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Stimulus Math Facts

I don't know if anyone has done this, but do this math:

If we want to “help” 5,000,000 unemployed people, which I think is about double the number of lost jobs in the past few months, what would happen if the government just wrote them all an annual check for $50,000?

It would be 5,000,000 x 50,000 = 250,000,000,000.

In other words, instead of a $900 billion “stimulus” package that helps almost nobody, the government could simply give 5 million unemployed people annual checks for $50,000 for 3 years, and still be LESS than this proposed “stimulus” bill.

How about just giving every person who has lost his job in the past 6 months and is still unemployed a one-time check equal to their pervious salary before they were laid off?

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Comrade! Did you use PeopleMath(tm) to calculate this - or the bourgeois, fascist math?

I used Tom Lehrer's New Math to perform my calculations! Or maybe it was my advanced Pubik Skool education...

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Comrade Consult,

Putting CEUs in the People's Pocket is not part of the agenda. Putting CEUs in the PARTY Pocket is. I suggest you revise your plan to include more items from our agenda, like 14 Billion CEUs to build Platform 11 at the Hauptbahnhof so I can send Thought Criminals to dig through city dumps looking for recyclable materials? Or 798 Million CEUs to build 2 new Prole-o-Matic Touch Free Wash stations?

-OV
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products

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Comrade Vodkavich is correct, the Party doe not want white male construction workers getting the money. The money must be distributed smarter and to the the right people.

Why not just outlaw white male construction workers? Perhaps only non-white females would be permissble in the construction industry? Oh, wait, I think industry itself is forbidden, is it not?

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Comrades,

Allow me to digress: Does not "Year O" (Obama) bear a progressive resemblance to "Year 0" (Pol Pot)? I think I'm getting a tingle in my third leg.

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Comrade_Tovarich wrote:Comrades,

Allow me to digress: Does not "Year O" (Obama) bear a progressive resemblance to "Year 0" (Pol Pot)? I think I'm getting a tingle in my third leg.

If so, Comrade_Tovarich, it's only a matter of time until he turns against his own Party in a fit of paranoia. As an Obamissar, I might be at risk. However, if I can prove I'm not a risk, I may be able to build Platform S-21.

-OV

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Comrade Vodkavich -

Are you by any chance in charge of those squeegee guys? Ahem... I mean to say, the squeegee men and women who perform the important task of collecting surplus CEUs from the decadent motorists on street crossings?

I wonder how many people are involved in managing their operations, what the overhead is, and whether office personnel is entitled to overtime. But the most important question is, how many hundreds of millions in the stimulus package have been earmarked to subsidize critical squeegee operations on the national scale, and avoid outsourcing this traditional American trade?

I think I'm beginning to understand the meaning of your avatar - or, as we call it on the Cube, the inner comrade icon. It's a stylized squeegee!

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{microphone off}
During the many years the late Louis Rukheyser hosted Wall $treet Week, he would periodically have his father Merrill on as a guest. One time, the elder Rukheyser recalled the days of FDR and the New Deal and the government spending that went on. He commented on how the New Deal critics were viewed by the mainstream with the observation, "In those days, a radical was someone who could add."

Comrade mlaconsult, it appears you are a radical.

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mlaconsult wrote:I used Tom Lehrer's New Math to perform my calculations! Or maybe it was my advanced Pubik Skool education...

Verily Comrade, you must immerse yourself in PeopleMath™ before you try and contemplate how providing millions for the Arts, more global warming studies, financial support for ACORN etc, will fire up the economy. Any other "real" math or endeavor to explore it's effectiveness will lead to dismay and headaches.

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Red Square wrote:Comrade Vodkavich -

Are you by any chance in charge of those squeegee guys? Ahem... I mean to say, the squeegee men and women who perform the important task of collecting surplus CEUs from the decadent motorists on street crossings?

I wonder how many people are involved in managing their operations, what the overhead is, and whether office personnel is entitled to overtime. But the most important question is, how many hundreds of millions in the stimulus package have been earmarked to subsidize critical squeegee operations on the national scale, and avoid outsourcing this traditional American trade?

I think I'm beginning to understand the meaning of your avatar - or, as we call it on the Cube, the inner comrade icon. It's a stylized squeegee!]

Comrade Red Square,

The squeegee is almost as proletarian as a shovel; in fact, since the tool costs less, it might be more so. Do note that I squeegeed Chiang Kai-shek off China to Taiwan, the Tibetans into China, and millions into re-education camps, rural regions, and post-existence. All without wasting a precious drop of the People's water.

Confidentially, I do have push and pull with squeegee makers but not the end consumers. Very few in NYC are Chinese.

I am nevertheless frustrated with reports that Mexican restaurants in the Midwest are staffed in their kitchens by illegal undocumented Chinese workers who cost less than their oppressed Hispanic brothers; they are more oppressed!

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Red Square wrote:Comrade Vodkavich -

Are you by any chance in charge of those squeegee guys? Ahem... I mean to say, the squeegee men and women who perform the important task of collecting surplus CEUs from the decadent motorists on street crossings?

I wonder how many people are involved in managing their operations, what the overhead is, and whether office personnel is entitled to overtime. But the most important question is, how many hundreds of millions in the stimulus package have been earmarked to subsidize critical squeegee operations on the national scale, and avoid outsourcing this traditional American trade?

I think I'm beginning to understand the meaning of your avatar - or, as we call it on the Cube, the inner comrade icon. It's a stylized squeegee!

Glorious Leader,

Sadly, I can not claim credit for Comrade Chocolate Starfish, as he used a Get out of Gulag Free card. Funny how he's still performing the same duties that he would have on one of my Mobile Squeegiehandling Squads.

The amount of skim these proles net for The Party is incredible! All their supplies are manufactured by the proles who start their careers on Platform 7. Like all thought criminals, my squeegiehandlers are re-educated at the Karl Marx Treatment Center. Then they receive several years of specialized training where they perfect the art of "spray on, squeegee off."

Part of their training involves target identification. If the car contains a capitalist bastard, identifible by having <2 bumper stickers, brand such as BMW, Mercedes, Maserati, etc., engine that makes sound when stopped at the red light, or exhaust that smells like gasoline instead of french fries) they immediately begin a thorough washing job, attempting to cast themselves as hard workers who are down on their luck but who are still trying. This often nets large donations of CEUs as the capitalist attempts to reward their labor. If they identify the car as containing a liberal (driving a People's Trabi, Yugo, Prius, etc. or meeting the opposite of any above criteria) they quickly hide the squeegee behind their back, make sad puppy eyes, and look like the downtrodden, malnourished proles they are. The liberal, feeling guilty for driving a car when others can't even feed themselves, immediately empty their wallets and ashtrays of CHANGE.

When training is complete, I then dispatch them to a regional pimp who ensures they're strategically positioned on the intersections that see the greatest travel of bourgeois pigs.
Worry not about outsourcing, Comrade. Part of my recent trip to Berlin was to check on one chapter I had recently installed there. Figuring that many Americans, familiar with the standard operating procedures of the squeegee, would be driving near Checkpoint Charlie and would therefore get to redistributin'. My plan appeared to be paying off as the regional pimp assured he was ready to accept at least 17 new proles. It would seem that the locals observed the behavior of the Americans and had themselves, being the modern progressives they are in Germany, started "donating."

Now that there seems to be some kind of agreement in Obama DC, I expect to be receiving 13 billion dollars to fund squeegee research and non-icing window cleaner. For those who would claim these exploits are capitalistic in nature, remember these facts:
1. The proles are thought criminals serving a sentence and receive no compensation. Comrade Fwank routinely makes sure they're not trying to bury any treasure.
2. All skim goes directly to Party Coffers, with a small percentage going to handle overhead.
3. It takes money from conservatives and gives it to the Party.

I love your interpretation of my Inner Comrade Icon, and I can see the similarity. It does indeed look like the crew at Pimp My Squeegee did their handiwork, but as Comrade Bill Clinton would say, "Close, but no cigar!" Ask Comrade Raoul Duke.

Eternally loyal,

OV
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products

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This whole squeegee business me an idea for the new headline:

Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing

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I also like your idea of 13 billion dollars to fund squeegee research and non-icing window cleaner, half of which which will surely go into the production of pimped-up squeegees for Chairman Punchenko's staff. Perhaps someone wants to write a teary-eyed bailout story under the pseudonym of Red Squeegee?

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Comrade Red square! My Party Organ swells larger than ever as I see Thought Criminal # 4928839, AKA "Bling Bling", one of my very own, a subject for a headline! I was thinking of granting him early release after, for the mere price of one pack of Marlboros, a cup of coffee, and a place to drop a deuce, he voted 382 times for The One. Now I know I must keep him onboard as he's vital to boosting morale. The other criminals might survive an extra week before succumbing to the weather, lack of food, harsh labor, gang rape, etc. found in my gulags and on my mobile work teams. Once I purchase acquire the software that another Comrade recommended, I'll set right to work designing for the Chairman. Nothing says "Spare any CHANGE?" quite like a souped up squeegee!

-OV
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products

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Obamissar Vodkavich

After carefully weighing your merits and admirable exploits for the sake of the Party(tm), I have decided to renounce my earlier denouncement of you. You are doing extremely well in your self-indulging selfless money producing for the Common Good(tm). I commend you. Keep up the good work and know, my fine comrade, that this testimonial may just get you out of that Show Trial, but no promises of that , eh?.......


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Comrades, I have designed a NEW attachment for The People's Rifle(TM)! Yes, now instead of the ebil bayonet, or the slightly less ebil rubber bayonet, there is now the People's Squeegee(TM)! Now the People's Militia(pat. appl'd for) can gather enough CEU's to complete their five year plan of collective domination on time!

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Ahhh Yes, what a wonderful Idea, and attachment for the Peoples AK-47 AK-74 or VZ-58 if a prole does not tip you.....Well the Ebil AK can do it's work.


Commissar Red Star CEO. Hemlock Hospitality Inc.
Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight.
Keeper of the Sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns.
Defender of the faith.

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{microphone off}

If the Porkulus Bill (aka Economic Recovery of Party Favorite Constituent Groups Bill) passes, here is an idea of what the future likely holds for us:

LESSONS FROM A STIMULUS THAT FAILED: “Japan's rural areas have been paved over and filled in with roads, dams and other big infrastructure projects, the legacy of trillions of dollars spent to lift the economy from a severe downturn caused by the bursting of a real estate bubble in the late 1980s. During those nearly two decades, Japan accumulated the largest public debt in the developed world — totaling 180 percent of its $5.5 trillion economy — while failing to generate a convincing recovery. Now, as the Obama administration embarks on a similar path, proposing to spend more than $820 billion to stimulate the sagging American economy, many economists are taking a fresh look at Japan's troubled experience. . . . Among ordinary Japanese, the spending is widely disparaged for having turned the nation into a public-works-based welfare state and making regional economies dependent on Tokyo for jobs. Much of the blame has fallen on the Liberal Democratic Party, which has long used government spending to grease rural vote-buying machines that help keep the party in power.”

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Comrade Opiate, do you have a link to this study about Japan? I would like to share it with some of the more progressive people in the Olympia Collective.

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Comrades,

The link is to this New York Times article.
<br>It angers me, because the American "experts" who fantasize about it see the Japanese stimulus as a success but the Japanese--the dumb natives, obviously, for they don't read the NYT--generally see it as a failure. There is at least one bridge built into the side of a mountain, numerous roads to nowhere (but plenty of votes from construction workers), mountainsides slathered in concrete to prevent landslides, riversides built up with concrete to prevent flooding that doesn't occur, the world's longest suspension bridge that costs roughly $60 one-way to drive across (more data), airports that get hardly any flights but cost taxpayers plenty to keep open, useless museums staffed by public "workers." There's a new road, the "Aqualine," under Tokyo Bay but it costs so much that most people will take the time to drive the slow coastal loop instead of saving an hour or whatever. Oh, and don't forget Kansai Int'l Airport, built on a man-made island that's sinking back into the sea far faster than predicted. New universities are being opened but there are no children. Yes, more Koreans and Chinese are coming over, but many are on Japanese government scholarships. It's insane.

Japan's landmass is roughly the same as California's, yet it uses far more concrete for useless public works. And maintenance? Japan is mountainous so there are tunnels and bridges everywhere, but even when the "Closed" sign isn't up, you don't need to be a civil engineer to see the danger.

The article notes Japan's national debt is 180% of GDP. If they keep at it, they can unseat Zimbabwe! However, I'd rather Japan be #1 at something else.

I've been here for over a decade. If you only live in Tokyo, especially among the expats and the spots they frequent (like Roppongi), you won't see the detrimental effects. However, if you go out into the provinces (Japanese flyover country), you will.

This is not a joking matter! Someone needs to do something! We are in SERIOUS danger of national collapse that we cannot recover from. Not because we didn't pass Obama's "stimulus" bill, but because we did! Because we have turned our nation over to a bunch of fools who have never read history, know nothing about economics, ignore all the warnings of the Founding Fathers, and think the Constitution is just a piece of paper that gets in the way of "doing what needs to be done." We are SCREWED, people. If Obama gets his way, websites like this could be baned! The Constitution (what's left of it) will be gone forever. We are on the verge of another revolution, and our liberty depends on what happens in the near future. Obama and his liberal Democrat cronies MUST BE STOPPED, whatever it takes, or we will go the way of Rome and the Soviet Union. 75 years of "progressive" power grabs have nearly brought the nation to ruin. Obama will destroy this country, and the people cheer him for it! We sure do need a "messiah", but not Obama's sick twisted vision of one. We need to restore the Constitution to what the Founders intended, if it isn't already too late.

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Thanks, Comrade Tovarich, and I might add supposedly this sort of thing has been going on in West Virginia for a while. I have read in a number of places over the years about the legendary Sen. Robert Byrd, who as Lord Chairman of the Appropriations Committee when the left wing kleptocrats Democrats are in power, always sees to it that every spending bill has a little something for his home state in it. Reportedly there are numerous under-occupied government buildings and empty highways there. I just can't wait until the stimulus bill passes and they put up a useless concrete something-or-other in my neighborhood! Maybe they can take a clue from "2001: A Space Oddessy" and put up a giant concrete monolith. If, like the movie, the monolith inspires the natives to thought, it might be worth it.

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Wow comrades, after reading all the clever comments, I nearly forgot what the subject of the original post was.

Let's see, People's Math I think it was. Well, all I can say is never trust numbers, there are just too many of them.

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Comrade Opiate,
I have heard of such shenanigans in WV from newspapers.

A giant red monolith engraved with "You Bought It, You Got It" that emits a constant stream of N2O (a greenhouse gas, but just as hilarious as global warming). After you've been gassed and are stumbling, snickering, to your car, government pickpockets, recruited by ACORN, apply the soft touch as a shared learning experience.

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Comrade Whoopie wrote: Let's see, People's Math I think it was. Well, all I can say is never trust numbers, there are just too many of them.

The fundamental rule of People's Math is draw your curve first, then plot your data. All data that does not fit the curve must be discarded.

Libertybelle
I made a non-party approved video! Shame on me! Please check it out!


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I've got a simple answer to this, just let the Obamasiah take control of all jobs, give a job to anyone by force, err want. Just like in Mother USSR, unemployment will be non-existent, our pay will be government controlled and insured, and we can, in some sense, live off the government.

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Opiate of the People wrote:
Comrade Whoopie wrote: Let's see, People's Math I think it was. Well, all I can say is never trust numbers, there are just too many of them.

The fundamental rule of People's Math is draw your curve first, then plot your data. All data that does not fit the curve must be discarded.

That's just the way I got through Math courses in my progressive schools. One exception was Geometry.......damn thereoms!


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Che Gourmet wrote:
Opiate of the People wrote:
Comrade Whoopie wrote: Let's see, People's Math I think it was. Well, all I can say is never trust numbers, there are just too many of them.

The fundamental rule of People's Math is draw your curve first, then plot your data. All data that does not fit the curve must be discarded.

That's just the way I got through Math courses in my progressive schools. One exception was Geometry.......damn thereoms!

So what was the problem with geometry? Any facts or spatial points that did not fall within your desired space, should be corrected with the People's Hammer™, and failing that, are clearly non-existant points created by the Bush regime to confuse progressives and to be discarded.


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Commissar_Elliott wrote:Damn thereoms indeed, and I mean it.

Comrades,

Let's not get carried away on geometry. I had it in 8th grade and solved a problem with just two theorems, thus besting the class leader (who later got a full-ride scholarship from Rose-Hulman and joined the military as an officer) and making the teacher balk; he thought I was wrong and had to flip through the textbook to make sure I wasn't.

Egads! I've just realized my glory days weren't even high school, they were junior high! I think I deserve some scamulus dollars for that. And the dollars I get should all be redistributed from Bruce Springsteen specifically for his song "Glory Days," which pains me each time I hear it.

I did enjoy college calculus. Since it was a repeat of HS AP calculus, it allowed me to help perplexed females and do Whip-Its after class. Sometimes even both. And I still pulled an A, but maybe that says more about my college than me.

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Comrade_Tovarich wrote:
Let's not get carried away on geometry. I had it in 8th grade and solved a problem with just two theorems, thus besting the class leader (who later got a full-ride scholarship from Rose-Hulman and joined the military as an officer) and making the teacher balk; he thought I was wrong and had to flip through the textbook to make sure I wasn't.


Comrade, this is not the proper way to go about these things! The Progressive mathematician would apply Rather's Theory, "If it isn't true, it should be!". If your answer being right would further the cause of social justice, then it is right and it is irrelevant whether the "rules" of geometry are followed. As U.S. President and People's Messiah Lord Obama once spake, it doesn't matter if tax increases on the rich increase unemployment or decrease economic activity, they are FAIR! All things must be viewed thru the prism of fairness, even if it makes the observer googly-eyed.

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There's truth to this Rather's Theory, now is this Dan "The Man" Rather?
(off)
There's a page from the democrat playbook.

mumphis
when do we start hunting libs for food?


 
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