Air Force One Attacks Wall Street, Takes Hostages

For too long have Americans scorned and disparaged the government - and now it's the government's time to fight back.

Belittled by America's arrogant self-reliance, individualism, and competitiveness, the government has finally organized and launched a fierce counterattack against American citizens by increasing their taxes, destroying their wealth, restricting their economic freedoms, controlling their guns, indoctrinating their children, and limiting their free speech.

The offensive culminated early Monday with President Obama's Air Force One maneuvers over Manhattan's Financial District, which succeeded in scaring an assortment of unreformed executives out of their skyscrapers and disrupting their shameless, barely regulated profiteering.

At a press briefing today, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs explained the move as part of this Administration's unwavering effort to put the fear of government into Wall Street bankers. "We acted on solid intelligence about pockets of resistance in the Financial District that are threatening our efforts to pacify the banking industry by nationalizing its assets," Gibbs said.

"Just as China occasionally conducts military maneuvers near Taiwan to remind the tiny island of its flimsy renegade status," added Gibbs, "the White House was also forced to flex its presidential muscle and send a low-flying Air Force One plane into the renegade southern tip of the island of Manhattan, tracing the path of the 9/11 hijackers. It worked in 2001, and I don't see why we should abandon successful strategies only because they originated in a formerly unfriendly culture - that would be xenophobic. This administration is willing to learn from the international community, which can offer many spectacular success stories of government suppression of economic and individual freedoms."

The effectiveness of such strategy was evident in many eyewitness testimonies collected by members of the media in the streets of New York and New Jersey.

Gerry Karpinsky, a broker at Goldman Sachs, says he was terrified. "We all ran to the window, and I thought, that's it, American chickens are coming home to roost again. Our company has wronged the government badly - by not handling subprime loans in the past, and also rejecting the bailout money today. So I was pretty sure we would all die. It seemed especially tragic since many of us voted for Barack Obama and, on a personal level, we fully supported his efforts to redress his personal grievances as a representative of various minorities whom Goldman Sachs has victimized by resisting the government's control and expansion."

"Unfortunately, many Americans would find Obama's actions disturbing," says Melanie Brown, who works on Wall Street. "But I know that we deserved it because the moment the plane approached and everyone panicked, I was finishing reading Open Veins of Latin America: Five Centuries of the Pillage of a Continent by Eduardo Galeano - I had bought it on Amazon when CNN declared it the #2 bestseller soon after Hugo Chavez gave a copy to Barack Obama. This book literally blew my mind. So if I were President Obama, I'd not just scare Wall Street and nationalize the economy, I'd do everything in my power to bring this country to complete destruction - which is what I think Obama is doing now and I don't blame him."

"Why do they hate us?" was the question many Americans asked as they scurried away in terror from the approaching Presidential airplane.

To answer this question we contacted Professor Ward Churchill, a renowned expert in the field of American Imperial Arrogance and Criminality, who has famously addressed a similar inquiry in a book titled On the Justice of Roosting Chickens.

"Let's get a grip here, shall we?" Professor Churchill told us over the phone in a tough, manly voice, which might as well belong to a valiant Cherokee warrior. "True enough, they were civilians of a sort. But innocent? Gimme a break. They formed a technocratic corps at the very heart of America's global financial empire - and they did so both willingly and knowingly. They were completely oblivious to the pain that we, the progressive academic community, suffered because of America's economic success in the face of failing socialist regimes. Instead of wallowing in ideological misery, they were too busy braying incessantly and self-importantly into their cell phones, arranging power lunches and stock transactions, each of which, translated, conveniently out of sight, mind and smelling distance, into the desperation of a radical college professor who repeatedly fails to substantiate his socialist theories with real-life examples and must time and again pull them out of his own ass. If there was any other way of punishing the little Eichmanns inhabiting the sterile sanctum of Wall Street, I'd really be interested in hearing about it. Please send your suggestions at [email protected] or post them directly on the People's Cube which I read almost daily for inspiration."
 

Update: The most current explanation of the operation is "photo op." We must all take that as the current truth. As a proof of this theory, our reader Leah Sidwell sent us this diagram.

Indeed, if you work for the government and you have a choice of spending $180 tax dollars on Photoshopping the plane or $328,835 tax dollars on flying two actual planes, of course you would choose the more expensive option. It's called the Government's Occam Razor: always choose the option that costs taxpayers more money. Remember during the debates Obama said he didn't want to hack the budget with an ax but instead promised to slice it thinly with a razor? This is the razor he was talking about


 

Porkulus One Stinks Up NYC

 

This picture didn't make it into the story, so I'm posting it under the Cone of Silence:


 

That's our Dear Leader for you, always thinking of the children by making a test run of the Air Force One Jolly "You Can Feel Like a Terrorist Too!" Ride for Boys and Girls.

If I could only be in his shoes. What a thrill it must have been to get as close to those infidel capitalist built edifices without actually flying right into one.
 

Also this - a larger and expanded version:


 

Yep...



I'd love to hear from any employee from Goldman Sachs who was there in this thread.

4 circles posting off the Goldman Sachs building in Jersey City around Lady Liberty?

Fact: Goldman Sachs never meddled big time in mortgage backed securities.
Fact: Goldman Sachs was reluctant to take TARP funds.
Fact: Goldman Sachs turned a profit this 1st quarter
Fact: Goldman Sachs announced April 13th they were repaying the TARP in full.

That's bad for business...not capitalism, Obama White House business.
 

Comrades, I might add that Photoshop doesn't burn fossil fuels or leave a carbon footprint. No trees are destroyed using it. Images created by it don't take up any landfill space. Children and adults alike find the resulting images amusing and there are hacks aplenty so you don't even have to pay for it, if you're a good little redistributionist.
 

But a Photoshopped image wouldn't be the truth.... BWAA HA HA HA HA HA
 

Gulag Man say, let plane come and make bomb bomb. Peoples running did not have shovels. Bomb bomb. Obama make bomb bomb and all peoples equal.
 

How could Comrade Obama have been tricked by this cabal of counter-revolutionary saboteurs into not personally approving such a stunt that never took place?!? Little wonder Obama was furious with righteous rage at the Trotskyite plotters.

Just as Comrade Stalin had no idea that the so-called Purges weren't taking place, Obama could not possibly have realized that word of this non-flight would be made public. That's why Obama had to threaten admonish the FBI, the Secret Service (one needs to clean out one's personal bodyguard now and then; just ask Comrade Stalin!), and the City of New York, just so word wouldn't get out. Flying a 747 and two F-16s over Manhattan at 1000 feet for half an hour would hardly raise an eyebrow! If only those Quislings in New York hadn't squealed, no one would have known about this non-event that never happened.

Ivan the Kulak knows that a president bullying local officials is perfectly legal and constitutional! Who needs those ridiculous capitalistic Ninth and Tenth Amerndments to the decadent "US Constitution" anyway?
 

Are we sure this was Air force One (Which it cannot be if the POTUS is not in it) or perhaps the more nefarious Air Obama?
Possibly camouflaged to look like the Famous Air Force One minus "The One".
Are we sure they did not Photo shop the entire New York Area and it was really downtown Poughkepsie? I thought I saw Popeye Doyle.
Can an entire City of people taught to surrender be frightened?

 

Laika the Space Dog

Yep...



I'd love to hear from any employee from Goldman Sachs who was there in this thread.

4 circles posting off the Goldman Sachs building in Jersey City around Lady Liberty?

Fact: Goldman Sachs never meddled big time in mortgage backed securities.
Fact: Goldman Sachs was reluctant to take TARP funds.
Fact: Goldman Sachs turned a profit this 1st quarter
Fact: Goldman Sachs announced April 13th they were repaying the TARP in full.

That's bad for business...not capitalism, Obama White House business.
Ahhhh. A Target.
 

Gulag Man

Gulag Man say, let plane come and make bomb bomb. Peoples running did not have shovels. Bomb bomb. Obama make bomb bomb and all peoples equal.

Gulag Man, exactly how long have you been in the Gulag?...your expressed language has suffered, a little.
 

The Tsarevna

Gulag Man

Gulag Man say, let plane come and make bomb bomb. Peoples running did not have shovels. Bomb bomb. Obama make bomb bomb and all peoples equal.

Gulag Man, exactly how long have you been in the Gulag?...your expressed language has suffered, a little.
Lost his Teleprompter.
 

I KNEW when I heard about it that it wasn't an "accident." THIS WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!!!
I expect a new movement, 4/27 Truth, to explain to the sheeple that the flyover was Government's latest attack on private industry.
 

How the hell did this non-event even make it into the press in the first place??? In the name of Lenin, please tell me that His Excellency and President-for-life O. is not losing his grip on the press! The mainstream media is supposed to be in lock step with the wishes of His Excellency. And this time THEY ALL FAILED TO COVER THIS UP!!!! Suboptimal performance in service to His Excellency WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!!!

I'm on my way downtown to the HQ of our puppets, the Socialist (formerly Democratic) Party, to deal with this embarrassment! My promise to the Inner Circle™ is that heads will ROLL inside their P.R. Dept. (ABC, NBC, CBS, and CNN). And I mean that literally! No ... really! The Vince Foster "suicide" was an amateur job compared to what I am going to do.

(I mean ... Hell... if I can clean up Meow's embarrassments, this should be a breeze!)

--
ZB
 

AHAHAHA!! Obama think I scared of his prane, Scair Force One. My prane have twice the chaff & frare dispensers as his prane. Prus, my prane have secret bomb-bay Happy Prace(tm) for dropping nucrear weapons Big Frash(tm) and Swine Fru biological weapons Air Freshener(tm). My secret weapons rab Grorious Workers Recreation Resort is arso working on a raser beam weapon Bright Ray Of Sociarist Sunshine(tm) that wirr bring joy & hapiness to downtrodden workers the worrd over. Once my prane is battle-ready ready for summit of heads of state, I wirr spread my death & pestirence Message Of Hope & Peace For The Chirdren(tm) and furfirr Pran B Worrd Takeover objectives my Happy Ending(tm)



Happy Revorution on this Grorius First Day of May! Workers of the worrd unite! Everyone know the Machinery Of Capitarism is oired by the Brood Of The Workers. Kirr Whitey!

Yours Trury,

your friend Kim Jong Irrin'
 

Chun Ge.
 

Whadday ya know!
I can read Korean!!!
Prolly dew two mie pubric edukasion
 

Comrades:

His O'liness was testing the loyalty of all the "Little Eichmans" to The Party^tm and that bourgeosie scum failed! Don't they know that the War on Terror (sic) is over, now that the hated Bushilter has been overthrown? They are so stupid, they acted like our Islamo-fascist brothers still want to fly jumbo jets into crowded office buildings.

How xenophobic of those "Little Eichmans." Just because 19 Muslims hijack four jumbo jets, crash them into buildings, kill thousands of Americans, and millions of Muslims riot and call for our deaths, that is no reason to assign such loaded labels as "terrorist" to the Islamo-fascists.
 

Comrades,

What is this Photoshop? A capitalist tool! Even when used to produce progressive Truth, each image remains tainted, even if invisibly, by profit and (for pirated versions) exploitation of coders forced to produce the heinous tool.

True progressives use the free open-source 100%-selfless now-16-bit-friendly GIMP.
 

And as for all those doofuses out there who think if Obama wanted Air Force One photographed near the Statue of Liberty (she needs a name change), he should have called for Photoshop: What do you idiots think 9/11 was? That was Photoshopping at its worst, just ask Rosie--and who should be surprised by the ineptitude of it, considering it came down from the equally inept Bush Administration?

Which brings up something else: I was surprised to read this story, and at first I was, by turns, outraged by the stupidity of the rest of you and smug from my own satisfaction that as always, I'm the only one who can see the emperor's thingy.

For I thought last week's flyover was the work of Bush. Still in denial over the end of what he believed should have been a dictatorship for life, and longing for the nostalgia of his drunken Yale days, he stole the keys to Air Force One and had himself a little joyride over the Big Apple. He thought he could knock over Lady Liberty and cause a repeat of 9/11, thus fulfilling Cheney's wild eyed predictions that Obama has made this country less safe and more vulnerable to terrorists than ever.

Bush's plan was that the people would go back to fearing and hating the Muslims, and they would demand Bush's return to power to save them from any further terror, even overthrowing Obama to do it! (Haven't you people been paying attention to the DHS warnings?)

The swine flu is also another Rovian conspiracy coldly calculated to topple The One and restore Bush to his self-proclaimed rightful place as dictator. Don't ask me to explain. It's just so like everything else he's done that I know in my heart it simply HAS to be true!
 

Dear Leader is so smart -
also used event to do campaigning!



Hail Obama!
 

THE ONE has approved his image for this new Air Force One marketing campaign.
I don't know which one I fear more...
 

Comrades! I will explain the brilliance of our Dear Leader's New York flyover (I am only recently granted permission to reveal the true genius here among the faithful):

First, remember that the operation was linked to the White House Military Office, which as we know, represents the imperialist warmongering branch that all good peaceful peoples want to see replaced with humanitarian social(ist) workers. Soon we will begin to subtly start people thinking that the Pentagon ordered this... (just keep repeating "military")

Then they can be denounced as careless, thoughtless, brutes. Of course people were -ahem- "needlessly" frightened by this folly, caused by the only real terrorists, the only real threat to our safety.

At last we shall call for an end to the military-industrial complex, diverting the huge military budget to peaceful business takeovers, social justice and community organizers (block watchers).

You just can't photoshop an opportunity/crisis like this!
 

The whole thing was really a distraction. The idea would have been to shoot down the empty Air Force one, claim a terrorist attack, and use that as an excuse to register or seize all privately held small arms. Unfortunately the ACORN contractor that was supposed to have launched the missile was out to lunch, so the whole thing failed.
 

Comrades, it saddens me to say our revolution hasn't gone far enough. Here are some party approved ideas to advance Obamunism.

-Show trails at 20,000 Ft.
-Flight of the Purges, The Musical
-Top Gulag