The People's Cube - Political Satire

**4/1/2019, 12:55 am**

April 1st in our kollektive is always the day of remembrance and celebration. We honor the unparalleled achievements of our Party organ throughout its heroic existence, and we celebrate all our glorious successes of the past year. Despite the ever growing gap between the media and the people, despite the tough competition from such friendly Party organs as CNN, MSNBC, The New York Times, and The Washington Post, we have prevailed and kept our annual title of the Most Politically Correct Website.

The main Current Truth of the past year was the Trump-Motherland Kollusion. Ending with the Mueller report, all the goals of our Five Year Kollusion Plan have been achieved ahead of schedule: pit Amerikans against each other, demoralize the nation, and portray its leaders as disturbingly vile degenerates. The Kremlin comrades who wrote the Steele Dossier have received government medals and are currently rolling on the floor laughing.

On this side of the Atlantic the award goes to the Democratic Party and the Amerikan media, who selflessly toiled to meet the Kollusion Plan quotas, writing news stories and delivering the Current Truth to the masses at the cost of their own reputations. An adequate replacement for their lost reputations will be For the Common Good medal, awarded at a secret private ceremony by Our Many-Titted Empress.

But what they didn't write is just as important. A special mention goes to the never-asked questions: Who were Steele's Russian sources and what happened to them? Where they punished or promoted to better positions? Why should they be trusted over American citizens? Who were the peeing prostitutes and what happened to them? Were they even real? If so, were they punished or promoted to better positions? And what positions would that be?

In conclusion, we call on all Amerikan workers, peasants, and toiling intelligentsia to keep working tirelessly on advancing the Glorious Progressive World of Next Tuesday. Spare no effort in reading the People's Cube, for the articles.

And lastly, we'd like to start a tradition of choosing the best story of the past year. Let's broaden and strengthen our democracy by voting for the list below, or writing in your own candidates in the comments. Remember - your vote counts! And don't fear - there's a large contingent of superdelegates waiting in the shadows to korrekt your unwise choices. Either way, the winner will receive the Hero of Socialist Labor medal.

Long live the People's Cube, the unbeatable champion of progress and socialism!

Party at 21:00 hours behind Tractor Barn #2. Vodka rations to each according to his ability. Bring your own beets.

This year's nominees (April 1, 2018 - April 1, 2019):

**4/1/2019, 1:04 am**

[img]/images/Cube_14_Years_Old.jpg[/img]

**4/1/2019, 8:33 am**

HAPPY 14TH BIRTHDAY TO THE PEOPLE'S CUBE!

April 1st is a most appropriate birthday date.

Here is a birthday song for the Kollective........................

Not really sure what one does with 500 Eskimo? Put them to work in the beet fields?

**4/1/2019, 9:58 am**

Thank you, Clara, for the childhood memories! An Eskimo in Russia is a generic term for an ice cream bar on a stick. Not to be confused with the real Eskimo ice cream made by Alaska natives by whipping snow mixed with animal fat, seal blubber, caribou intestines, fish eggs, etc. Yummy!

What Is Eskimo Ice Cream?

**4/1/2019, 12:05 pm**

Dear Red Square,

Despite your having been born, raised and indoctrinated under Soviet Socialism imposed upon Ukraine, despite your having been conscripted (as an adult) into applying your artistic skills in furtherance of socialist propaganda, and despite efforts of that socialist system to keep you ignorant about principles of liberty recognized and guaranteed by the United States Constitution, you nevertheless utilized your acquired proficiency in English to also acquire broad and deep knowledge about, and understanding of, such principles and of the role of the United States in protecting and furthering them.

Then soon after the 1991 collapse of the Soviet Union, your breadth and depth of understanding of the U.S. Constitution and the principles of liberty it guarantees motivated you to bring your family to the United States (in 1994), after which your discovery (to your dismay) that too many American politicians and voters were wittingly or unwittingly letting themselves be seduced by what you knew to be the false promises, and tyrannical nature, of socialism, motivated you to create The Peoples Cube as a satirical/parodic educational tool to warn such Americans away from embracing socialistic philosophy and to also reinforce the confidence of Americans still actively resisting such philosophy.

My personal knowledge of the excellence of your proficiency in English gives me confidence that you can easily parse these sentences, which (I readily confess) would give most English teachers a severe headache.

The short version of what I just wrote is that Americans who understand liberty are grateful for your coming to our country, joining us in citizenship, and creating The Peoples Cube to enlighten us (in entertaining ways) on the greatness of the principles of liberty and the tyrannical nature of socialism.

--KOOK

**4/1/2019, 8:54 pm**

Happy Birthday and may your Vodka never be watered down! Especially when you write a new piece!

**4/1/2019, 9:40 pm**

Tractor Barn #2 will be open all night for the festivities. A special bottle of Comrade Krasnodar's select reserve has been located and will be shared at the stroke of midnight between the Director and any of his Kommisars who are still able to stand, and then it's back to the usual cheap swill.

Is glorious night indeed, Congratulations Comrade Square on 14 years of spreading Current Truth across the stacks of fake news like frost on a tractor seat in January!

**4/2/2019, 10:37 am**

Red Square wrote:Thank you, Clara, for the childhood memories! An Eskimo in Russia is a generic term for an ice cream bar on a stick. Not to be confused with the real Eskimo ice cream made by Alaska natives by whipping snow mixed with animal fat, seal blubber, caribou intestines, fish eggs, etc. Yummy!

What Is Eskimo Ice Cream?

Dreamed I was an eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots and around my toes
The frost that bit the ground below
It was a hundred degrees below zero...
And my mama cried
And my mama cried
Nanook, a-no-no
Nanook, a-no-no
Don't be a naughty eskimo

Save your money, don't go to the show
Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said ho, ho
And the northern lights commenced to glow
And she said, with a tear in her eye
Watch out where the huskies go,
and don't you eat that yellow snow
Watch out where the huskies go,
and don't you eat that yellow snow

Songwriters: ZAPPA FRANK

**4/2/2019, 12:37 pm**

Many happy returns of the year, O Mighty Square. And Lenin's blessings upon everyone in the kollektive.

**4/2/2019, 1:15 pm**

.

.14.
Glory!
A beautiful-incredible-yuuuge bigly winning number, believe me: chosen by the powers of Universe to be a tremendous part of the most holygraily constant: pi*!

* no, no, Komradette Clara, not this, not 2.718... That's e, you see, the famous Euler constant. As for pi - if need be - reeducate yourself (after the celebrations, of course).

And now (alack, early 50s, school, ceremonies... red flags.. Batyushka.. speeches.. and finally→) część artystyczna:

Mystery item No. 1

P.S. Doubleplusbeets for Komrade Direktor's celebratory depiction and its graphic, nay, Sovieto-empyrean quality.
Those aural radiations... They give the scene a touch of otherworl.. otherspacely "annunciation".
The pic restores the true visual meaning of the phrase "penumbras, formed by emanations".

(of course, the Kollektive sees the trick: Komrade Direktor placed incandescent lightbulbs behind the glowy-glory objects, and then carbon dioxide belched out by those Edisonian monsters makes the onlooker foggy-groggy.)

**4/2/2019, 1:44 pm**

https://imgflip.com/memegenerator

**4/2/2019, 2:15 pm**

Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin wrote:... what one does with 500 Eskimo? ...

Red Square wrote:... Eskimo in Russia is a generic term for an ice cream bar on a stick ...

... not only given 500 Eskimo, but (according to my personal anthropogenous audio-lectio sensorics, in the first (and second) run both switched into русский mode) given by a... Bolshevik!

Must have been a case of those subliminally susurrative Kubico-Sovietic irradiatory emanations from Komrade Direktor's Supra-Kubicle, I guess...

Check yourself, Komrade: @0:56 !

(it's charming. comments on YT confirm. a world now slipping into memory hole?)

Remember!: Volshebnik ≠ Bolshevik ! волшебник ≠ большевик !

**4/4/2019, 4:55 pm**

My Our beet collective celebrated this Great Event by reenacting battle scenes from the Great Patriotic War - using live ammunition! At the conclusion, we shot off fireworks, including some rockets that might possibly have been military mothballed surface-to-surface missiles.

(Since then, we have had no deliveries from the Peoples' Potato Barn #421, and they seem to be unreachable by phone. If our potato delivery does not show up by tomorrow, I shall have to denounce their laxity to the Central Council...)

**4/5/2019, 9:35 am**

Oh great Red Square!! Many congratulations! I remember our radical and revolutionary gathering in Texazaristan on your Shakedown Socialism Book Tour with a glow in my heart that has burned continuously. May the light of Red Square shine through eternity.

forelock tug,
Jackalopelipsky
#BR 549

**4/6/2019, 2:08 pm**

Will there be any scraps for those of us in gulag?

**4/6/2019, 8:26 pm**

14 years old! Does that mean you're too old to have Uncle Joe sniff your hair anymore? Asking for a friend.

Komrade Grendelssohnovovich

**4/7/2019, 10:14 pm**

I am confused. According to leftist sponsored encyclopedia, this site does not exist. Therefor it has not been around for 14 years, as verified by Eric Blair. Or is this really next Tuesday?

I read it on the internet, so it must be true:
https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?se ... cube&ns0=1
"The page "The people's cube" does not exist. "

**4/9/2019, 1:57 am**

KOOK wrote:Dear Red Square,

Despite your having been born, raised and indoctrinated under Soviet Socialism imposed upon Ukraine, despite your having been conscripted (as an adult) into applying your artistic skills in furtherance of socialist propaganda, and despite efforts of that socialist system to keep you ignorant about principles of liberty recognized and guaranteed by the United States Constitution, you nevertheless utilized your acquired proficiency in English to also acquire broad and deep knowledge about, and understanding of, such principles and of the role of the United States in protecting and furthering them. ...etc., etc.
--KOOK

Komrade KOOK. If you replace each of those "despite"s (and the beginnings of the rest of the sentences) with a "Whereas" you'd have one hell of a proclamation. Just follow it up with "We therefore declare April 1 to be TPC Peoples' Day in perpetuity!"

- SK

The People's Cube - Political Satire

Glorious anniversary: The People's Cube is 14 years old!