Chairman M. S. Punchenko
OH MAH DARWIN! Everyone watch Stalin: Man of Steel at midnight (East coast time) and be sure to TiVo it for collective enjoyment!! It will air on History International which is our solution to the fascist sympathizers at the History Channel.
Laika the Space Dog
Also in the year 2020......
The last white heterosexual Christian male is finally granted protected minority status by the Supreme Court. President Barney Frank, Jr. calls for a convention to amend the Constitution and overturn the ruling.
Hillary Appoints Self to Fourth Term by Executive Order Says Hillary, "As the first female president, I will certainly not let the Constitution get in the way of progress by accepting less than what FDR got. Besides, Eleanor materialized at a recent seance and said, You go girl!"
Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
Congress passes bill making Spanish America's official language.
Lindsay Lohan gives Paris Hilton a black eye after insults are exchanged during a episode of the hit show "Where Are They Now?", hosted by Ryan Seacrest.
I am getting a transmission from 2025 comrades!
LAST REMAINING KAPITALIST FLEE EARTH!
In a surprise long-shot, the last remaining wealthy businessmen that had secretly hid their assets from the party, used their remaining resources to build a spaceship to reach The People's Red Planet ™. Chairman Red the Progressive Fox Ph.d, Ph.d, Ph.d, Ph.d has vowed to chase kapitilism to the ends of the Universe.
"The People's Red Planet is ours! It was red before we even got there! IT is still red now! We shall not stand still until every kapitilist is wiped out and chased to the ends of this Universe for all humans/animals/objects to live in peace!"
Note that all messages are at the approval of the party.
One thing is for certain.
The people will own the news sources in the future so any headlines produced will be in full support of the parties agenda.
Definably, and censoring of the news media will begin in early 2009. I do not need the ghost of Karl Marx to see that!
Global Warming causing thinning of ice on South Florida's lakes and rivers as predicted by the Party.
Great Stalin's Ghost
Good news on the education front in 2020:
Over 20 percent of graduating high school seniors CAN find their heads with two hands and a road map. One less promising aspect, less than half of those seniors knew what to do with their heads once they were found.
In 2020, The ability to unionize a workplace will become much easier. After passage of the Workers Right to Do Nothing ACT of 2020, Workers will be able to express the desire to be represented simply by doing NOTHING. Any union will be able to approach a business, inform the owners or managers that they intend to unionize their workplace, and if the workers do not express in writing with blood seal and blood oath that they do NOT wish represented, then the workplace SHALL be unionized within 24 hours. 10 percent of employees doing nothing shall be construed as sufficient positive response for representation. Employers found to be providing paper, writting utensils or form letters, blood drawing equipment, informing workers of the process to decline unionization, or are reported to be bad mouthing The WRDN ACT of 2020 shall be fined 100,000 dollars, imprisoned for 2 years, or both.
To de-unionize, 100 percent of all employees must first take a pychological examination to determine mental fitness, and attend a 40 hour workshop entitled "Unions, Life blood of America, Your only hope for Survival" followed by a open floor discussion in front of the National Teamsters Voting board, where each member must give a oral presentation in front of no less than 20 teamsters, 5 reasons they believe the union should be desertified. If 100 percent of employees follow this process, then the Union shall be deemed decertified within 2 years. provided no new employees express the desire for representation, by doing nothing.
The Dear Leader wins the Nobel Peace Prize for 12th consecutive year. The world unites in celebration.
In 2020, Rush Limbaugh is put to death by firing squad after serving 4 years in Federal Prison for crimes against the People, as determined by The Party. UN World Leader Clinton Adds $1 "bullet" tax to all purchases above 10 dollars to help pay for the upcoming conservative purge.
Fascist Bush wins 247th recount of the 2000 Florida ballot.
Changes in the Deceased Votiing act to allow one vote for each year the deceased has been expired, up to 100 votes, which will allow multiple votes from those who are deceased and have not voted in several years. The term "The Rollover vote act" was coined by the State run media after the change iin law was suggested by Party Leaders as much needed reparations for crimes against The People by former conservative Senetors and Congressmen. Senetor Ted Kennedy D-MA was wheeled into the Senate chambers on his gurney, flanked by his 26 year old wife and former intern to cast the final historic vote (100-0), and insured his collegues (via eye blinks) that his vote could be counted on for decades to come, via his new bride.
Formerly, only one vote per year was allowed per deceased person from the Deceased Voting Act, passed 1 year ago, through any reletive that re-registered the name of the deceased.
People Cube Contributor Union Boss realizes that responses are "headlines" in 2020, not "full or partial articles" from 2020. Given half rations for 2 months.
Dear Leader Re-Elected with 98.5% of Vote - Investigation Begins to Discover Dissident Groups
Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна
The last known copy of Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" is recycled to draft a new edition of "Steal This Book".
Ah, I remember Steal This Book well from my lost, and best forgotten, dope smoking hippie days.
Headline: Hillary Announces She is Still Not a Lesbian
Are you sure about that? She is well gifted in the powers of lying.
LOL! Yes, but I said nothing about whether she was telling the truth, only that she was announcing that. Of course we are talking about the Hillary, so it's not really lying is it? She just has the power to change history at a mere whim.
The Peoples Cube is designated by the State as the Official Web Site of the People. All former contributors have been listed as missing, or reassigned.
Former canine Commissar of the Peoples Cube discovered in Isolated Doghouse Cave in Former Free and Independent Republic of Puponia.
5/23/2020 - Last left-winged Republican guilty of thought-crimes.
Today her majesty announced that she was turning The Peoples Republic™ into The Peoples Empire™. A Left-Winged Republican Senator imitates Star Wars by saying, "So this is how liberty dies, with thundering applause." He is scheduled to be shot in the morning (price of bullet will be billed to his husband).
Meanwhile, Red Progressive Fox is still Chairman.
The Many Titted Empress sets Guiness Book of Records for Most Hummels Broke and Ass Kicking of former Chairman Punchenko and Commissar Theocritus.
Also going into the record books is former Chariman Punchenko for Most Kleenex's Used due to Sobbing.
Uh, Commissar, you better check your transmission again. I think that you got an error. Here is the headline from 4/24/2017:
Chairman Puchenko Found Dead in His Mansion
The dear Chairman was found dead in his estate this morning. Authorities first went after Commissar Red Progressive Fox for having visited the Chairman's estate the night before. Commissar Red Fox has been cleared of all suspicion after he pointed out the real criminal of the act. Former President Bush was arrested on charges of the murder of the late Chairman. His issued statement by himself (all lawyers refuse to represent him), which said, "I did not do it you #@&^! I was having a barbecue at my house! Ask the guards! Check the security cameras! Check my fracking embedded GPS chip that they stuck in me!! I would have gone hunting with Chaney, but I was too scared of getting shot!!!" The Democratic-controlled government did not investigate further in the matter, saying that it was indeed obvious that it was Bush's fault. They said that they will also use this opportunity to investigate his war-crimes.
And a story from the next week:
Comrade Fox Sucks up to the Right People, Becomes Chairman.
And one more.
Late Chairman Punchenko's Estate Liquidated, Proceeds Go To HillaryCare™.
So there you have it. It is progressive prophecy waiting to be fulfilled. Hey! I do not make them, just report them.
Ah ProgressiveRedFox, perhaps it is you who need to recheck your transmissions and for Lenin's sake, read the paper!
In a shocking sequence of events, Commissar Pupovich was elevated to Chairman of Party yesterday. This followed an undercover sting operation began in 2016 when the the late Chairman Punchenko received information that former Chairman Fox had been plotting a "palace coup" against Chairman Punchenko. Chairman Punchenko set up an elaborate ruse where the prisoner Bush would be arrested for the murder of Chairman Punchenko while the Chairman went into hiding at a secluded People's Bungalo in Tahiti. This led to the trial of the Bush that ended in his well deserved execution in late 2017. During the trial, such as it was, and the investigation, such as it was, of the Bush, the former Comrade Fox was elevated to the position of Chairman. Meanwhile, investigation continued that eventually led straight to the office of Chairman Fox, and he was arrested on 9/24/2020 when the Chairman Punchenko returned from his self imposed disappearance and vacation to expose the plot. In gratitude to Commissar Pupovich for his diligent work to get to the truth behind this insidious plot, the late Chairman Punchenko elevated Commissar Pupovich to second in line on 10/22/2020 and made him heir to his estates. During a celebration the next day, Chairman Punchenko died unexpectedly from a hidden heart ailment that was aggravated by some pickled embryos he ate at the celebration.
Ah, you are right Commissar Pup, that was an error on my transmission, but did you ever hear the phrase "as sly as a fox"? There are plenty of pluses to becoming a Tran-species. Here is a corrected transmission with the seal and signatures of Laika and her majesty which does indeed confirm that comrade Fox was let out of his Fox cage and all was restored. So, the timeline preserves itself, and Fox here is Chairman as is in the 2025 report, up until the time that he is cryogenically frozen towards the end of his life so that he can be of use of the party in the future. Transmission:
Comrade Red Progressive Fox Cleared of All Charges:
Comrade Red Fox was let out of the Fox pen yesterday after yet further investigation did indeed find out that it was Bush's fault for sending the late Chairman on a cruise. Later, it was found that Commissar Pupovich poisoned the embryos, and he was lined up and shot this morning.
Transmission from 8/23/2099:
The now very, very, very old Chairman Red the Progressive Fox can no longer be supported with state of the art socialist medical technology anymore. He is to be put in the freezer until the socialist doctors figure out a way to make him live forever. He is to have the honor of being put in the same CryoRoom™ as her Majesty is in.
Statue Built in Honor of Chairman Fox
Oh!!! You stepped on it now! To suggest that anyone be an Emperor other than her majesty for all of forever is considered treason, comrade. I certainly hope that was an error in transmission, otherwise, it looks as if the future is going to be very different for you in just a few minutes.
Whats that? Looks as if Laika has picked up the transmission.
You ain't my daddy! My father was a white-kapitalist male whose family started to vote for the Republicans after Lyndon Johnson became president (<off character>the shame of Texas <on>). Dear daddy, it was so sad. He got what was coming to him though. Should not have raised me to "think for myself". That cost I do not know how may thought-crimes, and he should not have supported kapitalism. I keep the bullet that he was shot with on a plaque on the wall.
Turn out, AWOL Civilization continues to predict headlines from the year 2020
Headlines from the Year 2020 (no. 2)
* Disgruntled militants blow up Philadelphia; Pres. Pelosi: “We must end poverty”
* ACLU sues polar bears for racial discrimination, demands reparations for brown bears
* McDonalds sued for serving water after man dies from hydrogen intolerance
* Last ethnic Swede flees Stockholm; city renamed to Whoops-Allah
* Congress passes excess consumption tax on residences over 500 square feet
* Third blizzard of the year in Texas; Al Gore: Christian plot to discredit global warming
* Rash of deaths in Middle East caused by congenital seething
* Martian High Council insists they are not represented by Green Party
* Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals to hear canine date-rape case, Fifi v. FidoHeadlines from the Year 2020 (no. 3)
* First, Second, and Fourteenth Amendments declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court
* Oxford uses major endowment to create chair in post-modern deconstructionist expressive-emotive gender-neutral therapy
* Polar bears let loose in elementary schools to help reduce human carbon footprint
* IPCC: Falling world sea level due to secret Israeli desalinization program
* FBI raids porn websites that display heterosexual content
* Fidel Castro rises from deathbed to assume presidency of European Union
* Future of Harvard Medical School’s brain surgeon affirmative-action program in doubt after sutures discovered on patient’s liver
* Mona Lisa spray-painted as final project in Louvre’s new “art and politics” after-school activity for disadvantaged youths
* NFL sets weight limit of 200 lbs. to give female and transgendered players a fair chance
* Books written before 1995 banned from New Jersey public schools
* UN Commission on Astronomy: Sun is cooling due to flatulence from conservatives and libertarians
* 150 million Americans suffer from debilitating emotional trauma caused by playing tag during childhood
* CNN poll: Feminist re-education camps for men endorsed by 100% of graduates
* Discovery of independent human mind in Saskatchewan to be investigated by Canadian Human Rights Commission
* Last remaining tobacco field in Western Hemisphere converted to hemp farm
* Government diversity program: half of federal purchases of financial software must be from Nigeria
* Ford Foundation suspends grants for “environmental collage” after artist drowns in vat of whale urine
Wonderful headlines, but pessimistic. I suspect we will see them much sooner.
With any luck they will have all taken effect by 2009.