Why Obama got the Nobel Peace Prize when He did

It started out as usual at the Office of The Commissar of Time. My Red Guards were shooting it out with Red Star's goons Highly Trained Troopers out front, Pinkie was threatening me with her shovel, Theocritus was trying to leave Bruno in a closet somewhere, Snoogie was boarding my yacht, Red Rooster was digging graveyards in my beet field, and my Che Monster was chasing a Trotsky monster with my favorite revolver again. Various proles were answering phones and giving the correkt People's Time(TM) to the callers, and Bill Gates was asking me to make sure Windows 7 released "on time" despite the usual Microsoft delays on that sort of thing.

Realizing all was in order, I kicked back at my desk, and tore the foil cap off a bottle of vodka, figuring to make that liter last at least an hour, when my phone rang.

Rooting through forged tickets for Pupovich's Pleasure Palace and Mousey Tongue's hairballs I found and answered the offending phone.

It was the Nobel Prize Committee.

"What's this? Chairman Obama?" I stood and saluted the solid gold statue of Chairman O. "Nominated for the award shortly after elected you say? Has done nothing yet to warrant an award? No, awarding one to Tookie Williams would be Red Rooster's department, he's in a graveyard somewhere now. Oh, but you need Dear Leader to get it? Future accomplishments and hope? Yes, that's right up my alley. I'll get right on it. Go ahead and present the award."

And there you have it Comrades. People's Time(TM). Obama got The Nobel Peace Prize because the prize committee is on People's Time(TM). They saw that Dear Leader Obama was worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize not so much for what he has done, but rather what he *will* do. A little juggling of time, moments and some intervals later, the whole world understands that Obama was the perfect and in fact only choice for this honor, because of what HE HAS YET TO DO.

Sometimes I'm so good, I scare myself. Then I just tear the foil off another liter of vodka and go back to work, toiling for The Greater Good(TM) of The People(TM).
 

7.62, I am beginning to think that you are a bit too proud of being Commissar of Time. All right, I know how useful it seemed at first that you would be Commissar of Time and sort out all those pesky details about five-year plans never really happening.

But when you say that Dear O'Leader got the Nobel Peace Prize for what he will do, that was over the top for me.

First, we all know that Obama doesn't have to do anything. He is. He was. He will be. He transcends time. Just ask the Couric Head. Just ask Brian Williams, if he's gotten all the Obama fecal matter off his nose. The universe had umpty dimensions in the first milliseconds after the Big Bang and then we settled into what we know. That was the time of the creation of SOBama, who will continue, just as he is, just as he was, just as he will be, with no achievements other than voting "Present" and teaching people how to register necro-proxy votes for ACORN.

I am so proud to be a Made Progressive. Dear Leader in Korea got his position from his father. But here in AmeriKKKa, we are blessed to have the biggest nullity in the history of the world occupying the highest office in the world.

Such a wonderful country.

Now. Can anyone tell me what to do about Bruno? He's quaking in the closet now. "Theocritus! You told me that I should shut up when I didn't win that prize at the drag show! And now Obama has won a prize at the Drag Show of the Nobels! I may be 6'3" tall and have a 50" chest but I'm more of a woman than Obama is a thinker! Where did I go wrong?"
 

Perhaps I was over the top, but not everyone is on People's Time(TM) or even Obama Time(TM) and somebody has to do the dirty work to make sure people see things they way The Party(TM) intends.

As far as Bruno, I have this phone booth laying around you can put him in. It likes to wander off on it's own sometimes and seems to cross dimensional space and time. It's kinda handy for making sure one gets to a happy hour on time.
 

Colonel 7.62,

Well, I'll be. You done good. This expedites every thing. Before long, Detroit will be a revitalized city, and all cars made by Government Motors will be the most popular cars in Amerikka, and that pesky Ayn Rand and her stupid books will go on the ash heap of history. In fact, they'll be banned. And the award itself ought to have a monument built just for it.

Oh, and the Olympics? They are coming to Chicago. Oh, yes they are. It just won't be announced until after Michelle Obama is given a job as the C.E.O. of G.E.
 

7.62, a TARDIS for Bruno? He'll love that. But don't expect him to go in and come out like Superman. Ethel Merman is the most that you can hope for.

And Leninka I think that you are right. The Olympics will have to come to Chicago. Because His O'iness will bear the torch, running around the world and it will go to Chicago. Right to the ACORN offices.
 

Comrade Theo, I'm hoping that Bruno simply never comes back out.
 

Oh, he will. He will. I told you how I took him to Montana and he beat me home. I sent him to Meow and he came home. I sent him to Pupovich, and he beat me home. He's a homing queen.

To all comrades: Does anyone want Bruno? I will cross your palm with silver. Hell, gold.
 

I'll take him, and redistribute his timeline back to 1939 Poland. But it will cost you dearly Comrade.
 

You can have all of Meow's Hummels. And Mousey-Tongue's fur balls. And Leninka's--whatever the hell I can steal from her. You can have them.

Take my Bruno! Please!
 

Consider him taken. Let's see Bruno find his way back to you through the vastness of space and time itself. Meanwhile, please note the curious case of Carmen Miranda sightings during the Blitz of 1939...
 

Only in trade four 600 Woomba Loomba's, yes that's right Commissar, 600! Which is only a small fraction of the 6666 I have on hand at The Wombat Factory(TM). Trust me, you will learn to love Bruno more after this trade...

"Reeed Roooooster, can we have some more Cake NOOOOOWWW!!!! Reed Roooooster, we're tiiiired! Reeed Rooooster, we're BOOOOORREDD!!! Reeed ROOSTER CAN YOOOOOU HEEEEAR USSSSS!!!!"

Sorry comrades, gotto go, duty calls...
 

Oh, Theo, were you talking about me? Where did you want to send me?


 

Leninka, Bruno only wishes he could look that svelte.

This is how Bruno looks[center][/center]

When he'd give anything to be more delicate. I just caught him with his his pineapple hat.
 

Comrade Theocritus,

I think Bruno yet needs a little more development, er, uh, if you know what I mean. Are you sure he's taking enough steroids? Really, you shouldn't be so stingy with him.
 

Leninka, do you know how difficult it is to get a teddie to fit over all that? And the stiletto heels alone...

I think what gets me is the gravely voice singing "Memories."
 

Those heels would have to be made of some very powerful alloy. Has Dear Leader nationalized Henry Reardon's metal company yet. If he hasn't, I hope he does so, soon.
 

The black has a very pronounced slimming effect on the one called Bruno! And the daarling hat- to die for!

Turboski
 

I have been racking my progressive brain comrades. I know the answer, the "Beer Summit". This was a monumental accomplishment. This meeting changed the course of our lives. Whenever there is a question about racial profiling, we just head to the pub. The pub will give us our free "Obama" beer and so we can drown out our troubles and forget what we were worried about in the first place. (By the way, I hear we will soon be getting free "Obama Vodka", but that's not coming until unemployment hits 12%). So you see comrades, beer for all...free! The more free beer, the more peace!

(Could Mother Theresa ever have arranged such a meeting? Mother Theresa could only have provided food and clothing, prayer and support...how meaningless!)

Bartender, another "Obama" beer, please.

Peace, comrades.
 

Commissarka Leninka

Oh, and the Olympics? They are coming to Chicago. Oh, yes they are. It just won't be announced until after Michelle Obama is given a job as the C.E.O. of G.E.

I dunno if Michelle has the time to be CEO of GE. That job at the hospital (what was the name, Chicago Hope?) was a no-show job and she barely had time to do that. Now that she's First Lazy Lady how would she ever find the time?

Oh wait, I bet 7.62 and his crew of stem winders could help.

Nevermind

On another note: Poor Bruno, he's so muscle bound he can't even reach his winkie to take a pee. I wonder who unzips his fly?
 

Commissarka Leninka

Oh, and the Olympics? They are coming to Chicago. Oh, yes they are.

Commissarka Leninka:

Perhaps you are unaware of just how right you are!

The Ministry of Peace has a campaign plan already in full swing to ENSURE that the Olympics are held INSIDE the USSA:



Commissar Theocritus is already on board, ACORN and SIEU vanguard warriors are already conducting operations in enemy occupied territory to collapse their society from within.

You can follow the progress of the invasion liberation of Brazil here:

http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=4130

Victory is almost nearly at hand! (cue chants)

YES WE CAN!
YES WE CAN!
YES WE CAN!
 

Whoopie

On another note: Poor Bruno, he's so muscle bound he can't even reach his winkie to take a pee. I wonder who unzips his fly?
That was a problem, but since he's been in consultation with Nanski and our Many Titted Empress he's learned just to let fly anywhere, any time.

Like the French duchess who would take a dump in a ballroom. She thought that since she was a duchess people should be honored to see her ordure on the floor.

Since Bruno is on such good terms with Lord 0, Our Many Titted Empress, Miss Resentment, Nansky, Babs Boxer, and Harry Reid, he's just learned to piss and shit everywhere he wants to.

After all, if it's good enough for them, it's good enough for him. And although he's a slobbering, half-witted fool, a monster of vanity, with no redeeming qualities, he's learned that in this he's utterly no different from any of them.
 

Colonel 7.62:
When Obama saw the breadth of his Awesomeness, he wept for there were no more awards to conquer…


But WAIT!….


Colonel! I have a cunning plan! It will, of course, require you kind assistance.
It may surprise you to know that in a few brief weeks after the Dear Leader’s (apuH) inauguration anointing, [B]Obamugabe was listed in Parade magazine as their #1 Worst Dictator for 2009. [/B]


While our esteemed colleague is certainly worthy of such veneration for his numerous exploits, I felt a deep sense of shame and regret for our newly inaugurated anointed Fuhrer (apuH) did not even receive so much as an honorable mention (as you can see in the illustration provided)




When I wrote a very nasty email to the editors, they explained to me that the Dear Leader (apuH) had not resided in his office for so much as a fortnight when they had gone to press. They we’re most supportive; however, the copy had gone to the presses already and their was nothing that could have been done. When I threatened them with exile admonished them, they replied with the deepest sense of regret: “Better luck next year.” At that point, I was resigned to the constraints of space and time. I sulked and even wept in my vodka ration (bitter tears made it no more palatable I can assure you…the vodka that is).

But upon reading the Colonel’s brilliant exploitation of People's Time™ I leapt from my chair and danced with glee…HERE was the solution!

Comrade Colonel, if you would be so kind as to share with me the People's Time™ technology (under your esteemed adult supervision of course) so that I may set things right, I would be most appreciative. I already have the final copy ready.


Shall we?

Respectfully Submitted.

Com. Raum Emmanual Goldstein
Under Assistant (3rd Class) to the Deputy Vice Secretary Kommissar
for Unfastened Ordinance and Other Miscellaneous Armaments
 

Commissar Theocritus

Whoopie

On another note: Poor Bruno, he's so muscle bound he can't even reach his winkie to take a pee. I wonder who unzips his fly?
That was a problem, but since he's been in consultation with Nanski and our Many Titted Empress he's learned just to let fly anywhere, any time.

Like the French duchess who would take a dump in a ballroom. She thought that since she was a duchess people should be honored to see her ordure on the floor.

Since Bruno is on such good terms with Lord 0, Our Many Titted Empress, Miss Resentment, Nansky, Babs Boxer, and Harry Reid, he's just learned to piss and shit everywhere he wants to.

After all, if it's good enough for them, it's good enough for him. And although he's a slobbering, half-witted fool, a monster of vanity, with no redeeming qualities, he's learned that in this he's utterly no different from any of them.

But Bruno doesn't belittle Four Star Generals for addressing him as "Ma'am," while repeatedly belittling the president of a black business association by addressing him as "Sir" ad nauseum.


 

Nobel Peace Prize Headlines for next several years:

2010 - "Taliban Wins Peace Prize for Restraint Against Western Society"
2011 - "Israel Captures Peace Prize By Agreeing to Re-Locate to Antarctica"
2012 - "Russia Awarded Nobel... for Stopping Tanks at German, Turkish Borders"
2013 - "Iran's Nobel Prize Due to 'Peaceful' Occupation of Iraq and Kuwait"
2014 - "China gains Nobel Peace Prize for Allowing Limited Democracy in Acquired Provinces of Taiwan, United Korea and Japan"
2015 - "U.S. Wins Peace Prize for Agreeing to Surrender Terms with Canada"
 

Jerry Springer wins peace prize for bringing a pig and Mulah of a mosque together for a trip to Burger King for a bacon cheeseburger.
 

Leninka

Jerry Springer wins peace prize for bringing a pig and Mulah of a mosque together for a trip to Burger King for a bacon cheeseburger.

I have no doubt about that!


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2016--Norwegian Nobel Peace Prize Committee wins Nobel Peace Prize for peeing themselves when Jodin Morey barks at them.
 

And a video of the peeing and barking gets funded by the NEA, and is shown at the Met.

Comrade chrisb_504,

Yes, there is redneck in all of us. Even Comrades Pelosi, and Hillary.


 

Leninka, your image brings a lump to this old socialist's heart, and shockingly enough nearly a lump somewhere else. After all, what is more progressive than a bitch fight between Our Many Titted Empress and Nansky Belly Boobs?