SAN ANTONIO - As the winter festival begins, Queen Hillary has made a proclamation: she will be everyone's abuela. For years we were told to wait for her coming; now she, along with the federal government, wants to be the grandparent in your household.
What about your biological grandparents? Well, there are plans in the making for them to go on an extended vacation care of the federal government.
Will the federal government also give out cookies? No, why would you expect grandparents to give out cookies?
In addition to being our grandparents, the government will also be our parents - the kind of parents that doesn't want children and doesn't really like the ones it has, begrudgingly taking care of them because it's required by law. How great is that? The caring government representatives will forever watch you like the little comrade on the shelf as you live your lives. You will love your government-assigned abuelas. You will work for them and you will like it.
Hammer and LoupeSAN ANTONIO- As the winter festival begins, Queen Hillary has made a proclamation. She will be everyone’s Abuela.
I've tried that Abuela coffee, and it tastes like it went through the insides of a weasel. I'm not gonna be waking up with that.