Image

The Nanny Button

User avatar
Image
Does life treat you unfairly? Do you not have everything that you're entitled to? Do you think that it's a shame that you have to fight for your entitlements? Do you think that even the very idea of entitlements is absurd because you're owed everything by default?

Of course you are. We all are. In the Age of Self Esteem, what we do doesn't matter. It's who we are, or rather it would be who were are if that weren't discriminatory for equal protection under the law really means equal outcome before the law and of course that means that everyone is entitled to everything all of the time, except of course for white heterosexual males who are the cause of all the troubles of the world and eat children sliced on toast for breakfast.

George W. Bush is a white heterosexual male. Need I say more?

So if you're feeling down because something doesn't go just the way that you have a right to expect it to, even if you have no ability or talent and have done no planning, you need The Nanny Button. Press it, and Nanny State will come running, to kiss it with other people's money, absolve you of responsibility and tell you that it is someone else's fault.

Get a free college education, don't go to class, don't graduate and don't get hired by a white-shoe law firm?

"I'm a hopeless failure and I can't quit whining! Nanny! Help!"

And Nanny State will come running and force the law firm to hire you.

Are you a mime and wonder why people hate you?

"I'm a hopeless failure and I can't quit whining! Nanny! Help!"

And Nanny State will come running and, well, it's impossible to like a mime, but Nanny State will outlaw the disemboweling of mimes.

Get a $50 per diem for travel and find that it won't pay for meals at The French Laundry?

"I'm a hopeless failure and I can't quit whining! Nanny! Help!"

Nanny State will come running and close down The French Laundry so that no one can have a meal at The French Laundry.

The possibilities of the Nanny Button are endless. Call today for your Nanny Button and tell us how you use it.

User avatar
I would like to order 6 Nanny Buttons for myself and for Winter Solstice celebration gifts.

But question.... do you have a Nanny button that can make one "white heterosexual male?" Strange as it seems, there are still those out there that wish to follow this road.

User avatar
I would like to order these many of these. Quite frankly I want to sit around and drink myself stupid everyday. I know the Obamamessiah is promising this but I can just not wait.

I do not like getting up in the morning to go to the office, I will admit there are some perks when I arrive. Free food. Torturing people, "some are actually guilty" And kicking down the doors of peoples houses who just plain p---ed me off. And making crank phone calls. The Comrades and Myself sometimes take the Limo out act like we are Chairman M. S. Punchenko, and blame it all on General Mousey-Tongue, Ha ha ha ha

WTFICAN'TLOGON!
Like the Staples easy button.

You are incredibly astute,Comrade Theocritus. This is the button we have all been waiting for. I saw a commercial where a woman tried to pay for her gas w/ the Staples easy button and was denied. I was horrified at thought that this woman would have to pay for the fuel herself. But w/ this new wonderful Nanny Button,this sort of travesty will never happen again. It brings tears of joy to my progressive eyes.

User avatar
Pupovich, actually you do not need a button to be a white heterosexual male. I know that you should assume a hair shirt for your sexism and abilism and homophobia and all that, yadayadayada, but in camera there is nothing wrong with being a white heterosexual male. Now you can't go about bragging about it because that would be offensive to other people--and do not ever explore why it would be offensive to other people for they don't like that.

The Nanny Button is meant as your get-out-of-jail card.

User avatar
Are we allowed to have sexual relations with the nanny?

User avatar
Chairman, of course you are allowed to have sexual relations with the nanny, just as you were allowed to have sexual relations with Our Empress. Required to as a matter of fact. For do you not know that Nanny State fucks all? Nanny State is omnisexual and omnivorous, always ready to entomb everything into her chthonic embrace. For without Nanny State the nothing are nothing. And the entire raison d'etre of Nanny State is to tell the nothing that they are something so that the something, which is the Party, can use the nothing like nobody's business for the greater good. Of the Party.

And so glad to see you slumming here; were you looking perchance for your Hummels? It's Pupovich's fault, you know. It always is. He's the fall dog.

User avatar
But I've been thinking. I try never to do that for it makes my head hurt. Why should it <i>not</i> be Pinkie's fault? Or Margaret's? After all, they're members of the Kollective and therefore the perfect fall guys, or fall gurls, if need be.

I'm beginning to like this.

Oh dear. It's late and I have nothing better to do than cast blame about with the gay abandon of a Democrat with OPM. My apologies, Margaret and Pinkie, for my aspersions.

User avatar
Speaking of the Chairman....There have been reports that the Obamessiah may choose Gov. Kaine as his running mate. Considering the ugly incidents involving the Chairman and Gov. Kaine's border collie (who I understand is still under psychiatric therapy), I think we must make some tough decision. Should we throw the Chairman under the bus and swear we never knew him? Or should we begin to collect donations for a substantial bribe contribution to mollify Kaine should he be selected?WWCD? What Would the Chairman Do? I think we all know the answer to that don't we?

User avatar
My nanny jumped out of a second story window after I told her the grandchildren were staying the night.

User avatar
The ever thoughtful Pupovich wrote:Speaking of the Chairman....There have been reports that the Obamessiah may choose Gov. Kaine as his running mate. Considering the ugly incidents involving the Chairman and Gov. Kaine's border collie (who I understand is still under psychiatric therapy), I think we must make some tough decision.

Kaine is a dolt, Comrades. He won because the cons didn't like Jerry Kilgore. And who can blame them? I am a hardcore Communist with the disposition of a sleazy used-car salesman and I happen to like Jerry Kilgore. I think Jerry Kilgore was a pretty stand up guy! Yeah! I could have done good business if Jerry Kilgore were governor. He is just like me -- an unprincipled weasle willing to do anything for a campaign contribution.

And Jim Webb? Please, the SOB won by a little over 7,000 votes -- NOVA being the last to report (surprise surprise!).

I am not too worried about dear Governor Kaine becoming VP -- at least not with Republican Lt. Governor Bill Bolling and Republican AG Bob McDonnell waiting in the wings. To let them take control of the People's Socialist Commonwealth is treason, Comrades! TREASON! The bad kind of treason, too! Not the good kind of treason that we revel in!



Image
People's Governor Tim Kaine


User avatar
Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:[I am not too worried about dear Governor Kaine becoming VP

But wouldn't Kaine becoming VP put a crimp in your visits to the Oval Office? Not the nocturnal or surreptitious visits mind you? On the other hand, I haven't heard a lot more talk about Kaine.

User avatar
I'm voting for Sheila Jackson Lee. Who, as the representative for NASA, asked at the Mars-landing hearings, "Will you come across the flag that you left there when you walked on it?"

Nancy needs someone to look down on.

User avatar
Nancy already will have someone to look down on..... Obama. For he will be unable to Change Hope unless he can Change Nancy and her House.


User avatar
When I don't want to venture forth into my beet field to labor under the hot sun to pay my taxes and perhaps put some tepid broth on the dinner table ... Can I use the Nanny Button?

User avatar
I am sure that Nancy will play along with Obama nicely, provided he does not really believe this messiah stuff we are putting forth and forget that she is the true Power Bitch. The State, which will be indistinguishable from the Party come the World of Next Tuesday, is the only real Messiah, and Obama best keep that in mind.

User avatar
Navigator, of course you may use the Nanny Button. That's what it's for. But I also had in mind say people who don't make even the auditions on <i>American Idol</i> being given contracts by Sony. For after all, why listen to someone with talent when there are deserving people without contracts.

The fact that they are undeserving proves that they are deserving. Work with me here.

Pupovich, I do take your point but the Nanny State, as embodied in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday, needs some sort of a leader. It's rather abstract without one. And we cannot have a supernatural leader such as a god because it's entirely too much trouble to change him about--all those books, those prophecies and all that. Better to have a physical person whom we can have, er, made compliant.

I read a book about an East European dictator who had a woman problem. <i>Lucky Bastard</i>, I think it is, Reviewed by a certain loudmouth on Amazon. The dictator would not follow Moscow's instructions about not consorting with women who were not provided for him and he woke up without his pecker but with a tube to pee through. And "he never loved his people more." Now <i>that's</i> the way to make a believer of a man.

User avatar
There is no disagreement there Commissar, I agree we will need some leader in the World of Next Tuesday. I was just pointing out that this fawning over the Obamessiah is all fluff to get the Obama into office. But he best remember, he is mortal despite the cover story, and he is in the end, a pawn of the Party and so he serves at the Party's pleasure.

User avatar
Just as Our Many Titted Empress was passed over, just as the Goracle was passed over...

All for the Party.

User avatar
Given the Obama's recent performance, perhaps it is good that we have not made the Many Titted Empress into a cardboard cutout yet.... we may still need to call her back to duty.

User avatar
". . . it's impossible to like a mime."

Yes, the Silent Killer is to be hated.


 
POST REPLY