The People's Cube - Political Satire

Americans who will sell anything and everything to support Obama have come up with a new plan: a National Yard Sale for Obama on September 22-23. With slogans like "a million waffle irons strong" it's getting symbolic. Anything goes and everything must go. Sell the entire contents of your home - it's bound to be redistributed anyway, or stolen after your house becomes a crack den after the election.

Among the suggested items to sell are Ace of Base tapes and unicycles. What would you suggest Americans should sell (stuff they don't need anyway) to help Obama?


Ushanka tip to Laika the Space Dog and Navigator

Damn it Red Square!

The Obamunists are making it very hard on the United Satire Workers of America. How can we go on writing when they keep stealing our ideas and illegally sell them in a black market? But it's OK, I guess, if it's For the Children™

You Must Buy Something "Stupidly" From An Obama Yard Sale Before You Can Find Out What it Is!

Comrades! Help spread the word on the Glorious Bookface!

How can you people make fun of this fun and exciting fundraiser that we can all participate in? Obscenely (as opposed to merely erotically) wealthy fascists are trying buy this election like they did in Wisconsin. (Elections are "bought" whenever Republicans win.) Having already sent our Dear Leader the money that would have gone to three wedding presents (the couples in question would have wanted it that way - had they known) I'm setting up a yard sale. Besides selling the contents of my house, I will be spending the next week dumpster diving around town and liberating some of the better items from our local Salvation Army Store.

On another note, was there the proper number of people of color in that video in order to represent the diverse, multicultural makeup of our country? I couldn't help but notice that the one African-American fellow with the golf club was being treated like a buffoon. Isn't that racist?

I have a few bent shovels I can sell, along with my collection of empty vodka bottles and old beet stumps that are great for arts and crafts projects.

But I'll bet I could also make a LOT of money by putting up my Obamabilia for sale! Four years ago I was told that all things Obama were destined to become priceless heirlooms and collectors' items, so just think of how much I could make for the Obama campaign if I sold them! Stuff like my Bottle of Hope, Obama Victory Plate with its own display stand, the Obama commemorative coins that are real genuine quarters covered with colored Obama stickers, and the Topps Obama Trading Cards (Inaugural Edition).

I'm still waiting for Topps to issue the Apology Tour Edition, the Vacation Edition, and the Golf Edition. They did send me two boxes, one labeled Jobs Edition and the other Intel Briefing Edition, but they were both empty.

Attention Chicago Comrades!

Please fill out these forms in triplicate. For those who cannot wait for the two weeks processing or cannot obtain the necessary papers for Chicago Resident Identification (TWO YEARS PROOF), enclose a Federal Reserve Note with the likeness of Benjamin Franklin and put to the attn: Mayor Rahm Emmanuel.

Comrades: Our sources here at Unified Information are reporting that, in a poll released earlier today, 99% of surveyed people have said that they are committed to holding a National Yard Sale. (We assume, of course, that the remaining 1% are Racist and Uncaring Rethuglikkkans.) Let not your hearts be troubled! It's working!

As for us, we have at least six waffle irons that could be sold to the Glorious State for their own uses. Though obviously we hate the idea of selling anything if we can help it.....After all, you see, it's that bloody KAPITALISM.....UUUGGGH...

P.S. Laika, that idea MUST be implemented across ALL 57 states immediately. We cannot have people selling who-knows-what even if it IS for the good of the Great Leader. Pull some strings—literally if you have to.

A deeply symbolic commercial. Certainly the waffle iron is next only to the nine iron in importance. The Waffle itself must also represent Dear Leader's Leadership for only He could be right before what he was right about became wrong, but by then he had changed wrong to right and so was right, again, as the Omniscient and wiser-guy-than-anybody should and must always be. All hail the Waffle Iron! Only a true Komrade would place such a treasure on the *spit* open market in sacrifice to the One.

The only difference between a "garage" sale and a "garbage" sale is a "b".....

Fhalkyn wrote:[It] is not *spit* KKKapitalism! [...] though it bears an uncanny resemblance.

Thank God our Great Leader for that, Comrade Fhalkyn. We wouldn't be caught dead, or alive, partaking in activities that make us sound like hypocrites. Now please excuse us while we sip our 64 oz. soda...

Let's see, let's see...I could sell this Old bag And I could sell a squished Banana I could sell a rotten Apple and I could sell a Messed up taco
and I could sell some lousy Art ah, on second thought, just forget it:

Open your eyes and see! The trappings of capitalism are making us comfortable and weak. The waffle iron is the very symbol of societal decay. We don't need things like that! But think how wasteful and environmentally disrespectful it would be to just throw them away. No, we must give them away to the poor masses of proles who are forever in need of something to cook on. But wait...Dear Leader is in dire need of money, and his awesome powers of money creation can't save him this time. He needs our help! So lay your waffle and nine irons on the ground by your door and pull up a chair and wait. And when they travel the great distance to come see your rubbish, give them the message. Let them see that the real evil is capitalism and greed. Gouge the suckers!

Maybe I'd have a waffle iron to sell, if only I'd received one for a wedding present. Instead I told all the guests that in lieu of gifts, they should make a donation to the Obama campaign.

I don't know what's left except standing on a street corner with a crudely lettered cardboard sign that reads, "Will work for donation to Obama campaign."

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Comrades!

Life imitates the People's Cube for the umpteenth time.
Not being a California resident I started looking for local permits in California cities for yard/garage/rummage sales permits. The don't exist. Noooo...California is way more Proggie than the rest of the union. It's a state thing which I'm sure cuts down on local "graft" .

*sigh*

Yes, in California if you want to have a "rummage" sale, you need a temporary permit from the state BOARD OF EQUALIZATION!

What on Earth could be more equal than the BOE? Nothing, I say!

I'm IN!

And in the spirit of Dearest Leader and all things progressive I've decided to sell my kapitalist pigs {spit} neighbors stuff while they are at work.{spit}.

Another 4 years is thanks enough, Comrades.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:


Yes, in California if you want to have a "rummage" sale, you need a temporary permit from the state BOARD OF EQUALIZATION!

What on Earth could be more equal than the BOE? Nothing, I say!

Did you read the FAQs on that thing, Space Dog? They require a driver's license--i.e., a PHOTO ID to get a permit!

Why do you need a copy of my driver's license?

When it is required, it is used to ensure the accuracy of the information provided and to protect against fraudulent use of your identification.

That means poor people, old people, minorities, Undocumented Aspiring Americans and convicted drunk drivers can't have yard sales! How are they supposed to help raise money for Obama when they're being disenfranchised by the State of California?

This is fundraising suppression!

In honor of what is close to Dear Leader's heart, I am going to steal redistribute items that my neighbors own in this glorious estate sale. After all, if you are rich enough to have an estate, it should be sold anyway.

I would be happy to contribute one of these items...



... provided anyone in the Obama administration can tell which is which.