R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Sister, has this friend of yours ever in his adult life been proud of his country?
I'm wondering if you meant U.S.S.A. above - it IS getting harder and harder to tell them apart, after all.
Glad to hear he's OK!
Well, Comrade R.O.C.K....
As he's a Kanadistanian Raccoon, he's very proud of his country, although since he
is a raccoon, his adult life amounts at this point to about 2 1/2 years, and in spite of the fact that we kurrently have a Konservative Government (up here, in the True North, Strong and Free), and he lives in a city with a so-called kommon-sense fiskally konservative mayor... We do have a Provinical Premiere who is actually proud of his nickname, "Premiere Dad" (I sh*t you not!)... a Liberal... You see, up here, aside from Quebec, we have three parties... politikal parties, that is (and a few smaller ones like the Greens, which I think is what he supports). We have party parties most weekends and some weekdays, to keep us from getting depressed because of lack of sunlight... As for politikal parties, we have the Konservatives, which are much like your Rethuglikkkans... the Liberals, which are much like your Church of the Prime Builder, Obama, and the New Demokratic Party or NDP, which is a socialist or left-leaning party, so also like your Church of the Prime Builder, Obama...
But he is a very proud Kanadistanian Raccoon.
Capt. Commie wrote:Sister Massively Opiated wrote:He'll even take bread from me.
Hooray!!! He's a Democrat!
Well... yes... like all Raccoons (or at least 99% of raccoons), he is a collectivist scavenger, for which I am supremely grateful... were it not for him and his extended family, we would have a lot more compostable garbage that would have to be carted off to recycling facilities, although as garbage collecting is a union gig, he and his extended family are not taking jobs away from any of the hard-working less-edukated but equally essential government werker drones who have jobs for life, just as unions should negotiate for their drones... So, he's not taking bread from anyone... not standing in a bread line or going to the Sally Ann Shelter and getting a free meal and a bed at night... He's eating their leftovers and waste... And he's doing a service for the Cube, by having his family patrol the Northern Bunker and keeping out undesirables, like skunks and Canadian Geese, which are a huge pain in the ass and crap everywhere, not to mention having apparently done something in the region of $175,000,000 damage to North American aircraft of various types, since 1980 (according to a
recent study)... He is very family oriented, and he and his extended family live in a large communal group, the teenagers babysitting for the parents, aunts and uncles, each generation teaching and collectively bringing up the next... I can see them in the dusk light as they wake up, sitting at their grandparents... well... sitting in front of their grandparents, listening to them tell stories, and learning from them which things are good to eat and which are not... and they have promised to stay out of the duct work (we don't have an attic, as it's a bunker), so Aki is building them a large tree house... His name is Vladimir... I have no idea where the name comes from, but it's a good name, you have to admit...
I did show him my laptop and he was very interested in the internet... and I think we figured out why people think he's an angry Amerikkkan woman... I showed him the Cube and as he surfed around he suddenly let out a hiss and almost ran off in fright... after calming him with a bit of left-over cupcake, I looked at what he had pulled up, it was this!
Vladimir, The Miffed Kanadistanian Raccoon
An Angry FLOTUS
He thinks, and I suspect he may be correkt, that perhaps that's why people think he's an angry Amerikkkan woman. I explained to him that in the U.S.S.R., this could be construed as racist (like speciest) because the short form of his species name is considered a derogatory term for some people. He did not understand why and was again miffed, but I think he put it down to crazy humans. He asked me, "Why don't they just call a spade a spade?" Again, I had to explain to him that this term could also mean something else, again derogatory... But he's a raccoon... Vladimir the Raccoon, and this is outside the sphere of his understanding. He said if they really wanted to insult her, they should just call her a skunk... You have to love his innocence. The world would be a much nicer place if we were all as innocent and lived such simple lives as Vladimir the Raccoon... except for eating out of the garbage... although he did have me fill up the birdbath so he could wash his hands and face after he finished eating. Such a clever little guy. He wants to know if I can open an account on the Cube for him. I told him I'd think about whether it was a wise thing for him to be exposed to such a confusing and and potentially complicated place where simply being likened to a particular individual could be construed as racist... a concept he still doesn't get, and wants to know what garden tools have to do with anything...
That said, he's also handy at getting rid of grubs that attack the lawn, without having to resort to pesticides... and he enjoys snails as well. So he and his 'clan' will be helping with the gardening - always appreciated. Raccoons are collectivist at heart. I even promised to make him a little tinfoil hat so he could tune in to Laika. Perhaps this will help him to navigate our confusing and complex human and cetacean world... But I almost wish he didn't have to. He has a childlike innocence that is refreshing in our current world of strife and politikal back-biting and general confusion. We could all learn some important lesson from my new friend, Vladimir the Raccoon. All he asks is a warm place to nest, a source of food that is the leftovers and waste of humans, and a place to wash up. And in return, he and his clan will keep our garden grub and snail free, for a small cut of the veggies... the occasional bedtime story. Would that all our lives could be so simple and uncomplicated.
