molesting Her

After Democrat geneticists tried to resurrect a female Egyptian mummy to act as a witness against pending nominee Bret Kavanaugh's history of gang raping drunk women who can't remember anything, Hillary Clinton rose to the occasion. A good thing, since the Democrats massaging the mummy had gotten about the same result this time as they got massaging Hillary's 2016 run for the presidency.

"I was molested in college," cried Hillary. "I remember a crooked penis being shoved in my face. Then a knee pad. The image is hazy and the penis could have belonged to Judge Kavanaugh. Or any other Republican. What difference at this point does it make?"

"Most importantly, I don't drink and I never drank anything in my life, so no one can say I'm imagining stuff. That is why I remember everything, that is why Kavanaugh is guilty, even though my memory may be hazy about when it happened, where it happened, what I was doing while it happened, what planet I was on, or if it happened at all. Or even if Kavanaugh was on my spaceship. Moreover, I was not dreaming about bent penises, although a bent penis followed me throughout my political career," said the former presidential candidate," then adding "crooked penises seem to appear out of nowhere."

She continued, "To tell you the truth, and I always tell the truth, which is obvious. I have nothing against Donald Trump. You all know that, and that bastard sonofabitch who stole the presidency from me is not the reason I waited so long. It is not why I timed it just right to come out today with my true, factual, experience with the judge and his penis - all of which is backed by Diane Feinstein, Madonna, and the #metoo movement. All of us, you should know, were there to witness the incident right from our hormones and white men oppression."

After reporters asked why she waited so long to surface with what all the reporters in the room agreed to in advance has to be the G-d's honest truth, she replied: "I was taking long walks in the Chappaqua woods and got lost for the last five days until my dogs found me sleeping off something or other.

Someone observed that Hillary appears to have an uncanny resemblance to the mummy Democrats were massaging for Hope. After massaging the mummy to no effect, Democrats tried to massage Hillary and her story. She said, "Some Republicans deny that I'm the center of the universe. I assure you they don't know what they're talking about."

"Moreover, I can prove WHAT HAPPENED, because I say so, that no further evidence is necessary to deny the judge the SCOTUS confirmation. Evidence has nothing to do with it. He should be denied because we don't need him on the bench. Instead, we need to massage Ruth Bader Ginsburg to vote for us and hope she can be revived," said the former candidate.

"Our Democrat operatives and attorneys who represent the women who were paid off by George Soros campaigned or sent money to me. I have to continue to encourage these women who took big risks to have come out of the woodwork, and who obviously took their true stories out of their nether regions and say they are true. As my story about the Bosnia airfield is true."

Hillary continued, "Other women who have not yet been born at the time Kavanaugh went to school must also come forward to expose the sexual assault this judge committed against them before they were born," said Clinton, "and it doesn't matter if they will dream the story up later tonight. Anything they dream up will be fact by tomorrow morning."

"He does not belong on the bench," said Hillary, "because I, who is certainly not the center of the universe, Obama who is also not the center of the universe, Michelle, Nancy, Chuckie, none of whom enjoy publicity to make themselves the center, and all my Democrat friends say so," said Hillary.

"And that should be good enough!"

With her knees collapsing, making her the fittest presidential candidate EVER in US history, Hillary was escorted off stage by her handlers who assured the reporters she never drank in her entire life and this kind of incident is highly unusual.
 

Papa Kalashnikook

Democrat desperation is now on an intensity level with that of the encircled 6th Army in Stalingrad. I pray glorious People's Army wins again!
CNN headlines from 1943:

Hitler Orders No Retreat - Reds on the Run!

Unusually Cold Weather Blamed on Climate Change Experts Say

Can Soviet Troops Withstand Bitter Russian Winter?

Angry Activists Confront General Zhukov in Exclusive Restaurant
 

[quote="Callmelennie"]Imagine there's no country
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to restrain our worst selves
No Constitution too
Imagine all the people
Fighting it out in the streets
You-hoo --ooh, you may say I'm a screamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope Monday you'll join
And the law will be undone

Imagine no due process
I wonder if you can
No need for facts or reason
A servitude for men
Imagine all the baggers
Living lives in fear
You-ooh-, You may say I'm a schemer
But I'm not the only won
I hope Monday you'll join us

Look, Callmelennie, all I want is to have it all happen by Next Tuesday! Is that too much to ask?
 

Komissar al-Blogunov

Papa Kalashnikook

Democrat desperation is now on an intensity level with that of the encircled 6th Army in Stalingrad. I pray glorious People's Army wins again!
CNN headlines from 1943:

Hitler Orders No Retreat - Reds on the Run!

Unusually Cold Weather Blamed on Climate Change Experts Say

Can Soviet Troops Withstand Bitter Russian Winter?

Angry Activists Confront General Zhukov in Exclusive Restaurant
A team of complete idiotscrack CNN reporters cross the Volga to report the action LIVE as it happens....


 

Komissar al-Blogunov

Papa Kalashnikook

Democrat desperation is now on an intensity level with that of the encircled 6th Army in Stalingrad. I pray glorious People's Army wins again!
CNN headlines from 1943:

Hitler Orders No Retreat - Reds on the Run!

Unusually Cold Weather Blamed on Climate Change Experts Say

Can Soviet Troops Withstand Bitter Russian Winter?

Angry Activists Confront General Zhukov in Exclusive Restaurant

Even more headline fun

Performance of Italian and Romanian Troops Prove That Diversity is the Strength of Army Group South

Climate Experts Dismiss Concerns About Don River Freezing Over
Stalingrad Just Too Far South

Questions Arise Concerning Encirclement: Were Soviet Troops Inside Stalingrad Needlessly Sacrificed

Kremlin Sources: Stalingrad Indefensible Now That It has Been reduced to Rubble

Von Paulus Lashes Out Against Stereotype of Cowardly Italian Soldiers

Luftwaffe Airlift Capacity Jeopardizes Efforts to Reduce Stalingrad Pocket

Second Female Sniper Accuses Vasily Zaitsev of Inappropriate Touching
Duel With Major Konig Postponed Indefinitely
 

Papa Kalashnikook

Komissar al-Blogunov

Papa Kalashnikook

Democrat desperation is now on an intensity level with that of the encircled 6th Army in Stalingrad. I pray glorious People's Army wins again!
CNN headlines from 1943:

Hitler Orders No Retreat - Reds on the Run!

Unusually Cold Weather Blamed on Climate Change Experts Say

Can Soviet Troops Withstand Bitter Russian Winter?

Angry Activists Confront General Zhukov in Exclusive Restaurant
A team of complete idiotscrack CNN reporters cross the Volga to report the action LIVE as it happens....

"Hey, Dima! Hold my vodka..."
 

 

As Ms. B. Foot is clearly wearing some form of burqua, Kavanaugh's Catholicism Islamophobia must be addressed.

So, do we adjudicate this by the usual kangaroo court show trial, or can we use Sharia?
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

As Ms. B. Foot is clearly wearing some form of burqua, Kavanaugh's Catholicism Islamophobia must be addressed.

So, do we adjudicate this by the usual kangaroo court show trial, or can we use Sharia?
Why not a Sharia show trial? The popcorn will be guaranteed halal.
 

If Our Expenses Are Covered™ , my our Entire beet collective will swear to the KGB FBI upon an autographed copy of Das Kapital that every one of us them was PERSONALLY in attendance at "That Party" and that this Kavanaugh capitalist behaved like "...A beast, A Monster..." on that particular evening, whenever it was. And that was not the only time! [Alas, this "under oath" stuff applies only to the progs in my our beet collective Work Force; Kindly Uncle Unkulturny was busy on State Business on that particular occasion, whenever it was, so he will be unable to Swear Under Oath to the events of "that evening..."]
 

I'm glad that the Chinese did their best to leverage their senior asset to sow discord.
 

Comrades! This just in! Turns out, Christina Ford had a serious crush on Brett Kavanaugh.

Christina, who considers herself a Babe in Arms, felt, as her civic duty, to describe her relationship with Kavanaugh in this touching song, also sung by Kavanaugh himself. As a show tunes fan, I support this allegation as absolute proof of her rape allegation! Thing is, neither of them seem to know when or where this happened. Go figure. But, my vote goes to the quivering victim every time! Brett did not quiver! Therefore he is guilty, guilty, guilty!


 

Has the white privileged male apologized and cried on national TV yet?

That's what I thought.

Guilty bastard.
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Has the white privileged male apologized and cried on national TV yet?

That's what I thought.

Guilty bastard.Actually, Comrade Ivan, he did, but restrained himself from letting it rip, through his young children, as you already know.

For my part, the world would be absolutely effed without men. I love them! Men have created most of the most beautiful things on earth, like western civilization. But, they need their women to keep them tidy about things. Sort of. They're too busy making the world wonderful and need their laundry to be done, and their dishes. And to be loved by their women/wives. The love of their wives and children mean everything to them. That's why they do it! Yeah, I guess I'm just an old fashioned girl. Just don't mess with me! I'm the feminine version of my husband!
 

Pamalinsky, remember Julia from the 2012 campaign?

A man, like motherhood, is no substitute for a government program.

I challenge you to name one government program that leaves the toilet seat up!

One government program that sits on the couch and farts while you’re trying to watch Downton Abbey!

One government program that wants to know what you do all day while it’s out busting its butt to provide for you so you don’t have to do anything all day!

You think about it. I’ll wait. What else do I have to do with my time?
 

Pamalinsky

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Has the white privileged male apologized and cried on national TV yet?

That's what I thought.

Guilty bastard.Actually, Comrade Ivan, he did, but restrained himself from letting it rip, through his young children, as you already know.

For my part, the world would be absolutely effed without men. I love them! Men have created most of the most beautiful things on earth, like western civilization. But, they need their women to keep them tidy about things. Sort of. They're too busy making the world wonderful and need their laundry to be done, and their dishes. And to be loved by their women/wives. The love of their wives and children mean everything to them. That's why they do it! Yeah, I guess I'm just an old fashioned girl. Just don't mess with me! I'm the feminine version of my husband!

Pammie,

Does this mean you'll consider making some peanut butter & jelly samiches for me and Ivan? Hmmm?

CC
 

"I did not have sex with that judge, Mr. Cavanaugh..."
 

Captain Craptek

Does this mean you'll consider making some peanut butter & jelly samiches for me and Ivan? Hmmm?

CC

Why, of course it will my darling Craptek! It will only take me minutes to show you how to swath peanut butter on one piece of bread and jelly on another. The real test will be when you slap the two pieces of bread together and they align. That will tell me you really know what you're doing. I know you can do it!

Love, Pammie
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Pamalinsky, remember Julia from the 2012 campaign?

A man, like motherhood, is no substitute for a government program.

I challenge you to name one government program that leaves the toilet seat up!

One government program that sits on the couch and farts while you’re trying to watch Downton Abbey!

One government program that wants to know what you do all day while it’s out busting its butt to provide for you so you don’t have to do anything all day!

You think about it. I’ll wait. What else do I have to do with my time?How could I ever forget our darling Julia, the babe without a face. Actually, Pinkie, I auditioned for that part and they rejected me because I had a face! True story. They told me I was racist because I had a face. Having a face put me in danger for my family and, even though I sought a restraining order to protect me and my family, I was inundated by the press at my very own home! And frankly, because I am so inundated by government intrusion, I am too distracted to find a government program that will help me insist that my husband keep the seat up. I fear for my life if I reveal this. Please, help me. I need to find a government program that will force my husband to keep the seat up when he pisses. Is that too much to ask?
 

Papa Kalashnikook

Her memory is a bit blurry too