Kamp Obama: Teach Kids to Punch Back Twice as Hard!

8/10/2009, 1:56 am

IT'S NOT TOO LATE!

The end of summer rapidly approaches, but there is still time for your child's indoctrination at Kamp Obama!

At Kamp Obama we educate young skulls full of mush in such progressive activities as groupthink, activism, denunciations, and show trials. From Marx and Engels to Alinsky and Ayers, your child will learn the best tactics, thinking techniques, and viewpoints.

In addition to fun, your child will be trained in the following useful skills that he, she, or it will need as a progressive adult:

Pie Throwing
Bullying
Shout Down
Physical Intimidation
In Your Face
Punch Twice As Hard
The Chicago Way

Kamp Obama's secret of success is a scientifically measured formula that associates pleasure with awareness in all areas of social and economic justice, as evidenced by the following useful activities:

DIY Raft Building

Soon this country will no longer be the shining light on the hill; those wishing to escape Marxism have nowhere to go. Homemade raft building is expected to become the fastest growing recreational sport and a useful way to unload all those GM and Chrysler cars the government owns.

Found Objects Shelter

Learn to build eco-friendly shelters from found objects! Course instructor is the President's own brother George, who lives in just such a structure even today. He will teach your child the benefits of living in a non-imperialistic socialist third world country.

First Aid and Basic Surgery

Socialized healthcare is just around the corner and with it comes extended waiting periods for medical care. So it's important that all progressive citizens have a working knowledge of most procedures. At Kamp Obama your child will receive training in self-surgery and many other useful cost cutting measures.

Campfire Sing-A-Longs

Every night all campers will gather around the fire to roast tofu wieners and sing a recommended number of progressive songs:

This Land is Not Your Land, You Blood-Sucking Capitalist Pig.
He Ain't Heavy, He's Big Brother
If I Had a Hammer and a Sickle
Obama's Got the Whole World in His Hand
New York Times, They Are Never Changin'
Where Have All the Republicans Gone

Your child's awareness will skyrocket after playing these fun games:

Leap Prog
Pin the Tail on the Running Dog
Hide, Seek, N Report
Hot Beet
Shovel-Ready Races

After two weeks of vigorous re-programming your child will return as a well-trained prog, ready to beat, bully, and shout down any and all crazed right-wing protesters.

If standard public school indoctrination isn't enough for your troubled kid - if you child is still acting out, showing signs of free thinking and individually - Kamp Obama might just be the answer.

8/10/2009, 2:11 am

Glorious Comrade, simply glorious!

8/10/2009, 3:12 am

Perfect! I hereby volunteer the Colonel for Kamp Obama! Stalin knows he needs it! So many thought crimes, so little Understanding™, and he has never had the fine privilege of being fully indoctrinated.

Colonel, enjoy your stay.

8/10/2009, 8:57 am

<CENTER><IMG SRC="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/_iKcZ3qcCmyo/ ... R>Comrade Ayers will be instructing little minds full of mush on the correct manner of starting camp fires and the use of incendiary devices. As an extra added attraction he will teach how to write ghost (written) stories to read around the campfire.

8/10/2009, 12:23 pm

Darn it! I wanted to enroll when I was younger, but now that I'm 20, that isn't going to happen. On this note, please don't tell me Bonnie Fwank is a camp councilor.

8/10/2009, 12:41 pm

Elliott, that's the most fetching that I've ever seen Bonnie Frank look. I still want to know how much fun he can have if he can't move his upper lip.

8/10/2009, 12:56 pm

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Elliott, that's the most fetching that I've ever seen Bonnie Frank look. I still want to know how much fun he can have if he can't move his upper lip.

Hahaha. . .! You got me, I would bet his singing would be something like this though,

"I am da dancing qween
Young and sween
Onwy seventeen
OooOooh. . ."

8/10/2009, 1:14 pm

Ivana Tinkle wrote:Comrade Ayers will be instructing little minds full of mush on the correct manner of starting camp fires and the use of incendiary devices. As an extra added attraction he will teach how to write ghost (written) stories to read around the campfire.

Without doubt Ivana, also note that the poster depicts our very own Pinkie marching the Obama Youth to an Out On A Ledge protest. At Kamp Obama Pinkie is a professor of prog arts which includes shovel whacking.

8/10/2009, 3:59 pm

Is it too late to send my 27-year-old? He's talking about joining the Imperialist armed guard! I am just sooo embarrassed!

8/10/2009, 4:09 pm

Citizen's

Suggested summer book for Kamp Obama, by the (DeMAOcratic) party!

Publius

8/10/2009, 7:54 pm

Ah, those lucky little ones away at Kamp....

8/10/2009, 7:55 pm

I was just getting ready to send my kid when I saw the fine print on the back of the pamphlet...........

*** WARNING: Kamp Obama assumes no liability for damages incurred when your newly programmed youngster rats you out and bites the hand that feeds them by reporting parents to the authorities for anti-government thought crimes. ***

8/10/2009, 8:55 pm

Citizen #50813 wrote:Is it too late to send my 27-year-old? He's talking about joining the Imperialist armed guard! I am just sooo embarrassed!

Yes, kitty kat, your "child" may be a little to old for kamp now, but not to worry, there are plenty of young proles for our communist stew...

Setup Kamp!

Re-educate and Destabilize:

The Plan:

We are doing great comrades and all the proletariat are falling right in line just look at the results of this particular poll...

Your Chance To Vote On Obama's Performance on Economy-AT&T/Yahoo Poll
http://js.polls.yahoo.com/quiz/quizifra ... l_id=46067

Vote, then pass it on.

8/10/2009, 10:57 pm

We really must have a beauty contest for the most Useful of Useful Idiots. And the prize? A bullet in the head. But the useful idiots don't know that will be the prize.

Because they're idiots.

8/10/2009, 11:56 pm

Only if ~~Perez Hilton~~ Mario can ask the questions at the pageant. In fact, we think he should be head of inquisition training at Kamp Obama. He sets a fine example for The Children™.

Speaking of useful idiots.

8/11/2009, 1:00 am

Publius Valerius wrote:Citizen's

Suggested summer book for Kamp Obama, by the (DeMAOcratic) party!

Publius

An excellent piece of work, Comrade. Our Dear Leader expects to receive rave reviews for the book after you ghost write it for him.

In honor of your achievement, Comrade Nanski wishes you join her for a trip aboard her new private People's aircraft. Bring your mop and bucket. Also, bring your latex gloves (Nanski just loves having her footsies massaged.)

8/11/2009, 11:05 am

Alinsky teaching bomb making? Reverand Wright leading chapel services? Ted Kennedy giving driving lessons? Barney Frank teaching sex reeducation? Sign me up!

8/11/2009, 11:26 am

Comrades! How could Kamp Obama forget to instill that most effective and opposition-destroying skill: the Ad Hominem attack?

8/11/2009, 11:51 am

hmmmmm.... i was thinking of sending my akachan to samurai school where they'll learn the finer arts of kenjutsu, intimidation and the formal rituals of seppuku in case they shame the family.... but kamp obama seems pretty good too... will obama kamp instill the guilt needed to commit harakiri if necessary? ...hmmmmm

atode,
emperor kakubakuhatsu

8/11/2009, 2:00 pm

Is Kamp Obama also going to teach the little tikes the wise sayings of Karl Marx? Sort of like an Hadith for kindergartners.

8/11/2009, 4:28 pm

"From each according to thier tendency to vote Republican, to each according to their affiliation to ACORN."

Progressive redistribution Comrade, Trust the Party!

8/11/2009, 5:32 pm

The glorious Øbama Kiddie Kamp akademik kurrikulum should konsidered for use in konjunktion with adult remedial rice paddie vokational re-edukation, in this komrades humble opinion.

8/11/2009, 5:56 pm

Just posting some of our glorious Progress™ thus far...

8/11/2009, 6:34 pm

Thank you komrades for this very patriotik announcement! Please to be enrollink my little babushkas for proper enlightenment into becomink another hammer and suckling to the kause!

8/11/2009, 8:31 pm

What a glorious idea, Supercommissar! (Note to self: investigate if title 'SuperCommissar' is not ThoughCrime^TM, as superlatives generally foment dissent among the proles. Oh kittyscat, what the hell, he's good with PhotoShop).

I can see a whole new generation of groupthinking Community Organizers ready to usher in the bright future of Next Tuesday! How can I ~~grovel my way in and get some OPM~~ help?

Ivana Tinkle wrote:<CENTER><IMG SRC="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/_iKcZ3qcCmyo/ ... R>Comrade Ayers will be instructing little minds full of mush on the correct manner of starting camp fires and the use of incendiary devices. As an extra added attraction he will teach how to write ghost (written) stories to read around the campfire.

Comrade Tinkle, splendid to see you on the Cube! We as a class are far under-represented, and are in a struggle to free the collective from the opression of caninies. I raise my paw in support, with yours and those of our countless comrades, all for The Kittens^TM.

8/11/2009, 9:08 pm

General Mousey-Tongue wrote:What a glorious idea, Supercommissar! (Note to self: investigate if title 'SuperCommissar' is not ThoughCrime^TM

Thanks Mousey and I felt the same when Red Square assigned me the title, but who am I to argue with the boss. In fact I denounce General Mousey-Tongue for daring to question the Head Red.

8/11/2009, 9:12 pm

Because of Obama I am inspired to be Astroturf.
Because of Obama I am inspired to turn in my 67 year old father in the "Cash for Clunkers" exchange.
Because of Obama I am inspred to wait for months for medical treatment.
Because of Obama I am inspred to relinquish all individuality for the collective.
Because of Obama I am inspired to purchase toys, shirts, posters, and coffee mugs on The People's Cube, even though I dont drink coffee.
Because of Obama I have become a community dis-organizer, "mob"ster, and Un-American.
Because of Obama I LMAO reading the posts of my fellow travelors on The People's Cube.
Because of Obama I now use the word "stupidly" in my daily conversations.

8/11/2009, 10:37 pm

Because of Obama the inspired teacher who made the above video and posted it on the internet without parental permission like all good progs who think their property is yours and your children are theirs got a civil spanking...

A middle school teacher in Missouri was suspended Monday forputting a video on YouTube of his students chanting lines from BarackObama speeches and wearing military fatigues.

The video, called"Obama Youth -- Junior Fraternity Regiment," was posted by a YouTubeuser named "keepitwildtv" on Oct. 2. The school learned the video wason the Internet and took action against the teacher Monday morning.

JoyceMcGautha, superintendent of the Urban Community Leadership Academy, acharter school for students in fifth through ninth grades in KansasCity, Mo., said that the video was probably taken last May during theJunior Fraternity's morning meeting at the school.

She would notdisclose the teacher's name. "At this time because of the legal actionthat we'll probably have to take against the teacher, I'm not going togive his name," McGautha said.

Students at the school have30-minute group sessions four times a week during which they aresupposed to work on reading and writing. Once a week they are allowedto have "activities," McGautha said. There are 12 groups at the publiccharter school.

The Junior Fraternity students studied Obama'seconomic plan with the teacher, and the superintendent did not knowwhether the teacher or the students scripted the routine. The groupshould have also studied John McCain's economic plan, thesuperintendent said.

In the video, eighth- and ninth-graderswearing military camouflage pants and navy t-shirts chant and perform aroutine in the style of a step show, a dance popular amongAfrican-American fraternities at universities.

The studentsenter the room chanting "Alpha. Omega. Alpha. Omega." Then, one at atime, they state things they were "inspired" to do by Barack Obama,including becoming an architect and a sheriff. At the end of the video,the students make statements about Obama's healthcare plan. "Obama'shealthcare plan will be able to provide participants the ability tomove from job to job without taking their healthcare coverage," onesays.

"People are upset that possibly taxpayer money is beingused to support one particular candidate," McGautha said, "and now Ican understand that. And I didn't condone them. I try very, very hardto remain within the limits of the law. I think this is unfortunate."

Shesaid she was aware of the video, and that many of the school'sactivities are recorded, but that the teacher had been warned in aletter not to put it on the Internet. If he did, she said, he shouldseek legal counsel.

The teacher's fate will be taken up by the charter school's board, she said.

"Certainthings don't happen in public schools anyway, but there area lot ofother ramifications when you take it public," McGautha said.

"Asfar as [the teacher is] concerned, I think he gets what was supposed tocome to him. But I don't think the children should be the victims ofhis stupidity."

Because of Obama I recently had a similar conflict with a prog teacher who got a Rooster spanking...

Because of Obama we can be thankful Alinsky tactics are gaining in popularity with the masses instead of those outdated notions of manners and rules...

Because of Obama we can discuss everything with the cops and judges over a beer...

8/11/2009, 10:38 pm

General Mousey-Tongue wrote:Comrade Tinkle, splendid to see you on the Cube! We as a class are far under-represented, and are in a struggle to free the collective from the opression of caninies. I raise my paw in support, with yours and those of our countless comrades, all for The Kittens^TM.

General Mousey-Tongue, I must advise you to be wary of Comrade Tinkle. Over the past few days, he/she has changed their avatar with suspicious frequency. Tinkle may vote for cats today, but could just as easily vote against them tomorrow.

And I don't know about you, but tinkling is something I tend to associate more with dogs than cats.

8/11/2009, 10:46 pm

Tinkle, Tinkle little czar how we wonder what you are,
Down below the mud so thick, like my shovel and my... tricks...

8/12/2009, 12:31 am

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
And I don't know about you, but tinkling is something I tend to associate more with dogs than cats.

konbanwa,
hai, i have haiku for you.

for the common good
cat and dog and tinkling
equal they must be

douzo, you enjoy, thank you.

domoarigatougozaimasu,
emperor kakubakuhatsu

8/12/2009, 12:34 am

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
General Mousey-Tongue wrote:Comrade Tinkle, splendid to see you on the Cube! We as a class are far under-represented, and are in a struggle to free the collective from the opression of caninies. I raise my paw in support, with yours and those of our countless comrades, all for The Kittens^TM.

General Mousey-Tongue, I must advise you to be wary of Comrade Tinkle. Over the past few days, he/she has changed their avatar with suspicious frequency. Tinkle may vote for cats today, but could just as easily vote against them tomorrow.

And I don't know about you, but tinkling is something I tend to associate more with dogs than cats.

That's true, Comrade Pinkie, however, Ivana Tinkle's avatar doesn't outshine Comrade Mousey Tongue's, indicating a certain level of respect.

8/12/2009, 12:41 am

Very impressive. I will get my youngest brother in. what was the age limit again?

8/12/2009, 1:44 am

RED VIKTOR wrote:Very impressive. I will get my youngest brother in. what was the age limit again?

The younger the better, Viktor. The sooner he joins and accepts the collective the more resources General Zod-Obama and the statist can obtain from him. Please deposit any older relatives to the state. The "Cash for Clunkers" program pays better than your average Pawn Shop.

8/12/2009, 1:54 am

State media has obtained archival footage of our dear leader, General Zod-Obama, arriving at the Whitehouse for the first time. With him is his wife Michelle (great arms), along with then Secretary of Commerce nominee, Bill Richardson.

Please be aware that the following footage may not be suitable for those who have not yet joined the Kollecktive. Progressive Advisory is in effect.

What a glorious day......sniff...sniff.

Kneel before Zod, comrades......Kneel beforew Zod.

8/12/2009, 2:16 am

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
General Mousey-Tongue wrote:Comrade Tinkle, splendid to see you on the Cube! We as a class are far under-represented, and are in a struggle to free the collective from the opression of caninies. I raise my paw in support, with yours and those of our countless comrades, all for The Kittens^TM.

General Mousey-Tongue, I must advise you to be wary of Comrade Tinkle. Over the past few days, he/she has changed their avatar with suspicious frequency. Tinkle may vote for cats today, but could just as easily vote against them tomorrow.

And I don't know about you, but tinkling is something I tend to associate more with dogs than cats.

Most interesting, Commissarka! My absence for the past few days, while cracking down on illicit gambling and prostitution outside of my influence in Kunming, I have been too busy toiling for The Common Good^TM. Your observations are always as sharp as the edge of your shovel.

Time will prove Comrade Tinkle's stripes. Er, true colors. How you say in Amerikka, how she/he roll/slide/get down and boogie. It is comforting to know we have people watching her/him/it, just as people are watching the watchers, and etcetera etcetera. Such a glorious thing, the collective!

Emperor Kakubakuhatsu, I did not know the Party recognizes any emperor other than our Chairman Meow. Anyway, your haiku was most inspiring, and I have inscribed it over the door to my kitty box. The muse has now visited your humble servant General:

Tinkle, tinkle, bright red star
climbing in Collective far
Suit of green and cap of red,
benefactors mostly dead,
tinkle, tinkle, bright red star
betray another commissar!

Let us almost pity the running dog capitalist scum...our collective is mo betta!

8/12/2009, 2:38 am

General Mousey-Tongue wrote:
Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
General Mousey-Tongue wrote:Comrade Tinkle, splendid to see you on the Cube! We as a class are far under-represented, and are in a struggle to free the collective from the opression of caninies. I raise my paw in support, with yours and those of our countless comrades, all for The Kittens^TM.

Do not forget Citizen #50813

.

I am quite pleased to see that a species known for its independence, and who lacks an ability to come when called, has so quickly adapted into the kollektive of our dear leader General Zod-Obama. Your ability to seek out anything "fishy" and destroy it makes you an invaluable resource to the Revolucion.

Now, felines. Go out and spray all territories on behalf of the state.

8/12/2009, 2:54 am

El Presidente wrote:
General Mousey-Tongue wrote:
Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
Do not forget Citizen #50813 .

I am quite pleased to see that a species known for its independence, and who lacks an ability to come when called, has so quickly adapted into the kollektive of our dear leader General Zod-Obama. Your ability to seek out anything "fishy" and destroy it makes you an invaluable resource to the Revolucion.

Now, felines. Go out and spray all territories on behalf of the state.

Duly noted, and what a fine feline comrade Citizen #50813 is! These are truly great days for the People!

El Presidente, I will raise my rear leg in salute to your inspiring message. As Commissar of Seafood Testing, it is my responsibility to sniff out anything even remotely fishy and report it to the correct authorities. And take samples, of course.

8/12/2009, 5:24 am

Citizen's

Citizen Brian Williams, a known "journalistic Obamatron", does appear to bow in the video. This appears to be a significant departure from his usual practice of kneeling in front of "Clueless Leader"!

Publius

p.s Apparently Brian Williams's dog, "KissAss", seen here wearing his NBC blazer, and the new "First Pooch", inspired by the interview, displayed a similar level of affection for each other!

8/12/2009, 7:56 am

General Mousey-Tongue wrote: As Commissar of Seafood Testing, it is my responsibility to sniff out anything even remotely fishy and report it to the correct authorities. And take samples, of course.

So noted, dear General Mousey-Toungue. The Revolucion does not frown upon your desire to sample the "fishy" subject. Please remember however, whatever samples you consume should only come from the less meatier parts of the subject, the ass belongs to General Zod-Obama.

8/12/2009, 10:08 am

General Mousey-Tongue wrote:
Emperor Kakubakuhatsu, I did not know the Party recognizes any emperor other than our Chairman Meow.

ah, hai, shiteimasu,
regretfully, today the emperor is seen but as a figurehead (the way we want the world to see it) and in turn i am no more equal than any other (as far as you know). although back in the day, feudal japan by far had the most equal system of society. four tiers of equality. at the top, being most equal were the samurai class, answering only to the daimyo who answered only to the shogun. in return they 'protected' the other classes equally. secondly, the peasants and farmers were almost as equal, providing food and sustenance to the people. mittsu, the artisans were equal right below the peasants, just like they still are today, but they were the creators of katana and chopsticks so they had value. the least equal and being most deservedly least equal were the merchants, the capitalist criminals of the land who did nothing but sit in a shop and generate money. merchants were ostracized as parasites who profited from the labor of the more productive peasant and artisan classes. nonetheless, many merchant families were able to amass large fortunes. capitalist squid always ruin a good thing. of course a couple people fell outside the system. actors were below the tiers and were deemed worthless, and the emperor was above the system making sure it all ran smooth.

hai, kaeritaidesu. that is the time to long for.

kyou wa, i will do my part within my equality to reestablish the most equal world-society possible and retake my proper place at the top. hai, iidesune, arigatougozaimasu.

atode,
emperor kakubakuhatsu

ps - i do not aim to be pretentious, i just know best.

8/12/2009, 2:18 pm

Emperor, in the Collective it is assumed that you know best. Unless you pretend to know better than His O'liness, or our Many Titted Empress. As to who knows best--BHO or MTE--the jury's still out on that one.

I read that the White House is currently astroturfing the notion that the Pope bows down to His O'liness and asks Him for forgiveness for having an insufficiently broad understanding of the warp and woof of humanity.

8/12/2009, 4:34 pm

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Emperor, in the Collective it is assumed that you know best. Unless you pretend to know better than His O'liness, or our Many Titted Empress.

konnichiwa, o'theocritussan,
being new to your collective, and not yet familiar with the subtleties of your population and citizen thought control methods, i don't want the appearance of stepping out of line. although at the risk of sounding blasphamis, i believe the "O" is only the tip of the naginata that pierces the rice paper holding back universal equality, and that a greater 'example of equality' to the citizens of the world will follow.

i'm hoping that's me... you know, for the greater good.

domo,
emperor kakubakuhatsu

ps - who is this manytittedempress? sounds like a good time.

8/12/2009, 5:08 pm

I am in from cold, in from dark side. I must report but landscape, is different, eh!?! Must not drop parcel at wrong drop POINT! Is clear, nyet!?!

Do not run or try hide when I approach.

Spaseeba
Над и вне.

8/12/2009, 8:25 pm

A great camp idea. Perhaps the One should work with GOOGLE to set up a similar camp for adults...

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/lMChO0qNbkY&h ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

8/12/2009, 10:36 pm

Emperor Kakubakuhatsu wrote:ps - who is this manytittedempress? sounds like a good time.

Our Many Titted Empress is Our Darling Secretary of State:<center>

</center>
Also known as the Hildebeest and Hildog.

Or Alvin's Aunt.

8/12/2009, 11:13 pm

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Our Many Titted Empress is Our Darling Secretary of State:
Also known as the Hildebeest and Hildog.

Indeed you may have seen her in this incarnation...

Though the peoples of the Northern regions depicted her thusly...

and in the southwest she frequently was associated with the scorpion goddess...

8/13/2009, 7:41 am

CItizen Theocritis,

With reference to the "many titted empress", I remind you of the age old axiom, "two's company, three (or more) is a crowd"!

Publius

8/13/2009, 12:20 pm

Commissar Theocritus wrote:
Emperor Kakubakuhatsu wrote:ps - who is this manytittedempress? sounds like a good time.
Our Many Titted Empress is Our Darling Secretary of State:<center></center>
Also known as the Hildebeest and Hildog.

Or Alvin's Aunt.

ABUNAI!! ABUNAI!!
TENCHI NO SHINIGAMI.... HORRIBLE ZANSHI

SUMMON ONIKUDAKI TO STRIKE THIS BEAST FROM MY SIGHT.... ARRRGHHHH

MY EYES, MY EYES, .....my eyesssssssss........

last time i saw death was when the one they call PELOSIchan spoke riddles at a hall in town, trying to confuse the population by talking circles out of her exhaust hole. the stench still lingers.

no wonder they can demand redistribution of wealth and total obedience, they have the power to unleash the hideousness of true terror.

okuyukashii,
emperor kakubakuhatsu

8/13/2009, 12:30 pm

Da! Ve must obliterate morality! Ees all cleverly concealed secret report contain! Da!?!

Interrogation pleasing ees not maim and blood. Beg food, get laughing; fat end cue stick for солнечный плекс.

Над и вне

8/13/2009, 1:26 pm

Emperor Kakubakuhatsu wrote: TENCHI NO SHINIGAMI.... HORRIBLE ZANSHI

I like the sound of that. Is it made of raw fish, how much, and will you deliver to a residential address? Also I'd like to see a picture of it. Send menu.

8/13/2009, 2:17 pm

</center>
A picture is worth a thousand words. Not hearing her words--priceless.

8/13/2009, 6:45 pm

Red Square wrote:
Emperor Kakubakuhatsu wrote: TENCHI NO SHINIGAMI.... HORRIBLE ZANSHI

I like the sound of that. Is it made of raw fish, how much, and will you deliver to a residential address? Also I'd like to see a picture of it. Send menu.

And don't forget to send me a sample for testing! Kannichiwa!

8/13/2009, 6:56 pm

There is a reason, comrades, why the term 'mayday' is an international term of distress. I think it had something to do with this:

If comrade Kim Sung were here, he would probably say: "Her MTEEE is rary, rary sexy, I reery reery rike her in browun yooniform. Gives me hot in the pockets!

8/13/2009, 6:58 pm

Who's the cow in the center? Amazing, isn't it, that they can get them to walk on two legs.

8/14/2009, 12:50 pm

Red Square wrote:
Emperor Kakubakuhatsu wrote: TENCHI NO SHINIGAMI.... HORRIBLE ZANSHI

I like the sound of that. Is it made of raw fish, how much, and will you deliver to a residential address? Also I'd like to see a picture of it. Send menu.

ohayogozaimasu, redsquaresan. hajimemashite.
hai, horrible zanshi IS made of raw sakana.

in ancient japan, these mystical beasts would fall from the heavens in hoards into our lands, covering the country side. no one was spared. their terrific stench and beaming smugness were overwhelming. with their many tentacles they would reach inside our humble homes and remove our personal items, then place these items into our neighboring citizens houses. the amount of disarray was quiet unnerving. no one ever got back all of their belongings that they had worked to obtain. great samurai and equal but not as great artisans alike were annoyed (although some beggars and actors seemed to enjoy their arrival). after multitudes of people no longer had anything that they actually wanted, zanshi would disappear into the ocean. (we normally would have the merchants, capitalist losers they are, to clean up the mess)

here is a recent photo of one of them. you can see why i was so frightened by the many titted empress. the likeness is uncanny. this one was captured and is held in captivity in tokyo. although since being captured it has managed to get a couple of its tentacles wrapped around the economy over here. note the smugness.

but to answer your question. 'how much?' = 9% above GNP. 'will deliver to residential address?' = whitehouse currently has a plan.

domoarigatougozaimasu,
emperor kakubakuhatsu

8/14/2009, 3:12 pm

Hmm. For some reason those tentacles remind me of Nansky Peloski's fingers. Except the brain pan is entirely too big.

8/14/2009, 5:10 pm

Thank you for the information, emperor! In America, these ugly beasts of redistribution are called progs. They infest some of the best areas of the country, such as, San Francisco, Denver, Chicago, or New York, as if indeed falling on these cities from the sky.

Often wearing no clothes, just as in the documentary footage you have provided, you can encounter these creatures at progressive rallies, marches, and "Breasts Not Bombs" events. The latter is the most terrifying of all. HORRIBLE ZANSHI indeed! Very, very horrible zanshi.

8/14/2009, 9:55 pm

THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

8/16/2009, 10:12 am

Hasn't everyone heard that The One is the word?????

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8/18/2009, 1:01 am

I am the word! Me, Karl! Did you comrades forget me in your zeal to create The Gloriuous World of Next Tuesday™???

Comrade Collectvists! Come one, come all, to the glorious world of Shiny Things! For even in the end The Great Motherland sucked viciously, like the evil KKKapitalist, on the black gold of The Motherland!

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8/22/2009, 9:50 pm

Commissar_Elliott wrote:
Commissar Theocritus wrote:Elliott, that's the most fetching that I've ever seen Bonnie Frank look. I still want to know how much fun he can have if he can't move his upper lip.
Hahaha. . .! You got me, I would bet his singing would be something like this though,

"I am da dancing qween
Young and sween
Onwy seventeen
OooOooh. . ."

You've killed ABBA.

8/23/2009, 9:59 am

Oddly enough I like ABBA--they were popular when I was having fun nearly 30 years ago. I saw a documentary though about how they only toured the US once. Because it was so hard for them. I have their stuff ripped into my iMac and on one of my iPods and...I listen to Mozart. Or Schubert. Or Zelinka.

But let's never let Bonnie Fwank down. He's managed to single handedly, with a little assist from Chris Dodd, to destroy the world's economy. Now that's a prog that I can get behind.

In the most vile way that you can imagine.

8/26/2009, 4:46 pm

[BLOCKQUOTE]Kamp Obama for grown ups too...song for kids!

Hello father, hello mama
Hope you're well at, Kamp Obama
Bet you wish you, hadn't spank'd me
But they say when you get well you're gonna thank me.

Don't you worry, ‘bout how I am
In this hope-filled, great and changed land
I get lots of, shots and health care,
School all year, and every day they give us three squares.

Think it's good that, you both get rest
Know you're tired from, all those protests
Since you're old now, you'll do better
In a place where you can lay around in fetters.

Kamp Obama not just for summer anymore! Our Dear Leader wants to make it possible for all good kinders to attend ~~re-education camps~~ school year round! Let the ~~indoctination~~ fun and games never end!!
[/BLOCKQUOTE]

8/31/2009, 6:47 am

Commissar Theocritus wrote:We really must have a beauty contest for the most Useful of Useful Idiots. And the prize? A bullet in the head. But the useful idiots don't know that will be the prize.

Because they're idiots.

This is a winning idea, if I may say so. I do wonder who would be in charge of the discharges.

Considering the idiots will wet their pants in fear at the sight of "toys for boys" like rubber band guns and paintball guns, how would getting them in a room with a People's Bong at each chair and a child-friendly (and thus nearly useless) click lighter. When pulling out the bowl, a bullet would be fired up the chamber literally blowing their minds simultaneously.

Ward Churchill's AK-47 had a wood stock. There's got to be a connection in there somewhere.

Those who survive will appreciate the anti-nausea effect of the bong "hits." Free reloads, naturally.

8/31/2009, 6:56 am

Emperor Kakubakuhatsu wrote:here is a recent photo of one of them. you can see why i was so frightened by the many titted empress. the likeness is uncanny. this one was captured and is held in captivity in tokyo. although since being captured it has managed to get a couple of its tentacles wrapped around the economy over here. note the smugness.

Comrade Emperor Kakubakuhatsu,

It reminds me of Hokusai's "The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife," which is not work-friendly (unless you're an intra-species sex-worker). Climaxing to the sucking tentacles of the Party? Bring it on!

Photoshopで良く頑張った、天皇核爆発！ご苦労さま！

8/31/2009, 10:25 am

Comrades! So this must be the offspring of the Fisherman's Wife after this encounter of the third kind.

8/31/2009, 4:48 pm

I still think that's a picture of Nansky Peloski a few decades ago when she was much prettier.

8/31/2009, 10:45 pm

Comrades,

I had to look it up as the first character eluded me, but the two characters forming one word on this distinguished photo must be a mistake, for they read zanshi, "tragic or violent death."

Oh, wait, of AmeriKKKa? Then bring it on!

{prog off}
Japanese has too many pronunciations for characters, which gives rise to lots of puns and play. Thus I propose for Hillary, 非ラリ (hi ra ri). The first character means "faulty" or "not" and rariru is slang for getting high (probably outdated since it's in my dictionary). But the short end of it is that this name makes Hillary a buzzkill.
{prog on}

9/2/2009, 10:50 pm

Comrade_Tovarich wrote: Comrade Emperor Kakubakuhatsu,

It reminds me of Hokusai's "The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife," which is not work-friendly (unless you're an intra-species sex-worker). Climaxing to the sucking tentacles of the Party? Bring it on!

Photoshopで良く頑張った、天皇核爆発！ご苦労さま！

hai, tovarichsan, konbanwa,

i appreciate your appreciation of the photo effort. i try to do my part for the party™. soudesu, zanshi kanji is correct as tragic death as if citizens try to dissent they would be overcome with great STD case of fatal crab infestation. horrible death for all people objecting to their presense. many times the wailing cry of あなたの奥さんと一緒にいたいです could be heard across the hills. sounds very similar in tone and intunation to the mating call of billclintonsan. and many times the seats of citizens would feel discomfort.

by the way, have the two un-journalists that regrettfully left beautiful country of korea had their obligatory case of party™ crabs yet?

hai, arigatougozaimasu.
emperor kakubakuhatsu

ps - redsquaresan, not uncommon for nihonjin to be intimate with shellfish and other ocean beings. not wierd, just difference of culture, i think. 蛸, octopus, for example, can be very intuitive.

9/3/2009, 8:45 pm

Emperor Kakubakuhatsu wrote:ps - redsquaresan, not uncommon for nihonjin to be intimate with shellfish and other ocean beings. not wierd, just difference of culture, i think. 蛸, octopus, for example, can be very intuitive.

And slimey.

9/4/2009, 12:06 am

Konnichiwa Tenno Kakubakuhatsu,

The two courageous AlGoreTV truthworkers were released, but I don't think anyone here much cared. There's more concern about the DPRK boat, named something like the Myungbyungho, that occasionally arrives in Niigata (when Japan doesn't block it for DPRK firing missiles over Japan) to take Japanese trash (especially old bicycles) back to the Worker's Paradise of juche.

Adding Comrade Guardian of Pravda,

Octopus gets very unslimey after boiling; we get a nice salad here with sliced octopus, sliced cucumbers, seaweed, and rice vinegar. Try octopus like the Greeks: slightly broiled/charred with some olive oil--simple but tasty! But not if the 'pus is frozen. That's a no-go.

As for seafood, I prefer the type that I eat, that doesn't eat me. Was it Comrade Brezhnev whose favorite decadent Western movie reserved for the Commissariat only was Jaws? And shellfish, gimme shichimi, asari, or Russian-imported crab (from the Soviet-stolen Kurile Islands) of various types any day.

9/4/2009, 1:38 pm

Don't know about unslimey Ever time I saw it it was going down someones throat in it's 'natural' state. No Thanks.

9/4/2009, 9:39 pm

Being an island nation where people eat plenty of octopus, invariably there are TV shows with non-fisherproles going out to do so. Octopi seem able to live pretty long out of water and slither about and the novice fisherproles always hold them up to show the TV camera. This usually leads to the octopus wrapping its tentacles around an arm and shoulder (at least) and often a yelp or grunt of pain, because all those suction cups can hurt; they leave welts.

As foretold by the mighty mighty Goracle, Gaia fights back!

9/4/2009, 10:23 pm

Guardian of Pravda wrote:
Emperor Kakubakuhatsu wrote: 蛸, octopus, for example, can be very intuitive.
And slimey.

konbanwa pravdasan, ogenkidesuka,

and when they ink, ...ooooo it's just heavenly.

atode,
emperor kakubakuhatsu

9/4/2009, 10:47 pm

Comrade_Tovarich wrote:As foretold by the mighty mighty Goracle, Gaia fights back!

Yes indeed! Hallelujah! Madonna's arms alarm but also strangely inspire.

<img width="570" src="https://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com/ ... 970c-800wi">

9/5/2009, 11:17 pm

Comrade Red Square,

Wonderfully wholly prog art!

But that octopus? Does she want to be a fisherman's wife, a '70s/'80s Bond girl, or has she switched religions again, this time to Cthulhu?

9/7/2009, 4:10 am

Uh, perhaps I'm just being strange here, but when you look at the jaw and the shoulders, is there more than one metamorphosis going on here?

Of course Miss Resentment does have a huge jaw and huge shoulders...

9/8/2009, 1:10 am

Perhaps Botox doesn't work with fingerpaint. Those veins are pretty terrifying, unless you work at the Red Cross or a plasma center: hard to miss.

9/8/2009, 12:48 pm

I just noticed the octopus necklace. That's the most terrifying of all.

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