The People's Cube - Political Satire

Department of the Redistribution of Evil Capitalist Theft of the People's Wealth

Motto:
"WANT IS WEALTH
POVERTY IS PROSPERITY
SQUALOR IS LUXURY"

Tovarisches, our dear General Konspiriskiy has brought wonderful news from The Blessed Husseinovich's most excellent minion Tim “Little Timmy” Geithner and our tovarisches at the USSA Government Printing Office.

To celebrate His O'liness' Most Miraculous First Half Century among us, for only $50.00, each and every Prog and prole must may obtain, for their very own enlightenment and worship of The Blessed One, a new Calendar commemorating His First Fifty Years among us. This Calendar features exciting glossy photos including images of Obama not listening to Jeremiah Wright, Obama not getting political advice from Bill Ayers, and Obama not conferring with Gyorgy Soros. Images of the FLATUS Organism Organic Garden and two year's prior Glorious Mao- and Prog fave Hedda Lettuce-ornament infested festooned Obamamas Tree from the ObamaCrib will also be included to delight and impress our glorious proletariat. No images of the Obamette girls have been included because The People Respekt Dear Leader's Family's privacy, but Evil White Witch families like Sarah Palin's deserve none, as all Korrekt GroupThinkers know.

Upon commencement of Dear Leader's Birthday Celebration, all other calendars will be reset from AD 2011 to YOO (Year of Obama) 50 to comply with this new Direktiv.

Month names will be changed to Korrektly reflect Dear Leader Life Events for Next Tuesday's™ edition, with Obama Swimsuit Edition Calendars being planned.

In concert with this rollout, the new Obamency will be introduced to replace the currently used and evil, vile currency that has been inKorrektly used up until the new YOO.

Each Obamency denomination will feature The One's Image on each bill and coin and will proudly proclaim “In His O'liness We Trust.” Finally, no more dead old white guys or acknowledgement of some other unknown God on the USSA's legal tender.

Implementation of the new Obamency will magically instantly wipe out all USSA debt and, since the Obamency has comparative value to other world currencies, precious metals, and all other commodities as The One sees fit to grant, it guarantees all other world powers will be indebted to Husseinovich Obama if they wish to be blessed with His Graciousness and Attention. It will also make moot all the useless bickering in the to-be-offizially-defunct USSA Congress. The World of Next Tuesday™ is arriving next Thursday!

Hurry, supplies of the new YOO calendars are limited to a paltry 14.370 trillion for the First Quantitative Printing. Get them now while you can still use the evil soon to be worthless dollars in your pocket and your bank, as there will be no conversion applied once the new Obamency becomes the Offizial Legal Tender of the USSA on 4 August His O'liness Day.

This new currency is the first issue of banknotes with a half-life.

Tovarisch Ivan, certainly said notes will not expire before The World Of Next Tuesday ™ arrives and forever abolishes the need for physical "necessities", which all us Progs korrektly disdain and loathe. That is why we allow others to have so few only have what is necessary for us, for the great Kollektiv good of The People ™.

We talked about the calender reset at "The Commissar of Time Travel fails POTUS"

I believe the Obama intends to set the date as 700 B to honor both the golden century of Muhammad (the 7th) and the 8th, the new Golden Age of Obama. Here it is in his own handwriting:


I can't wait for my calender. It will make my year.

Order one today! Operators of the Collektive are standing by, and they DO accept ObamaCard™!

Tovarisch Grigori, it is possible the good General was slightly inKorrekt. It had been some time since his last JiffyLobo ™. Thank you for the Korrektiv imagery.

Tovarisch R.O.C.K., I was not aware that the Kollektiv had such marvelously up-to-date technological-thingy-type-stuff available to us as is shown in your Fotografieren! It is obviously from The World of Next Tuesday ™!

This also eliminates the problem of writing the wrong year on my checks!

M84, just be sure to use your ObamaCard ™. Then you will not even have to use the few neurons required to remember useless things like dates - as long as you use those neurons to remember to celebrate Dear Leader's Birthday!!! Remember you are required to invite 50 friends! You DO want to keep Dear Leader happy, da?

Da, but I gave up on "friends" as I felt it made some Citizens to be "superior" to others. We are all Equal before Dear Leader (except of course for Teabaggers and other Rethuglikkkans.)

Yes tovarisch M84, we are all most equally equal as Progs - but evil Teabaggers ™ and RethugliKKKans ™ (not to be confused with Repubican'ts, who are our allies) are lowlife scum (if they can be called "life", those hobbits), and therefore not included in any "friendly" terminology. On the other (left) wing hand, we Progs are all friendly tovarisches, and it is Korrektly ideologically equally superior to all be "friends" together. After a sufficient number of JiffyLobos ™, all the conflicting impossibilities and irrelevancies come together in a harmoniously muddled squishily mushy disgusting whole, you'll see, my "friend"!

Excuse me, but as an Undertall-American, I take offense to your use of the term "hobbit!" I question if you're not in fact skimping on aforementioned Lobos to make such a remark! *Storms off in a fit to make a voodoo doll or three, one for Comrade and four more for those oppressing her Legitimate Life-Worshiping Religion*

Tovarisch M84, I feel your pain as another Undertall-USSAer. Those inKorrektly advantaged 7-footers make me feel positively shrimpish. To them I am one of the Repubican't's (but you and I know it's we Progs who came up with that moniker, we are merely being generous in allowing McCan't to use it) hobbits, if they choose to ignore my Korrekt Ideology and unfairly focus on my physical apparent appearance. I am equally incensed with you at their unProggish advantage.

Perhaps that voodoo doll you are kindly making for me will allow me the pleasure of a Remote JiffyLobo ™ - I can only hope. But tovarisch M84, I must point out your voodo doll population seems to be expanding ("a voodoo doll or three, one for Comrade and four more for those oppressing her Legitimate Life-Worshiping Religion"). And could you please share details on said Legitimate Religion? Is it Father Gaia Algore GAIA Minister Neytiri Approved?

My Legitimate Religion was found after my first JiffyLobo disabused me of the brainwashing of KKKristians. I used People's Search Engine to discover New Ideas That Embrace All. People's Brain Extension ((Wikipedia)) was also used. The end result is a dolly population that populates like bunnies on Viagra. The Details, however, are for the More Equal; you appear to be many JiffyLobo's away from understanding its finer tenants, but only 13 away from creating your own dollies!

((For the apparent actual genesis of voodoo dolls in Americana culture, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Orlea ... and_spells Oh Wikipedia, how did we learn without thee?))

Yes, tovarisch friend M84… These Christians – What is all this “relationship with Jesus” thing? And this whole “Salvation” thing? Since we create our own Reality, we surely do not need to be saved from it. Or from ourselves. Or from any place we may be going. Everyone Knows™ that while all of us are accountable to and slaves of The One, we do not believe in any Almighty Higher Power than ourselves. And surely The One cannot be troubled to have a personal relationship with each of us. A “personal God.” How absurd! They actually believe in free thought, rights for the unborn, and that old geezer proles are useful too – things all good Progs know are silly myths for children. Gaia does not approve! No wonder you abandoned them!

Ah, 13. My personally more equally favorite number. I look forward to the day, Next Tuesday™, when I enjoy my 15th JiffyLobo™ (13 more!). We do not need breeder reactors. We need breeder voodoo dolls. I shall name my first “666”.