I've been receiving emails from the oppressed masses since the inception of this Party Organ. Many an exploited toiler, upon discovering the People's Cube, clicked on the "FEEDBACK" button with a rough, calloused finger to share his/her/its excitement, to report a thoughtcrime, denounce friends and neighbors, or to submit for re-education.
Since this Party Organ is a collective effort, we must share these emails with everyone. Nobody at the Cube is getting paid, so non-material incentives like these are long overdue.
(For censorship purposes we are only using first names or initials. But the Party knows who you are!)Subject: FEEDBACK FROM THE CUBE
I adore your site. I always end up wiping tears from my eyes because you guys are freakin' hilarious. Just wanted to let you know.
Thank you for your site. I don't think I would survive without it and the incredibly creative people who contribute to it!
Ya know, your website gives me hope--at least we will have something to laugh about in the internment camps....
Wow, thank you! I haven’t laughed so much since National Lampoon magazine in the 80’s. You are now my homepage and I bought a few shirts for the holiday work reprieve. Keep up the good work!
I happened across the People's Cube tonight while looking for a diversion to avoid Ovomit's SOTU. Your site ROCKS. Count me in as a regular. Your stuff is brilliantly hilarious. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks so much for keeping me laughing and giving me a glimmer of hope
that there are still THINKING people out there.
Marvellous site. Absolutely love it and consider myself lucky to have found it.
And boy, do I know what you mean by “I’ve seen the Future and Ran Away”
Born and grew up in a Soviet satellite country, moved to Western Europe in the 80-ties and now I’m watching in horror how the totalitarian stench slowly moves in into countries that used to be the bedrock of equality, tolerance and democracy. And I watch dimwit politicians and media promoting this slowmo suicide. And the clueless post-1990 generations, still believing that they can teach the world a thing or two about human rights and democracy – despite that they have never lived a day having a shortage of anything.
So where do I go now? Back to behind the former iron curtain?
AWESOME blog! - You guys have an excellent sense of humor. And, oh boy, you have no idea how much I have enjoyed reading it. I'm Cuban and lived in Cuba for 29 years so, suffice to say that I know exactly how this kind of regime work and how they exploit these "useful idiots" here in America, Latin America, Europe and everywhere. Shame on those who live in freedom but praise communist dictators and portray them as "Robin Hood" heroes, but nothing in this world would convince them to move to any of those countries and give up all the things we take for granted in this country. God bless America!
Thanks for the laugh!
Absolutely brilliantly funny with a point. I have bookmarked your site and will return often.
You are geniuses:-)
Shirley Jean Dobler
I don’t know who you are or where you went to school or where you grew up (NY, NY I guess) or exactly just how much knowledge you actually wield at your finger tips but you are BRILLIANT. You routinely put to words and expose tactics and designs I never could have on my best day. When I start making movies about the Crimes of Collectivism, I want you as an advisor and associate. You’re like family I never met. Best and look forward to meeting you,
Love, love, love your website! Love it. I appreciate the Soviet design and it is quite effective as history has proven, but the new twisted, American, satire is spot-on and gives me a chuckle daily.
I do believe only those whose scales have been removed from their eyes can truly appreciate The People's Cube!
First let me say, Gosh! I wish I were smart enough to comment at the Cube! I've left a couple of little tidbits there, but when I read other people's comments, I realize I'm not nearly as clever as I've always thought. I am gobsmacked by the talent at your site. Thank you for sharing it with the rest of us.
I am the Publisher/Deaditor-In-Chief of Girls and Corpses Magazine. Would you be interested in running the Helen Thomas Formaldehyde spoof cover as an ad in our print magazine? This would be a free ad in Girls and Corpses for your website. Love the cover!
Robert Steven Rhine "Corpsy"
GIRLS and CORPSES MAGAZINE
"So many corpses... so little time."
I just wanted to say you have a great site, I don't know if your biography on Wikipedia is true but it if so you are truly amazing. You have firsthand experience that no Liberal in this country has ever had. And even if it is not true I still think you and ThePeoplesCube.com is a national treasure. I just wanted to say thank you I have read a lot of your serious articles as well as your satire and you are spot on. This country is on dark times but has fared worse and as a nation we can get through this and sometimes a little humor can go a long way. So once again I want to say thank you for a great site and a very interesting self history if you ever wrote a book I would be more than happy to read it.
Hi, People’s commissars, thanks for a great site! You gave me a good laugh! I just regretted I didn’t discover you earlier, but as we say in Russian (I hope retired KGB will translate for you!): Лучше позже, чем никогда!
Alex, Socialism Survivor
You're the best. I need more time on my job to peruse the internet. Hard to fit it all in.
Wow! I think I am in love! For lack of a more academic word, f@#$% AWESOME site y'all! If I got paid more, or if I was on the Obama dole/figurative Commy food stamp, I'd send you a monthly stipend! (However, if my Main-Man Barack gets his way... Well... You get the end game!**). Keep up the good work!
Love and rockets,
I loved it ALL! It's a dense site (which is a positive, btw), so picking out one image or page or one thing is impossible. However, if you were to pay me to go through the entire site and provide university level feedback, I am sure I could... Um! Ya! Anyway. The entire concept is great. Visually and conceptually consistent. The Photoshop is flawless, too. I see it as?...?... bi-partisan(slash)pro Obama/Commy Comedy/lighten up everybody, where as my girlfriend (an uber liberal) sees it as a right wing hate slam to The prez. An educated woman with a degree in English Lit, irony (and in your case HEAVY irony) as an art form is often lost on her. She sees literally. But I do GET it! Too bad her... More for us!** So the fact that you can make us question and guess is a big plus! Whatever side of the fence you are on, the site is top notch, high quality and full of shits and giggles!
Bottom line, love the site. Every line, image, and page is a treat. The world needs more of this! Anyway...? WHO ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOUR FROM? WHAT'S THE MISSION? DOING THIS FOR FUN? A PROJECT? MONEY? POLITICAL LEVERAGE? WHO IS FUNDING YOU? WHY?! WHY!?!?!?!?!!! DO SPILL! I haven't been to every page, but I couldn't find any individual info on who was/is responsible. I did see a link to several videos through your site. The muslim/Osama look a like with info on hiding a bomb up your ass. Your work, too? If so... wow!
Again, keep the good work, comrade!
Associate Professor of Foundations
Comrades, I am inspired by the cube! I am sad to report the IT Dept where I toil for the capitalists has blocked the site. I have found however that I can forward graphics to my email address and distribute them to other sympathizers in this manner! I also share items from your site with all friends and family back in the Co-op. Your are doing great work and the creativity of all who contribute is nothing less than incredible.
I discovered your site by accident while searching the web for material that my thirteen year old could use in a school report. He and I spent an hour that night exploring the site and reading the articles and graphics and howling with laughter. There were many “teachable” moments before we book marked the site and returned to researching his report.
I have purchased a couple cubes and some other merchandise and will be a loyal fan and recruiter until we are, at last, victorious or completely censored. Thanks for helping us laugh in such seriously trying times!
This is without doubt one of the coolest sites on the Net. Though I'll probably be executed or incarcerated for life for saying so, the Cube is the one site I recommend to everyone. I recognize the danger of saying this, since it expresses my sense of freedom and non-conformity to today's idiotic yet meaningless standards.
Please continue to educate us, the masses, in ways to resist well meaning, Green, educated elitists that are so much smarter than we are. Despite my ignorant and uneducated, not to mention counter-cultural belief that freedom is a Good Thing, I hope to survive long enough to pass these ideas along to my children. I hope without hope that this will not lead them to a Democratic Gulag. Ummmm, I mean Cultural Stabilization Center for the Socially Proscribed.
Regards and Good Luck,
You guys are unbelievably hysterically funny and very bright. I’m gong to make a habit of reviewing and even studying the material you lay on here. Truly outstanding work.
So Cal Mike
You guys are A RIOT!! A conservative version of the Onion, and I love it. Keep up the good work. I'm always on the hunt for this kind of this.
Absolutely the best website on the internet! Thanks for helping the people.
Holy shit your site is the funniest, wittiest, smartest site on the (evil capitalist) internet!! I love it !!!!!!!!!!!! I love satire....... However, it is absolutely SICKENING that really there is no satire at all. Everything written is coming true. Although your site brightens my day, it terrifies me. Are we truly f***ed ?? As Reagan so eloquently stated, are America's better days ahead? I sadly think not. What can we do? Where can we go? But yeah, your site effing rocks! I am so ecstatic in my misery!!! Yay for misery!!! Yay for equality!!! Yay for having no money!!! Yay for having no heat... nor bread... So anyway, thanks for your site.
I've been an avid reader of the Peoples Cube for some time now. Love your work.
I have a request. The 'local man claims responsibility for own problems' piece is hilarious.
Can I have permission to translate it into Dutch and publish it on my Dutch-language blog?
I may have to alter some names and specific sentences to make it more recognizable for a Dutch audience. Of course, I will refer to the Cube as the original source.
Keep up the good work.
Dear Tovarisch Koob,
Thanks for continuing to mine the rich vein of ironic humor engendered by our stupid Obummer Administration. You're doing a marvelous job! Keep it up & you're sure to be awarded the Order of Barack (but only as a slap in the face to the previous administration of the People's Cube, you understand).
Thanks again, Tovarisch, for your magnificent efforts to expose the ugly facts of Kapitalism that keep threatening to the kill the beautiful fantasy-land of Kommunism! Remember that great oafs from little ACORNS grow!
Just spent several hours snickering my way through the depths of your site – which I linked to entirely by accident and good luck. Kudos and pats on the back for what you’re doing!! It’s a huge understatement to say I’m blown-away by the sheer magnitude and creative smorgasbord of material you’re presenting. And I never tired of the digging – there was always some truly creative reward to be found.
Comrades, I love your website. It inspires me towards the Glorious Collectivist Utopia like nothing else does!
This website has buggered me right up, I didn’t think Americans had a sense of humour.
If it weren't for the CUBE I'd have lost my mind a long time ago. Thanks for keeping me sane!
Thank the anti-Supreme Being for People's Cube. I would become an alcoholic without you. Over the years, I've been upset over politicians. I've been angry but never before have I felt sick to my stomach. Or felt like drinking so much. Truly, thank you for the escape to sanity.
Who are you guys and how do we get to use some of your phenomenal material for our web site?
What is the proper procedure for using your wonderfully insightful, stinging and most importantly funny signs and graphics for yard signs and for more future protest signs. I live in a very progressive university area neighborhood and have been looking at comrade Chomsky's signs that many of my neighbors have been displaying for the last eight years (many of which are now coming down for some odd reason) and I think it is high time I let them look at a sign of mine.
Tom F., a long time enjoyer of your work and website.
Great site! Promoting here in Atlanta, Charlotte, NJ and anywhere else I can. Very impressive! I haven’t laughed so hard in the last 20 yrs. Keep up the GREAT TRUTH!
You have a wonderful website!!! So creative and informative. I love reading it and the links are always worth the time to read too. I hope your website is very successful and that you continue to keep it going for a long time! I will support your advertisers as I have the money.
Ann E. (5th generation Texan)
You gentlemen are brilliant! Now that our President has signed the order to close Gitmo, you could do something on the order of “The War on Terror, a catch and release Program”
AWESOME!!!! Keep up the great work. At last! Someone who understands what's really going on.
Ron (Concord, CA)
This is the funniest stuff I've ever found on the web. Making fun of communists. I love it. Keep it up. It helps my depression over the election results.
I have just surfed in your site and I have to say it is one of the last sparkle of humor and an ironic approach to a unfortunate truth.
We face the same dumbing down in Brasil (Lulamania) and South America. Would you be so kind as to express, following your pattern, the plans of Mr. President Hussein Obama for South A.? I'm sure he will support the left-inspired bolivarianism as well as the drug/kidnap bisiness of FARC's armies, whom by the way, are members of Foro de São Paulo, the larger left organization in Latin America founded by President Lula.
Guilherme V. (Brasil)
You are just the greatest site ever! I laugh out loud every time I visit. Good tension reliever in these uncertain times. Thanks for all you do.
Hello Comrad! I have to say, you are truly talented. The witty headlines you come up with and the original images... just excellent. Your site is top shelf.
Sincerely, 20th tier blogger
YOUR SITE ROCKS!!!
Hello Comrad, kudos on your site. It has given me hours of fun. And it really pisses off liberal friends...priceless.
Max H. (Alabama)
I love your website, and I check it everyday, though I don't often leave comments. I was wondering however in all seriousness whether or not any sort of an "I'm beet of the week (with pinkie's artwork)" bumper sticker something is/will ever be available? Basically, I am looking for some sort of way to advertise the cube on my car.
I just stumbled on your site by accident and WOW I must say Kudos Komrads Kudos. I will have to come up with a cool Kommie name and register just to be part of the fun.
Awesome website. I wish my friends who think Socialism is better than sliced bread would take a gander.
I’m a new member to the collective. You are truly amazing! Your writings have such grace. I feel I as if I was lost but now I’ve found… I was so blind but now I see! Amen Komrades. God Bless!
Komrades, I’m 3rd generation Russian/American. Tell me, is it genetic?
You guys are amazingly funny! Great, great site. The Michelle "Shovel" pictorial is HILARIOUS!
Comrade! I wanted to express my appreciation for the humor & great art in the face of the sobering circumstances of our times. I've been a lurking big fan for years.
Don’t stop pointing out stuff with satire, I LOVE it! Just wanted to let you know that I laughed so hard at this visit to the People’s Cube that I think I may have hurt my tummy, my ribs are sore.
Grannie in Montana
You guys are AWESOME! How can a group be so scary and funny at the same time? So ... thanks, for the funny but more so for the scary.
A New Loyal Reader, Shovel Ready
I came across your blog. LOVE it. Have had a blast reading through it. You never know how or where you will find something that is a gem, and this is a gem, but life is strange that way. Of course, I had to share it on my blog
...and there's more where it came from.motheclectic
Awesome website... extremely entertaining...
The talent demonstrated throughout this site is inspiring. Thank you!
Scott in Plainville, MA
LOVE IT ALL.
But don't share my info. I'll be black-listed. No joke.
A thousand thanks to Maharushi for turning me on to you guys. May you soar into the kozmos like Sputnik. Your satire is the epitome, the pinochle as it were, of enlightened humor. A WMD in the current kulturkampf. They will have to pry my mouse from my cold, dead hand before I delete yoozeguyz. I laughed so hard at the FAQ page, I had to remove spittle from my screen with my little red squeegee.
"The sting in a rebuke is the TRUTH." B.Franklin
Peace out my invisible brethren! Know you are loved by a well meaning stranger!
Been laughing with tears in my eyes while crying for the past. Truly miss Joe and his "friends', if they were still alive. Yeah, those were the good old days. Anyhow, just tried to join and your server is kaput. Will try later.
P.S. I have warm clothes, but no shovel. Will the party help me?
I have printed out Six copies of Get Out Of Gulag Free coupon for myself in the Comrades Common Commode and have given Six to my friends and reserved Six for the Party's environmental preservation's fund but ask do you see anything wrong with a total of 666???
I was driving in traffic today when I hear you on the radio talking to God Himself!
Not bad for a Commie! Hope your server crashes after half the nation tries to connect. Your fine fork deserves to be spread all over the place. Keep going!
Congrats on your Rush appearance! I found your site last year and have been spreading the word at every opportunity. Rush will give it some well-deserved exposure.
Onward! Upward! Oleg RULES !!!
I am disgusted by your parody of our founding fathers. Pre-Columbian life was indeed wonderful. The men would hunt and fish all day, and the women did all the work. The WASP invasion screwed it all up. I have to admit though, Ben Franklin does have a striking resemblance to Dick Cheney.
Of course, I LOVE YOUR site!!!!!!!! How could one not. This is just tooooo good. If I ever get depressed I'll rush to your site and get funny fix. Keep it up, it's GREAT!!!!!!!!
Absolutely love ya man!
Time for a bigger server cuz' you're famous now. Thanks for making me laugh.
I just wanted to tell you that I heard you on RUSH LIMBAUGH, and checked out your site, and it looks great! You have a tremendous sense of humor. Keep up the great work
Hi Comrade. While riding my bicycle in Berkeley this morning I heard you on Limbaugh's show. I think our friends the Democrats are yearning for the creation of the Life Style Police. Hot rodders, male body builders, Hippies, recreational basketball players, and much more.... time wasters could be prohibited with such cops..
Your site reminds me much of MAD magazine which I read 40 years ago as a kid. This is great! Thank you for calling Rush's show yesterday and providing your Web site address. Talk about guerilla marketing at it's best! Examples such as yours simply have to be driving the liberals bonkers. I believe this is why it is so important to them to control the content of talk radio. It's also the reason their own boring broadcasts will never succeed without government subsidy.
I want to thank the Dear Leader for allowing the humble Comrade Puperinko to finally "come out of the gulag" so to speak now that the capitalist, self proclaimed Doctor of (Alleged) Democracy, Rush Limbaugh has exposed headquarters to our class enemies. Of course, Comrade Puperinko will be honored if the Dear Leader wishes him to go back under cover to further the cause.
You are so far out into humorous correct analysis that most certainly the Peoples Press under President/Dear Leader Horrible Hillary must investigate, castigate and eliminate-- all for the children, of course. We can never ever subject them to God, truth, liberty, freedom, personal responsibility, independence and all of those 'capitalistic' evils.
God Bless and well done
Hey I'm one of the millions who discovered your web site yesterday while listening to Rush. Great Job! You are one of the people that America exists for. Those fleeing some country hell bent on implementing a George Orwell "1984" scenario, running from "doublespeak" and hoping for some better fate than befell Winston. Doesn't it frost your cojones to find the far left developing their own version of doublespeak here? I sometimes think people like you are our last hope. That is sane people who have not developed BDS, who appreciate the opportunities here because they have lived in the truly oppressed areas of the world. I used to meet folks in the medical field who came here from former Soviet satellites who couldn't understand why we natives didn't appreciate what we had. I guess the grass is always greener across the fence, right? Anyway welcome and thanks for enhancing the American experience!
I love your website! I heard you speaking with Maha Rushie yesterday...I'm so glad you are in our country and are pointing out the parallels to communism that liberalism is. I've been saying this for years! We must fight them at all costs and prevent them from implementing more socialist programs on U.S. soil. Your website helps to do just that!
P Q , I heard you on Rush's show yesterday. Awesome!! I've had you link in my favorites for several months now. Right next to LGF and Hot Air.
P.S. Happy to see your site hasn't melted. : )
Great website! I'm happy that Rush turned me on to your site. I enjoy this type of humor. It reminds me of my days years ago as an avid Mad Magazine reader. Keep it up. I have emailed my conservative friends about your site.
I don't believe it!!!!!!!! What a site.
I went to what is "the peoples cube" and split my sides. We run a private voucher program in Buffalo NY for poverty level families and pay for a good part of their tuition so they don't have to attend inner-city public (failing) schools. Your parody (truth) is fantastic. I joked with the young lady that runs our program (1400 kids a year)
that we should get the Peoples cube and hand it out at our annual luncheon!!!
I heard about you on Rush.
Keep up the good work.
Dear "Red", at Red Square....I heard you on Rush last Friday, and finally penetrated the Iron Curtain that was clogging my access to your fortified gulag. "Dittos", and congrats on your unique style of political satire. No wonder, MahHa Rushie was so impressed! I'm glad he warned you, and us, that your server would be overloaded...but like your waiting for Rush, it was well worth it. Good luck, and keep it coming!
To Red Square I say "Mega Cubes" for duping the top Capitalist Lackey a.k.a. Rush Limbaugh into unwittingly enshrining you on Mount Rushmore for your clever, triple-agent impersonation of a satirist in exposing the Founding Fathers' diabolical plan to set in motion a process to ultimately subject the entire world to the tyranny of individualism. Non-God Bless the Collective.
I am so delighted to have found this website while listening to Rush, I am goosestepping with glee! LONG LIVE THE MOTHERLAND.
I found out about your website while listening to Rush Limbaugh the other day. You, guys, are doing an AWESOME job!!!! Such creativity and a keen sense of humor can be demonstrated only by someone who has already been exposed to a "progressive thinking" mindset of the former Soviet Union. Kudos to you for standing up for America!!!!!!
I'm currently serving in Iraq and will be more than happy to share your works with the rest of the soldiers.
2LT VS (A Russian/Ukrainian name)
Killer site. I just sent a link to everyone in my book. The Goreculator bit had me p***ing my pants. Thanks for the laugh and I will visit again soon.
Greetings! It occurred to me that a vicious cycle began when I first visited your website. While reading (and laughing hysterically at), the content and posts I unfortunately had many refreshing thoughts. while this was oddly pleasurable, I realized that I was guilty of a Thought Crime™ and must submit myself for re-education™ lol - (whoops, did it again).
You see comrade, I am hopeless and can only function when fully indoctrinated. The shame I feel will pass (quickly of course).
I respectfully submit myself for re-education™ I look forward to serving our many titted Empress™ while the United States suffers the worst presidency (Damn! did it again . grrrr) ever.
I've been a profligate thought criminal for decades, and the anguish of not knowing where to turn myself in for proper punishment has been a terrible burden. Thanks for enlightening me, comrade! Now my next quandary is to decide if it will feel better to take my punishment or to enjoy the thrill of the chase, now that I know the identity of the authorities.
Have just stumbled onto your site...and I must say: WOW!!!
Outrageously funny and right on the mark. Keep after the phony left they deserve everything you give them...
Atlanta, Georgia (not the former Soviet Province)
I may be one of those pussified liberals, and I think Limbaugh is an idiot windbag, but "The People's Cube" is one of the funniest sites I have ever visited. Thanks, and keep up the good work!
Keep up the good work! Humor is a powerful weapon; hope they don't outlaw it!
And there's more where it came from...
i waitng for some shirts i order, great website, i read the transcript of your interview at rush's website and click on the peoplecube.com. I had to order some shirts.
Clearly the Five Year Plan that you so wisely set forth is bearing the fruit that it so richly deserves. I am sure I will be busy denouncing with so many coming forth!
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Can we take a break yet, Comrade Red Square? My arms are getting tired handing out all of these holey blankets and shovels to all the new comrades joining us. Ugh... I need to sit down for a few hours, I'm feeling faint moving my arm around. Why, I think I'm actually doing work!? My goodness, this is awful, just awful! I should be subsidized for having to do all of this work, this is unfair and I doth protest!
Chairman Punchenko, you are far too valuable an asset to be doing such menial labor. I denounced a few worthless kulaks just this morning that would be glad to take over those duties for you in the false hope that the Party will have mercy on them. But dreams are good for such da?
You are weary of laboring for the common good™, comrade? Save a holey blanket and a shovel for yourself and get in line! A sense of greater equality is a disease (unless like billionaire Comrade Castro, you really are more equal), reeducation through hard labor is the cure. New visitors take warning!
Comrade Red Square, I think we would be able to spread the Cube's message further by bumper stickers. Imagine it... what if the site sold bumper stickers saying things like "Give Socialism A Chance in '08," or "I donated to the DNC and the Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund" and other forward thinking slogans, and on the bottom the Cube's URL address. Besides, I'm damn tired of seeing all these "THIS ENDLESS WAR" stickers on cars... we need to compete!
For us Newbies that "Get" the humor...but lack the ability to speak with a commie facade......what do you suggest?
I don't know whether I write like a geek or a narc but speaking like Lenin is like walking on all fours....and I haven't down that since college.
Bumper Sticker Idea:
I saw a group of spineless amorphous group of hippie liberals waving Honk signs that suggests:
Support Our Troops...Honk to Bring Them Home!
Using the same logic, why can't we employ the same spineless hippies to hoist signs aloft that suggest:
Honk To Prevent Terrorism!
Pacify Radical Islam. Export Liberals.
Vote Left and Bring Radical Islam To Your Bedroom In The Dead Of Night!
Require A Permit For Terrorism
End Liberalism ..... End Terrorism
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Comrade Puperinko, who will move up quickly in the ranks with that kind of brown nosing,Chairman Punchenko, you are far too valuable an asset to be doing such menial labor.
Someone is seriously scoring some Punchenko points and I think his/her/it's name is Comrade Puperinko!!! For your loyalty you may treat yourself to another cup of mud and grass... enjoy!!
Comrade Navigator, who is guiding our ship of state into the safe harbors of Socialism,For us Newbies that "Get" the humor...but lack the ability to speak with a commie facade......what do you suggest?
It's a little hard at first but I have some tips for you that can assist in arming yourself with strong Communism:
1 - Think of the most absurd thing ever and advocate for its passage into law.
2 - Blame Bush for everything big, small and fabricated.
3 - Make up conspiracy theories involving your most hated Reich-wing figure.
4 – Blame capitalism for everything big, small and fabricated
5 – Praise Her Excellency, Hillary Rodham Clinton, ever second and constantly think about her… even when having sex with multiple anonymous partners (which should include Appliance-American, Snow-Americans, Animal-Americans, Vegetable-Americans, Literary-Americans, Oatmeal-Americans and, of course, Necro-Americans).
6 – Denounce those around you who don’t toe the Party line and don’t be afraid to denounce those you might “love” or “appreciate”.
7- Refer to the Daily Kos for all the juiciest useful-idiocy.
8 – When in doubt parrot the talking-points of the Party Inner Circle (which includes me, mind you) so that you may survive another day… although I’m making no guarantees because even I can get it wrong which of course I will instantly blame you for.
9 – *AND THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT*: There will be times when the accepted truth of the day becomes obsolete and must be changed. When this happens it is your best interest to immediately forget what the former truth was and take the steps to embrace and parrot the Current Truth™. Example: there was no election in 2004 and George Bush has been emperor since the beginning of time. Also, who is John Kerry and is he that cut-out in the Senate?
The Current Truth™ is......I just soiled my govt supplied, hand-me-down, well soiled Depends™.
Found in the hallways here:
House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
So, do I need to soil myself as well? Very well, if the Party asks it of me, then I will soil myself for the Greater GoodTM!
While I'm doing that... I will review more of this splendid trove of Party approved ideas to continue to avoid forming my own.
(btw, love the pascals wager bit. funniest thing I've seen in weeks)
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Rush is not intelligent enough to accept Party truth which therefore renders him a non-person after the revolution. The man is just too dangerous to us and I’m sure he will be happy lined up against the wall.
Oh, and I’m *Chairman* - not Commissar. Be sure to write that down for future reference because that is very important!
Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна
Oh, how disappointed am I that I missed that :( . Oh well, the archives are always great fun to go over.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
S.A.F. Marshal Pravda
Laika the Space Dog
Chairman Red Square,
Congratulations on your tangle with R. L. and coming out the WINNER !! You did great for TPC, yourself, and the Motherland. We're all very proud of you and for you !!
Life is good....
Thanks, Blue Bell. Your re-education is now complete and a graduation ceremony is in order. Please submit notarized screenshots of all your postings, three pages of bio, a work record, fingerprints, copies of all tax returns, credit card numbers, bank accounts, your mother's maiden name, and eleven passport photos of yourself, your family members, and household appliances. If you have an unmelted Snow-American in your backyard we want 11 passport photos of him/her/it as well. In a private interview you will need to tell us if any of your relatives had ever been the members of the Menshevik Party, or the followers of Trotsky.
Comrades, we must now all collectively plug in to Groupthink and quickly make up the long-lasting graduation traditions that existed at the Cube from the beginning of time. We need a list of props, the cost estimate, and the names of the kulaks who will be footing the bill.
Sister Massively Opiated
RHi Comrade. While riding my bicycle in Berkeley this morning I heard you on Limbaugh's show. I think our friends the Democrats are yearning for the creation of the Life Style Police. Hot rodders, male body builders, Hippies, recreational basketball players, and much more.... time wasters could be prohibited with such cops..
Berkeley, CAComrade Carbon Criminal R,
Please go directly to the Gulag... do no pass go... do not collect Victory Vodka coupons or get out of Gulag Free Passes... Let me understand, please... you were riding your bicycle
this morning (exactly how
early?).... have you any idea precisely what your carbon dioxide output must have been as you took in air that rightly belongs to the People, while expelling the dreaded and noxious planet killing CO2?... You have obviously not realized that such a Police Force already exists in the form of The Church of Reformed Latter-Day Climatologists! Also known as the Goremons. (Algore Akbar! GWBUH! Rev. L. Space Dogged presiding)
. Please present yourself to Nurse Comrade Otis (He-e-e-e-e-l-l-l-l-l-o Nurse!)
at the Karl Marx Treatment Center for the Criminally Confused for immediate reformatting via use of The Stone (for thine Stone is hard, Oh Great Goreman! Algore Ahkbar! GWBUH! ...and thine bite is sharper than thine bark, Oh Geosynchronous Rev. L. Space Dogged! Ruff!! We ask only that you boost the gain on the signal and lock in the frequency so that all may hear and know the joy of the Tin Hat!! Ramen!)
Impressionable YouthSo, do I need to soil myself as well? Very well, if the Party asks it of me, then I will soil myself for the Greater GoodTM!
While I'm doing that... I will review more of this splendid trove of Party approved ideas to continue to avoid forming my own.Comrade Impressionable Youth,
Clearly you are
an Impressionable Youth as someone has already convinced you to avoid forming your own ideas, and to ask our permission to soil yourself as well... Fine, fine... by all means, go ahead and take a big one... I'll be back at work soon and if one of my more experienced and responsible fellow Kommissars will but kindly have a bucket, mop, and my sharpened shovel ready, I'll at least have a head start at cleaning up after all the "impressionable youth" that no doubt will have been brought into the bosom of the Party's very own Church of Reformed Latter-Day Climatologists! Also known as the Goremons. (Algore Akbar! GWBUH! Rev. L. Space Dogged presiding)
lined up for the opportunity to poop in their own Official Church of Reformed Latter-Day Climatolgist Coveralls
The Current Truth™ is......I just soiled my govt supplied, hand-me-down, well soiled Depends™.Comrade Navigator,
Fine, fine... by all means go ahead and s**t yourself as well... soon all will be jumping on the bandwagon and Sister will have more than enough guano to start manufacturing larger calibre poodle gun
ordinance with Betsky, without having to appeal to Meow to have to hit up Thought Criminal $.$. Haliburton for poop for rocket fuel and explosives (becomes very complicated... Dolphin must ask Flying Squirrel to ask ex-Hedgehog to ask Moose to ask Boris, "where is boom?" - Boris, who is ex-Kartoons for Kerry Mole), for makings for explosives funded by Bushitler precursor Ollie North... stick around... it will one day make sense and then you will know the end is truly nigh... the Military Industrial Supply Lines become ever more tedious and the blurring of party lines to arm one's self of greater concern... Damn Ollie North and Nancy (Nancy I.. as in "just say no, Nancy!")... so please, crap away... the deeper the s**t around here, the more shovelling practise for the newbies... and to think I worried that things might be slow when I got back... ...
That said, Comrade Navigator, what is with the Depends™? Have you any idea the carbon footprint of a depends Adult Diaper? Please just crap in your pants.
Glorious Red and Kommissar Prickley ex-Rodent Fox of my Heart,
RedtheProgressiveFoxHas the Cube received any hate emails from The Enemies ™ of The People?
It has, and they all sounded as if they were written by the Mime.*
*the Mime is a legendary figure, part of the People's Cube folklore. He appeared as a poster on the Cube several times, stirring a lot of excitement with his physical threats and exuberant expletives. He also sent me a ton of hateful expletive-laced emails. His real name is Mikael Rudolph, he runs a kooky "impeachforpeace.org" site, and makes a living as a mime in Wisconsin.
Here's Mikael fulfilling his societal duty of miming for the betterment of the local community.
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewt ... 0259#10259
And the saddest thing is of all those we have ever had to deal with and are likely to deal with, MM is perhaps the most Full of S**t!... just think what Betty and I could accomplish with the Poodle Farm and Aramaments Manufactury if we had control of but a fraction of the S**t he mistakes for Shinola!... Our ICBM (InterCanusBowelMovement) Poodle Rockets would shurely give the evil $.$. a run for his bunker!!! If we could only lure Mikael to the Karl Marx Resort, we would be rolling in it!!!
Damn! It's good to be getting closer and closer to returning... The Pod Rejoices... Reverend L. Space Dogged... Laika... a request for some emotionally searing 80's retro this Friday night, if you please, Maestro (I think Pravda will agree). It will speed the Pod on it's return...
And now, I must return to my re-write of the Classic Country Joe and the Fish Song, "I-Feel-Like-I'm-Fixin'-To-Die Rag"... there are many ways to sharpen one's shovel... any karaoke files appreciated... still have not found a decent one for the Clash rewrite for Paris's Burning.... and it's been put out for a while now, though some arrondissement are still smouldering, I'm told... perhaps if a couple youth were to stupidly electrocute themselves?... No takers among our new impressionable friends?... going once?... twice?... Humph.. no dedication to the cause these days... Dr. P?... Meow?... I remember when any one of us was up for starting a good national riot, and now?!... I fear I return just in time...
Laika - crank 'er, if you please...
What is the frequency, Kenneth?
Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
How 'bout a re-write of Duran Duran's "Rio" as "Reno"?
Her name is Reno and she does the best she can
To be real butch, you know, she's really masculine.
Sister Massively Opiated
Sister Massively Opiated and to think I worried that things might be slow when I got back... <snort!>...
It is so good to have you back SMO! We at the party have all missed you!
Now, here is your mop and bucket. I can't stand to go over to the Chairman's house, and it is not because I am trying to stea-- Never mind. No time like the present to get back to work, no?
Foxy Pointy Thing...
How are the children?... I am not quite home yet... there is a lot of traffic in the St. Lawrence, and with the Caribana Festival in Toronto, we had to be careful that no one was arbitrarily firing handguns into the lake (Aki was 'finned' last year during a particularly rowdy Jump Up!)... There is a bit more work to be done before we are back full-time, but the Pod is in reorientation mode and are trying to catch up on things around here as quickly as possible...
In the mean time, the Chairman's been sitting in his own detritus for several months now, so he can sit a little longer... it's not going to discolour his gold curtains or bedroom doors, if that's what your worried about, and it's not stealing, as all belongs to The Party and you picked up that Tupolev to save his and Dr. P's asses anyway... I made some savvy investments with that $oft Ca$h Meow gave us after we got him out of the self-tightening Girl Scout outfit he let Her Majesty talk him into, and as the real estate market in TO is not nearly as soft as down south... I think we'll be set for the winter, so no worries... and Aki has been practising with his tool set, so we'll have those doors off in no time... I'm sure the Chairman's so overcome by his own fumes at this point that he won't even come to until after they're long gone, and it's not like we won't need to get the air circulating... voila... perfect excuse...
Dr. W. S. PalimpsestHey SMO,
How 'bout a re-write of Duran Duran's "Rio" as "Reno"?
Her name is Reno and she does the best she can
To be real butch, you know, she's really masculine.
oooOOOoooh... I'm liking it... but I really need to get this Country Joe song outta my melon.. it's stuck there, like a cousin in a tuna net, and it won't go away and so must be purged... We must be careful to avoid the entire Parkinsons issue but damn! There are some amazing Waco and Koresh rhymes.... as always, Dr. P, Genius!!! I'm sure Pravda is already running with it...
Gorgeous Dr. PalimpsestThank you, Doctor Palimpsest, for your words of praise… they were well processed and I enjoyed them very much. Let me ask you something, Doctor: have you ever been with a man before??... See ya’ in your dreams!
... Dr. P!... an admirer!... Just think - you can quote that other classic of the period, The Rocky Horror Picture Show... "Dammit, Janet, I love you!!!!"... I'm sure it'll bring in a great deal of 'support' for The Party (we'll be able to add to the Diego Rivera Memorial Syphilitic Wing of the Karl Marx Treatment Centre, AND bail Meow out a few times with what the Man-Thing will pay... I mean donate to you, for services rendered... and WE IN THE PARTY ALL KNOW that after what you and Meow put us through last winter, you'll be more than happy to take one for the Party... Hell... take two... I'm sure they're small...)...
I've certainly missed you, P... When we were in Paris on recon, Chicken Sushi and I even picked out a beautiful silk Hermes scarf for you, and quick-finned Aki lifted it with no problems (like we're going to pay those Kapitalist Swine for the stolen labour of workers they keep in the catacombs, not to mention the raw materials stolen from the worms)... I'm most certain the colours will make your eyes stand out beautifully and will go with your favourite opera cape... Janet... Nancy... hell... even her Majesty will be dazzled... of that I have no doubts...
In the mean time, rhyme on, my friend... rhyme on... Genius!
Laika the Space Dog
I loved the part where he threatened to kick my ass, that he was more of a patriot than any of us because his aunt was in the DAR and his dad fought in WWII.
Then we found out he was a 115lb mime.
I laughed so hard I hurt myself.
BTW, he's growing a beard in the latest IFP video.
He can run and try to hide behind a beard but the party will always find him.
Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
Sister Massively Opiated
oooooh.... I have always loved that foto!... so cute, the little pointy ones... and now so smart, as I understand it... I say, prick the little Kulak children until they are dizzy from loss of blood,, and then threaten them with sharpened shovels (you know... those little childrens' models that fold up for easy storage in their book bags) so that they will raid their Bourgeoise parents' pantries (NO Meow... that's p-a-n-t-r-y... not panties) and bring out the 'good stuff'... the grilled marinated artichoke hearts and red peppers... sundried tomatoes... the expensive olive oil... Hell... just the other day I saw vacuum packed sliced smoked duck, if you can believe it... no refrigeration necessary... have the fastest of the offspring dash by a decent patiesserie and grab a baguette from the outside display basket as he flies by, and the family may enjoy a jolly picnic lunch together!... Oh... and if the Kulak children can gather enough (see if they have any Boursin, or at least some decent Chevre) and manage to swipe a decent bottle of red, you can have them join your family picnic and begin their indoctrination even before someone comes in the night, kicks in their door, and drags parents away for forced vacation (I'm sure they've won one as a bonus for their investment practises)... nothing like a little red wine on a warm summer afternoon to help shape young minds I always say (yes... I realize the French are capitulating whores, but they didn't survive this long as capitulating whores by beign stupid... they have been innovators in certain things)... Ah... they grow up so fast... I love the little 'hands'...
ps.... if the Kulak children are recalcitrant or beyond re-edukation, by all means, just have the pointy triplets beat them to death with their shovels and give me a call to let me know which hedge they are hidden under and I'll be sure to have it taken care of... I'd also be happy to give them a little lesson in clean-up, if they are inclined that way at all... one never knows where one's talents lie, and sometimes it is only serendipitous exposure to new experiences that allows us to find our true calling... Is it not so, C. Otis?
S.A.F. Marshal Pravda
Sister Massively Opiated
Big Red Riding 'Hood?
Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
We don't wear gowns during graduation here, Comrade Blue Bell. Instead we wear nothing. Absolutely nothing except for maybe some socks... red socks, of course. And once on stage you must select from five Appliance-Americans to become your lyfe-partner... then you will be offered a fruit basket, a shovel and a kick in the ass.
But it isn't over yet! Oh no!
Next you will be required to recite an oath before the Politburo known as the Oatmeal Oath. Upon reciting this oath, you will be led down a hotel corridor with three doors...... behind each door is nothing which symbolizes the emptiness of our ideas. Next you will be required to eat a bowl of oatmeal which contains offerings from all comrades participating (at the last graduation I contributed my coveted KY Warming Jelly to the bowl of oatmeal and I think Dr. P threw in some cocaine). Upon eating the bowl of oatmeal, you are thrown down a 10 flights of stairs covered in beans! Yes, the stairs represent the fall from grace in the Party's eyes if you so choose to fail and the beans represent absolutely nothing are used to make the stairs more slick (for kicks, of course).
Am I done explaining the graduation ceremony?? No, I'm not!
Upon falling down the 10 flights of stairs (and surviving... which is required to move on) you are then presented with two options by a fat man in a clown suite shaking hands with a woman who looks a lot like Rosalynn Carter (take a guess who the fat guy in the clown suite represents). Your two options are 1.) get an education and a job or 2.) follow the clown to the SSA to apply for entitlements. If you chose option #2 you can now move to the final two steps known as The Circle of Complete and Utter Progress!
Step one is rather tricky (it was for me at least). You have more options in this step and they are all very, very, very tricky! Your first option is whether or not give a crackwhore some of a struggling families money so that she may purchase some more crack to have a really, really good time. If you decide to give her more money you have proven yourself progressive and can advance to the second option. The second option is very hard as well. Here you are presented with another progressive dilemma, a child is crying because a politician of the Party stole his lollipop, stole his mother's purse, drove off in the families only car, and then proceeded with running over a few bystanders while screaming "I'm on Ambien and I have to go vote", what do you do? Do you report this to the police OR do you tell the police that it was George Bush in the car!? If you said George Bush and not a Kennedy you have proven yourself progressive and can now move onto the final phase of The Circle of Complete and Utter Progress!!
Now this final phase is easy. Here you are to choose what form of progress you wish to engage in most. The following choices are yours: depravity, corruption, deception, hate, tyranny, immorality (which is the one I chose which covers just about everything you could ever want :-) ) and last, but not least, MURDER (which is what Ted Kennedy chose when he finally passed this last phase by driving his Oldsmobile into... well, you know).
It sounds like a lot, Blue Bell... but it is the only way! Enjoy, and choose wisely!
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
The only three initials tolerated here is HRC, Comrade Blue Bell. We don't mention FDR because he was a war criminal and hopefully someday soon he will be posthumously impeached for peace.
Amazing Comrade Cube. You no doubt have this ThoughtCriminal location so we can squash such freedom of expression?
I just updated the lead post above with some of the Feedback Mail that had been collecting in my inbox for the last couple of years.
I thought it would be of some value to all of us.
We have yet some more recruits at my radiologist due to my wearing my official People's Cube Marshal uniforms and the awe they felt when they realized they were taking care of a high Party Official. Glory to the Collective!
Dear Commrade Red,
I was extremely gratified to see your glorious presence on the decadent Glenn Beck network. However, I was dismayed to hear of your divorce. Please allow me to offer my sister as a possible mate. She is 5'4" in height, 240 lbs. (I know, a little skinny.) Her face is totally unremarkable. Her oder is not unpleasant, especially if you are upwind. She is able to hoist two 150 pound sacks of potatos above her head, with nice broad shoulders and strong, manlike hands. Good for toiling in the fields! You should see what she can do with a sickle!! She has the standard State approved wide, child bearing hips. I could provide you with a photo, although I wouldn't recommend it. Please consider this offer, as she lives with me, and food and vodka are expensive.
Your book is a goldmine of information. I recommend it to all my friends, conservative, libertarian, and liberal.
While reading it, I was reminded of something an elderly Polish immigrant told me when I was a young man. She said, "The United States cannot fail! If it does, there will be no place left to escape to!"
Keep fghting the good fight!
Pinkie - what can I say? My feelings can be best expressed by this song:
Someone Saved My Life Tonight
Dearest niece Pinkie,
I am gratified to know you are finally out of the gulag!
My poker playing comrades no longer come around. We had a standing bet that the one who could beat your mother in arm wrestling would win her hand in marriage. Two fractures and one dislocation later, none were deemed suitable. I do wish Red would reconsider, as she seems quite smitten with him. She keeps his photograph pressed against her ample, heaving, pendulous, sweaty bosom.
Your mother is quite useful at times, however. I needed to change the front tire of my State manufactured tractor, and she was able to lift the front end! Alas, she dropped it on my foot when she reached for her flask. But, good news! Only three more weeks to wait before I can be treated in the People's emergency facility!
Hoping all is well in Siberia,
Your uncle Boris
Dearest Comrades who love this site and think they can't contribute!
Think again! I went through the same considerations!
When I first arrived on this site I felt so "at home" somehow. I loved it! I, too, was a bit intimidated by the biting, fervent, heartfelt humor displayed here. I spent days laughing my guts out! Quite a relief! I wondered if I could come up with such wonderful, insightful "zingers!"
I was so outraged by what was happening in our country I found it difficult to separate my Commentary from my Kommentary. I had to learn to write satire and channel my rage into cogent, relevant satire. I saw it as a loving act. Learning how to "Prog Talk" became my new goal! To me, it was a way of rising above my outrage. I had to do it in order to get things done!
So I proceeded with great trepidation, and, like a doggie constrained by electrical wireless chains giving me shocks for going outside the perimeters of my "yard" (abilities), I, seeing my family having fun just across the street, enthusiastically galloped my way through the wireless shocks! It was a bit rough and tumble, but so worth it!
Red Square is a lovely guy! Very smart and very savvy. And kind. So are the Cubists you meet on the Cube! They will encourage you!
I still have some improvement to do here, Comrades. I'm not perfect, but I do encourage you to sign up! Just do it! You won't regret it! You will have some excellent fun! Do it!
My Cube arrived yesterday!!!!!! I got the strangest looks at university...
Commissar of Gender Equality
This was probably because I was carrying it around like it was some conveniently portable paganistic god of screaming red puzzle games.
Thank you Comrade. Now my brutal job of harvesting sarcastic closet conservatives on my campus will be significantly easier. They always seem to get away when I chase them with shovel and demand they contribute to our collective. It even matches our school color... in more ways than one.
Comdrades! I received my glorious People's Cube yesterday and am very pleased! I had to pick it up from the post office and I opened the package while there. It immediately garnered attention from the first person to walk by.
He said, "I haven't seen one of those in a long time, and I've never seen one all red!" To which I replied, "Yes, isn't it wonderful! It's to teach us about equality! Nobody ever has to feel bad playing this game. We're all 'equal winners' now." I'm not sure he liked what I was saying because even though he laughed, it was a nervous and stilted laugh. And I offered for him to play the Cube, but he refused and had a confused expression on his face. I wondered if he was a closet conservative because of his lack of overt enthusiasm for the glorious Cube.
At least I can report to the Party that I did try to re-educate him. I am going to re-educate all of my friends also. All hail the People's Cube!
Soviet Pine Cone and Commissar of Gender Equality, Welcome to The People's Cube! You are so welcome here! We look forward to your insights about everything! Yes, all things are up for grabs here at the Cube (an art form)
I'm liking what I see! Keep it up! We need you! Thanks!
Commissar of Gender Equality
Comrade P'sky, thank you for your warm welcome. I love the Karl Marx Treatment Center. It is a daily habit now.
Long live the Party!
You move me to tears, dear Comrade Colossus. I have had some exchanges with you on several posts, all wonderful. I welcome you with an open heart. Thank you for joining us! And yes, Comrade Red Square is an amazing dude, no? He is not only funny, but quite kind. I, too, love Comrade Red Square. Because of him, The Cube has actually changed my life. For real.