4/30/2005, 8:35 am
Annual Transmission to Toiling Masses
on occasion of May 1st International Workers' Solidarity Day
Delivered by Laika the Space Dog, Member of Politburo, Friend of Progressive People
Comrades!
Party Members!
Workers and Peasants!
Congratulations on surviving another year in our glorious struggle for the Revolution! Today is our one and only holiday. You are all required to attend mandatory spontaneous demonstrations here in the Nova Motherland.
Comrade Kennedy has assured us that all vodka rations will be quadrupled for the joyous masses at each rally.
For the naked male Comrades, Comrade Barney Frank will be reviewing the masses, so don't forget to bring your purple headed, heat seeking, moisture missiles for display.
(For those in the Politburo, the party has secured some excellent single batch oak barrel aged bourgeoisie bourbon. Present your politburo card at any distribution point and you will be directed to the secured location).
Wear your brightest red scarfs, shirts, pants, hats, condoms, etc...
If you don't have a red shirt, see the dry goods section and order one (for a few rubles you can become a fashion plate of the proletarians).
If you don't have a red condom, ask Comrade Your Highness Hillary. She's been stocking up in future anticipation of White House Christmas trees.
If not, come naked, especially female comrades because I understand Comrade Flat Gareth is still looking for very desirable revolutionaries and Comrades Kennedy and Bill Clinton will be giving staff interviews.
Slogans are required.
This year's theme is "Save our Socialist Security"
You are required to chant "It's not our money, it's the government's" and "Only bourgeois capitalists can't live off of less than 2% annual return on your lifetime investment in Socialist Security when you retire."
Other approved party slogans include "Let the Demokratic Party decide what to do with that money, I'm too stupid to handle it myself." and "What, me worry? I'll be dead before I see a dime."
OK Comrades, you've been given your marching orders. Enjoy your one and only holiday!
Laika, Parade Marshall
on occasion of May 1st International Workers' Solidarity Day
Delivered by Laika the Space Dog, Member of Politburo, Friend of Progressive People
Party Members!
Workers and Peasants!
Congratulations on surviving another year in our glorious struggle for the Revolution! Today is our one and only holiday. You are all required to attend mandatory spontaneous demonstrations here in the Nova Motherland.
Comrade Kennedy has assured us that all vodka rations will be quadrupled for the joyous masses at each rally.
For the naked male Comrades, Comrade Barney Frank will be reviewing the masses, so don't forget to bring your purple headed, heat seeking, moisture missiles for display.
Wear your brightest red scarfs, shirts, pants, hats, condoms, etc...
If you don't have a red shirt, see the dry goods section and order one (for a few rubles you can become a fashion plate of the proletarians).
If you don't have a red condom, ask Comrade Your Highness Hillary. She's been stocking up in future anticipation of White House Christmas trees.
If not, come naked, especially female comrades because I understand Comrade Flat Gareth is still looking for very desirable revolutionaries and Comrades Kennedy and Bill Clinton will be giving staff interviews.
Slogans are required.
This year's theme is "Save our Socialist Security"
You are required to chant "It's not our money, it's the government's" and "Only bourgeois capitalists can't live off of less than 2% annual return on your lifetime investment in Socialist Security when you retire."
Other approved party slogans include "Let the Demokratic Party decide what to do with that money, I'm too stupid to handle it myself." and "What, me worry? I'll be dead before I see a dime."
OK Comrades, you've been given your marching orders. Enjoy your one and only holiday!
Laika, Parade Marshall