Osama to Cindy: Will You Be My 37th Wife?

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Girls everywhere want to meet that tall, dark, and handsome man of their dreams. They long for the feel of that glass slipper on their foot. They pine away for the handsome prince that is willing to go that extra mile. Consider the following love story as one for the ages.
A new video released today on al Jazeera captivated not only regulars enticed by displays of flying body parts and beheadings, but drew in scores of reality TV aficionados, many of whom wept tears of sympathetic tenderness.

In what may well become known as the world's most romantic marriage proposal, Osama Bin Laden, president of the al Qaeda network, stumbled in the midst of his latest fatwa against Western infidels, then produced a small box from the folds of his robe. He fell to one knee and, looking straight into the camera, uttered in perfect English, "I love you Cindy Sheehan. Will you marry me, baby doll?"

He then opened the box containing a gorgeous four carat spherical-cut diamond ring in a platinum setting, still on the finger of its previous owner.

ImageSaid al-Hottub, expert on marriage proposals: "You will not find such a creative proposal anywhere else - trust me, I've looked for them on every Islamic website and in every book of the Hadith.

All those marriage proposals have been rather ordinary in comparison to what just unfolded on Al Jazeera between Bin and Cindy. Osama must have read my book, The Jihadist Guide to Popping the Question.

Trust me, these parts of the world are known for the very worst marriage proposals ever. There was a guy who used a beheaded corpse to propose. Also the idiot who used a very foul smelling piece of goat stomach, and the guy who handed his bride a remote control to his suicide belt laced with nails and human feces.

I heard about the proposal that got someone blown up by a rocket-propelled grenade and one that resulted in a public stoning. Read my book and these awful engagement stories will leave you laughing hysterically and will keep you from making the same horrendous mistakes ever again."

Image This young man proposed in the absolutely most un-romantic place imaginable.

"I have loved you ever since I saw you emerge from your tent, live on CNN," the charismatic warrior went on. "We are very much alike, you and I. We live in our tents, sharing deep contempt for George Bush and imperialist America. We desire the destruction of the Zionist entity - and I hope you enjoy my roughened visage as much as I enjoy your lovely camel-like features. Move in with me, Cindy! Changing tents won't make much of a difference, will it?"

Image "I missed you when you went away to tend after your mother," the hardened warrior gushed, pausing only to wipe a tear from his eye. "And when you came back I knew I could no longer live without having you always around, saying "Bush this" and "Bush that" - which is like pouring honey in my ears. That's when I told my other wives: make room for Cindy, she's coming to Baluhistan!"

Image It just so happens that, as usual, everybody was glued to the al-Jazeera broadcast at Camp Casey at the time. Cindy burst into tears and held her face in her hands as well-wishers spontaneously hugged her and expressed their ululated blessings. It has been reported that the organizer of Code Pink, the legendary Medea Benjamin, ran out of the room in tears and wept for hours.

Image Excited reporters in Crawford rushed to their satellite videophones to spread the breaking news, as Cindy received congratulations from Martin Sheen, Al Sharpton, Joan Baez, and many other celebrities whom she has befriended during her brief stay in Crawford. Barbara Streisand emailed Cindy a recording of her favorite fatwas, dedicated to the two love birds.

Enthralled Democrat pundits consider these developments crucial to a lasting Mideast peace. Sen. John Kerry declared, "should Osama and Cindy marry, a new era of understanding will undoubtedly reign. George Bush should meet with Cindy and Osama, and officiate the ceremony -- or at least give away the bride."

When contacted by Al-Jazeera, Osama stated, "I think she would make a good wife. As for an end to hostilities, I would guarantee a 10% reduction in bombings, with incentives if Cindy puts out." Additionally, Osama demanded a dowry of "two middle-sized American cities and access to a major port."

Image Cindy has been seen padding around camp Casey in a hijab with a big smile on her face. "Who wouldn't be excited," she declared. "It's not every day you get propositioned by a tall, dark and handsome man with millions of dollars and a mature world-view." When asked about marriage plans, she demurred, "we don't want too much publicity. The helicopters would ruin the ceremony."

Abu Bin Dover
Peace and blessings be upon them!

I hope Osama mentioned the mandatory female "circumcision". I'm sure Cindy won't mind; it's "Osama Knows Best" from now on. As the future Mrs. Bin Laden has declared, there is nothing superior in our way of life to Osama's.

The Sheehan Sheeple
Osaaaaammmmaaaa Goooooooddd!
Bush Baaaaaaaaaddddd!
Cindy better than 72 virgiiiiiiinnnnnssss!

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I hope you enjoy my roughened visage as much as I enjoy your lovely camel-like features.
Why do the camels have to be insulted?? What wrong did they ever do to the collective to be lumped together with a she-swine like this?

Cindy Sheehans Ex-hubby
That bitch! I KNEW she was screwing around on the side! Cindy, I want my Duran Duran records back, you whore.

Comrade Popeye
Me instink tells me that ain't no Cindy Sheehad - it's Sea Hag! Keegkeegkeeg

Bluto the Reactionary
Are you sure Popeye? Looks like "Alice the Goon" to me.

WJC vacationin in a ditch
Hot damn Cindy! Can I come into yer tent? Screw that A-rab. Let me show you the Presidential Swizzle Stick and let me stir it around in that big pie hole of yours.

Bubba Bill

Comrade Popeye
Shiver me timbers Bluto - you forgot - Alice da Goon was Sea Hag's slave until I liberacated!
You big lummox - eat some proletariat espinach before ya's loses the rest o' yer memory and forgets how to revolt!

Poopdeck Pappy
Hey Bluto, I likes whatcha say. Lookit this!

Image Image

Bluto the Reactionary
Nuff said.....whadda you say Wimpy? Oh, Wimpy is lost in that herd of Sheehan Sheeple
What?! I can't hear ya Wimpy!

"I'd gladly pay you today for a vegan burger Tuesday"

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Yay! Cindy will start to hide her ugliness under a burka! No longer must we shield our eyes when looking at her.

I cant believe Ossama beat me to that wonderful funny and exciting Cindy.Oh well back to my camel and sheep.Even my American gaurds are starting to look very sexy to me.Praise Allah! Praise Islam!


I lost my lunch!
But how true!