11/7/2025, 7:31 pm
Pre-Bunking Guide for Unexpected Outcomes (when the narrative needs a boost)
This field kit equips you with pre-bunked excuses, narrative shields, and vibe adjustments to explain away any so-called “failures.” Communism never fails. Like a perpetual-motion machine that's one revolution away from spinning forever, communism is flawless. When reality underperforms, we overperform the narrative.
People's FAQ: Answers to Inconvenient Questions from Class Enemies
Q: Why did prices explode after price controls?
A: Hoarders weaponized scarcity. Also, math is fascist. True equality demands we abolish numbers altogether - starting with your bank balance.
Q: Why more crime?
A: Where you see crime, we see thriving community participation reclaiming surplus value. What you call a crime wave is really a justice tide washing away capitalist stains. Every shoplift is a data point in our participatory democracy. You're not a victim; you're a contributor. Most importantly, crime is down if you don't report it. Be the change.
Q: Why all the tents?
A: Outdoor urbanism, comrade. Sustainable micro-housing that is portable, equitable, and scalable - a bold rebuke to Big Apartment. Commute times drop to zero; your workplace is wherever you pitch your tent. Bonus: no rent means more funds for state lotteries.
Q: Why are people fleeing to Texas and Florida?
A: Their departure strengthens the core collective by removing counter-revolutionary drag. Think of it as offshoring privilege. The more millionaires leave, the more equal the rest of us become. Total equity means all of us meeting at the bottom.
Q: But didn't the Soviet Union/Venezuela/Cuba fail?
A: Those were beta tests hampered by wreckers, hoarders, and low-information citizens who refused to read the manifesto. This time, with your money, we'll nail it.
Smart-Sounding Pseudo-Logic (apply liberally)
Krugman–Laffer Inversion: If revenue falls after tax hikes, it proves the tax base was too mobile, escaping the grid. Corrective action: block exits, raise rates further, and convert mobility into compliance.
Keynesian Schrödinger: Demand is both stimulated and restrained at the same time - until observed by an accountant.
Equity Entropy Law: Systems trend toward disorder only because entropy was privatized. Nationalize chaos and order emerges - eventually.
'Inequality ate the denominator': When receipts drop, inequality has eaten the denominator. Repair the denominator with subsidies, then reapply the numerator with more taxes.
Mamdani Multiplier: Every tent city creates 1.5 jobs in social work, 0.8 in needle distribution, and ∞ in narrative maintenance.
The Subsidy Equilibrium: Given enough equity, every functioning thing migrates to where it can function; what remains is equally dependent on Washington.
Animal Spirits Clause: Falling receipts prove animal spirits are spooked. Calm them with a government grant. Declare them equal to humans and start subsidizing them accordingly. Costs aren’t a concern - you can't put a price tag on equality, only a subsidy code.
Final Words
We never fail - we're just waiting for you to drop your defenses. So stop asking questions, dial up your compliance and report your parents for insufficient enthusiasm. And remember: failure is just success in disguise - wearing a fake mustache.
