5/1/2006, 12:32 pm
To the Workers, Peasants, Unwashed Toiling Intelligentsia, and the Party Privileged: You may now put on your tinfoil hats to receive the transmission.
In honor of Dan Rather, Komrade Kenneth will assist Dan in sending the signal. The frequency is now set. Dan, you may throw the switch and begin transmission:
Today Comrades, millions of socialists are taking to the streets of Amerika to advance the cause of the Welfare State! All borders shall be removed! The Mexicomintern Council has been working very hard with La Raza these past few months, blending fascism and socialism to come up a unique brand of progressive thought which is bound to destroy the Evil Gringo Bush and his capitalist knaves. Assimilation? No! Domination? Yes! Free stuff (hospital care) for everybody! We'll march today and get drunk on Friday, Cinco de Mayo! Even the Mexicans have kicked French Ass!
Another glorious year has passed in the triumphant march of Progressive Socialism! Many Great Leaps Forward have been made. United Google and China stand stronger than ever! Strange, hurtful words like democracy, freedom, human rights, and political prisoners have been purged and cleansed from the Internet in China with the courage and ingenuity of the engineers at Google. Bravo! The progressive world applauds Google for your stand against such outlandish ideas. It's a shame we had a little misunderstanding with you here at People's Cube, but we forgive you. The Order of Lenin has been sent C.O.D. to Comrade Brin. (Sorry about that Sergei, the Cube is a little short on cash; proletarians haven't been buying enough revolutionary t-shirts, and with the cost of vodka and caviar going up, sacrifices have to be made.)
Greetings from Premier Hillary, Chairman Dean, Commissar Murtha, Sheik bin Laden, Code Pink, United for Peace and Justice, Mother Sheehan, and other various and assorted sundry Barking Moonbat Fifth Columnists I may have overlooked, but which are certainly appreciated in all of our many class struggles with the running chain dogs of Capitalism, especially the evil George W. Bush and his Gang of Four, Rumsfeld, Rove, Rice, and Cheney!
Tip your tin hats in a salute to the French! Appeasement does work if you riot with zeal and determination! Kudos to the Eurabian Muslims and socialist students who taught the weak socialist French government that all of the planet's ills can only be cured with Strong Communism! This year will see a return of the Communard and there will be no interference this time from Das Neuterland. A century of failure proves nothing!
While on the subject of appeasement, critical negotiations are in progress between the Democratic Party and Islamofascism. Hillary will announce that once sworn in as President of the United States in 2009, on the 70th Anniversary of the Nazi-Soviet Non-Aggression Pact, she will sign a Non-Aggression Pact with the Islamofascist World represented by Osama bin-Laden. Bells will ring and Moonbats will sing! Dean and Ahmadinejad will join. For now, ignore any hawkish talk by Hillary, she knows what she is doing...she had two great mentors, Adolph Hitler (PBUH) and Comrade Stalin (PBUH).
What more can we say about Hugo Chavez that hasn't been said already? Kind, caring, brilliant - you just name it! Che Guevara must be smiling down from Communist Heaven... oh wait, make that Communist Godless Heaven... you know what I mean. Fidel has been lonely for so long since Daniel Ortega was voted out, so now he has somebody to play dictator with in Latin America and isn't that grande?
Hooray for Hollywood! Hooray for Hollywood! Wow, what a year! Brokeback Mountain, Syriana, V for Vendetta, the list just goes on and on... The Culture War is as good as won. Thank you Hollywood and all of your celebrities who always answer the call of progress! You are Legion for you are many!
Cindy Sheehan? That name speaks volumes for itself and for itself and for itself and for itself and for itself. Casey did not die in vain, for without his death the world would never have known about Cindy. What's that Cindy? He did die in vain? Well I certainly f#%ked that one up, didn't I? I apologize. You can sit down now Cindy. Sit! I said sit down and be quiet. Can you do that for May Day? Just once? Will somebody from the Red Guards gag her? Just until I finish my May Day Communiqué and then you can let her off her chain. Thanks.
Refreshments will now be served at the Google hospitality suite, you can't miss it, it is right next to the NAMBLA children's day care pavilion we've set up for today's celebration if you brought your kids, especially little boys.
This year's food theme is "Viva Illegal Aliens!" Gobs of tacos and refried beans will be served with threats of a Mexican takeover in California, New Mexico, Arizona, Texas and the Upper Peninsula of Michigan... so watch out "Yoopers"! Compliments of La Raza - they've been cooking up their wonderful takeover schemes for weeks. Once more, 160 years of history proves nothing. Only tofu tacos will be served: meat is murder and we don't want to offend our vegan terrorist sponsors ELF and ALF.
We've got loads of Budweiser thanks to the Rev. Jesse Jackson and plenty of the hard stuff compliments of Teddy Kennedy. For those of you who don't drink alcohol, there's purple Kool-Aid and Bush flavored Haterade (the only flavor). Bill Clinton brought the "kind bud" so ask him to roll you one, just don't inhale. Have I missed anybody? If so, post a comment in the Cube.
It's been another great year, keep up the good work, and enjoy your one and only holiday!
The Hero Space Dog of Socialism,
Laika
Today Comrades, millions of socialists are taking to the streets of Amerika to advance the cause of the Welfare State! All borders shall be removed! The Mexicomintern Council has been working very hard with La Raza these past few months, blending fascism and socialism to come up a unique brand of progressive thought which is bound to destroy the Evil Gringo Bush and his capitalist knaves. Assimilation? No! Domination? Yes! Free stuff (hospital care) for everybody! We'll march today and get drunk on Friday, Cinco de Mayo! Even the Mexicans have kicked French Ass!
Greetings from Premier Hillary, Chairman Dean, Commissar Murtha, Sheik bin Laden, Code Pink, United for Peace and Justice, Mother Sheehan, and other various and assorted sundry Barking Moonbat Fifth Columnists I may have overlooked, but which are certainly appreciated in all of our many class struggles with the running chain dogs of Capitalism, especially the evil George W. Bush and his Gang of Four, Rumsfeld, Rove, Rice, and Cheney!While on the subject of appeasement, critical negotiations are in progress between the Democratic Party and Islamofascism. Hillary will announce that once sworn in as President of the United States in 2009, on the 70th Anniversary of the Nazi-Soviet Non-Aggression Pact, she will sign a Non-Aggression Pact with the Islamofascist World represented by Osama bin-Laden. Bells will ring and Moonbats will sing! Dean and Ahmadinejad will join. For now, ignore any hawkish talk by Hillary, she knows what she is doing...she had two great mentors, Adolph Hitler (PBUH) and Comrade Stalin (PBUH).
What more can we say about Hugo Chavez that hasn't been said already? Kind, caring, brilliant - you just name it! Che Guevara must be smiling down from Communist Heaven... oh wait, make that Communist Godless Heaven... you know what I mean. Fidel has been lonely for so long since Daniel Ortega was voted out, so now he has somebody to play dictator with in Latin America and isn't that grande?
Hooray for Hollywood! Hooray for Hollywood! Wow, what a year! Brokeback Mountain, Syriana, V for Vendetta, the list just goes on and on... The Culture War is as good as won. Thank you Hollywood and all of your celebrities who always answer the call of progress! You are Legion for you are many!
Refreshments will now be served at the Google hospitality suite, you can't miss it, it is right next to the NAMBLA children's day care pavilion we've set up for today's celebration if you brought your kids, especially little boys.
We've got loads of Budweiser thanks to the Rev. Jesse Jackson and plenty of the hard stuff compliments of Teddy Kennedy. For those of you who don't drink alcohol, there's purple Kool-Aid and Bush flavored Haterade (the only flavor). Bill Clinton brought the "kind bud" so ask him to roll you one, just don't inhale. Have I missed anybody? If so, post a comment in the Cube.
It's been another great year, keep up the good work, and enjoy your one and only holiday!
Laika
