The People's Cube - Political Satire

Attention Comrades!

The Party is conducting a loyalty test, effective immediately. In order to demonstrate your loyalty to the Party's position on Gay Marriage (also known as the Kid Kollectiviation Program), you must do this one weird trick:

Eliminate one parent from your life.

You will immediately demonstrate loyalty to the Party by following these steps:

1. Pick one parent to erase from your life.
2. Make sure this person's name is stricken from your birth certificate.

3. Remove all references to this person and his/her family from your contact lists, email, phone records, photo albums, etc.

4. Locate a gay or lesbian to adopt you. Choose one that is the opposite sex as the parent you removed from your birth certificate. This will create the very same gay parenting arrangement Our Glorious Party is advocating for future generations of children.

5. Have this person's name inserted into your birth certificate. Make sure you update any other records with this person's name, and the names of his/her family, such as insurance papers.

6. When your other parent objects, tell them to get over it. Accuse them of being bourgeois. Tell them:

7. Never mention the other parent's name again or the names of their family members. Never tell your children about him/her or his/her family.


8. If your family members express concern, say this: "Since this is how future generations of kids raised in gay marriage households will feel, the Party says I should demonstrate my loyalty to it's platform by being consistent. I am doing in my own life what the Party is requiring to be done in the lives of future children. Besides, why do you care? This has no bearing on you at all."

9. They may ask why you chose a person of the opposite sex of the one you erased, rather than the same sex. They may question the wisdom of going against what you were given at birth (two parents of opposite sexes, not same sexes). If so, you can repeat the above retorts. You can also say things like this:

"Gay marriage and gay parenting will strengthen marriage and families."
"Don't judge."
"What do you have against gay people?"
"Are you homophobic?"
"No H8."

If this exchange occurs on Facebook or another social media site, just type this:

=

That should stop all thought and silence your questioners.

10. If you feel no aversion at this exercise, if you feel it has merit and is a wise course of action, then this is a good start, Comrade! You are making excellent progress in becoming a loyal Party member. If you feel aversion, then you are in jeopardy of committing a thought crime, which Comrade Cher recently condemned.

Post status updates below on your progress. I will be reading them.

Warmest regards,

CGE

Comrade Commissar,

You have already committed a thoughtcrime. Check where you have put numbers 1 and 2. All sexes are equal, except that straight white males are inferior. Please scramble numbers 1 and 2 accordingly.

P.S. Number is comparative of numb.

Comrade Frum,

It's a serious matter to accuse a Party Member in Good Standing with a Thought Crime. I will remind you that Parent 1 and Parent 2 are the party approved terms, going all of the way up the Party chain to Comrade Hillary Clinton herself, who approved such usage in 2011. I will forgive your accusation on the basis that you did not see the Party Memoranda, which I link below:

https://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washin ... ather.html

https://cnsnews.com/news/article/federa ... and-better

Regards,

CGE

But Parent 1 must have long hairs and Parent 2 short. The way you have assigned numbers lets me understand that man comes first and womyn comes second.

I thought I captured a thoughtcriminal and a kulak in our ranks... I desperately need that to boost my career with the party. Would you offer yourself, or do I have to dig more on you?

Comrades;

I'm submitting a white paper to the Central Committee soon that will lay out a plan to abolish sexual reproduction altogether! The State will have total control of reproduction through the application of asexual reproductive techniques. Behold the future!

About.com wrote:Asexual reproduction can be very advantageous to certain animals. Animals that remain in one particular place and are unable to look for mates would need to reproduce asexually. Another advantage of asexual reproduction is that numerous offspring can be produced without "costing" the parent a great amount of energy or time. Environments that are stable and experience very little change are the best places for organisms that reproduce asexually.

Here we have a picture of the advanced lifestyle of a common sponge:

You will have your choice comrades:

Gemmules
Budding
Fragmentation
Regeneration
Parthenogenesis

My personal favorite is Parthenogenesis. The egg of an individual does NOT require fertilization. If wasps, bees, and ants can do - shouldn't we? So much less trouble!

BTW. It is said that any species that becomes asexual is headed for extinction. It can be a very long road, but it will certainly bring to extinction. Did Marx write about that too?

John Frum wrote:BTW. It is said that any species that becomes asexual is headed for extinction. It can be a very long road, but it will certainly bring to extinction. Did Marx write about that too?

Comrade John Frum, you may be on to something so progressive that many progressives may not yet have heard about it. I present to you, and to the collective, The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. But don't worry about their dour name, they're actually a fun-loving group.

Many see humor in The Movement and think we can't be serious about voluntary human extinction, but in spite of the seriousness of both situation and movement, there's room for humor. In fact, without humor, Earth's condition gets unbearably depressing—a little levity eases the gravity.
True, wildlife rapidly going extinct and tens of thousands of children dying each day are not laughing matters, but neither laughing nor bemoaning will change what's happening. We may as well have some fun as we work and play toward a better world.
Besides, returning Earth to its natural splendor and ending needless suffering of humanity are happy thoughts—no sense moping around in gloom and doom.

Progressive and light hearted, what's not to love?

John Frum wrote:Would you offer yourself, or do I have to dig more on you?

Comrade Frum,

If you feel the need to dig, this can only mean one thing--that YOU are the thought criminal. I refer you to The People's Glossary™:

Shovel

A symbol of suffering and sacrifice for the greater good. Used in hard labor therapy or in self criticism sessions to redeem potential thought crimes. Every citizen must keep his or her shovel in good repair at all times and bring it to the railroad station if called to duty by the Commissar. The shovel is an important part of Earth Day festival, or Sacrificial Earth Shoveling Day, celebrating the birth and death of Great Lenin.

I added the emphasis, Comrade, because it is clear that your guilt over committing a thought crime is manifesting as a desire for you to use your shovel. As the Commissar, I call you to duty. Report to the train station forthwith... with your shovel.

Captain Craptek wrote:I'm submitting a white paper to the Central Committee soon that will lay out a plan to abolish sexual reproduction altogether!

Comrade,

This is a most excellent idea, one I have contemplated submitting myself! It's very clear that unauthorized reproduction must cease, and artificial reproductive technology how we will accomplish this noble cause. This is the only way we can make sure of two important Party goals:

1. Every child a wanted child.
2. Equal distribution of parental units to child units.

These goals are basically one and the same, which is an idea we can explore at another time.

Good work, Comrade!