The People's Cube - Political Satire

**2/21/2020, 7:24 pm**

Having just received a sort of notice in the mail which contained 2,500 good reasons to vote for Bloomberg, I'm here to tell you that I'm all in for Mike.

First of all, Mike is smarter than you. And me. You see, any ordinary schlock could be you or me, but it takes gray matter to be Mike. You may only be a doctor, a veteran, an emergency responder, or just a farmer. Anybody can do that. Mike has gray matter, lots of it. Mike is qualified to tell us what to do with our lives so we don't end up wasting them. Mike will get it done.

Mike is misunderstood. He even said in one of his ads that he's not about taking away our Second Amendment rights, and I believe him. He said it so clearly that even a Trump supporter could have understood it. No, Mike wants to protect our Second Amendment rights, he just wants us to not be able to purchase firearms. What's so hard to get about that? Vote for Mike. He'll get it done.

Mike is pro-life. He wants to support the livelihood of everybody working for Planned Parenthood. That's way more pro-life than Trump even imagined being. Trump goes around killing terrorists. How's that pro-life? Mike will not only get it done, he'll kill it. Vote for Mike.

Mike has so much gray matter, he can run our economy. Did you know that we're seeing way too much employment? Mike can fix that. Did you know that we're showing way too much economic growth? Mike can fix that before you could say Bernie Sanders. Who has the gray matter to bring us back to a healthy level of unemployment? Mike does. Vote for Mike. He'll get it done.

Did you know that Trump is waging a war on science? Experts have been saying that we only have ten years to save the planet since 1970. They know what they're talking about. Mike is on the side of the experts. Trump wants to kill baby sea turtles. Mike will save the sea turtles. Vote for Mike. He'll get it done.

Well, that's all for my spontaneous social media endorsement of Mike. At least until next month when a new, um, notice arrives in the mail.

We will tell you how to farm.

**2/22/2020, 3:36 pm**

Vote Bloomberg for Plenty for All!

**2/22/2020, 4:11 pm**

Bloomberg:

Smarter than you.
Richer than you.
Better than you.

Mystery item No. 1

**2/22/2020, 11:13 pm**

You forgot the disclaimer: Paid Political Advertisement

Is there anybody Bloomberg hasn't bought!

**2/22/2020, 11:34 pm**

$.$. Halliburton wrote:You forgot the disclaimer: Paid Political Advertisement

Is there anybody Bloomberg hasn't bought!

His soul. He sold it a long time ago. For 100% off the blue book value.

**2/23/2020, 2:10 pm**

$.$. Halliburton wrote:You forgot the disclaimer: Paid Political Advertisement

Is there anybody Bloomberg hasn't bought!

Good Lenin, no! I've always thought that Bloomberg would be the best president ever. I haven't openly supported him until recently because I thought he was too good for America. The check was purely coincidental. Let's just stop it with this witch hunt before it begins.

**2/23/2020, 5:39 pm**

I for one find this endorsement stunning and brave!

(Note to Bloomberg campaign manager: checks may be sent to cubicle 23, Ministry of Truth, European Parliament, Brussels)

**2/23/2020, 6:01 pm**

This is how we how we take the ill-gotten wealth from the billionaires, without spilling a single drop of blood: We just promise them dictatorial powers. More power than they've ever imagined possible. We dangle the office of POTUS, advertise it as giving you unlimited power to do anything, Constitution be damned. Then, once they've spent all their disgusting wealth trying to attain the office, we pull the rug out at the last minute and say, "Haha, no. You're not getting the power. That power belongs to The People!" We trust that good comrades at the DNC (who are not interested in money) will know exactly when to pull the rug.

**2/23/2020, 11:42 pm**

Red is Tribute wrote:without spilling a single drop of blood

Now where's the fun in that? This reveals some alarming gaps in your education. Perhaps you were homeschooled and denied the benefit of a proper state education. In any case, we're reenrolling you in Basic Revolutionary Principles 101, Fundamentals of Marxism 103, and What is To Be Done 201 because we care.

All of your education will be free of charge including your opportunity to "give back" by working in a North Korean sawmill in Siberia.

**2/27/2020, 2:37 am**

I would like to throw in my endorsement for Kommissar Bloomberg. I'll admit that I was a bit skeptical, but when I saw that he was giving good jobs to the Gulag-confined, I was sold on him. I was also told in a letter that if I don't endorse Bloomberg, men with hammers will come over to my house and break my fingers and kneecaps.

Bloomberg 2020 - Your Life May Depend on it!

**2/27/2020, 3:52 am**

**3/2/2020, 4:19 pm**

Mini-Mike a.k.a. Michael Bloomberg a.k.a. Mike Bloomberg has the perfect solution for those 2nd Amendment gun-nuts:

--KOOK

**3/2/2020, 6:02 pm**

In vote for president, is best to always pick quality over quantity. Except money. Pick money quantity over quality. Vote Bloomberg - he's twice the man he looks like!

**3/4/2020, 6:18 am**

**3/4/2020, 5:13 pm**

Mike paid an estimated $600,000,000 for American Samoa. So what did he get?

American Samoa gdp for 2017 was $0.63B
(looks like he paid less than book value, good)

The current population of American Samoa in 2020 is 55,191
(about $10k per person, not bad! the US average is about 50ish)

2020 American Samoa Democratic Delegates: 5
Michael Bloomberg Delegates: 4
Tulsi Gabbard Delegates: 1
(so Mike really owns only owns 4/5th or 80% of it? not too good)

Mike paid $150,000,000 per delegate. 4 delegates.
(Jeb! got 4 in 2016 for about $114,400,000--OUCH! Mike got rolled)

**3/6/2020, 1:07 pm**

Well, it looks like Mike dropped out. He planned it that way, you know, because of his gray matter. I mean, anybody can win an election.

The People's Cube - Political Satire

My Bloomberg endorsement