7/7/2017, 9:54 pm
Once upon a time there was an aging CNN news reader called Wolf. Each day he would read a prepared script, then huff and puff and call on his panel of experts for comment. Wolf fancied himself a journalist though some considered him a pompous ass. His corporate masters, on the other hand, were interested only in the revenue Wolf generated for CNN. Therefore, they paid close attention to the viewing habits of his fans, who, like sparrows at a bird feeder, gathered daily to watch The Wolf - trusty pad and pen in hand - assume a defiant newsman stance, stare solemnly into the camera lens and shout Breaking News! over the ever present din of CNN's pitter-pattering electronic NEWS Bongos.™
But time passed and The Wolf's loyal fans grew restless. They wearied of his colorless monotone. They tired of his expressionless stare. Many switched to reading blogs, others to drugs, and soon The Wolf's loyal fan base had dwindled to a precious few.
The loss of advertising revenue did not go unnoticed at CNN Corporate. Before long there were aspiring young Columbia School of Journalism graduates in spike heels seen milling outside the Director of Personnel's office. The Wolf noticed and was concerned. His concern soon turned to worry, and worry to fear. At night he tossed and turned, unable to sleep. "What will become of me," he asked repeatedly of the darkness. "Who will lead my people,... who will announce the Breaking News! to them?" But no answer came forth.
After hours of restless squirming, sleeping fitfully and soaked in perspiration, The Wolf was startled to full wakefulness by the sound of a monotone voice screaming TRUMP! He sat up blinking, listening intently, but the room was still. Exhausted, he lay back, gradually falling into a deep sleep and dreaming of better days. In the dream his anguish turned outward as though searching for its very own cause.
Suddenly, in a blinding flash of insight all was clear, palpable, the cause of his misery was TRUMP! He hated Trump. Yes, but Trump, ironically, was the key to his future. He slept soundly the rest of that night and awoke refreshed and inspired.
The Wolf planned his day carefully and after breakfast rushed to the CNN studio where he burst into the main lobby screaming TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP at the top of his lungs. His fellow journalists gathered round him asking, "What is it... what is Trump up to now... is he coming after us again,... what,... what?" They followed The Wolf to his office asking and begging all the way for more Trump news, anything they could twist into an eye catching story. But their pleas went largely unanswered. The Wolf sat expressionless in his simulated leather upholstered highchair behind a massive desk offering only an occasional monotone grunt of acknowledgment. The growing throng of journalists in The Wolf's office eventually drew the attention of CNN Corporate. "He's back!" they giggled. "Oh, happy day! Oh, happy day!"
But the joy at CNN was short lived and soon the crowds of journalists following The Wolf thinned and disappeared. So did his latest loyal viewers. He was left sitting in his office alone. "I must try again!" he screamed in total frustration. "Trump is a menace to all humanity - someone must alert the people - someone must proclaim the Breaking News! Without hesitation The Wolf stood, strode briskly from his office, and began marching up and down the halls of CNN yelling TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP as loud as his monotonal vocal cords would permit.
It was an inspiring sight that attracted much interest and concern. "Is it Trump again... is it?" the gathering throng asked. "What is he up to now? Is he attacking someone we know? What's he doing now?" they implored. But again The Wolf had no real answers and the crowd around him gradually drifted away. He was once again alone. And when he marched through the halls of CNN the following day screaming TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP no-one seemed to care or even notice.
Without The Wolf to shout Breaking News! to the masses, Trump quickly ascended to his rightful place as WTF. (World Tyrant; The First) Some time later, upon becoming Earth's first multi-trillionaire, Trump opined, "A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth."
The End
