The People's Cube - Political Satire

**8/26/2010, 3:59 pm**

Sharia is beautiful. I know this because a Muslim says so. And as the Qur'an forbids lying, all Muslims, especially imams, must be telling us the truth. Therefore, all my irrational fears have been put at ease. Feisal Abdul Rauf explains that Sharia is all about protecting life, liberty, and property. It's about equality, and we need to understand Sharia, not fear it. In fact, when we take the time to understand it, we discover that Sharia is basically the same as our Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights in our Constitution. Doesn't our Declaration speak of "unalienable rights"? Doesn't the Constitution permit religious freedom? You see, we're so similar to these fundamental Islamic laws, that we may already be a Sharia compliant nation and not even know it!

Do you want more proof? Just the other day I got an email which quoted James Madison on what he meant by freedom of religion in the first amendment. James Madison, the father of our Constitution, said,

"By Freedom of Religion it is manifest to all that we envision Tolerance of all Religions, except those with an Affinity for the Gospel - for these must be stamped out from Public Discourse lest they work their corrupting Effect upon our Posterity. However, we must tolerate all other Religions, especially countenancing those bent on the speedy destruction of our Republic."

And who can argue with the enlightened minds of our Founding Fathers?

Now some people might quibble that Imam Rauf points out that Muslims just want to be sure that secular laws are consistent with Sharia. What's the issue with that? Are we a tolerant nation or not? Do we have religious freedom or are we Islamophobes? Freedom of religion necessarily means we must make sure that our secular laws comply with Sharia. To do otherwise would be, and pardon my strong language, intolerant.

Now, some may quibble farther by alluding to the brutal treatment of women, their inability to testify in court equally with men, the public floggings, amputations, and beheadings that all occur under Sharia. But discussing these things is hurtful and causes ill feeling. Raising such issues further projects the negative stereotype of oppressive Islamic governments. So, let's stop talking about what divides us, and start talking about what unites us. Then we can all get along in submission and peace. Yes, Sharia is beautiful, and we must and will tolerate it.

**8/26/2010, 4:30 pm**

Kommisar Blogunuv,

Thank you for expressing the undeniable Truths™ for the collective, it is important that The Party™ support Social Justice & Jihad.

Yes Comrade, We must support The Religion of Peace™.

**8/26/2010, 4:38 pm**

You're very kind, RR, but I can't take any credit. It all became so clear to me when I read Imam Rauf's article in the HuffPo. We just need to be open minded.

**8/26/2010, 5:21 pm**

I do not understand. If Amerikka is a "Shari compliant" nation, why are we not being compliant? We must reach out to the peaceful Mooslimics so we are not offensive, make them angry so they go jihad on our butts. They have rights, after all. There is the Constitutional which must be upheld unless it is in interferes or is in opposition to the Progressive Agenda™ .

And who can argue with the enlightened minds of our Founding Fathers?

I must denounce you for this statement. Do you know understand that these men were all old, racist white men?!! spit!!

**8/26/2010, 5:42 pm**

It's true, lying is forbidden in the Koran, except when lying is necessary to deceive infidels and to further the goals of Islam. That's what I and all Progs love about Islamic law, it's so subjective.

I'm sure all Progs agree that murder is a bad thing. But murder to advance the Progressive cause? How far would Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao and Castro gotten without it? We need rules but it's important that those rules don't constrain what we do. Sharia is just that sort of rules.

**8/26/2010, 6:57 pm**

Fraulein,

While I agree that we MUST and WILL be Shariah-compliant (DOWN with the Constitution!) in order to join with our muslim comrades in bringing about the 12th Imam, there is that annoying question of how well women will be treated under the new Islamic Utopia™.

Many fine proles and progs are women, we cannot deny. I know this is but trivial, and probably nothing to lose your head over.

**8/26/2010, 8:12 pm**

Women and their feelings? Pfft. When sharia law becomes law the women will do as they're told or else. We'll beat them with rubber hoses like the Taliban. And if they don't like it, we'll stone them...with stone knives...made of stone and shaped like knives.

(hah, I'm really getting the hang of this sharia talk)

**8/26/2010, 8:36 pm**

Whinny and Whoopie, it's easy to sell Islam to feminists. Just say that it's anti-American and pro-choice. Nothing that happens to women will matter then, and the Coalition of Women (COW) will be easily, well, cowed into silence.

**8/26/2010, 8:51 pm**

Gosh, you've made a lot of good points, Komissar. I am going to purge myself of my latent Islamophobia starting right now. Next time I see a plane with approaching the tall building I am in, I am going to wave and say "Yoo, Hoo! Don't worry, I'm not afraid you're going to crash that plane into my building! I'm progressive and I have purged myself of all silly Islamophobic fears!" And later, my survivors can plan a memorial statue of me near the site of the new Victory Mosque that will go up on the steaming crater where the tall building was! Alley be praised! (or something.)

A great model for that statue would be that of a leftist non-Islamophobe with his head up his ass.

**8/26/2010, 9:35 pm**

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT8s1a1 ... r_embedded

Warning: This video contains subliminal messages meant to impune Islam. Only trained professional eyes can spot them. Beware.

**8/26/2010, 11:24 pm**

Since we Progs have just recently discovered this brand new idea of "Religious Freedom," I daresay that it will take some getting used to. This brand-new respect for religion, which we've never defended before, feels strange to me.

**8/27/2010, 10:13 am**

John Lenin wrote:Since we Progs have just recently discovered this brand new idea of "Religious Freedom," I daresay that it will take some getting used to. This brand-new respect for religion, which we've never defended before, feels strange to me.

Ahhh, but it's so liberating. Especially when it's Sharia.

**8/27/2010, 10:15 am**

Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:I do not understand. If Amerikka is a "Shari compliant" nation, why are we not being compliant? We must reach out to the peaceful Mooslimics so we are not offensive, make them angry so they go jihad on our butts. They have rights, after all. There is the Constitutional which must be upheld unless it is in interferes or is in opposition to the Progressive Agenda™ .

And who can argue with the enlightened minds of our Founding Fathers?
I must denounce you for this statement. Do you know understand that these men were all old, racist white men?!! spit!!

Ja, Fraulein, I would normally agree. But I had no idea that Madison understood the beauty of Sharia. Now what can the TEA Partiers say?

**8/27/2010, 11:13 pm**

Groucho Marxist wrote: Warning: This video contains subliminal messages meant to impune Islam. Only trained professional eyes can spot them. Beware.

I wonder if assholes like Bloomberg and Frank Rich would call her "Islamophobic."

**8/28/2010, 5:41 pm**

Opiate of the People wrote:
Groucho Marxist wrote: Warning: This video contains subliminal messages meant to impune Islam. Only trained professional eyes can spot them. Beware.

I wonder if assholes like Bloomberg and Frank Rich would call her "Islamophobic."

Remember, we ought not to discuss the reality of Sharia, Opiate. It only causes hard feelings, fear, and reinforces negative stereotypes of Islam. We need to focus on the positive accomplishments of Islam. Look at the advances everybody says they made in medicine centuries ago. That's why poor people in America were sneaking into Afghanistan to take advantage of the hospitable Taliban and their free medical care which was so technologically advanced that it was the envy of the world. That was until George W Bush destroyed their beautiful culture and their free health care. See what the world lost when America invaded a peaceful, harmonious culture? To make it worse, statistics prove that 15.4 kittens will suffer depression every minute as a result of our hegemony. No wonder I can't sleep at night.

The People's Cube - Political Satire

Attention Islamophobes: Don't Lose Your Head Over Sharia!