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The Wolf Who Cried Trump - A Craptek Fable

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Once upon a time there was an aging CNN news reader called Wolf. Each day he would read a prepared script, then huff and puff and call on his panel of experts for comment. Wolf fancied himself a journalist though some considered him a pompous ass. His corporate masters, on the other hand, were interested only in the revenue Wolf generated for CNN. Therefore, they paid close attention to the viewing habits of his fans, who, like sparrows at a bird feeder, gathered daily to watch The Wolf - trusty pad and pen in hand - assume a defiant newsman stance, stare solemnly into the camera lens and shout Breaking News! over the ever present din of CNN's pitter-pattering electronic NEWS Bongos.™

But time passed and The Wolf's loyal fans grew restless. They wearied of his colorless monotone. They tired of his expressionless stare. Many switched to reading blogs, others to drugs, and soon The Wolf's loyal fan base had dwindled to a precious few.

The loss of advertising revenue did not go unnoticed at CNN Corporate. Before long there were aspiring young Columbia School of Journalism graduates in spike heels seen milling outside the Director of Personnel's office. The Wolf noticed and was concerned. His concern soon turned to worry, and worry to fear. At night he tossed and turned, unable to sleep. "What will become of me," he asked repeatedly of the darkness. "Who will lead my people,... who will announce the Breaking News! to them?" But no answer came forth.

After hours of restless squirming, sleeping fitfully and soaked in perspiration, The Wolf was startled to full wakefulness by the sound of a monotone voice screaming TRUMP! He sat up blinking, listening intently, but the room was still. Exhausted, he lay back, gradually falling into a deep sleep and dreaming of better days. In the dream his anguish turned outward as though searching for its very own cause.

Suddenly, in a blinding flash of insight all was clear, palpable, the cause of his misery was TRUMP! He hated Trump. Yes, but Trump, ironically, was the key to his future. He slept soundly the rest of that night and awoke refreshed and inspired.

The Wolf planned his day carefully and after breakfast rushed to the CNN studio where he burst into the main lobby screaming TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP at the top of his lungs. His fellow journalists gathered round him asking, "What is it... what is Trump up to now... is he coming after us again,... what,... what?" They followed The Wolf to his office asking and begging all the way for more Trump news, anything they could twist into an eye catching story. But their pleas went largely unanswered. The Wolf sat expressionless in his simulated leather upholstered highchair behind a massive desk offering only an occasional monotone grunt of acknowledgment. The growing throng of journalists in The Wolf's office eventually drew the attention of CNN Corporate. "He's back!" they giggled. "Oh, happy day! Oh, happy day!"

But the joy at CNN was short lived and soon the crowds of journalists following The Wolf thinned and disappeared. So did his latest loyal viewers. He was left sitting in his office alone. "I must try again!" he screamed in total frustration. "Trump is a menace to all humanity - someone must alert the people - someone must proclaim the Breaking News! Without hesitation The Wolf stood, strode briskly from his office, and began marching up and down the halls of CNN yelling TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP as loud as his monotonal vocal cords would permit.

It was an inspiring sight that attracted much interest and concern. "Is it Trump again... is it?" the gathering throng asked. "What is he up to now? Is he attacking someone we know? What's he doing now?" they implored. But again The Wolf had no real answers and the crowd around him gradually drifted away. He was once again alone. And when he marched through the halls of CNN the following day screaming TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP no-one seemed to care or even notice.

Without The Wolf to shout Breaking News! to the masses, Trump quickly ascended to his rightful place as WTF. (World Tyrant; The First) Some time later, upon becoming Earth's first multi-trillionaire, Trump opined, "A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth."

The End

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Captain Craptek wrote:Some time later … Trump opined, "A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth."

One comrade's truth is another comrade's damnable lie. And vice versa, depending on the Current Truth™ and the needs of the Party™.


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Gulag security is getting lax... they're supposed to confiscate your ration card before you leave and put it in my box at the train station. Slackers...

<off>. Where have you been? Hope all is well...

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Comrade Putout cleared up a mystery when she wrote: Welcome Back Captain!.

Ah, my dear friend Ivan,

The last thing I remember was crawling up May's fishnet stocking to check out her new garter belt. That's when everything went black!

CC

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Comrade Putout cleared up a mystery when she wrote: Welcome Back Captain!.

Ah, my dear friend Ivan,

The last thing I remember was crawling up May's fishnet stocking to check out her new garter belt. That's when everything went black!

CC

So sad you missed all the excitement, CC. While you were out we had the resistance shoot some Republicans and CNN shot themselves in the foot.

Glad you have recovered.

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Oh, welcome back indeed, Gallant Noble Heroic Comrade Squirrel! Now all the nuts in the Kollektive will be safe again.

(You are well, yes?)

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Groucho Marxist wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:
Comrade Putout cleared up a mystery when she wrote: Welcome Back Captain!.


So sad you missed all the excitement, CC. While you were out we had the resistance shoot some Republicans and CNN shot themselves in the foot.

Glad you have recovered.

RedDiaperette wrote:Oh, welcome back indeed, Gallant Noble Heroic Comrade Squirrel! Now all the nuts in the Kollektive will be safe again.

(You are well, yes?)

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Welcome back, esteemed and most equal rodent. My bird feeder is your bird feeder.

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A Facebook comrade posted this comment:

Soon, when, his audience once again dwindled to but a few, he noticed the familiar click click click of high heels entering the corporate office. A woman in a revealing, low cut, blue dress emerged, taking a Kleenex from her bra and dabbing at the corners of her mouth, instantly he knew this was the end...curse you Megan Kelly

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Speaking of ration cards Ivan...
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I see the first Team Cube trading cards came out today.
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I collected all one of them!
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I suspected that Captain Craptek had been injured while vacationing in his native Meh-he-co!
(So no trading card... yet!)
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Wolf Blitzer in sheep's clothing.

[img]/images/various_uploads/Wolf_Blitzer_Sheeps_Clothing.jpg[/img]

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Welcome back, Captain, after the long absence! Your first post upon return has hit the mark and is now on the Mother Page!

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Homo homini Blitzer est.

[img]/images/various_uploads/Wolf_Blitzer_Pussy.jpg[/img]

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"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take TRUMP any more!"

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Red Square wrote:Welcome back, Captain, after the long absence! Your first post upon return has hit the mark and is now on the Mother Page!

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Comrade Director Leader Square,

A great honor indeed! My relatives and I strongly believe in the principles of cooperation and shared labor. We thank you most sincerely and look forward to building the best Cube at the lowest possible cost. I just hope the excitement doesn't cause a relapse! (If it does, should I submit the medical bills to you personally or through your lawyer?)


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I've been in the wilderness for the past several months and have been feeding the squirrels from a bag of unsalted peanuts that I accidentally bought (I like the salted ones, and didn't check the label closely enough).

A particularly cute one kept climbing up my leg yesterday -- even as my cat eyed him for dinner.

Now, these were all ground squirrels, and I always heard that Craptek is a tree squirrel.

But maybe -- Craptek is actually a Golden Mantled Ground Squirrel (Callospermophilus lateralis) and he's been up in the wilderness with me?

Good thing my cat caught and ate that rabbit instead -- or Craptek might have been gone for good!

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Mikhail Lysenkomann wrote:I've been in the wilderness for the past several months and have been feeding the squirrels from a bag of unsalted peanuts that I accidentally bought (I like the salted ones, and didn't check the label closely enough).

A particularly cute one kept climbing up my leg yesterday -- even as my cat eyed him for dinner.

Now, these were all ground squirrels, and I always heard that Craptek is a tree squirrel.

But maybe -- Craptek is actually a Golden Mantled Ground Squirrel (Callospermophilus lateralis) and he's been up in the wilderness with me?

Good thing my cat caught and ate that rabbit instead -- or Craptek might have been gone for good!

Comrade Lysenkomann,

An impostor - pretender. If you need more proof ask yourself this question; Would the real Craptek run up my leg? Not likely! It's Russian hacking. Nothing more.

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You know Mikhail, squirrels used to be a big part of daily activities.
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Here is my grandma 'Booty' Putout - a 1940s circus performer. As you can see she is using two squirrels as a means of balance enhancement - as did many of the high wire performers. And before I have to hear a load of whining from you animal rights folks (Craptek)... each squirrel had a 'safety' chain wrapped around their neck to stop them from falling if grandma had to let go of them to grab the wire during a fall. You can see the chains!
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By the way - grandma had one of the first 'Kardashian class' buttocks... a low and dense center of gravity perfect for both of her professions!
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Captain Craptek wrote:Would the real Craptek run up my leg?

Well... I don't know you so I can't be sure. But Golden Mantled Ground Squirrels run up people's legs all the time. They're rather bold little critters... and so cute that people can't help feeding them. Because they look more like chipmunks than squirrels... indeed, most city folk think they ARE chipmunks.

I never thought you were one of them, but it did seem interesting that we were both gone at the same time, and I was entertaining squirrels. While they "entertained" my cat!

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[b][color=#C0392B]Comrade Putout is being modest about grandma Booty's talents when she[/color][/b] wrote:.
You know Mikhail, squirrels used to be a big part of daily activities.
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Here is my grandma 'Booty' Putout - a 1940s circus performer. As you can see she is using two squirrels as a means of balance enhancement - as did many of the high wire performers. And before I have to hear a load of whining from you animal rights folks (Craptek)... each squirrel had a 'safety' chain wrapped around their neck to stop them from falling if grandma had to let go of them to grab the wire during a fall. You can see the chains!
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By the way - grandma had one of the first 'Kardashian class' buttocks... a low and dense center of gravity perfect for both of her professions!
.

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From THE GREATEST CIRCUS ACTS EVER Series

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Himmelherrgott!
Can it be that good ol' Craptek straight out revolutionized the semantics of 'Gulag prisoner'?

He is a long-term inmate, yet he is out.
He is out, yet his ration card is somehow in.
His ration card is in, and then Craptek is in, too. _(and - again! - no report of Gulag's okhrana!).

Comrades!
May all this indicate that semantic categories like 'inmate', 'ration', 'beet', 'tractor'
- by Communist Manifesto, even 'Kube'? - are just SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS?

And Captain Craptek, whether knowingly or led by higher forces,
became the Columbus Gagarin of that terra incognita - TransGulagism???


[off] Anyway, Gospodi Batyushka pomiluj, Craptek is here
(and we both already shared some parched sukhari aka zwieback).

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Genosse Dummkopf wrote:Himmelherrgott!
Can it be that good ol' Craptek straight out revolutionized the semantics of 'Gulag prisoner'?

He is a long-term inmate, yet he is out.
He is out, yet his ration card is somehow in.
His ration card is in, and then Craptek is in, too. _(and - again! - no report of Gulag's okhrana!).

Comrades!
May all this indicate that semantic categories like 'inmate', 'ration', 'beet', 'tractor'
- by Communist Manifesto, even 'Kube'? - are just SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS?

And Captain Craptek, whether knowingly or led by higher forces,
became the Columbus Gagarin of that terra incognita - TransGulagism???


[off] Anyway, Gospodi Batyushka pomiluj, Craptek is here
(and we both already shared some parched sukhari aka zwieback).

Comrade Dummkopf,

Thanks for pointing that out,.. I think. BTW: I believe this is the first four language message I've ever received! Much appreciated. BTW-2: Take what you like -

1249821669_0lik.ru_sukhari-i-sushki.jpg

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Captain Craptek wrote:... Take what you like ...
yummy stuff, as dessert after the kasha bowl - thanks, Craptek!

So, I would take a bajgiel (aka Beigel aka bagel, primordially beygl = בײגל).
(here you go, two languages added - Polish and Yiddish.)

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(the historic path of beygl and its naming was Galician Yiddish Polish German West)
(Ukrainians, Belorussians, and Comrades Russkies know it as бейгл/бейгель = beygl/beygyel)
(and Amiland's bagels, name included, came here around 1900 with Polish Jews, via NYC).

Now, haff some nuts, Craptek - just for, you know, diversity - catch! :

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