Progressive Thanksgiving Prayer: Blessing of the Taxes

This year's secular Thanksgiving prayer was written by the People's Economist Professor Kurgman, PhD,PhD,PhD As much as I abhor Christianity, I occasionally attend progressive churches in my community - as long as the pastor expounds on socialism and its variants like environmental causes, and the rights of the oppressed masses of gays, wymyn, African-Americans, Palestinians, Hugo Chavez, and Hezbollah. Our local pastor, thank Lenin, rarely talks about anything else. He even asked me, a Marxist, to compose a prayer for this week's Thanksgiving sermon. Now, everybody knows that Thanksgiving observance does nothing more than perpetuate the Holocaust of the Native American. What positive meaning could be found in such a grotesquely shameful holiday? Well, my admirable laser-sharp mind of an economist with three PhDs immediately found a brilliant, socially significant answer.

~
Blessing of the Government Taxes

Let me, Dear God, shift the paradigm on this Thanksgiving and blissfully give thanks for the gift of government, and thank the government for the gift of taxes. Bless my taxes, O God! Give me peace of mind as I rejoice in filling out forms and returning money to its rightful owner, the government. Keep me joyous, I pray, as I write out those checks. Yea, Lord, we know that there is little reason to be joyous with this Administration's imperialism and impending rape of the Iranian peaceful energy program, but the thought of a new tax year still brings to us a swelling tear of joy. And whisper to me, Lord, all the good reasons that I send my money to my government every year.

Raise my awareness to the fact that I could not write this prayer, and would be a barely-functioning illiterate living in the gutter, if I had not received a free tax-subsidized education; my parents could not have afforded both my tuition and their own tax payments, so my tuition was supplied, at no expense to anyone, by the government. Remind me of how my mind has been so wondrously calibrated by our free public schools!

Gently show me that the Internet, through which I send this prayer to others, was created by committees of civil servants. Help me to recall that my freedom to pray as I wish was purchased with tax dollars that paid for dairy price supports. Quietly kiss me as you raise my awareness that the only deserving people, the most noble among us, are those who subsist on government programs -- paid for with our taxes. My Lord my God, fondle me as you energize me with the hopefulness of higher taxes that can pay for an even more effective Internal Revenue service, which in turn can collect even more taxes for an even more effective Internal Revenue Service, which will culminate in an ecstatic spiral of an all-encompassing tax-collecting mechanism that will be accountable to no one except to the spirit of economic justice.

Reveal to me, Lord, in my mind's eye, the public health workers, the regulators of the environment and of commerce, the employees of the Department of Energy, and the Department of Health and Human Services, and the Department of Education, and the Administration for Children and Families, and the Minerals Management Service, and the Rural Business-Cooperative Service, and the Minority Business Development Agency , and the Japan-United States Friendship Commission , and the Government National Mortgage Association, and the Housing and Urban Development Department, and the Committee for the Implementation of Textile Agreements, and the Institute of Peace, and the Bureau of International Labor Affairs, and the Tennessee Valley Authority, and the Small Business Administration, and the Superfund Basic Research Program , and the President's Commission on Moon, Mars and Beyond, and the Office of Refugee Resettlement, and the Office of Thrift Supervision, and the Occupational Safety and Health Review Commission , and the Citizens' Stamp Advisory Committee , and the Susquehanna River Basin Commission, and the Stennis Center for Public Service, and the Saint Lawrence Seaway Development Corporation , and the Peace Corps, and the Office of Public and Indian Housing, and the President's Council on Integrity and Efficiency, and the National Bipartisan Commission on the Future of Medicare, and the National Interagency Fire Center, and the Northwest Power Planning Council, and the Multifamily Housing Office , and the Federal Laboratory Consortium for Technology Transfer, and especially the Internal Revenue Service, and all the other things that my taxes and your taxes make possible.

And please, Lord, remind my brothers and sisters that they should liquidate their savings accounts and mutual funds, bonds and CDs, so that they too can be forced to turn it over to the greatest bargain of all that is Social Security. Educate me, Dear One, of how difficult life was for the sick and elderly before they paid throughout their entire careers, with threat of imprisonment, 14% of their wages for the iron-clad guarantees of Social Security. Please, Lord, make everyone realize that there is no investment more secure, and none that gives such a generous return, as Social Security.

Tax the rich. Sicken the healthy. Scar the beautiful. Destroy the "successful". Drown the bankers. Blind the stock traders. Cripple the athletes and sever the hands of the musicians.

Take me out of my selfishness and give me a spirit of gratitude as I write those tax checks! Remind me of my own virtue as I inform the IRS of cheaters. Inspire me to see that my sacred duty is to serve those who are unable to provide "value" to others, or are unwilling to provide anything for themselves. And that my highest calling is to ensure that others return whatever they have to the Government that You have created.

O Dear One, there are so many ways I wish my taxes could be spent! I'm willing, O Lord, to pay even more in taxes if it would work for the common good: We need a strong government to take back from the rich few and generously give to the many! Lord my God, please put the brakes on commerce, remove all profits from the pigs who "produced" it, and turn it all over to those who deserve it. So, more than ever, dear God, give me the strength and the vision to rise up and press my government to unapologetically take back what is ours. My sacred duty as a spokesperson for the working class can only be fulfilled if we organize, advocate, protest, resist, agitate, and speak truth to power by writing tax checks. I ask for your guidance, God, as I join with others to change the priorities and values of our government, so that they reflect more of our collective will, and my struggle, as expressed through your will.

Lord, you have created all men and wymyn as equals. Any disparity from your plan is an affront to decency. And so I pray, my Dear Lord, that you fulfill your vision for true equality, and remove all excess. In service to you, my Lord, we will not rest until everyone is truly equal. Tax the rich. Sicken the healthy. Scar the beautiful. Destroy the "successful". Drown the bankers. Blind the stock traders. Cripple the athletes and sever the hands of the musicians. Plant carnivorous bacteria in the brains of those who score high on racist "IQ" tests. Deliver wasting diseases to the strong. Starve and stone the executives and managers. Show no mercy to the blood-sucking merchants as they suffer merciless deaths in the searing flames of gargantuan infernos. Smash capitalism and deliver us, Dear One, to our deserved socialist paradise.

May your blessing rest on my Form 1040, dear Lord, and may my taxes well serve you and my fellow citizens! Amen.

 

That was just beautiful.
 

*sniff*

That was so spiritual and moving!

*sniff*

--
 

Government bless us one and all!
 

This prayer (which is equally as good as any other prayer) has inspired me. I intend to spend all morning on so-called Thanksgiving Day protesting Thanksgiving Day parades as a needless waste. Why should unenlightened comrades be watching helium-filled balloons and marching bands? They should be toiling in the fields and factories, gaining real happiness and satisfaction.
 

This video was discovered years ago in Commissar Pupovich’s (formally known as Myztico) Dorm room while attending LSU.  It’s apparent his continued pursuit of Bullshrooms had an influence on the production of this Video.

The good news:  He was able to overcome his addiction to flesh-like entertainments and join the generous progressive’s, like us, who understand the true value of taxes.

Unlike Britney, Paris, and Lindsey, the Pupster was able to overcome his compulsive obsessive desires for the spore, and spent many sleepless nights stroking the locks of the many Tittied Empresse while she industriously fondled Rosie and promoted the Fair Shares For All™.

We salute you Commissar Pupovich on your continued support for increasing the role of Government in our daily lives and your ability too lay in bliss with the morose.  


 

Behold your Government!  Kneel on the Party Prayer  Pettioning Rug and give praise to their image!



O Government, please don't burn us.
Don't grill or toast Your flock.
Don't put us on the barbecue
Or simmer us in stock.
Don't braise or bake or boil us
Or stir-fry us in a wok.
Oh, please don't lightly poach us
Or baste us with hot fat.
Don't fricassee or roast us
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don't stick Thy servants, Government,
In a Rotissomat.
 

Comrade Kurgman is a Prophet and an Inspiration for all of the Progressive movement. If only we could all see the wisdom of giving the Government more out of our paychecks!!! We could make the world safer for Progressive thinking and governance. Workers of the world, Unite!!!
 

Thank Allah, Marx, and all the rest for public education. If it wasn't for public education I wouldn't know how to put a condom on a cucumber. Heck if I know how to read and write. But the important things I I know how to package cucumbers. Reading, writing, its all just a bourgoisie detail.
 

Praise Gore from Whom all Knowledge Flows
Praise Global Warming for We Know
From Carbon Credits we'll Make Dough

A-gender neutral.

Rev. L. Space Dogged
 

Just shut up and pass the collection plate.
Somebody keep an eye on Meow's sticky fingers.

10%?...hahahahaha....just wait until 2009! Tithe? No...hundredfold!
 

Comrad Bubalasky

This video was discovered years ago in Commissar Pupovich’s (formally known as Myztico) Dorm room while attending LSU.  It’s apparent his continued pursuit of Bullshrooms had an influence on the production of this Video.

Sorry Comrade, that treasonous, hate filled video was not in my dorm room. For you see, while I bleed Tiger Purple and Gold when not working for Hillary, I did not attend glorious LSU. Why you ask? Because people were not paying enough taxes that is why! So I had to attend a smaller university, a Southeastern version of the one that laid the Tide so low last week.

Oh Government, High in Washington
Hillary will be Your name.
Thy kingdom takes
Thy will is ours, both state and Federal.
Take from us your daily rate
Forsake us not our daily dole,
As we fulfill the quotas you give.
Lead us into political correctness
And deliver us from free thinking.
For thine is everything, the power, the Algore, forever and ever,
Praise Hillary.
 

Allow me to say my condolences to all my Party Brothers/Sisters/Species/Appliances/Comrades on this so called "Thanksgiving Day" where so many with so much stolen from others, will eat too much food poisoned by the Bushitler. I remember a time when I too committed this thought crime till I became enlightened to the misery this country has inflicted on so many peaceful and weaker peoples around the world, while at the same time working it's insidious plan to destroy all life on earth by heating it up like an oven. I want to pay especially sorrow to our Polar bear brothers and all other life forms for our failure (so far) to stop the capitalist imperialist war lords of the Bushilter regime. There time is coming Oh My Brothers! Hail Hillary 08.
 

Commissar Pupovich wrote

Quote:

Sorry Comrade, that treasonous, hate filled video was not in my dorm room. For you see, while I bleed Tiger Purple and Gold when not working for Hillary, I did not attend glorious LSU.

My  sincere apologies Komrade.  My sources have corrected their error and will be spending Thanksgiving shoveling pig manure in Arkansas.  We have found the real perpetrator of said video.  You guessed it, Bushitler.


 

I must say that picture sure brings out the natural radioactive glow of the Bush. Speaking of Arkansas, that is my Tigers next test, and it is with heavy heart that I seek the Razorback's demise, for my father's side of the family is from Arkansas, though the closest my father came to a university was to work in the Glorious Civilian Conservation Corps. Oh what a great work that was, if only the youth of today, myself included of course, had been blessed to take part in those first struggles in the progressive forces in Amerika.
 

Commissar Pupovich

that picture sure brings out the natural radioactive glow of the Bush.


Not only that, but it truly reveals that the only person capable of bringing on a nuclear holocaust is not the psychotic sociopath dictator of Iran who publicly announces that he will nuke Israel and all countries associated with it, but the Bush.  Only a person so "stupid" and "dumb" (as classified by the party) can be a real nuclear threat.
 

Absolutely Premier. Clearly someone actually saying they would nuke another country is not being serious, they are merely trying to tell the other country that they  are having a little minor problem they would like to discuss peacefully. On the other hand, a man who has such weapons, a county that has used such weapons, but doesn't say anything is the one you must fear.
 

Propaganda Department

This year's secular Thanksgiving prayer was written by the People's Economist Professor Kurgman, PhD,PhD,PhD

Sniff, it brings a tear to the eye.

Hil-Ary, full of grace,

Al Gore is with thee...
 

Comrad Bubalasky

We have found the real perpetrator of said video.  You guessed it, Bushitler.



Komrades! Please! This should not be a great surprise. The Bushitler is so pedestrian. His puppet masters (Dick Cheney, Exxon, Chevron, etc.) will stop at nothing to smear a member of The Party™ and therefore, The Party™ indirectly. His lack of compassion for other people, animals, appliances, etc. is apparent in his anti-socialist philosophy that the proletariat should have a right to self determination, free from interference from a compassionate, evolved government. No low is too low for such an unenlightened thug.

--
Blokhayev
 

Hillary

Just shut up and pass the collection plate.
Somebody keep an eye on Meow's sticky fingers.


Your Excellency!

Don't worry about that. He won't sober up until next Monday.
Too much of the official Party Approved Margarita™ yesterday.
 

Commissar Pupovich

Absolutely Premier. Clearly someone actually saying they would nuke another country is not being serious, they are merely trying to tell the other country that they  are having a little minor problem they would like to discuss peacefully. On the other hand, a man who has such weapons, a county that has used such weapons, but doesn't say anything is the one you must fear.

You are so right, Commissar Pupovich!  Why, even the NYT was helpless, unable to warn Japan about the two "calling cards" winging their way.  That #%^&*ing Bush!  Never being open or honest with the press about ANYTHING--not even THAT!
 

Commissarka Pinkie wrote

Quote:

Why, even the NYT was helpless, unable to warn Japan about the two "calling cards" winging their way.  That #%^&*ing Bush!  Never being open or honest with the press about ANYTHING--not even THAT!



This is how it will actually happen...We must stop this mad man!!
 

Schizophrenia has always been the Party's most valuable asset in the struggle for power over people's minds.

I once saw an exhibition of drawings made by schizophrenic artists. The above video is an animated variant of that, with similar cause & effect relationships and impenetrable logic.
 

Commissar Pupovich wrote

Quote:

Speaking of Arkansas, that is my Tigers next test

Ouch!
 

Comrades!  Comrades!  The YouTube videos in this thread are intermittently available for viewing!  I sense that $$ Halliburton is skulking about our collective, censoring The People's Truth™ from the Algorenet to further the risky schemes of the Bu$HITler!

(BTW, I offer my condolences to all during this dark season of Native People's genocide at the hands of guilt-feelingless, non-progressive, anti-choice, white, male, Christian profiteers who raped Mother Earth, in whose image is the Many Titted Empress, of her precious natural resources, the forbidden fruits, that our dear Lenin never intended for the use of prolekind personkind.)

P.$.  Red, your Czech is in the male...
 

Comrad Bubalasky

Speaking of Arkansas, that is my Tigers next test

Alas my Tigers did go down.... I am of course broken hearted, but I am not shocked at all.. Sort of expected them to lose either last week or this week. . At least it was to Arkansas, a team I like when not playing us. But my boys have not been playing with a lot of emotion most of the season, and it really showed Friday. Plus there should be a law prohibiting LSU from playing any home game not on a Saturday night, and certainly not on a Friday. Truthfully, I definitely feared facing Georgia in the SEC championship, less so Tennessee if they go. Now, I don't expect them to win next week either. The coach for some reason quit playing the team the way he had earlier this season, and it bit them. Plus, they have been piling up a lot of injuries.
 

Commissar P, while you bring up many interesting points, the real reason your boys lost was because of Bu$h.
 

Dr Strangelove, I can see you are a person of discernment. You are absotootly correct! It was Bush's fault! Damn Bush!
 

"Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” Jesus

Dear god of the almighty Marxist State, help me to utterly reject the words of Jesus and substitute the wisdom of our prophet, Karl Marx. Help me come to understand that the Inner Party is the source of my State-given rights to nothing; help me almighty Marxist State to understand that you the Inner Party and State own all of my reversible "rights" including private property honestly earned (pursuit of happiness), liberty and life its self. Dear god of the almighty Marxist State, help me to reform the words of Jesus into a prayerful expression which conforms to the teachings our Dear Prophet, Karl Marx:

"Render therefore to the Marxist State the things that are the Marxist State's, and to the Marxist State the things that are God’s.”

Help me dear god of the Party and the State, help me cling to the State and the Manifesto; and help my Inner Party and Marxist State, to the exclusion of the masses of individuals, cling to guns.
 

Comrades, You are forgetting true reason for this kkkapitalist rejoicing day.
It is so Beloved Leader Obama can encourage people to work for free and fat children to join them. This is way to indoctrinate encourage people to giveblood money selflessly to government. This people only give six months income to government today. We must forcemove them to give ALL income to beloved government.

Brees, Polamalu and Ware star in PSA filmed at White House
President Barack Obama will join Saints quarterback Drew Brees, Steelers safety Troy Polamalu and Cowboys linebacker DeMarcus Ware in a special public service announcement debuting during each of the three NFL games played on Thanksgiving. The 90-second PSA is a joint effort of the NFL's PLAY 60 campaign, a leaguewide effort to fight childhood obesity by getting kids active for 60 minutes a day, and United We Serve, the President's initiative encouraging all Americans to participate in community service. The spot will continue airing throughout the rest of the season in a shorter format.
 

and praise Barry for blessing us with these beets.

ACORN akbar, Amen.
 

Comrad Bubalasky,

That video was totally unacceptable to the Parties standard!
What do you think we are here on the Peoples Cube?
Village idiots or scammers?

 

 

Comrad Bubalasky

Commissar Pupovich wrote

Quote:

Sorry Comrade, that treasonous, hate filled video was not in my dorm room. For you see, while I bleed Tiger Purple and Gold when not working for Hillary, I did not attend glorious LSU.

My sincere apologies Komrade. My sources have corrected their error and will be spending Thanksgiving shoveling pig manure in Arkansas. We have found the real perpetrator of said video. You guessed it, Bushitler.



Damn that Bushitler, that Texas Chili causing global warming ...

The next time when one says "who farted" we can blame Bush.
 

Community Organizer, Barack Obama, will almost certainly blow a gasket when he see's this!

Barack's policy decisions remind me of the stereotypical bureaucrat who cannot function unless he can "find it in the manual." Need I say more? I don't think so, but this I will say: Barack's economic policies should be labeled like a pack of cigarettes. I'm thinking of something along the lines of, "Warning:It has been determined that Barack's policies are intended to spoon-feed us Marxist pabulum." With that said, it seems Barack Obama is incapable of rational thought about the real world. That is why, come what may, we must call people to their highest and best, and not accommodate them at their lowest and least.





Obama partakes of the luster of intellectual life while adding neither rays nor radiance to its glitter and charm. Some people have spoken of Barry's bait-and-switch tactics which are based on biased statistics and faulty logic, which, in turn, invalidate the conclusions he draws from them. I can confirm that statement and I might add that Barack's foot soldiers are tools. Like a hammer or a sickle, they are not inherently evil or destructive. The evil is in the force that manipulates them and joins them for destructive purposes. That evil is Barack Obama, who wants nothing less than to borrow money and spend it on programs that take advantage of human fallibility to make our lives a living hell as he debauches the currency of America.


Allow me to explain. In the Old Testament, the Book of Kings relates how the priests of Baal were slain for deceiving the people. I'm not suggesting that there be any contemporary parallel involving Obama, but he accuses the people of this great nation of being deceived. He cannot endure the world of reality and must take refuge in his “fair world” socialist fantasies. All right, I'll admit that I have a sharp tongue and sometimes write with a bit of a poison pen, but the fact remains that if you're interested in the finagling, double-dealing, chicanery, cheating, cajolery, cunning, corruption, and abject villainy by which Barack may bow down before and glorify suppressive, murderous governments as the ideologically correct alternative to all other possibilities, then you just may be drain cleaner in your children's milk.


In conclusion, Barack Obama's myopic snow jobs have a demoralizing effect on the American society and should be considered as human-rights violations.

Quote:

When a government (USA) supports another government in the suppression of its citizenries rights, murder; extermination; torture; rape and political, racial, or religious persecution and other inhumane acts, the threshold of crimes against humanity, as part of a widespread or systematic practice, has been reached. Isolated inhumane acts of this nature may constitute grave infringements of human rights, or depending on the circumstances, war crimes.
 

Oh my, a tear! No, two! That was berka beautiful....
 

Comrad Bubalasky

This is how it will actually happen...We must stop this mad man!!

I always knew George Bush was DA BOMB! (heh, thought I'd just throw that in there).

And now for a violent interlude:


 

Groupthink

Smash capitalism and deliver us, Dear One, to our deserved socialist paradise.May your blessing rest on my Form 1040, dear Lord, and may my taxes well serve you and my fellow citizens! Amen.

V: Gubernatio in Adjutorium Meum Intende
R: MagFrater ad adjuvandum me festina



V: A reading from the 69th Book of the Church of the Holy Gore;
R: Gorey to you, O Climate Board. (here all make the sign of the imminent meteor strike on their head, thorax, and genitals)

1. Save me, O Gore; for the waters are come in unto my porch.
2. I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.
3. I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my deliverance.
4. Theythat hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of mine head: theythat would hack into my computer in East Anglia destroy me, being mine enemies wrongfully, are mighty: thenI restored to my data that which I took not away.
5. O Gore, thou knowest my foolishness; and my sins are not hid from thee.
6. Letnot them that wait on thee, O Lord Gore of toast, be ashamed for Pachaurie'ssake: let not those that seek thee be confounded for my sake, O Gore of Tennessee.
7. Because for the polar bears' sake I have borne reproach; shame hath covered my face.
8. I am become a stranger unto my scientific brethren, and an alien unto their mother.
9. For the zeal of the Ross Ice Shelf hath eaten me up; and the reproaches of them that reproached global climate change are fallen upon me.
10. They that sit in their pajamas speak against me; and I was the song of the drunkards.
11. Butas for me, my prayer is unto thee, O Gore, in an acceptable time: OGore, in the multitude of thy beneficent hairpiece hear me, in the truth of thy prolific salivation.
12. Deliver me out of the media mire, and let me not sink beneath the blogosphere; let me be delivered from them that hate me, and out of the inevitable deep waters.
13. Let not the waterflood overflow me, neither let the deep swallow me up, and let not the polar caps melt, nor the lichen to wither; let not the spotted tern turn against us, nor the elk to despise us; let not the tundra run amok amongst us, nor the ineffable signs of the quintenary whatnot perambulate occipitally upon me.
14. Hear me, O Gore; for thy lovingkindness is well-documented: turn unto me according to the multitude of thy tender places.
15. Let their table of figures become a snare before them: and that which should have been for their welfare state, let it become a trap.
16. Let their eyes be darkened and bedazzled by another Spielberg film or Michael Moore documentary, that they see not; and make their loins unavailable to hot women who vote Democrat.
17. Let their habitation and their government housing projects be desolate; and let all dwell in tents.
18. This also shall please the Gore better than an ox or bullock or roe or chital or horax or chevratain or antelope or amphitragulus or barbouromeryx or any other critter that hath horns and hoofs.
19. Let the heavens and earth praise him, the seas, prairies, grasslands, savannahs, rain forests, and every thing that moveth therein.
20. For Gore will save the environs...

The word of the Board.
Thanks be to Gore.


 

Rex, I can hardly see for the tears that your paean to the Holy Gore have brought to my eyes. The simple grace of it. It was so good that I instantly put on some Gregorian chants as background music to read it again.

And lo! The Holy Gore has created unto himself a miracle! The monks' singing was suddenly altered. "in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti" became "In nomine cavi pygae Gore."

If he does this once more, he is available for beatification.
 

Ita vero. Gore sanctissimus asinus est; veritas a posteriori venit; ergo levavi oculos meos in montes unde veniet auxilium meum .
 

Rex! It is very politically incorrect to call someone asinus. What does that say about special education? And don't cast your eyes to the mountains for aid--the Holy Gore will rescue you with the Bio-Solar I (indicating it's only the first--get that).

Please know that the Holy Gore is not stupid. He's deceitful, entitled, hypocritical, smarmy, dishonest, with a flat-line personality. With all of that, he doesn't have the time to be stupid.

Three sessions at Jiffi-Lobo for you!
 

Do I get the room at Jiffi-lobo overlooking the sewer drain? Cool.
 

Rex, such is your culpability that you will require enough treatments that the visuals just won't be important. Although since you are elevated in the party you may if you want have the room overlooking the sewer drain.

But, again, since you're a most-equal Mad Prog, let me offer you a special treatment. You can have the special ministrations my favorite Jiffi-Lobo technician, Dr. Mengele, and I'll let you have the Speakerette Room: you will be surrounded by pictures of our dear Speaker of the House, the Honorable Nanski Peloski. When your treatment is finished you'll wake up, unfortunately pissing your pants, under the benign and smiling, super-botoxed gaze of Nanski.

You will instantly forget the sewer drain.
 

No. Please, please, please, essence of gelfling...
 

This is what Nanski looks like without her makeup. The next Oscars will have a special award--Best Makeup in a Horror Movie--and the people who turn Nanski out every day are a shoo-in.

It is lookist to insist that Nanski conform to conventional standards of femininity and beauty. Nanski has her own subtle beauty. She is proof that ugly goes right to the bone, and what's wrong with that? Nothing, I tell you, nothing.

What if Nanski looked like Sarah Palin? Would we love her so? No, I don't think so.

Nanski is the only Mad Prog who has even come to the Rancho that Bruno didn't want to do a makeover on.

"Theocritus, there's just nothing to be done with that withered old gash," he said.

"Bruno," I riposted, "you're not often right but when you are, you are, and today is my day for tautological banality. Nanski is perfect in and of herself. A sand gator could learn from her rapacity. Mao could learn from indifference. And pancreatic cancer could learn from her greed."
 

Praise the holy State! It warms my heart to hear that good ole Manifesto-thumping religion again. In honor of Thanksgiving for our Marxist National Government, I've composed a new prayer for the holy Inner Party and Marxist State.

Our infallible State who art on earth; hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come,
thy will be done, nowhere else but on earth. Give us (the proletariat class and the ruling Marxist class) this day the daily bread of the middle class, and forgive us our trespasses against the State, as we will not forgive those (middle class owners of property) who trespass against the State; and lead us not into temptation against the Inner Party or the holy State, but deliver us from evil (human liberty and the creative pursuit of happiness - private property). For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen
 

Comrade Doktor Theocritus

"Bruno," I riposted, "you're not often right but when you are, you are, and today is my day for tautological banality. Nanski is perfect in and of herself. A sand gator could learn from her rapacity. Mao could learn from indifference. And pancreatic cancer could learn from her greed."


Perhaps all she needs is a little exfoliation? Did Bruno try the belt sander that has the 18V DC motor?
 

He tried that, Zampolit, he tried that. Finally the exfoliation was carried out by a tree chipper driven by a 600-HP Cat diesel.

But it's hard working with Nanski, you know. Some of our best brains have tried.
 

Time for a progressive prayer 2010.

It seems that God has heard our prayers from the previous years and He fell in love with the world so much that He gave us His one and only doppelgänger.


 

The Progressive Prayer for 2010:

O Holy Spirit of Social Justice, we Thy humble servants confess that we have failed Thee, but in fairness, it wasn't our fault. We did as we saw fit to promote the destruction of the family, the economy, and the evil companies that think "profit" is a meet and fit motive to labor. We seized control of industries in Thy name and mandated that all shall come beneath the benevolent wing of The Government to have decided for them how they shall be healed. We bowed before tyrants and kings and bloody-handed dictators to show a proper humility for the sins of our fathers, misguided fools who promoted values and concepts like freedom and liberty, concepts we know to be abhorent in Thy sight.

We tried to guide the sheep over which You gave us dominion, using sexual slurs and charges of Fascism, Racism, and Ignorance as our reasoned arguements, but their hearts were hardened and they turned their faces away from The Glorious World of Next Tuesday. They actually had the gall to accuse us of violating the Constitution, as if the oaths we swore to protect and defend that outdated Eurocentric document were to be taken as anything other than mere adherence to protocol. Their lies led others astray into rejecting the dictates of their obvious betters and into voting against their class interests, despite our repeated efforts to educate them in the proper hatred of anyone who had more wealth than they did (except of course, for us, the annointed political class, for whom profits and kickbacks are but the just compensation for our ceaseless efforts).

Thus, it is not our fault that the election (a practice we will have to do something about) cast us down from our exalted position, but rather the fault of the Tea Baggers and Bitter Clingers and other minions of evil who rebelled against our benevolent despotism.

We now call upon You, and upon Marx, Lenin, Mao and Alinsky, and upon all the communist communion of saints to guide and strengthen us as we walk in the political wilderness. Strengthen our resolve to destroy individual responsibility, individual rights, and bring about a pure redistribution of wealth to ourselves and our union supporters. Bless our efforts to castrate the nation economically during this lame duck session, and may the damage we cause prove catastrophic. Give us our revenge against the short-sighted voters who have cast us out of power, and give us Hope for a return to that power and glory so that we may truly punish this nation for the sin of failing to appreciate our wisdom. Remind us always that ninety years of continuous failure means nothing, and that our ideology is the only truth and light and hope for mankind.
 

Comrades,

Barry is so religious, he cannot pass a mirror without breaking into a chorus of "How great I art".
 

It leadeth me beside Maxine Waters
It restoreth my goals.
It leadeth me in the paths of sanctimoniousness
For its name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valleys of the shadow of WalMart
I fear only those evils approved by the collective
For the state is in me
Its probes and cavity searches comfort me.
Surely free housing and healthcare shall follow me
All the days of my state-sponsored life
And I shall dwell in the house and the senate through a Democratic majority
Forever.
 

Comrades,

Was not this "prayer" stolen form Teddy Kennedy's Wholly Roman Prayer Book?It is far better to tax and take, there is no future in giving.
 

It Is So Enervating To Me
That My Kamerads In The New World Order
Are So Dismissive Of Bushitler.
And Yet They Recognize The Insane Rightward Drift Of Our Dear Leader.
Can He Be Trusted To Continue The Progressive ReInvention of The Nation Formerly Known As America?

Is This not a Haiku?
 

Rex, I do love your Prog's Prayer. After all, where was this when I was growing up, afflicted by my horribly reactionary parents into being responsible? The State is my shepherd. And my salvation too.

I just heard a man from the American Enterprise Institute, spit spit, who said that the most generous people, in percentage, are the working poor. They may get as much money in salary as people on the government suppurating tit roles for people unemployed by the Bu$hitler, but they give money to other people out of purely charitable impulses.

Whereas the people who describe themselves as secular humanists give the least.

As it should be. If people are allowed to choose whom to give to, that is an unnecessary, and dangerous, amount of freedom. Charity should be outlawed. All money must be collected by the State and distributed by the State.

And tomorrow is my court date to have my middle name changed from Austin to State.
 

And in this year of B.O. 2 (Beginning Obama) let us also give thanks to Blessed Barack, and the Precious Progressives that martyred themselves on November 2, 2, in order to progress His progressive agenda. Let us also give thanks to Our Omnipotent Obama for the upcoming 1/1/3 tax increases which we so look forward to. Thank you Dear Leader and please bestow life on the un-blessed bourgeois only until that glorious day of 1/1 when the glorious Death Tax returneth.

Amen Akbar Obama
 

Si, Comrade Rex, I too enjoyed your Prog's Prayer! It should be embroidered as a sampler for all proles for the Winter Solstice Celebration, next month. Now where to send the appropriate orders to? Does the People's Collective have a milliner?

And my dear Theo,....charity is out-lawed, as of January 2011. Why, to save the People's money, the USSA Post Office won't even hold a "can drive" this year! Not that the People's Commissary does not feed the proles properly nourishing food. This is utter nonsense!

I proclaim this as Uber-Commissar of FoodService: THERE IS NO HUNGER IN THE USSA!!!!

BTW Why do you have a "middle name" like Austin, anyways? I, heartily concur with you that a change is most necessary, and appropriate! See you for an incredible dinner at the Politiburo on....errr.....what's it called again??.......Turkey Day? Or perhaps a cocktail of two at the People's Pub? I heard a rumor that Lord Soros is stopping by. Don't worry, Michael Moore won't be, after the last wild party, LOL


 

Comrade Theocritus - Your Revolutionary Zeal is to be applauded.

If history and economics prove anything, it is that the state is the True Owner of all wealth. Taxes are merely the rightful return of wealth to its True Owner from grateful subjects citizens.

And by the way: Private "charity" is simply a ploy by crafty counter-revolutionaries to cheat the state People Peoples Leadership of their rightful due.
 

oh my oh my, I went through a box of Kleenex reading that lovely delight. What would we do and where would we be, without our bloated government? Government is like god, is it not. Taking what needs to be taken and giving to whom it sees fit.
Thank Obama for Obama.


 

Why only yesterday, my Party-approved mate said, "The TSA is just a means for the Demoncrats to punish us for voting them out, (and what better way to tell you to shove something up your teabagging butts!) and wait until the Lame Duck session starts. It will take two years for the Republicans and Tea Party newbies to straighten out the mess the Dems have made" I give thanks that we took back the House, at least, but it's going to take longer than two years to fix the mess the USSA is in.
 

Thank Obama for Obama indeed!






 

Having a can drive for the post office is a good thing. I wish all of them could be canned!
 

 

Red Square

 

A.Rex,
The answer is one of two things:

1. Everyone in history is somehow a victim of the evil George Bush.
or
2. People are inherently messed up, but that's the last thing they would ever admit.
 

Comrade Krasnodar,

By locating all the predetermined behavior directors [genes], everybody is officially a victim!
Whether genes are controlled by George Bush is not the point, he or his family have been responsible for every great calamity in the US since the sinking of the Maine in Havana Harbor.
Time did not allow for further research.
 

To: Comrade Tooorisky
cc: Commissar of Time

Tooorisky -

Apparently time did not allow for FUTURE research as well, for I'm sure you would have detected a host of horrific crimes committed by the Bush clan in the future, if only you would find time to use our time machine that's been sitting unused in the basement of Karl Marx Treatment Center ever since I ran away from the future to warn my American comrades of what's coming!
 

Exalted Comrade Square,

When advised of the availability of this machine, I began to peck my way around the barnyard.
You may have seen chickens do this, I will wait to see how everything unfolds.


Thank you for your most generous offer! Deal me out of that hand.
 

Comrade T.....I performed that additional scientific research. Some guy on Twitter was talking about doing a computer simulation concerning the New Madrid earthquakes of 1811-1812. He said that he was fairly certain they would prove to be yet another one of " W's " manifestations of evil. Now that's as scientific as you can get......with the possible exception of global warming ....... climate change ..........climate disruption conclusions by the U.N.
 

Comrade Krasnodar,

That is exceptional information. It could be related to the first earthquake energy equipment,
know as the Bush-Anderson seismograph and everyone knows the Bush-Richter scale.

The deeper you dig the more sheet you find.
 

All of the above and the prayer inspired me. I'm off to occupy Thanksgiving. (Someone pass the Turkey leg and mashed taters please)
 

Che, my mother's maiden name was Austin. Which is of course, and here I buff my fingernails on my velvet vest--red of course--Augustus, after a passage through he bowels of French.

There is no limit to what can be occupied: Wall Street, and the STD clinics! Go to Pahrump, NV, and occupy the whorehouses. Better yet, go to Washington and occupy the whorehouse on Capitol Hill.
 

Thanksgiving: A holiday that commemorates some long ago event in which greedy white anti-government Christofascists decided they wanted to fend for themselves, go it alone, be rugged individuals and all that other crapitalist tradcrap. “We don’t want government telling us what to do!” they said. So they invaded America, stole a bunch of food and other stuff from the Indians, and then asked the Indians to sit down with them to share that stuff, and be thankful to some mythical being for all that was stolen from them. Then they went on to build a wealthy colony on the backs of the poor Indians, who back in those days didn’t even have a government to look out for them and protect them from greedy Colonial fatcat interests.

Thanks for what? Where was the Giving? Seems to me the Pilgrims did nothing but take—just like today’s greedy, wealthy Wall Street fatcats. And somehow, saying “Thanks,” is supposed to make their thievery all right.

Comrades, the Pilgrims’ system didn’t work then, and we need only look around us to see that it still doesn’t work now.

Be thankful for what? My student loan that I’m expected to pay back with my own money? How the hell am I supposed to do that when there aren’t even any jobs out there for someone with a degree in Elizabethan fashion analysis?

Be thankful for the leaky tarp I had to buy out of my own allowance, when Sears has a whole line of luxurious multi-room tents that they ought to donate to me and my fellow Occupiers?

Be thankful for the huge carbon footprint that’s going to severely damage the planet this weekend, as millions of people travel hither, thither and yon just to eat with others of the same DNA? How non-inclusive is that?

Be thankful for a so-called celebration that only encourages people to gorge themselves on unhealthy food, thus contributing to America’s Obesity Crisis, which in turn drives up health care costs that put more money in the pockets of insurance companies?

Be thankful for a celebration that generates obscenely huge profits for corporations that produce turkeys, stuffing, pumpkin pies, etc? Instead of giving those profits back to us, they keep them for themselves—AFTER making us pay for their products!

Comrades, do you see what I see? You need only go back over the last five paragraphs. How do they all start? With Being THANKFUL when there’s nothing for which to be thankful—and why? Because with Thanksgiving, there’s clearly too much Thanks and not enough Giving! In fact, there’s no Giving at all!

Therefore, I mean to raise awareness of the need for more Giving!

What kind of Giving, you ask? Well, how about Giving the following:

GIVE ME the same bailout given to the banks and automobile manufacturers for my student loan. At the same time, I also want a bailout on the loans for my car, my house, and all my credit cards.

GIVE ME a job in Elizabethan fashion analysis! Tell Congress to pass Obama’s jobs bill now, so the government can create that job and put more Elizabethan fashion analysts to work!

GIVE ME a nice tent with separate rooms for eating, sleeping, living, and a reception area, along with central heat/air. I’d also like it fully furnished to include a Sleep Number mattress.

GIVE ME airline vouchers so I don’t have to damage the planet traveling anywhere this weekend. Give me vouchers that I can transfer or exchange for cash. Those of us who care enough about the planet to stay put this holiday deserve a reward for our generous sacrifice.

GIVE ME a free Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings, so I can send a message to all those fat cat corporations that produce the food that they will NOT make obscene profits on MY back (or off my stomach)!

But will I still gorge myself and possibly contribute to America’s Obesity Crisis, thus driving up health care costs that put money in the pockets of insurance companies? As long as it's free, of course I will. And that’s okay because I care.
 

Happy Comrade Thanksgiving
 

A beautifully written peice, comrade, but prayer and "God" are outmoded concepts!
 

ThePeople’sPolitsayski:

Right church, wrong pew (if you’ll pardon the expression). It’s the notion of an invisible, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and omnivorous god who dwells far away from our planet that is outmoded—the so-called Judeo-Christian God who’s nothing but a fabricated front for a bunch of old white guys who hide behind their God (when they’re not clinging to him and their guns) by using Him to dictate to the rest of us how we should live! They want to control every aspect of our lives, and threaten us with some imaginary, miserable, blazing hot place if we don’t march in lockstep with their jackbooted thuggery like the sheep they expect us to be (don’t ask me how I know this, but that Bible of theirs contains a lot of metaphorical references to people as “sheep” which should tell you something), and obey their every command.

Yes, Politsayski, that God and that idea of prayer is indeed outmoded, grounded in nothing more than superstition and reliance on the profound, pervasive stupidity of the masses.

Besides, when has that God ever answered any “prayers”? For example, We the People have been wanting free health care for years. Has praying to the Judeo-Christian God given it to us? How about a free mortgage, and free gas? Has their God ever given us that? Has their God ever been able to make the wealthy pay their fair share? Have we ever stood in line for hours, perhaps days, to get our fair share of free God money from God that He gets from—oh, I don’t know—from God’s secret stash?

The answer to all of these questions is a resounding NO!

Ah, but Obama! Thanks to HIM, we don’t even have to get on our knees and meekly request these things as if we don’t deserve them. No, with Obama we can stand up and loudly demand what we want—and not just because we deserve to get what we want, but because we’re ENTITLED to it!

We the People DEMANDED free health care! And Obama heard our screaming and yelling, and lo, he bestowed upon us free health care. And so on with the mortgage and the gas and the free Obama money that comes from Obama and that he gets from I don’t know, maybe his secret stash.

Follow Obama! Join his Government, through which all things are not only possible, but given to us for free—and we don’t even have to do “good works” and behave ourselves to get it.

Are you In? Have you taken a picture of yourself holding a sign stating that you’re In, and sent it to Obama For America so everyone will know that you’re In?

Because if you’re not In, then you’re Out. And if you’re Out, there’s only one possible fate for those stupid enough to hand power back to the Republicans.

The Republicans will destroy this planet with Global Warming—and those who follow them will be forever damned by ending up in a miserable, blazing hot place.
 

Shovel-wielding Pinkie

Because with Thanksgiving, there’s clearly too much Thanks and not enough Giving! In fact, there’s no Giving at all! Rem acu tegisisti, as Jeeves said. You have touched it with a sharp stick.

It's really the yin and the yang of it, isn't it, dear Comrade? After all, being progs we cannot be thankful because it would suppress our sense of entitlement. I personally think that the doctrine of self-esteem is the most useful of our prog inventions--when you get right down to it, it means that thanks are never necessary. Everything is owed. Sum ergo debeor. I exist therefore I am owed. Hear any word of thanks in that? I didn't think so.

And so there's no reason not to expect the giving. Which we can accept with, as proven above, with no thanks at all but as our inalienable right.
 

Theocritus, you're the one who wields the sharp stick upon which you impale all enemies of Truth and Hope and Change and Progressiveness! I touch with a shovel.

Yes, being a prog means never having to say thank you. Thanks for what, when there is so much more we haven't been given?
 

Ah yes, why be thankful when we haven't been given all?

I personally am feeling resentful that I don't actually know what, when I am given it, will make me happy. Isn't that repression? I have a Stalin-given right to know what will make me happy, so I can steal it.

What's the world coming to when I don't know what to steal? Or accuse? Or contemn? Or damn?

I am twisting on the spit of my own creature comforts here at the Rancho and no one will help me!

Help! I'm comfortable and I can't bitch up!
 

Father Prog Theocritus

Ah yes, why be thankful when we haven't been given all?

I personally am feeling resentful that I don't actually know what, when I am given it, will make me happy. Isn't that repression? I have a Stalin-given right to know what will make me happy, so I can steal it.

What's the world coming to when I don't know what to steal? Or accuse? Or contemn? Or damn?

I am twisting on the spit of my own creature comforts here at the Rancho and no one will help me!

Help! I'm comfortable and I can't bitch up!

Hang in there and do the best you can. It's hard I know but consider: All effort for the Dumb Ass Dear Leader the "TOTUS er POTUS is effort for the betterment of the masses.
No goal is achieved without sacrifice by the devoted. Look now to the sacrifice of the Deputy Bwaney Franks who threw himself on his sword and decided to retire so as not to have to actually run be a hindrance in any way to his God "The Muslim" Barry the magnificent.