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How Do You Say 'Hillary's Gaffe' in Russian?

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First published in PJ Media

Did you know that if you translate "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" into Russian, it becomes "the vodka is agreeable but the meat has gone bad"? Literal translations can be tricky that way.

It seems that no translators were harmed in the manufacturing of Hillary Clinton's "reset" button, which she presented to Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov in Geneva on Friday.

"We worked hard to get the right Russian word," Clinton addressed Lavrov in a deliberately slow voice, as if talking to a special-needs child. "Do you think we got it?"

"You got it wrong," Lavrov answered in fluent English. "This says 'peregruzka,' which means overcharged."

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Well, it looks like somebody used a cheap electronic translation program. But it could be worse. I once came across a website that advertised its automated translation service with an example of a label from a jar of pickles, informing Russian consumers that it contained condoms.

Talk about food safety! That's what you get when you translate "preservatives" without as much as a human touch.

Incidentally, Hillary Clinton's linguistic episode in Geneva also clarified the translation of the Obama administration's term "worked hard," which in plain English means "did half-assed job."

News reports would make us believe that Hillary's philological mishaps ended right there. Not so. After the two top diplomats stopped laughing, Clinton quipped: "We won't let you do that to us, I promise."

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That may have sounded sharp in English, but in Russian it came out even goofier than the wrong label on the red button.

Mrs. Clinton's clever comeback implied that she understood "overcharge" in terms of charging too much money. We may even credit her with referring to the difference between an observed market price and a price that would have been observed in the absence of collusion, which was what many suspected the oil-producing nations were doing last year. In that sense, and only in that sense, was Hillary's comment meaningful and amusing.

The problem is that the word "peregruzka" has nothing to do with economics. As students of foreign languages well know, most words have multiple meanings, and their combinations almost never coincide in different languages. Thus, the English word "overcharge" may mean many things to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, but they are all translated into Russian by completely different words that are not interchangeable. In economic terms, "overcharge" becomes "obschitat'" or "zavysit' tsenu" - but never "peregruzka."

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Perhaps, the embarrassment could be avoided if Lavrov had translated it literally, as "overload." But in the context of a red button, he chose a more specific electrical term "overcharge," meaning "too much amperage in the circuit."

As a result, to the Russian-speaking audience, Hillary's retort "We won't let you do that to us" could only mean one thing: "Americans won't let Sergey Lavrov give them too much amperage."

The confusion could also be avoided if, instead of Hillary Clinton, the job of Secretary of State was performed by a professional - like Condoleezza Rice, who speaks fluent Russian, and who wouldn't have opted for the lame plastic button because this joke doesn't work in Russian to begin with.

Russian is a rich and flexible language with versatile descriptive means, but it just doesn't have a short universal word that embraces all the meanings of the allusive English "reset." The word "perezagruzka" ("reload"), which later was claimed to be the right term, comes off just as awkward and uninspiring as any other possible translation. Anyone with a sense of the Russian language could've told Clinton that the gag was a dud.

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Other reports indicate that "Hillary Clinton raised eyebrows on her first visit to Europe as secretary of state when she mispronounced her EU counterparts' names and claimed U.S. democracy was older than Europe's." In one particular case, she kept referring to European Commission External Relations Commissioner Benita Ferrero-Waldner as "Benito," invoking the memories of Mussolini.

This looks rather ironic, considering that the current leaders in Washington had come to power by accusing their conservative predecessors of being pig-headed and deaf to other cultures and nuances. Turns out, they were merely projecting their own image on their opponents, given that they themselves can't even distribute party favors to foreigners without a screw-up.

But let's not be too hard on Hillary - according to her, the button was also a gift of friendship from President Obama and Vice President Biden. All things considered, the gaffe was the result either A or B:

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A) The Obama administration is made of pig-headed, tone-deaf people, who don't expect other cultures to have nuances - and so they don't bother to consult with experts.

B) Experts chosen by the Obama administration are incompetent sycophants who got hired because they were political hacks, or as a result of favoritism, nepotism, or affirmative action - and they will uncritically ramrod their bosses' ideas even if it's contrary to reality and common sense.

Either way we're screwed.

Why couldn't have Hillary consulted with someone competent - like me, for example? Without overcharging, I would've advised her to give Lavrov the People's Cube instead of the button.

It requires no tricky translation and is easy to understand in any language or culture. Remember Hillary's campaign speech about "invisible Americans?" Well, if you translate "out of sight, out of mind" into Russian, you will get "invisible lunatics."

Which accurately describes what competent people in this country have become since the last election.

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Speaking of jokes and red buttons, here's a stupid cold-war Khrushchev joke that I'm sure many Russians will still remember:

Khrushchev is visiting Kennedy in the Oval Office when Kennedy decides to make a joke on the Soviet leader. He sits him at his desk, shows him the switchboard, and says, "You can pick the phones, pull the switches, and do anything you want - just don't touch this red button here."

Khrushchev is playing with the switchboard, but he's getting very curious about the red button. So when the American is not looking, he presses it. Immediately, a boxer glove on a spring flies out of the switchboard and hits Khrushchev on the nose.

Then it comes time for Kennedy to visit Moscow. Khrushchev is showing the US President his Kremlin office, which also has a switchboard with a red button. Khrushchev says, "Sit at my desk, please. You can pick the phones, pull the switches, and do anything you want - just don't touch the red button."

Kennedy thinks Khrushchev must be very stupid, to pull the same trick on him. So when the Soviet leader turns away, Kennedy covers his face and pushes the red button. But nothing happens.

"It's not working," Kennedy laughs. "Your red button is broken."
"Oh well," Khrushchev laughs back, "just forget it."
"Forget what, the button?"
"Forget there was an America."

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Just another bell this button will ring in a Russian head...

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Comrade RS,

I am new to site, lurked in shadows for eternity since leaving Motherland, but only now have courage to perestroika with comrades here.

My comment, Death to Staples! They must be denied Comrade 0bama's stimulus for daring to cannibalize motherland Red Button and claim it is EASY! There is nothing easy about red button.

Also, Commissar Hillary must be careful to disguise her homeland accent. When Comrade Sergey informed her that translation incorrect, Commissar Hillary lapsed into homeland accent when surprised, "Wee got eet wrong!" Listen to her, next lapse and she must be disappear into gulag or reindoctrination camp.

I am at Peoples service,
Buzzyboop Badenov


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Tsk, tsk, dahlink! You think the Russian's were offended? What about the Eastern Europeans that the Obamessiah served up on a silver platter with his secret memo to Dmitry Medvedev? It would seem that the Obamessiah is in way over his head where international affairs are concerned and didn't appoint any life preservers in his cabinet to save him. Last I heard, czars do not good life preservers make, dahlinks. Apparently Hillary and her buttons don't either. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, dahlinks. The Obamessiah Administration is in dire need of the People's Cube infiltration!

*chuckle* Please forgive me dahlinks for chuckling during such a grave discussion but that last sentence brought to mind a naughty image!

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His O'liness irked a few Germans during a speech about his Stimulus Package recently (or made them roll their eyes.) Was it in Detroit? A snipped went something like "the nation who invented the car must now not abandon it." I don't think he was talking about Germany.

Of course, progressives are always more culturally inclusive. At least on Paper, and that's what counts!

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Citizen's

She hasn't had her "button" pushed in years, so you can forgive her ineptness!



Publius

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Perhaps next time, Hillary should offer some nice movies and a jar of Orville Reddenbacker. Mr. Lavrov would probably enjoy some American classics like Fail-Safe or Dr. Strangelove. What about the Patrick Swayze collection featuring Red Dawn? Get thee to a Wal-Mart movie aisle, Hillary, before your next trip abroad!

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Great Stalin's Ghost wrote:Perhaps next time, Hillary should offer some nice movies and a jar of Orville Reddenbacker. Mr. Lavrov would probably enjoy some American classics like Fail-Safe or Dr. Strangelove. What about the Patrick Swayze collection featuring Red Dawn? Get thee to a Wal-Mart movie aisle, Hillary, before your next trip abroad!

Alas, Comrade Great Stalin's Ghost, unfortunately the capitalistic and exploitational Wal-Mart does not carry motion pictures in PAL/Secam. How culturally insensitive! Perhaps Comrade Commissar Clintonovna could play it on her lapdog, err laptop, but as Comrade Publius insinuated, her lap may be a bit too dusty for complex technology from the People's Republic of China.

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I made up for the Fox Paws.
I got him an autograph of the real thing.

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I believe ET was one of the videos in the gift basket. But Comrades, was it the original ET or The People's Progressive ET in which walkie-talkies are substituted for shotguns?

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Why, yes, Vodkavich, you are entirely right. This was the kindler and gentler <i>ET</i>, but that was before we knew, or chose to believe, that electromagnetic radiation could cause brain cancer, in case the walkie-talkie got into the hands of someone who had not partaken of the 2-for-1 sale at Jifi-Lobo and become a fervent Progressive.

But that was only the shape of things to come. The dollar will be replaced by the new dollar, which is the old dollar with three zeroes lopped off after the government nationalizes all the Kinkos to print the currency needed to pay for the Stimulus Bill.

Red, I'm not sure that was really a reset button. I think that is a high-definition view of Bozo's nose.
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"Ho, ho, ho, all my fine Russian friends! Who's going to be the Butchski and the Belindaski of the day? Let's play country toss! Let's see what country Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad can toss a nuke on! I <i>sure</i> don't want to be <i>there</i>, do you, boys and girls?

"Barack doesn't want you to look at all that money we're spending. Just look at my huge red nose and huge red shoes! Ho, ho, ho!"

Flap, flap, flap, flap, as Our Many Titted Empress does a duck walk in enormous floppy red shoes and shuffles off to Buffalo doing the buck and wing.

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As any good citizen and member of the Annointed One's cabinet would do she was providing cover for Obama's own "gaffe*" of presenting 50 DVDs to Blair as a gift.

DVDs in a format that don't work in the UK. DVDs that would be painful for him to watch since he is blind in one eye and most one-eyed people report that watching long TV shows or movies causes headaches.

*Of course we all know this was intentional as he is merely looking like an insensitive uncultured a$$-hat who waited until the last minute to pick out a gift to lull our foreign enemies into thinking he is inexperienced and buffoonish.

Just wait until he actually does something brilliant.

Just wait.

And wait.

Wait a little longer.

Is it 2012 yet?

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Hllary,
Hahahahaaha!

I just Got It!

Red Buttons.
LMAO.

Was he a commie sympathizer?

God Bless this website.

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Publius Valerius wrote:Citizen's

She hasn't had her "button" pushed in years, so you can forgive her ineptness!



Publius

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I disagree. I think Huma has quite a few times.


--
ZB

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I would like to submit to Party Central a suggestion that word association with objects familiar to her would help Comrade Rodham gain a better grasp of unfamiliar tongues and avoid more embarrassing incidents.

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Comrades...
We have a problem in our foreign office. Comrade Clinton is embarrassing the People's Republic of America by acting like a loose, decadent capitalist pig-woman. She goes to the mother-land (a land who has lost her way) and asked the leadership their to push her button. Then she hints that if they push her button she will overcharge them for services rendered.
What the capitalist papers did not print was that Frau Clinton also tore off her blouse and bra and danced around on the desk of the , now mortified, Russians. Although she stood on Comrade Lavrov's desk her long, ponderous breasts hung to the carpet and were making static electricity while she danced. The electricity sparking between her nipples made Comrade Clinton quite Orgasmic. SHe was screaming and writhing.
Four Russian security-men appeared and dragged a screaming Comrade Clinton out of the room into a waiting ambulance. She spent the rest of the day at Stalin's Rest Psychiatric hospital on the north side of Moscow.
She was out the next day to resume talks. The talks were subdued and strained. One Russian guard spoke in anonymnity about the incident. He said he had never seen 8 foot long breasts before.
If Comrade Clinton cannot control herself and quit acting like a fool, then she should be replaced with someone sane and at least as much gravitas as she...someone like...Carrot-top the comedian.

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I think Hirrary is just ronery rike me. Her husban' Birr not giving her the ol' Ji-Ji for rong time. You think I have chance with her?

Me? I not doing so well on eHarmony. (crick on rink) No raughing or you wirr be shot!



Your Dear Leader,

Kim Jong Illin'

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Kim Jong Illin' wrote:I think Hirrary is just ronery rike me. Her husban' Birr not giving her the ol' Ji-Ji for rong time. You think I have chance with her?
Me? I not doing so well on eHarmony. (crick on rink) No raughing or you wirr be shot!

Your Dear Leader,
Kim Jong Illin'

Comrade Illin, Great Leader equally Great as O'urs!

It appears the skilled doctors of the People's Republik of North Korea were able to remove your boil! Did you redistribute the surplus protein amongst your adoring People? I am certain that boiled boil soup with beets will become favorite staple of Koreans! Do not be offended, as stuffed pig stomach is considered delicacy in DDR. It was the favorite of the imperialist-fascist Helmut Kohl (head of the shadow government in the occupied territories) I wonder what stuffed boil would be like?

As far as you and Commissar Hirrary, you would make great match! And if you no longer like her, let her go like you did Peggy!

Collectively yours,

Genosse Pieck

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Kim Jong Illin' wrote:I think Hirrary is just ronery rike me. Her husban' Birr not giving her the ol' Ji-Ji for rong time. You think I have chance with her?
Me? I not doing so well on eHarmony. (crick on rink) No raughing or you wirr be shot!

Your Dear Leader,
Kim Jong Illin'

Aren't you also supposed to sign off as Dear Reader? Just asking.

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kaputnik, you don't have to tell me about the pendulous breasts of Our Many Titted Empress. I'm just rather shocked that she displayed only two of them. There are others, you know, and their locations are not for the faint of heart.

How many times I've had her at the Rancho de Rio Grande and she'd be drunk on Bloody Marys, made with the real blood of rich, white Republican virgins. Her eyes would get red, or redder, and then she'd start to strip off and offer her "wares" to Bruno. For some reason she, when quite plastered, thinks that he can give her what Bill, or Birr, doesn't.

I don't care how he's dressed. She still offers herself to Bruno. Now I admit that he's 6'3" tall, built like a linebacker, and has a rumbling basso profundo and has five-o'clock shadow at 9 AM. But he <i>never</i> dresses like a man. Do you know what a sight he is in Carmen Miranda drag?

6" platform shoes, and an 18" headdress with fruit. Fruit on fruit. He shuffles across the flagstone, nearly 8' tall, like Herman Munster, singing "Tico, Tico," and here comes our Many Titted Empress, shoving her boobs into his face.

It never fails. And I'm the one who gets to clean up the mess.

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I believe I may know why Reichsfuhrer Klinton presented her Russian counterpart with a button erroneously labeled "Overcharge". You see, that button was actually intended to be presented to the Amerikan taxpayers. The button she actually meant to give Lavrov read "We Surrender".

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Suck Bunny, you may be right. Although "Surrender" is not a PC word. The correct phrase is, "We understand, we understand, we're so sorry, we're so sorry, we understand."

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Comrades, Citizens, and Tourists,

Incredibly Glorious Democratic Peoples Republic Secretary Hillary got it right!!! The Russian language will be suitably modified to reflect the nuanced meaning of 'peregruzka'. By her command.

That is all.

"Beloved Chairman Zero ....the People's Happiness!"

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Hey, I don't remember receiving one of these... I remember receiving one of these buttons from Carter himself that said "капитуляция" and had "Friendship" on the bottom. Thing is that Comrade Carter was trying to surrender to us at the time.

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sovietskayakaputnik wrote:Comrades...
We have a problem in our foreign office. Comrade Clinton is embarrassing the People's Republic of America by acting like a loose, decadent capitalist pig-woman. She goes to the mother-land (a land who has lost her way) and asked the leadership their to push her button. Then she hints that if they push her button she will overcharge them for services rendered.
What the capitalist papers did not print was that Frau Clinton also tore off her blouse and bra and danced around on the desk of the , now mortified, Russians. Although she stood on Comrade Lavrov's desk her long, ponderous breasts hung to the carpet and were making static electricity while she danced. The electricity sparking between her nipples made Comrade Clinton quite Orgasmic. SHe was screaming and writhing.
Four Russian security-men appeared and dragged a screaming Comrade Clinton out of the room into a waiting ambulance. She spent the rest of the day at Stalin's Rest Psychiatric hospital on the north side of Moscow.
She was out the next day to resume talks. The talks were subdued and strained. One Russian guard spoke in anonymnity about the incident. He said he had never seen 8 foot long breasts before.
If Comrade Clinton cannot control herself and quit acting like a fool, then she should be replaced with someone sane and at least as much gravitas as she...someone like...Carrot-top the comedian.

ROFL. A man after my own kidney. Great stuff.

Say, what ever happened to the good old days when you researched your political counterparts in foreign countries and gave them something according to their likes or habits rather than some cheap gag gift from the piggly wiggly with a bad pun written by some pimply 1st year Russian student at Buffalo Barf University in NYC? Why, I remember the day when kings gave real gifts; A bottle of distilled spirits from Azerbaijan, a rare white tiger from the Himalayas, a carved bust made from the rare ivory of the North-Sea walrus, a blue-skinned Pictish slave or Ethiopian hetaira, a Colt .45 or an amphora of Greek fire. Now them's was gifts, damnit! IF I WERE KING OF THE FOREST, I'd ask for something like this

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Was not there a kerfuffle over some $1500 cufflinks in the Reagan administration? Hillary's cattle-future profits could have bought 66 pairs of them.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:
It never fails. And I'm the one who gets to clean up the mess.

But don't you have goons for that? I'm confused.

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No, Red Star has the goons. They come into the Rancho and take one look and run, screaming like little girls, out into the desert night.

But I have something worse to report, Comrades. For years now Bruno was doing his Carmen Miranda impersonation. But last night the goggle box had on Night of the Iguana and now he thinks he's Ava Gardner in Mexico.



Yeah. Like he's going to get his own pool boys.

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Genosse Pieck wrote:
It appears the skilled doctors of the People's Republik of North Korea were able to remove your boil! Did you redistribute the surplus protein amongst your adoring People? I am certain that boiled boil soup with beets will become favorite staple of Koreans! Do not be offended, as stuffed pig stomach is considered delicacy in DDR. It was the favorite of the imperialist-fascist Helmut Kohl (head of the shadow government in the occupied territories) I wonder what stuffed boil would be like?

As far as you and Commissar Hirrary, you would make great match! And if you no longer like her, let her go like you did Peggy!

Collectively yours,

Genosse Pieck

Komrade Genosse Pieck - yes, yes! I feed boil to starving masses of my subject peoples here in Democratic Peoples Republik of Korea. Onry probrem is now they won't eat anything else, making starvation probrem even worse.

So you think I have chance with Hirrary Krinton, eh? You got her cerr phone numba? I promise, I not carr correct.

I encrose photo of myself for you to give to Hirrary. Terr her I getting hair re-styled and having eyes fixed with raser surgery - no more grasses. Photo taken during heat sperr rast Summer after cheap-ass East German A/C unit break down. But I give pic because I figure she rike to see my manry Man-Boobs(tm). I bet mine bigger than hers!

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Your Dear Leader,

Kim Jong Illin'

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Dear Leader, your manly man boobs are probably bigger than those of Our Many Titted Empress but on number times mass she has you beat. Add in her ginormous ass and it takes another 747 just to haul around her bloomers.

All the best,
Theocritus

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:No, Red Star has the goons. They come into the Rancho and take one look and run, screaming like little girls, out into the desert night.

But I have something worse to report, Comrades. For years now Bruno was doing his Carmen Miranda impersonation. But last night the goggle box had on <i>Night of the Iguana</i> and <i>now</i> he thinks he's Ava Gardner in Mexico.

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Yeah. Like he's going to get his own pool boys.

Oh dear Lenin!!! It's bad enough when he lays out by the pool in that blue 2-piece with a strapless top.

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Wait, Zampolit, until you see the slinky dress with the slit skirt--that bottle-brush leg being extended out, well, it only gets worse. I made the mistake of putting on <i>Who Framed Roger Rabbit?</i> and when Bruno saw this



I kept praying for the goddamned mangos again.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Wait, Zampolit, until you see the slinky dress with the slit skirt--that bottle-brush leg being extended out, well, it only gets worse. I made the mistake of putting on <i>Who Framed Roger Rabbit?</i> and when Bruno saw this

I kept praying for the goddamned mangos again.

Pray he never sees Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, Flashdance or The Birdcage.

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Kim Jong Illin' wrote:
Genosse Pieck wrote:
It appears the skilled doctors of the People's Republik of North Korea were able to remove your boil! Did you redistribute the surplus protein amongst your adoring People? I am certain that boiled boil soup with beets will become favorite staple of Koreans! Do not be offended, as stuffed pig stomach is considered delicacy in DDR. It was the favorite of the imperialist-fascist Helmut Kohl (head of the shadow government in the occupied territories) I wonder what stuffed boil would be like?

As far as you and Commissar Hirrary, you would make great match! And if you no longer like her, let her go like you did Peggy!

Collectively yours,

Genosse Pieck

Komrade Genosse Pieck - yes, yes! I feed boil to starving masses of my subject peoples here in Democratic Peoples Republik of Korea. Onry probrem is now they won't eat anything else, making starvation probrem even worse.

So you think I have chance with Hirrary Krinton, eh? You got her cerr phone numba? I promise, I not carr correct.

I encrose photo of myself for you to give to Hirrary. Terr her I getting hair re-styled and having eyes fixed with raser surgery - no more grasses. Photo taken during heat sperr rast Summer after cheap-ass East German A/C unit break down. But I give pic because I figure she rike to see my manry Man-Boobs(tm). I bet mine bigger than hers!

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Your Dear Leader,

Kim Jong Illin'

Dear Reader, err Leader,

I do not have phone number for Comrade Clintonovna, but I will get Stasi right on it. In the meantime, perhaps Facebook would be good idea. Or telegram.

My apologies on the A/C unit breaking down. I will personally send new one from the VEB Klimaanlagenbetrieb Sommerschreck. You can expect it in 20 years.

Your Man-Boobs are manly, but she is hairier than you. I also noticed the beer you were having. What kind?

Collectively yours,

Genosse Pieck

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Kaos Klerik, oh, we've been down the those movies roads before. He can't squeak convincingly like Albin; his gravelly basso profundo won't let him.

But he <i>is</i> Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. This is West Texas. You ought to see him standing on top of the old wetback barracks guest-worker accommodations with a 50' train blowing in the strong West Texas wind. The but the opera was a bit much for him--he did it to the Village People.

Pieck, considering that photo of Dear Reader, I expect that he and Our Many Titted Empress would be death in a house--just think of having skid marks on every single exposed surface.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote: But he is Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. This is West Texas. You ought to see him standing on top of the old wetback barracks guest-worker accommodations with a 50' train blowing in the strong West Texas wind. The but the opera was a bit much for him--he did it to the Village People.

Please tell me you videotaped that.

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Unfortunately I could not. The camera was ruined when Bruno was trying to tape lighting his own farts. To be fair he was in a contest with Pelosovich and Our Many Titted Empress and I yelled at him, "Bruno! You may think you know something about this but look at the competition! I mean, Hillary and Nancy? You want to get in a contest lighting farts with <i>them</i>?"

But would he listen? No. He's the one who burned up the video camera. They're the ones who blew out the wall.

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Comrade Commissar, is it possible that Bruno's rectum could be used as some sort of anti capitalist weapon? I mean just imagine the possibilities. Shove the right projectile up there, feed him some frijoles, hand him a lighter and point him at the appropriate enemy of the state... Then watch out! Perhaps this is how our comrades in North Korea will launch a satellite? Some North Korean Bruno and a match?

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Unfortunately I could not. The camera was ruined when Bruno was trying to tape lighting his own farts. To be fair he was in a contest with Pelosovich and Our Many Titted Empress and I yelled at him, "Bruno! You may think you know something about this but look at the competition! I mean, Hillary and Nancy? You want to get in a contest lighting farts with <i>them</i>?"

But would he listen? No. He's the one who burned up the video camera. They're the ones who blew out the wall.

You sure Bruno isn't made out of Cesium?


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Kim Jong Illin' wrote:I think Hirrary is just ronery rike me. Her husban' Birr not giving her the ol' Ji-Ji for rong time. You think I have chance with her?

Me? I not doing so well on eHarmony. (crick on rink) No raughing or you wirr be shot!

Your Dear Leader,

Kim Jong Illin'

OOP Ta Gu
Me anh haj a moy u

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Comrade Il, (or is it Jong?) seems you have some problems with your Ilharmony outfit. Might I suggest robot women perhaps?
Also, is this thing about you and the moon really true?



I've been trying to get a moon on OGame for some time now so, could you maybe help me out a wee smidgin?

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Gentlemen, gentlemen. While I am the first--and last--and middle--to suggest that Bruno is a grade-A, 200-proof annoyance, childish, arrogant, self-centered and stupid, in terms of sheer destructive power he is <i>nothing</i> compared to our elected officials.

When Nanski drives by a hospital all the women in the maternity ward miscarry. This saves on medical costs, according to her.

When Our Many Titted Empress gets drunk, she can raze and entire block of apartment buildings with her tusks. Her trotters can even tear up asphalt and any concrete less than 6" thick.

But the worst is His O'liness. You have not seen pictures of him jogging recently; that's because he floats off the earth these days. The new presidential limousine was bought because it was <i>heavier</i>. He didn't want His coronation day parade to look like the Macy's parade.

Once his handlers, who are now sumo wrestlers owing to their heft, lost their hold on him. Something about a shortage of Varsol. He floated up to the top of the troposphere and every time he farted it rained copies of <i>I'm a Marxist, You'll Be a Marxist</i> and <i>Voter Fraud for Dummies</i> all over the northeast.

When finally the winds brought him down to earth, all he could say is, "How nice that my privates are no longer chapped by Chris and Keith."

"But," he mused, if there is a reason to change your luck, then I suppose standing to for a few media types is okay if it gets me where I am today. I mean, The Oval Office is worth a hummer."

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:
"But," he mused, if there is a reason to change you luck, then I suppose standing to for a few media types is okay if it gets me where I am today. I mean, The Oval Office is worth a hummer."

Just as Paris was once worth a Mass, I suppose.


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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Unfortunately I could not. The camera was ruined when Bruno was trying to tape lighting his own farts. To be fair he was in a contest with Pelosovich and Our Many Titted Empress and I yelled at him, "Bruno! You may think you know something about this but look at the competition! I mean, Hillary and Nancy? You want to get in a contest lighting farts with <i>them</i>?"

But would he listen? No. He's the one who burned up the video camera. They're the ones who blew out the wall.

Did it look something like this?



It is great thinkers as this that will lead us to the Great State of the Sainted Marx.

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As silly as Bruno is, and I'm the first to admit that he is, he was <i>never</i> that stupid.

There is no group of people sillier than a bunch of drunk frat boys, unless it's teeny-bopper girls gushing over some boy band like the New Kids on the Block. And since they've five years younger and can't drink or drive, they have more of an excuse.

Too bad this wasn't terminal.

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This could use one of those 'peregruzka' buttons.

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What happened to the good old days, when the Empress' faux pas was limited to serving the wrong virgin blood wine with her baby seals that night at the Rancho Del Norte? This episode was just too pathetic. Even that baby killer Rice never flubbed it so badly. Empress.... get a hold of yourself or we shall certainly get a hold of you.

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:What happened to the good old days, when the Empress' faux pas was limited to serving the wrong virgin blood wine with her baby seals that night at the Rancho Del Norte? This episode was just too pathetic. Even that baby killer Rice never flubbed it so badly. Empress.... get a hold of yourself or we shall certainly get a hold of you.

...yeah, one tit at a time...

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I just came from a Russian-language forum discussing this issue. A general scientific consensus seems to be that the correct translation of "reset" into Russian, in this case, is "sbros." Not precisely a good diplomatic term, but it's close enough.

I just wanted it to be on the record, comrades.

Would it have been an insult to the Clintons and an insensitive innuendo if Lavrov had told Hillary, "Close, but no cigar"?

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Red Square wrote:Would it have been an insult to the Clintons and an insensitive innuendo if Lavrov had told Hillary, "Close, but no cigar"?

Comrade you got me many strange looks from my fellow capitalist slave cubemates when I read this. Sadly I was not able to share the source of my mirth as I would then need to be sent to feminist re-education camp and I have to bowl on Wednesday.

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AbecedariusRex wrote:
Marshal Pupovich wrote:What happened to the good old days, when the Empress' faux pas was limited to serving the wrong virgin blood wine with her baby seals that night at the Rancho Del Norte? This episode was just too pathetic. Even that baby killer Rice never flubbed it so badly. Empress.... get a hold of yourself or we shall certainly get a hold of you.

...yeah, one tit at a time...

Dear Lenin, that is an image I could have done without comrade!

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Natasha sans Boris wrote:*chuckle* Please forgive me dahlinks for chuckling during such a grave discussion but that last sentence brought to mind a naughty image!

Ah, Natasha darling....the sexiest woman ever, though as I have confessed to before, I do have this thing for the imperialist Ann Coulter. But I know you could make me forget all about her Comrade!

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:How many times I've had her at the Rancho de Rio Grande and she'd be drunk on Bloody Marys, made with the real blood of rich, white Republican virgins. Her eyes would get red, or redder, and then she'd start to strip off and offer her "wares" to Bruno. For some reason she, when quite plastered, thinks that he can give her what Bill, or Birr, doesn't.

One day, we simply must cast a medal, or name a breakfast cereal for Bruno. Imagine the damage that could have been done were it not for Bruno offering himself for the Party? Better him than us eh?

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:
AbecedariusRex wrote:
Marshal Pupovich wrote:What happened to the good old days, when the Empress' faux pas was limited to serving the wrong virgin blood wine with her baby seals that night at the Rancho Del Norte? This episode was just too pathetic. Even that baby killer Rice never flubbed it so badly. Empress.... get a hold of yourself or we shall certainly get a hold of you.

...yeah, one tit at a time...

Dear Lenin, that is an image I could have done without comrade!

Yeah, I know what you mean. As though pictures of Comrade Ill Kim Jong in the raw did anything for me, either.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:But I have something worse to report, Comrades. For years now Bruno was doing his Carmen Miranda impersonation. But last night the goggle box had on <i>Night of the Iguana</i> and <i>now</i> he thinks he's Ava Gardner in Mexico.

Yeah. Like he's going to get his own pool boys.

I hesitate to ask, but what do you think was used to make those "rattles" in that clip?

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Here's a deserving Russian-American project promising to reset the relationship and establish a lasting peace and international friendship - featuring Dr. Dre and Vladimir Zhirinovsky. It's especially heart-lifting if you speak the Mother tongue.


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Pupovich, those rattles were the dried huevos that our Many Titted Empress always carries with her.

Snack food, you see. Her granola.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote: I kept praying for the goddamned mangos again.

Commissar, surely you can come up with a more appropriate name....after all, "mangos" is so sexist, exclusionary, insensitive. Now I know no one cares more than you Commissar, so I must assume this comment was put on your teleprompter by some incompetent copy prole?

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Red Square wrote:Here's a deserving Russian-American project promising to reset the relationship and establish a lasting peace and international friendship - featuring Dr. Dre and Vladimir Zhirinovsky. It's especially heart-lifting if you speak the Mother tongue.

Great video, but what was the gist of the song? Typical Zhirinovsky oratory?

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Pupovich, those rattles were the dried huevos that our Many Titted Empress always carries with her.

Snack food, you see. Her granola.

Oh, that doesn't sound so bad Commissar, I feared much worse.

Red Square wrote:I just came from a Russian-language forum discussing this issue. A general scientific consensus seems to be that the correct translation of "reset" into Russian, in this case, is "sbros." Not precisely a good diplomatic term, but it's close enough.

When Ivan first read about Hillary's serial gaffes, he was so mortified that he checked on one of those online Russian-English translation sites and that's exactly what it spat out: сброс. Is it asking too much for the Secretary of State of the United States of America even to check an online translator before presenting a cheesy, mis-translated gag-gift, whose very concept was nicked from ads for Staples (i.e., the Easy button), to the Foreign Minister of the Russian Federation? Diplomacy has its protocols (serious giving of state gifts, remembering names, arriving on time), and it's not as if Hillary can't look up "reset" on a website.

OK, maybe Ivan is being unfair to Hillary. Even though she's the smartest, most capable woman the world has ever known, more brilliant than everyone else combined who has had the misfortune rare privilege to be in every room into which her royal person has ever strutted in one of her super-glamorous, always practical-yet-elegant pantsuits, Hillary has an awful lot to do these days. Between arranging diplomatic insults for leaders of friendly nations who visit the White House, yukking it up with tyrants, and bad-mouthing America overseas, Hillary is just too danged bizzy to worry about diplomatic protocol and stuff like that. (You don't suppose that Hillary is still seething about being passed over for the First Dog gig, do you, and secretly trying to undermine Obama The Great's Glorious Foreign Policy Adventure? God Stalin knows, she gave it her all, and Stalin knows, she's got what it takes, in spades. Hillary is "shovel-ready" for the job of First Dog!)

Which begs the question: сброс what? Does that mean "abrogate every treaty that exists between Russia and the United States"? Silly old Ivan the Kulak is uneducated in these matters, but isn't some precision in language expected of diplomats, especially when they want to use the Easy button to "reset" relations with another major power - without paying even a kopek in royalties to Staples?!?

Perhaps it's best that Ivan the Kulak stick with what he does best - drunk dialing, vodka-fueled hooliganism, slandering the Soviet State - and leave diplomacy to that super-brainy, hyper-competent Hillary and her apparatchiks at Foggy Bottom.

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Ivan the Kulak wrote:OK, maybe Ivan is being unfair to Hillary. Even though she's the smartest, most capable woman the world has ever known, more brilliant than everyone else combined who has had the misfortune rare privilege to be in every room into which her royal person has ever strutted in one of her super-glamorous, always practical-yet-elegant pantsuits, Hillary has an awful lot to do these days.

Which begs the question: сброс what? Does that mean "abrogate every treaty that exists between Russia and the United States"? Silly old Ivan the Kulak is uneducated in these matters, but isn't some precision in language expected of diplomats, especially when they want to use the Easy button to "reset" relations with another major power - without paying even a kopek in royalties to Staples?!?

Perhaps it's best that Ivan the Kulak stick with what he does best - drunk dialing, vodka-fueled hooliganism, slandering the Soviet State - and leave diplomacy to that super-brainy, hyper-competent Hillary and her apparatchiks at Foggy Bottom.

I shudder at the horror, great joy you must have felt at being in the same room with Saint Hillary. I once shook hands with Bush and I still can't get the smell of capitalism off my palm.

By reset they mean to reset relations as they were back when Comrade Clinton was in power, before the evil Bush screwed everything up. It is the start of the airbrushing of Bush out of history books.

Most of your antics are all in good fun, but the vodka-fueled drunk dialing has got to go. The last time you called Michelle of the Bare Arms and asked her for a date in Minsk.

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Kaos, I know what you mean about the stench of shaking hands with the Bu$hitler. A quarter century ago I actually new him and sold him software and he's such a good actor that I thought he was a pretty nice fellow, and very well mannered.

That was of course before I surrendered my entire soul and brain to the media and started to believe their beliefs <i>du jour</i>.

That was before I learned steadfastly <i>never</i> to think unless I had orders telling me how to think.

That was before I got my really nice tin-foil hat.

Comrades,

For the good of The Party, for the good of International Socialism, Ivan the Kulak now denounces himself as a lackey of imperialist degenerates who peddle their wares to weak Soviet men and distract them from full vigilance in the constant struggle against lust-inspiring, petit-bourgeois so-called "super-glamorous, always practical-yet-elegant pantsuits" that Hillary wears like trained KGB agent to lure non-vigilant Comrade Ivan into lust-filled thoughts and away from his pure revolutionary zeal.

Notice how Comrade Lavrov showed steely resolve in the face of Hillary's flagrant attempt at seduction with luscious red button. Ivan not so strong and vigilant, and thoughtcrime is inevitable result.

Hooliganism - no big deal, it's all the rage at the shopping mall Komsomol summer camps. But lusting after non-Soviet women like dog with drooling tongue - now Ivan goes too far with counter-revolutionary thoughts of Michelle hot Amerikanskaya woman with strong arms that take control at just the right time!!

Ivan now presents himself to local KGB officer for official self-denunciation. Ivan expects himself to be airbrushed out of his high school yearbook. Ivan checks back with comrades in 25 years - or sees dear comrades soon in the camps, so take warning.

Warning to comrades: Never fall prey to lust-inspiring Michelle and Hillary who distract you from pure Socialist thoughts! It could happen to you! Let Ivan the Kulak serve as warning.

Long live The Party!

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Ivan, I do hate to tell you, but lusting after Michelle the Resentful and Our Many Titted Empress is entirely consonant with good socialist thought. In fact I'd say that <i>not</i> lusting after them would be as wrong as not lusting after Olga the tractor driver on the collective.

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Speaking of our Many Titted Empress: Hillary's gal-pal, Speaker Pelosi, has a not-so-flattering picture on Drudge today.

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Yucky.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Speaking of our Many Titted Empress: Hillary's gal-pal, Speaker Pelosi, has a not-so-flattering picture on Drudge today.

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Yucky.

Yucky, but real. Where are the Party's airbrush artists when you need them? After all, Comrade Nancy is a member of the Politburo and a close confidant of the General Secretary.

Do we detect counter-revolutionary wrecking right under our noses, among those entrusted to maintain Party Truth? Perhaps it's time for another purge of Trotskyist elements within the Party. Shoot the swine, all of them!

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Speaking of our Many Titted Empress: Hillary's gal-pal, Speaker Pelosi, has a not-so-flattering picture on Drudge today.

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Yucky.

Nice butch shot.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Ivan, I do hate to tell you, but lusting after Michelle the Resentful and Our Many Titted Empress is entirely consonant with good socialist thought. In fact I'd say that <i>not</i> lusting after them would be as wrong as not lusting after Olga the tractor driver on the collective.

Whew, that was a close one! I feared that it was off to Kolyma for Ivan, and just in time good Commissar Theocritus saves Ivan's smoked pork fat from Dalstroi labor camp.

Yes, Ivan lusts after Olga for years since 1932, but at distance. As a confirmed kulak, Ivan doesn't do kolkhoz "up close and personal" but he sure finds lustful thought of luscious Olga in tractor seat as she plows the fertile fields of - Ivan's farm! Ivan feels both lust and bitter irony. Maybe it's better Ivan think about lucious Michelle instead, with big wide child-bearing hips and fetching smile with big teeth and beady eyes. Mmmmm!

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Ivan, as long as you give equal time to plowing Olga on the tractor, plowing the shivering cellulite fields of Our Many Titted Empress and, er, relaxing in the 20" guns of Michelle the Resentful all will be well.

I am currently working on a schedule for the proper Progressive rotation of wet dreams. Monday all good Progressives have a wet dream about Our Many Titted Empress. Tuesday, Michelle the Resentful. Wednesday, Olga the tractor jockey. Thursday, Martina Navratilova. Friday, Nansky Pelosovich, Saturday, Rosie O'Donnell, and Sunday, Maxine Waters.

In this way all progressive goddesses will be equally honored.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Speaking of our Many Titted Empress: Hillary's gal-pal, Speaker Pelosi, has a not-so-flattering picture on Drudge today.

Dear Lenin, Chairman, how could you take such a risk to look at this imperialist rag, the Drudge? The Party needs your beady eyes in prime condition. How will you be able to spot a dime in the gutter or a hidden contribution hidden in some coffin if your eyes are ruined?

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Pupovich, I do not worry about Meow's wandering eyes--this is mere practice for him as the odd show trial is for you. I do worry though about flashing that picture of Peloski. What is she trying to tell us? That's a man's suit.

Is she being infected by Bonnie Fwank? Is she going to get all close and cuddly with Rosie O'Donnell?

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Kaos old bean, thank you for posting that bottle rocket clip. I saw it the first time a couple of years ago, but I still laugh insanely when the budding young rocket scientist bends down with the lighter and says "now don't move!"

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What happened to the Darwin awards? I know that the true winners were those who died, but that doesn't mean that they didn't commit parenthood before killing themselves, and it's possible for someone to be so stupid that without killing himself he can still manage to cut down on his chances for survival.

Say by emasculation. Or rendering himself so unattractive that even a trust fund wouldn't render him agreeable to a woman more hungry for money than anything else.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Ivan, as long as you give equal time to plowing Olga on the tractor, plowing the shivering cellulite fields of Our Many Titted Empress and, er, relaxing in the 20" guns of Michelle the Resentful all will be well.

I am currently working on a schedule for the proper Progressive rotation of wet dreams. Monday all good Progressives have a wet dream about Our Many Titted Empress. Tuesday, Michelle the Resentful. Wednesday, Olga the tractor jockey. Thursday, Martina Navratilova. Friday, Nansky Pelosovich, Saturday, Rosie O'Donnell, and Sunday, Maxine Waters.

In this way all progressive goddesses will be equally honored.
How quickly the Goddesses fall. I see no mention of High Commissarass Barbara Boxerivich . [Note please that IO have invented a word]
I also do not see the Former High Commissarass Dianesky Feinstein.
Are both now relegated to the Beet Fields for assignment as Secondary Supervisors?
May I know which fields in the Autonomous Republick of California so I may visit them to see how the mighty have fallen and revel in the Parties application of equality to all.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:What happened to the Darwin awards? I know that the true winners were those who died, but that doesn't mean that they didn't commit parenthood before killing themselves, and it's possible for someone to be so stupid that without killing himself he can still manage to cut down on his chances for survival.

Say by emasculation. Or rendering himself so unattractive that even a trust fund wouldn't render him agreeable to a woman more hungry for money than anything else.
A Thousand Ways to die?

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Pravda, it is my understanding that Diane Feinsteinski had actually accosted Speakerette Pelosivich about the spending. I shudder to think that a Progressive might have an attack of conscience about OPM--that just won't do.

And as far Boxerivich, I believe that she was out walking her poodle and a California condor, hungry, grabbed her instead of the poodle.

Making the breed extinct.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Pravda, it is my understanding that Diane Feinsteinski had actually accosted Speakerette Pelosivich about the spending. I shudder to think that a Progressive might have an attack of conscience about OPM--that just won't do.

And as far Boxerivich, I believe that she was out walking her poodle and a California condor, hungry, grabbed her instead of the poodle.

Making the breed extinct.
Do you mean the Boxerivich or the Condor? I can see death resulting from ingesting that poison.
Are Condors protected? There could be problems for the Party if the Ultra party members such as PETA found out. Or have they been silenced?
Perhaps the feinsteinski will return if the program was not absolute.


 
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