The People's Cube - Political Satire

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Hi, The People's Anthony Sullivan here!!

You know me for things: The State's official blindly devoted salesman, the State-approved Minority Political Korrektness Doctor, and The People's Furry. Well, today, komrades, I am here to bring you the most exciting development straight from the State: The People's Life Alert!!

For decades, the kapitalist Life Alert has been serving those in imminent danger of medical emergency. Now, there is a system for people who are in imminent danger of social emergency.

Triggered? The People's Life Alert works in quite a simple way. Every time you get triggered, just hit the wireless button, and announce "Help!! I'm Triggered and I Can't Get Up!!!!™", and the Thought Police will be instantly dispatched. The said Thought Police will overwork themselves to eliminate free speech that offensively offending wrongthinking Thought Criminal, and get you to the nearest emergency safe space, where you can morally, and mentally weaken fortify yourself with delusional fantasies korrekt thoughts.

Millions of snowflakes are rescued from reality by this amazing emergency system, and they all swear by this. Now you can get to try this yourself, and see the life-changing results of having The People's Life Alert. What are you waiting for (no seriously, you will be penalised for waiting)?? get yours for free, 100% subsidised by the State today!

My Our entire beet-collective voted UNANIMOUSLY that as soon as the beet-harvest is in, we will be purchasing People's Life Alerts for every prog of our collective who is allowed who visits that decadent Capitalist Sideshow™ of our nearest city, The Glorious Heroic People's Revolutionary Soviet of Austin.

Of course, the only reason for any prog to leave the collective is to attend an Organized People's Protest highlighting The Coming Peoples' Struggle Against The Reigning Capitalist Conspiracy Against Peace, Justice, And Workers' Rights. [FYI: We have a print shop that fabricates their protest signs from beet-pulp and pure purple beet-juice!]

Naturally, any prog that leaves the collective is fitted with a non-removable GPS tracking collar, in case the forbidden lures of Capitalist Decadence™ overwhelms his/her/xir/etc. Revolutionary Zeal. But also, the State Security Officers who accompany them are also fitted with collars. WE TRACK EVERYONE!

This People's Life Alert will be a great addition to our existing lines of People's products -

If you're feeling down because something doesn't go just the way that you have a right to expect it to, even if you have no ability or talent and have done no planning, you need The Nanny Button. Press it, and Nanny State will come running, to kiss it with other people's money, absolve you of responsibility and tell you that it is someone else's fault.

And, of course, the OnStar button - If you hear something, denounce someone!

Apparatchik Unkulturny wrote: Naturally, any prog that leaves the collective is fitted with a non-removable GPS tracking collar, in case the forbidden lures of Capitalist Decadence™ overwhelms his/her/xir/etc. Revolutionary Zeal. But also, the State Security Officers who accompany them are also fitted with collars. WE TRACK EVERYONE!

Would it not be even more equal to implant microchips? This would not obviate the use of People's Life Alert™ devices, of course. Indeed, the interaction between the two would give the illusion security of individual Choice™ while at the same time monitoring whether an individual is appropriately triggered and whether xe appropriately reports such triggering.

Needless to say, this increase in monitoring devices will require an increase in State bureaus to monitor the monitoring devices and the monitors of the monitoring devices.

RedDiaperette wrote:

Apparatchik Unkulturny wrote: Naturally, any prog that leaves the collective is fitted with a non-removable GPS tracking collar, in case the forbidden lures of Capitalist Decadence™ overwhelms his/her/xir/etc. Revolutionary Zeal. But also, the State Security Officers who accompany them are also fitted with collars. WE TRACK EVERYONE!

Would it not be even more equal to implant microchips? This would not obviate the use of People's Life Alert™ devices, of course. Indeed, the interaction between the two would give the illusion security of individual Choice™ while at the same time monitoring whether an individual is appropriately triggered and whether xe appropriately reports such triggering.

Needless to say, this increase in monitoring devices will require an increase in State bureaus to monitor the monitoring devices and the bureaus of the monitoring devices.

Eh, to be fair, we can always pull in more from the beet fields. Them fields must have countless thousands of proles labouring there by now.

Someone please redistribute one to Ruth Bader Ginsburg. If she falls down and can't get up we're doomed...DOOOOMED!

I would like to report a thought criminal. I recently found this poster in a local VFW restroom next to a poop swastika and a non-gender-specific drawing of a penis.

Looks like we'll need this little number: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ZAQo0ja6IPM/maxresdefault.jpg