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Guilt Quiz & Guilt Level Chart: Tools for the Guilted Age

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Guilt Quiz & Guilt Level Chart:
Tools for the Guilted Age


The Guilted Age is similar to the Gilded Age, only instead of being motivated by the acquisition of gold, the nation is motivated by the distribution of Guilt™.

A guilty electorate is less demanding: beggars are not choosers. Collective remorse makes the masses more malleable. Not only do workers toil harder for less, they also donate surpluses to progressive causes within the hope that it would offset their culpability for having the wrong color, ethnicity, religion, zip code, profession, hobbies, vehicles, grocery bags, shopping patterns, dietary choices, wages higher than in Zimbabwe, and exhaling the CO2.

The pursuit of happiness in the Guilted Age is redefined as follows: the stronger your guilt, the happier you are to give your stuff to us. We call it Sharing™.

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We don't like taking chances, that's why we hate capitalism. We can't leave Guilt™ to chance either - it is a fickle sentiment that must be systematically reinforced and replenished. To sustain our massive guilt-fueled American economy, the concepts of Guilt™ and Sharing™ must be institutionalized and managed in a planned, scientific manner from a central location by experienced professionals.

To rule over the guilt-ridden nation more efficiently, we are working towards establishing the US Department of Guilt - a federal agency tasked wih stimulating and enhancing guilt complexes among the electorate through various guilt-inducing campaigns in the media, public education, and entertainment subdividions of the progressive establishmewnt.

Guilt czar is to be selected from among professional guilt trippers on the raster of Socialist International, to oversee a proper distribution of Guilt™ among all residents as per assigned quotas (see diagram below).

The US Department of Guilt will steer and support a planned transition from Conspicuous Consumption™ of the Gilded Age to Conspicuous Compassion™ of the Guilted Age, as mandated by government edict.

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To this end, scientists at Karl Marx Treatment Center developed the followingProgressive Guilt Quiz. It is to be taken by all residents at the start of each fiscal year, to help us estimate their position in the Guilt™ hierarchy. The level of Guilt™ they are required to feel is directly proportional to the money they are required to Share™ with the Party and its organs in order to receive their annual Guilt Offsets.

Click here to take Progressive Guilt Quiz >>

THEN RETURN HERE TO REPORT YOUR SCORE.

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Special thanks to Professor Kurgman PhD,PhD,PhD and Commissarka Pinkie for helping with the guilt quiz questions.

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615.

I'm sure the Commisars will be around to collect me, for... guilt re-education.

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635 here. Just kidding Comrades, omitted the - sign. Yes, -635, that's the score. Right Comrades? We were just making with the funny.


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I scored a 575, I am so ashamed of my guilt comrades. :-(

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-870

Is that like a bowling a 300 in The Special Olympics?

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Laika the Space Dog wrote:-870

Is that like a bowling a 300 in The Special Olympics?
515

It doesn't help I'm still in the People's College System.

Oh and Laika, I never made it without trying, ask the Obama. . .
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510
I report my score only so it can be averaged for the common good to assign a collective guilt score to us all.

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+525 Comrades. I hang head in shame, but the People's Guilt chart does not show a corresponding score line? Perhaps a few days in the Karl Marx special treatment center are called for to correct this charting error. However, my guilt is already known to be high enough that am packing beet shovel and dry goods for several years in the gulag for proper re-education.

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+565!!!!!! Sob! My guilt is too great to be contained in my breasts! (loud ululations, followed by rending of uniform) I have failed the O and must be punished! I will walk to DC on my knees while rhythmically whipping myself in time to Гимн Советского Союза where I will report for maximum reeducation (shudder). My thanks to the Karl Marx Treatment Center for exposing my guilt! Все cлавят Obama!

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Ha fellow Comrades beat my 280! you must finally realize that I am truly more equal and less guilty than others. I guess it would have been lower if I hadn't aimed for the head......

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Dang. 545. Didn't quite make it to the top guilt tier. Can I claim extra credit for 2 SUVs, instead of just one?

615. I got 615??!!!? Me? But, but maybe I used my SUVs to take the dea... er newly registered voters to the polls. ummmm Look isnt that Rush Limbaugh taking candy from a baby? (runs out of the room)

Man I only got at 595..... I wanted to be over 600! Guilty as charged. Wow, I get to be the center of attention for my guilt at a people's trial ... how cool is that?

Greetings Comrades, with great sadness and self-loathing, the newbie RaccoonZvezda has taken this test and has shamefully scored 605!

I, RaccoonZvezda must denounce myself, and demand that I be beaten out of turn before being sent to the gulag!! Please send me now to Big O's Ministry of Love and make my mind pure, leave me with nothing but guilty regret and love for our leader!!

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610 but I cheated. Is this Shovel time or do I move up to Hoe's?
P.S. i fly both Flags American and Confederate. Any extra points there. (Shameless groveling)

Ivan scores 570 and wants to schedule appointment for deportation to Novosibirsk. Ivan presses 3 for "early morning" appointment for black Maria to arrive between 1 and 3 AM, so Ivan has plenty of time to denounce himself in advance (it saves time!), prepare a warm coat, felt boots, and a small bundle of food for the train car, indulge in last binge of Trotskyist sabotage and Zinovievite counter-revolutionary wrecking. Beeg trouble for Ivan - he's done OK for himself - warm bed, protein 3 times a week, 4 square meters of living space behind the curtain for weekly boom-boom with Natalya! Ivan wears badge of kulak with pride - while NKVD and nosy bitch behind curtain don't listen in. Otherwise it's Ivan the Prole to you, Comrade.

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+595 This test is not fair! I'll have plenty to say at my trial! In order for me to feel guilty, I would have to own a solar powered house that used more energy than the average American home (like comrade Gore), fly back and forth between Washington D.C. and California on a military jet any time I please (like comrade Pelosi). Ride to and from work everyday in a tax-free (unless I am caught) chauffeur driven limousine like comrade Daschle, accept a book advance from an evil capitalist publisher after I have been elected senator (like comrade Clinton) and other guilt inducing activities.

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400 with a couple of thoughts:

15. - There is a thin line between abstainance and being too ugly to breed with ( as is my case).

17.- I had to retract my answer when I realized that my thinking that piling the naked Camel- F#!$%ers on top of each other and braodcasting it ACROSS THE MUSLUM WORLD is an OUTSTANDING idea! My military( warmongering) exposure to " Psy-ops" has warped my mind.

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[HIGHLIGHT=#1f497d]FAIR!!!!!![/HIGHLIGHT]

Image Good Grief. Off to the Re-ed Factory. Fair is define by 'The One'. Only 'The One' who possesses magnificent insight into all of us can determine fair. After all what is unfair to you is fair to someone of less standing than you.
Only way to be fair is for everyone but the ruling hierarchy to be on level playing field and have Referees who favors those with less over those with more thus calling penalty's and interest on those with more.
That is fair.
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I scored a terrible 530 . Oh the huge manatee!

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Our collective score is 520 guilt.

And we did not apreciate Q#19!!!

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A 450 guilt here, though I must admit to the crime of cheating in an effort to feed false information to the thought gnome in my head.... Two things... this quiz is racist and needs more cowbell...that's from the gnome, not me....

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525!!!
I am ready to toil for guilt...........please ask KGB member who is outside in the bushes to please get me a shovel.

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Get? You mean Give. One does not ask the KGB to get anything.

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Now i will need them to give me two shovels.

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Now you have it.
Of course you will have to dig twice as much but this is just part of the re-ed system. You have more so you must do more and then give more.

655! Truly, I am a running dog lackey of entrenched bourgeoisie guilty interests. I simultaneously flagellate myself vigorously for guilt and sing the glorious praises of the People's Cube for enlightening my comrades to the dangers I represent.

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-765

This score should make it clear why I am a high ranking Party official and a member of the Inner Circle™!!!

--
ZB

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We have successfully completed our guilt diagnosis.

We are ashamed of our 320 guilt score, but not nearly as ashamed as many here should be of their filthy guilt. Perhaps our lower score is helped by our previous indoctrination from the highly esteemed PoliPrivPub higher institutions re-education kamp we have attended. We are ashamed of being more re-educated than most.

Perhaps in the interest of progress we shall rejoice that we have found people of like mind who share a profound interest in the treatment of sick guilty imperialist Americans.

Guilty decadence be dammed! Yes We Can!

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Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:-765

This score should make it clear why I am a high ranking Party official and a member of the Inner Circle™!!!

--
ZB

Praise be to thee!!! You are esteemed and Praised!

Now in the interest of The Party™ we must remove your legs and arms and shrine your brain in a cryogenic vessel that we must connect to the network at once in order that The People™ may find True Enlightenment™ in your Genius™!!!!

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Comrade Red Rooster wrote:
Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:-765

This score should make it clear why I am a high ranking Party official and a member of the Inner Circle™!!!

--
ZB

Praise be to thee!!! You are esteemed and Praised!

Now in the interest of The Party™ we must remove your legs and arms and shrine your brain in a cryogenic vessel that we must connect to the network at once in order that The People™ may find True Enlightenment™ in your Genius™!!!!


Comrade R.R.,

Spaceeba Ocheen for the high praise that is fitting of me, a high raking member of the Inner Circle™!!! Remember, I am more equal than you so keep it coming.

However, this has already been done to another high ranking party member that is a greater genius than I, and is considerably more enlightened than I.... Comrade Ivan "Brain In Jar" Betinov!!!

--
ZB

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Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:
Comrade Red Rooster wrote:
Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:-765

This score should make it clear why I am a high ranking Party official and a member of the Inner Circle™!!!

--
ZB

Praise be to thee!!! You are esteemed and Praised!

Now in the interest of The Party™ we must remove your legs and arms and shrine your brain in a cryogenic vessel that we must connect to the network at once in order that The People™ may find True Enlightenment™ in your Genius™!!!!


Comrade R.R.,

Spaceeba Ocheen for the high praise that is fitting of me, a high raking member of the Inner Circle™!!! Remember, I am more equal than you so keep it coming.

However, this has already been done to another high ranking party member that is a greater genius than I, and is considerably more enlightened than I.... Comrade Ivan "Brain In Jar" Betinov!!!

--
ZB
Perhaps Comrade this part of encoded message may be subliminal recognition of next assignment?


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Guardian of Pravda wrote:
Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:
Comrade Red Rooster wrote:
Praise be to thee!!! You are esteemed and Praised!

Now in the interest of The Party™ we must remove your legs and arms and shrine your brain in a cryogenic vessel that we must connect to the network at once in order that The People™ may find True Enlightenment™ in your Genius™!!!!


Comrade R.R.,

Spaceeba Ocheen for the high praise that is fitting of me, a high raking member of the Inner Circle™!!! Remember, I am more equal than you so keep it coming.

However, this has already been done to another high ranking party member that is a greater genius than I, and is considerably more enlightened than I.... Comrade Ivan "Brain In Jar" Betinov!!!

--
ZB
Perhaps Comrade this part of encoded message may be subliminal recognition of next assignment?

Perhaps

--
ZB

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-545
The Uber Commissar of Foodservice will gladly volunteer in the People's Soup Kitchen(tm). (to make my humility seem real to the proles)
(This way I may observe the other proles that are not as progressive as I, and report them to the KGB) If it's good enough for our NTE, it's good enough for Che'!

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Comrades, Tourists, and Taxpayers:

Oddly enough, I scored a zero guilt.....I wonder if this is due to my association with the Chairman? No? Then I will continue to work hard to become a more noble Servant of the People.

Only the People will need to work harder to serve 'The Common Good'.
Much harder.

"Our Zero in the White Haus worries about everything.....so you won't have to."

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Red Square wrote:Special thanks to Professor Kurgman PhD,PhD,PhD and Commissarka Pinkie for helping with the quiz questions.

Wow! Seems I'm in the upper scale of the guilt chart, I got a 620. However, I must confess that my score should have been higher. I was hoping that I can get some extra credit for my transgressions ... as follows:

1. During all of the GW Bush State of the Union speeches I masturbated. I also do so when the Star Spangled Banner is played, and during Rush Limbaugh broadcasts.

2. I am an avid hunter. My friends and I hunt every weekend, but we only pursue endangered species. Really great on my Weber BBQ grill. My cats really love the rare Spotted Owl when I cook-out ... tastes just like chicken.

3. I replaced my highly efficient furnace with a coal burning version.

4. I go into poor neighborhoods and rob those in poverty and the homeless. Best "pickins" is just after the 1st of the month when the ole folks get their Socialist Security checks. I then take those proceeds and give to Wallstreet CEO's whom no longer can get bonus checks, seems they are hurting nowadays. Perhaps Madoff's wife will need some support while he is being f'ed in the you know what in prison serving his term.

I shall ask our Lord and Savior Obamessiah (praise be his name) for forgiveness.

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I got -3000, but I guess that's why I'm a Made Progressive and all you proles aren't.

Platform 6 will be quite crowded today...

-COV

555
I must apologize for guilt comrades. I am obviously a thought criminal.
I will get my shovel and meet you on platform 6.

Excellent, EXCELLENT!

My fellow comrads -- I have instructed all my subjects (young communists) to make as many copies as possible within the next 24 hours of the "Progressive Guilt Quiz."

The New Communist Convention of Cuba is being held in 2 weeks -- I understand there are shit-loads of peasants coming over to check it out. I will be using the QUIZ to censor the stooges. This way we can turn the bastards over to the authorities if we find the QUIZ shows them as over-qualified to be a CCC (communist creeps of cuba) member.

Thanks for the TOOL. It is greatly UN-appreciated.

Comard NoBomski
First Inbred Officer of the CCC

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My score was, like, more in the red than Obama's proposed budget. Yes, I am that progressive, Comrades. It won't be long before you peons start seeing Hollywood celebrities, college trust-fund kids and Mulva Goldbook wearing iconic T-Shirts with my likeness of them.

I'm going to be big. I'm going to be bigger than Bryan Ferry!



Viva la Punchenko!

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Big Red....you should feel very guilty for making us take this test. This test is a travesty! I refuse to admit my score. I demand reparations for my uncomfortable feelings after taking this travesty of a test. What are you going to give me to make me feel whole again? Better be something good,dammit!

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Chairman - I never knew Mitt Romney could sing.

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Sadly, I am only a kid so I can't take that guilt quiz yet. However, I can learn what to do so I won't be a non-person. For now, I'll steal a shopping cart and use it to go to school. Wait, forget it. I'll steal a shopping cart because stealing is sharing (Unless the government steals) and simply sit at home and smoke pot for the revolution.

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Commissar Obamissar V wrote:I got -3000, but I guess that's why I'm a Made Progressive and all you proles aren't.

Platform 6 will be quite crowded today...

-COV
Ah yes... once again another to praise with undying esteem amongst us! Praise to Thee Commissar!

Aspirations are wonderful things! Would you please join Zampolit Blokhayev in your aspirations, The People™ require it!

Please meet the esteemed Comrade Ivan "Brain In Jar" Betinov in the required chamber. It is essential to the cause and The Common Good™ that we make ready use of all who aspire and meet the requirements necessary to spread The Common Good™.

Your Humble Comrade,

Red Rooster

P.S. Although I am aware that it is beyond my meager position to request such requirements, I feel that in light of current events it is imperative that all take a stand for The Common Good™. I accept any re-retribution accordingly.

Comrades,

Alas, I scored only 565. Any minute I expect my door to get kicked in by the friendly folks from the Karl Marx Treatment Center and the Department of Homeland Guilt. Their guilt-free example will lift my spirits almost as much as being handed a shovel. I understand a strict diet of hard labor and cabbage is good for the skin. Perhaps someday I will be fit to rejoin society, maybe building working for Habitat for Humanitarians or ACORN.

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Citizen's,

I prefer the "pass/fail" method. You will have to waterboard me to reveal my guilt score! Now back to the show............


Publius

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575 guilt.... I guess I should buy a shovel already...

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COMRADES: YOU CANNOT DECLINE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ!

It is very important to your future in the Collective that you take it, for only then will you learn your true potential and what positions you might be qualified to hold in the Party one day after graduating from the Karl Marx Treatment Center.

There is only one way to get out of this extremely important, life-and-death quiz that will affect your entire life and potential for success, and that is by following the model that is so popular in the local high schools where I live: You must have perfect attendance at the KMTC.

STOP WHINING AND WAILING AND LET ME FINISH! It doesn't have to be perfect attendance for the whole year, as it was when we boomer types were kids, and all we got for it was some lousy certificate for Mom to tack up on the fridge. You only have to show up every weekday that isn't a holiday or "non-prole day" for 9 weeks. That's all! You don't even have to do any of the assigned work--just drag your sorry, good-for-nothing butt out of bed and show up. You can sleep the whole time, even if you're not hung over;** we just need you here because the Federal Government gives us $$$ for every prole who shows up at the KMTC every day. Really, that's all we care about--now is that so much to ask?

Those who have perfect attendance for 9 weeks will be exempt from taking the quiz, and have their names entered into a drawing for a brand new car!

**Those who do manage to stay awake for a minimum of half a day every day here, will get to attend a party at the end of the 9 weeks. There'll be ice cream and pizza, and best of all, you'll get to throw shoes at a George W. Bush pinata!

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665 guilt. That's one shy of 666. I must be destroyed through shoveling and reprogramming.

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I got 515, but I felt guilty about it and doubled it to 1031.

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Comrades

Do I really have take this guilt test?

After all I'm already entitled to an A plus. I have 0000.23 percent native American blood due to an ancestor from 2003 B.C, who made it across to North America to be oppressed, but that is a long affirmative action story.

To Actually take the time to read and answer these questions, it almost sounds like that four letter word "work".


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Phuzzy Logick wrote:I scored a terrible 530 . Oh the huge manatee!

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OMG that photoshop is hilarious

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Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:-765

This score should make it clear why I am a high ranking Party official and a member of the Inner Circle™!!!

--
ZB

Truly cheating is a great way to move up in the party.

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(Off)

635. Are there extra points if I feel good about that guilt score?

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:STOP WHINING AND WAILING AND LET ME FINISH!
Commissarka, I believe in Darwin's good timing you've inspired a new progressive guilt slogan:
[color=]STOP WINNING AND WHALING![/color][color=][/color]
[color=]
Praise be to Marx Obama, the dominus et deus in chief.[/color]

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Komrade - is score of 640 guilt good?? or do i need one of my own shovels?

Your friendly Noril'sk gulag shovel maker...

алфред тхе шовел макер оф норилск

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-780 I must now denounce myself for negative guilt greed.

I shall remain in the Outer Darkness indefinitely, still digging trenches for Hope and Change.

(Sorry to interrupt...)

I am having 620 guilts. Please no more camp for me. If commissar or commissarka is needing shoveling, I will shove many times, no more camp please.

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645, but comrades when you are a made Progressive you can admit such guilty things. Yes yes, some proles live in hovels, and made progressives live in mansions, example the Obamessiah owns a mansion why, because he is a made progressive.

Commissar Red Star CEO, Hemlock Hospitality INC.
Director of Kicking Doors at midnight
Keeper of the sacred plasma cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting unicorns
Keeper of the faith

Директор Commissar Красн Звезды CEO, Hemlock Хлебосольства INC. пинать двери на полночи Хранитель священнейшего резца плазмы Пастух единорогов Farting радуги Хранитель веры

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Comrades, truly I am far more equal than all of you. As a trust fund baby of a successful capitalist (spit) I have actually lost wealth for the last 15 years and will continue to spend down my investments until I turn 62 when I begin to collect my glorious Socialist Security, tap into my IRA, and perhaps reverse mortgage my house since I have no ungrateful children to leave it to.

Alas, prior to my inheritance, I actually did make money working like a prole which is why I feel duty bound to right that terrible wrong now by wasting my days here at the Cube and drinking vodka while my tenants trudge off to the fields to pay the rent.

Comrades,

I scored a 585, which has made me realize I am less equal than those who are more intelligent, diverse, and compassionate than I am at this time. I will develop a five year plan to reform myself. While I expect to be re-educated, I have at least already stood in front of the mirror and denounced myself.

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While you were standing there did you happen to see anyone?

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{Microphone off}
I got a 635. I expect Barney Frank will denounce me at the next show trial subcommittee hearing. Plus, Andrew Cuomo will publicly reveal my bowling scores so his High O'liness Obama can make fun of me on Leno.

If I had a subscription to the NY Times, they would cancel me. But I don't. Ooops, that's probably another +25 points for me.


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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:My score was, like, more in the red than Obama's proposed budget. Yes, I am that progressive, Comrades. It won't be long before you peons start seeing Hollywood celebrities, college trust-fund kids and Mulva Goldbook wearing iconic T-Shirts with my likeness of them.

I'm going to be big. I'm going to be bigger than Bryan Ferry!



Viva la Punchenko!


Racist!!!!

Расист!!!

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Comrade Red Rooster wrote:
Commissar Obamissar V wrote:I got -3000, but I guess that's why I'm a Made Progressive and all you proles aren't.

Platform 6 will be quite crowded today...

-COV
Ah yes... once again another to praise with undying esteem amongst us! Praise to Thee Commissar!

Aspirations are wonderful things! Would you please join Zampolit Blokhayev in your aspirations, The People™ require it!

Please meet the esteemed Comrade Ivan "Brain In Jar" Betinov in the required chamber. It is essential to the cause and The Common Good™ that we make ready use of all who aspire and meet the requirements necessary to spread The Common Good™.

Your Humble Comrade,

Red Rooster

P.S. Although I am aware that it is beyond my meager position to request such requirements, I feel that in light of current events it is imperative that all take a stand for The Common Good™. I accept any re-retribution accordingly.

Praise and groveling are indeed appropriate sentiments when addressing more equal Party members. I am indeed aligned with the Party members you cited; we are united in our effort to further the Progressive cause. It's for the children, Comrade RR.

Commissar Obamissar Vodkavich
Commissar of Obamissars, Gulags, and Car Wash Products
Not to be confused with The Criminally Insane Vodkov

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Comrades,

My Socialist heart swells with Collective Pride as I observe the role call of new proles who have recently joined The People's Cube.

New proles: I DENOUNCE ALL OF YOU!!!! I have received very little grovleing. Additionally, you have not fulfilled your obligations to The Party. I order ALL of you to report to Platform 1 at the Hauptbahnhof. There you'll be taken to the Karl Marx Treatment Center for proper re-education and you'll be afforded the opportunity to get in touch with your Inner Comrade:

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=2928<br>
-COV

I got a 395 guilt.

But some of the questions didnt have the answers I was looking for. Example

Your 18 year old son just told you he was gay.
a. aim for the head.


But I do feel guilty bout making this:

Image all hail TheOne

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Comrades,

I scored 385. Considering some of the other scores, including the absolute value negative scores, clearly we must convene a mass self-criticism session! That or, as corrective measures, all go on the dole to work gratis for ACORN, Greenpiss, or some other progressive group.

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Emperor Nero, who "fiddled around" while Rome burned. Look what we have here and as this fool fiddles well you know...

==============================================
This prole definitely has plenty of guilt, you will be asset to Party™ someday comrade.
Big shovel awaits your Guilt™.
-Supreme Commander of Threadjacking & Stuffed Mice Toys™

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645

I have already begun my own guilt re-education.

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585!

Let me report to the nearest re-education cooperative immediately so I may begin ingesting carrot-flavored Koolaide!

S.B.

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how many points extra for Reagan bumper sticker on shovel?

i guilty prole 19571109 will have self beaten by that many more lashes today.

и ам тхе хумбле шовел макер фром гулаг ат норилск донт минд тхе фреш дирт оут бацк ёу субсервиант проле

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Comrade Shovel-

Report to Platform 1 for guilt re-education immediately!

Commissar Obamissar Vodkavich
Commissar of Obamissars, Gulags, and Car Wash Products
Not to be confused with The Criminally Insane Vodkov


 
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