5/10/2019, 9:09 am
"Facebook", announced Mr. Zuckerberg in a hastily rallied presser, "will from now on operate on a set of stringent rules - axioms, actually - to enforce korrektness of user transmissions."
"And here" said Mr. Zuckerberg, dropping a curtain, "our new FB Rules, the Axioms:"
~
A1. Zuckerberg's posts are halal.
A2. Reposting halal posts is halal.
A3. S|X|He who posts only halal is halal.
A4. S|X|He who isn't halal is haram.
A5. S|X|He who is haram is Unperson.
"Such formal rigor" splained Mr. Zuckerberg "is imperative to once and for all squash any confusio-discombobulation in a time of universal fluidity and toximasculinous whitemanspreadativity."
And Mr. Zuckerberg added:
"After all, no algorithm can ever know whether:
... the (abstract) hen was before the (abstract) egg, or conversely?
... a glass, half and half filled with emptyness and happyness, is half-full or half-empty?
... a Mount of Sugar in bright Californian sun isn't also a Pile of --it with GONT™ as background?"
Samples:
Q: ..? _"Why five? Not six, not four? Well, our expert, Dr. Nitupov-Axyomskiy, referred to stars."
Q: ..? _"Yes. Both are basic terms in A1-5. Yet the meaning of halal and haram is the usual."
Q: ..? _"What, Unpersons? Yes, we plan for Algorithm-84. Kickoff? Expect late January 2021."
Q: ...
Here the wimpy-nerdy frame of Mr. Z robotically half-pirouetted towards the exit.
"Duty calls," he faintly squeaked "so little time, so much crime.. haramcrime." And fled.
Mystery item No. 1
"And here" said Mr. Zuckerberg, dropping a curtain, "our new FB Rules, the Axioms:"
~
A1. Zuckerberg's posts are halal.
A2. Reposting halal posts is halal.
A3. S|X|He who posts only halal is halal.
A4. S|X|He who isn't halal is haram.
A5. S|X|He who is haram is Unperson.
"Such formal rigor" splained Mr. Zuckerberg "is imperative to once and for all squash any confusio-discombobulation in a time of universal fluidity and toximasculinous whitemanspreadativity."
And Mr. Zuckerberg added:
"After all, no algorithm can ever know whether:
... the (abstract) hen was before the (abstract) egg, or conversely?
... a glass, half and half filled with emptyness and happyness, is half-full or half-empty?
... a Mount of Sugar in bright Californian sun isn't also a Pile of --it with GONT™ as background?"
(by GONT™ he meant the Glory Of Next Tuesday™, of course)
Flurry of camera flashes, frenzied questions...Samples:
Q: ..? _"Why five? Not six, not four? Well, our expert, Dr. Nitupov-Axyomskiy, referred to stars."
Q: ..? _"Yes. Both are basic terms in A1-5. Yet the meaning of halal and haram is the usual."
Q: ..? _"What, Unpersons? Yes, we plan for Algorithm-84. Kickoff? Expect late January 2021."
Q: ...
Here the wimpy-nerdy frame of Mr. Z robotically half-pirouetted towards the exit.
"Duty calls," he faintly squeaked "so little time, so much crime.. haramcrime." And fled.
Mystery item No. 1
Hide it back