Chinese Government threatens economic sanctions against the USSA for several human rights violations.
A textile mill near Topeka explodes. 320 children are missing and presumed dead. China begains sanctions.
Riots in Paradise Valley AZ durring power outages in the former mansion district.
(k, I am done for now!)
Hill The Pill
In the spirt of bipartisanship and in the tradition of the Democratic Party's respect for the office of the President elect Freedomslave presests his:
9 Things Cocaine Osama Has to do to be My President
1) Do a recount and a full investigation to see if this moron really won. Everyone knows there was massive voter fraud with multiple convictions in battleground states but absolutely no verification of how many votes ACORN actually stole for cocaine Osama. So this is the first step, we all would like to know who really won the election.
2) Take a citizenship test and pass it to prove as the commander and chief exactly how many states we actually have. This is not the Islamic Republic and here in the US we only have 50 states, it’s easy to remember and after you do this I personally will stop calling you a moron until you say something else retarded (like the constitution is a bill of negative liberties). Also you can get sworn in again as a US citizen, it was mandatory before you ran for office but I’m sure when you were counting all the illegal campaign contributions on your web site, you were just to busy but this brings me to my third thing.
3) Open up the campaign logs so we can backtrack all the credit cards with phony names and see if any illegal money poured into your coffers. I’m pretty sure that if you were too stupid to know how many states we have then you definitely have a pile of cash to return to foreign entities who want to sway the elections.
4) Give back all the Freddie and Fannie bribe kickback money they paid you as a senator to not oversee the financial disaster you and Barney Frank caused. This is a big deal because you two with Bush ruined a lot of people’s 401k accounts so at least if you give the dirty money back they will know you feel bad about being a corrupt piece of human garbage.
5) Turn the reverb down on your microphone when you give a speech. I know your staff is telling you it makes you sound god like, but out here in real America it just makes you sound stupid (especially when you don’t know how many states we have).
6) Stop lying to everyone about not raising our taxes, we all know you are going to ram it up our back sides hard, and especially when you lie with all the idiotic booming reverb you sound like David Chappell doing his crack head voice.
7) Mandatory drug tests. Yes you are an admitted coke head (who doesn’t know how many states we have) so in order for you to remember exactly how many I need you to stop using the coke until your term is up (or until we find out who really won the election).
8) Give the house that Chicago mobster Fat Tony Resko stole for you to charity. You will have a new house (depending on how many votes ACORN stole for you) on Pennsylvania Ave. so you don’t need the dirty mob house anymore. This will also confuse your cocaine supplier so it will help you pass the drug tests.
9) Make a strong statement against racism. It’s difficult for me to believe that you sat in church with a race baiting poverty pimp like Reverend Wright and listened to him ranting against America and white people for twenty years. (Although if you were all coked up it makes perfect sense.) This will go a long way in alleviate the rest of white America’s fears and getting the real votes next time around so you don’t have to steal any.
President Obama proclaims national holiday to celebrate fifth anniversary of the 28th Amendment (Repeal of the 22nd Amendment).
Government stands fast in opposition to offshore oil drilling, as it will still take 10 years to see results which are needed now.
Uh, Jack Murtha isn't going to be president in 2020 because Obama will still be there. Heck, he'll only be about 59 years old and with his life extension treatments, that'll give him at least another 60-odd years to rule the USSA.
Cradle to Grave Marxist
• State news outlets again revert party colors to reassociate the Red with the Democrats. Blue is changed to Pink out of respect for certain minority groups, to show greater unity in color and ideology, and to make it harder for non-Democrats to realize which state is their own and whether polling has already closed with a DNC win or not.
• Chicago dyes its river red instead of green for St. Patrick's Day. Aldermen push for it to be renamed to St. Obama's Day, a motion which is subsequently passed. No votes are cast against the proposal, although a few aldermen from reactionary communities do vote "present." This trend increases after "no" voters in previous elections are found in the Des Plaines River and the phrase "concrete shoes" makes a comeback.
• Webster's acknowledges the word "borderboinger" for the large number of people who frantically cross back and forth between the US and Canadian borders. The term is most frequently applied to those who die of exhaustion at ports of entry.
• Secessionist movements gain strength, but the state proves stronger.
• Rural communities arrange themselves into privately held trusts that encompass lots of farm acreage. Janet Reno proteges set fire to as many as possible, for their own and the common good.
• The Amish are relocated en masse to unelectrified penal colonies in Alaska because they refuse to pledge allegiance to anyone but God; they fail to accept that Obama is God. Unlike other deportations, this one saves the People's State money because the Amish are pacifists. Their formerly productive farmland is redistributed to ACORN staff and people George Soros likes (until he quits liking them; people do not think about what happens after that). Results similar to those in Zimbabwe fail to be reported in the state media.
• The Amish are joined by those Rastas too stoned to fight back, although some Rastas merely remain under state suspicion after conceding that, as per Bob Marley, "the Almighty God is a living man" refers not to Haile Selassie but Barry Obama.
• The Red Cross becomes the Red Circle (aka the Red 'O') and blood donations become mandatory. Those without recent donations are denied bread rations. To ensure equal and anonymous access to all, validation checks are intentionally disabled in the blood donor system, as in the political funds donor system. A blackmarket run by "bloodheads" proves hard to stamp out.
BTW, when are the "Four Legs Good, Two Legs Bad!" T-shirts going to be ready? Also, can I get that in a Cafe Press type thong?
"Now I'm unemployed AND sober? There' no excuse for that!" - Andy French
Chocolate and coffee are banned because they are black and make people more alert.
The process of adding milk to beverages is outlawed because it offends our great leader.
In K-12 sex-ed classes, the word 'orgasm' is changed to Obama's nickname "The Big O."
Mandated "volunteer" camps teach youth educational value of picking up trash.
Global warming now global cooling: Al Gore mummified and put on display in the Red House.
The new wordspeak. Welfare will now be called "lottery winnings", gay marriage will be constitutionally referred to as "unreproductive rights", taxes will be called "congressional direct deposit"and abortion will now be called "every kid of mine, left behind"! The collective has spoken!
Unnecessary use of People's money, Big O proclaims
PARIS-From the office ovale, President Obama made it clear that change is still the watchword, as he declared that voting is unconstitutional. "Voting for one candidate over another violates the Equal Protection Clause. Also, some citizens choose the wrong answer on "ballot initiatives," which leaves them feeling confused and out of touch. We must all work together, and voting often leads to divisivness, which must be avoided. Since there is only one right answer to every question, and one right candidate for every office, we will eliminate the hypocrisy and oppression inherent in democracy. Besides, the money spent in election season can be put to better use. We need to train more plumbers, for example," Obama declared. The citizens, ever hopeful, cheered.
All congressional money now funneled to public schools' teachers' salaries. Military forced to raise money by holding bake sales.
The Independant Republic of Texas suspends oil export to the USSA in keeping with Chinas sanctions.
Texas expands its borders to enclude all of Colorado, Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa Arizona, Oklahoma, and Wyoming.
UN Naval forces in the Gulf of Mexico surrender to the Texas armada. The cease fire was signed aboard the S.S. Ronald Reagan.
One of these is taken from Pinkie, I plan to make this into an advanced copy of the NYT for pre-publishment to select party members. Afterall, when you make the news nothing is a surprise!
1. President Biden stands fast in his opposition to offshore drilling. "It will take ten years to produce results that are needed now"
2. Republicans at the center of trillion dollar Fannie Mae meltdown. "A lack of regulation (Republicans generally oppose regulation) at Fannie Mae and Freddie mac led to extensive loans given to unreliabile borrowers"
2.2 Congressional Democrats insist any bailout bill must include provisions for Affordable housing.
2.5 Republican strategist John Anderson worked as a lobbyist for Fannie Mae, earning over $200,000 between 2010 and 2014
3. Large protests hault completion of East Texas Project "Nuclear power is too expensive, too dangerous and too slow"
4. Chinese oppose emissions reductions. "Our per Capita emissions are just 2/3 that of the US"
5. Continued brownouts plague California's electric grid after calm weather - Texas's corrupt Republican administration refuses power exports.
6. I sream you scream, we all scream for ice cream futures! – Why continued cloud cover in Florida means high ice cream prices throughout the country. Meanwhile, speculators are earning record profits and driving the increase in ice cream prices. (This is due to to their use of solar panels)
Opiate of the People
Mount Rushmore is dismantled and renamed Mount Flushmore featuring the faces of Alinsky, Ayers, Wright and Rezko. Obama's face is not on it because no one can depict god.
Cradle to Grave Marxist
Hill The Pill
There was a bill in San Francisco ballot to rename of the sewage treatment plant to "George W Bush". Surprisingly it didn't pass. Neither did the bill for legalizing prostitution, but the bill to allow ROTC in the schools did get passed.
What the f**k is going on here?!?
"Congress unanimously declares the Constitution Unconstitutional. Founders believed in God. The people rejoice in the final great step towards Utopian Charter".
Declaration of Independence being banned for Creationist reference
ACLU-spokesman: "No creator, no creation - Men evolved themselves into equals"
"The New Confederate States of America have won another victory in the Second American Civil War. Reports from the battle at New Leningrad (formerly Takoma Park, MD) are saying that the Obamunist forces have been all but wiped out. New CSA President Pat Robertson said from the CSA capital in Wedowee, Alabama "It was God's will!!! Jesus gave us a direct order to kill every infidel on site, and we did!!!". News reports indicate that USSA President for Life B. Hussain Obama has been evacuated to Bill Ayers basement in Chicago. In other news a heretic convicted of preaching that Jesus taught us to love everyone as your brother, was put to death in Mississippi. News at 11"
Opiate of the People
S.F. votes against legal prostitution and for ROTC. Kanuckistan has had a conservative P.M. for some time now. France has a conservative President. And we in the U.S. vote into the Presidency someone who appears, on the surface, to be a Marxist. I swear! I think someone had taken the world and flipped it upside down.
The Left goes right. The Right goes left. It's giving me motion sickness. "Bartender! Scotch. Neat. And make it a double!"
* Party Chairman Obama for once and for all settles the Bush financial mess by fixing the price of all stocks, and setting all stock indexes at a value of 50,000 Amero-rubles, permanently.
* Secretary of the Treasury, Comrade William Jefferson takes bull from now defunct Wall Street exchange and places at site of former alter in the former National Cathedral. All pagan comrades are welcome to freely secretly worship this golden calf, but should remember even paganism is an opiate of the masses.
* Commissar Rahm Emmanuel adds a chapter exposing all capitalists, bitterclingers, and success seekers as Enemies of the Masses, and changes title from "The Plan" to "The Final Solution".
* Party Chairman Obama adds Commissar Emanuel's newly retitled book "The Final Solution" to the required reading list at all educational collectives.
* Due to the shortage of medical scanners and aspirin the Unpatriotic Olds (those 50 and older) will no longer receive the beneficence and love of the Holy One through Medicine. On the Bright Side, there will be lots of openings in the Official Crematoria and the Heat Ration will be increased by 5%.
* The illegal importation of gasoline over the borders has increased. The Secretary of the Sierra Club has mandated immediate execution for those found possessing any gasoline. Over 25 miscreants have faced the people's justice in just the past 2 weeks.
* The Department of Income has announced a 6% decrease in all Obamanaian's income for the next 6 months. Comrades, we must all pull together to defeat the horrible after effects of the Bush Administration's economic damage. However, we are promising each living unit (defined as those sharing Obamahousing not larger than 50 square meters but including spouses, ex-spouses, gay-spouses and farm animals with which you share a meaningful sexual relationship) an extra 50 calories of food in Celebration of the Breaking of the Ice. This year it is expected that the thaw might come as early as 20 June.
The People's Assimilation Administration (Formerly the Immigration and Naturalization Services-the name have been changed because of lawsuits involving the offensive word "Naturalization") have adopted a Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy with respect to an applicant's former alliances, such as The People's liberation of Afghanistan and Southern Pakistan (Formerly Al Qaeda) The Russian Alliance (Formerly The Russian Mob) The People's Liberation of Israel (Formerly Hezbollah) etc. etc.
Former GITMO prisoners are in charge of the responsibility of ensuring that all visa applicant's paperwork gets lost and/or burned.
"The Rich" will be funding the PAA.
Because of no drilling for the oil that is needed now, all NASCAR tracks have been nationalized and racing of any type banned. To allow the homeless to have a home, all those who will soon formerly own a house 600 to 3000 square feet will be moved to the track infields to live in the unused FEMA trailors. (Act now and stand in the box cars at the head of the train.) Remember, leave your belongings comrades as "Spread the wealth" has expanded into "Your stuff is now my stuff". As more trailors are being built, a formaldehyde shortage has ensued.
Sheik Abu Moham
Mullah Abu Murtha pries the last gun out of the cold dead fingers of the "Anti-Islamist Armed Resistance Brigade of Texas".
Virginian woman stoned to death by jovial peace loving crowd
Honor killing now legal in all 57 States
Man takes fetus as bride in Dearborn Michigan
First season of the new reality show "Beat Her Senseless" draws praise
Sheik Ali Gore Mohammed proclaims earth is as flat as a pancake
The Holy Prophet Obama proclaims all will burn in hell, Allah willing. He is most compassionate, most awesome.
*"Justice is blind" rejected in favor of judges who know what it's like to be poor, black, or gay. (Like Ruth Bader Ginsburg, not Clarence Thomas).
*Constitution still only good enough 95% of the time, finally replaced.
*Congress abolished in favor of government by the UN General Assembly.
*Citizenship requirements for voting rejected as "racist".
*Immigration formerly considered illegal stops completely when USSO votes for annexation by the rest of the world collectively.
*Tax rate on the rich finally exceeds 100%.
*Obamaton forces routed from stronghold of Chicago forced to retreat to last line of defense in Milwaukee.
After ten years of bitter civil war which was touched off by Obama's Civilian Security Force, called Obamatons, trying to force collectivization of citizens personal property, they have finally been routed to their last stronghold of Milwaukee. Army spokesmen have confirmed that Milwaukee being of no military value can remain in the Obamatons hands.
The Army has already begun surrounding the city sealing off all entrance and exit, while the Navy has implemented a naval blockade to prevent access to Milwaukee's ports. The military expects to be able to move in and claim the city in approximately three months after the Obamatons have been crushed under the seige.
It was only 5 years ago that the Obamaton forces were at their height, claiming 90 percent of the country, but with the United States Army crushing the UN forces at the Battle of Washington and forcing their unconditional surrender, their stranglehold on the country began to wane.
It was the beginning of the end when the military refused to follow Obama's orders and he was forced to call in the UN to try and quell the military uprising.
29th Amendment: the right of United States Citizens to vote shall not be abridged on account of speceis.
Wait... there will still be voting?
Sister Massively Opiated
Yes, but only by visible minority female endangered species... and Bruno.
* white male suffrage movement marches forward and in a bold move, demonstrates for the cause by having their humiliated families summarily round them up, bind them, bury them standing upright up to their shoulders and stone them to death in order to regain their families' honour.
These new rules are really confusing to me. I sure hope they will be optional for party members.
Sister Massively Opiated
Everything is optional for Party Members Betsky...
Some things NEVER change...
DATELINE - Washington
In a daring night battle that has been compared to "a second Cowpens", rebel forces seized the Arlington Heights above the city and have broken through Loyalist attempts to hold off an encirclement of the city. Washington D.C. is now under siege, with 3-term President Obama reportedly holed up in a "secure location" within the city that, according to sources, is not the White House, as that location is now considered at risk with rebel forces able to fire at will into the heart of the city.
Surprisingly enough, rebel leaders have refrained from shelling and have announced that "out of respect to our common heritage, we will not attempt to enter the city, nor shall we bombard it. Instead, the traitor president has one of two options: surrender, or wait until the hunger in the city gets so bad that the denizens will kill him and bring his corpse to us."
An attempt by the Loyalist New Jersey National Guard to counter-attack and break the solidifying siege was broken up by the 5th Florida Volunteers and Naval Aviation units backing the rebel assault.
Sister Massively Opiated
... Princess Leia is being held captive on the Deathstar. Meanwhile, after coming home to find his aunt and uncle murdered by Stormtroopers, Luke and Obi-wan, accompanied by smugglers Han Solo and Chewbakka and the droids R2-D2 and C-3PO, escape Tatooine on the Millennium Falcon, headed for Alderaan. They find only rubble and the echo of the deathscream of millions echoing across The Force. Were it not a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, Obama would have saved Alderaan, turned the Deathstar into community housing, and defeated Darth Vader and the Emperor, and returned the Galaxy to peace, taking it from the Imperial forces and returning it to the Rebel Alliance, thereby redistributing George Lucas' infinite wealth to those who need it most.
Stalin for Time
embrace your guilt