As seen in Pajamas Media
The two women who showed up early for my book signing at a small bookstore in Houston, TX, never even bothered to open my book. Wearing knowing smiles, they engaged me in a bizarre discussion that wound up leaping all around the known and unknown universe. They hadn't the slightest curiosity about my ideas as an ex-Soviet immigrant in America, or what I had to say about my experience working inside the two ideologically opposed systems. As it turned out, they had spotted my flyer in the store window the day before, and the book's title - Shakedown Socialism
- had enraged them so much that they decided to return the following day and give me a piece of their collective mind.
Their act almost made me feel as if I were back in the USSR, where the harassment of people with my opinions was the norm. The shorter, pudgier woman was the soloist bully, while her skinnier, older comrade provided backup vocals and noise effects. The duo's repertoire was an eclectic collection of unoriginal talking points, each branded with an almost legible label: NPR, Air America, MSNBC, and so on. Not only were those mental fragments mismatched in key and rhythm; the very existence of harmony seemed an unfamiliar concept to them. But compared to the hard-core screaming I used to hear from card-carrying Soviet bullies, this was almost elevator music. If I had survived the original cast, I could certainly handle a watered-down remake.
Framed on their terms, the debate zigzagged from the evils of unbridled capitalism to global warming to Bush's wars for oil to Sarah Palin's stupidity. Since my opponents wouldn't give me a chance to respond, I soon became bored and tried to entertain myself by redirecting the flow of mental detritus against itself in a way that would cause its own annihilation. I did that by asking questions.
I remembered an old trick invented in the fifth century B.C. by Socrates. Instead of telling people what he thought was true, Socrates asked seemingly simple questions that put his opponents on the path of finding the truth for themselves. Seeking genuine knowledge rather than mere victory in an argument, Socrates used his questions to cross-examine the hypotheses, assumptions, and axioms that subconsciously shaped the opinions of his opponents, drawing out the contradictions and inconsistencies they relied on.
As the two women faced my questions, their knowing smiles turned to scowls. Sometimes they would backtrack and correct their previous statements; sometimes, they would angrily storm out of the room in the manner of Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg on The View with Bill O'Reilly. After a while they would return with more talking points, and then they had to answer another logical question. My friends who witnessed the scene told me later they saw the shorter bully beginning to foam at the mouth.
Some heads contain an enormous number of facts that never bind with one another to form a fertile soil from which original ideas will grow. Each piece of information exists independently from the others, all of them continuously shifting and rolling around like grains of sand, forming ephemeral dunes in the lifeless deserts of their minds.
The "open-minded" owners of such heads like to open their minds in the company of peers and admire each other's fanciful sandy mindscapes. Every new whiff of wind or shaking of the head tosses the sand in more quirky patterns, forming new whimsical outlines. As previously covered facts are exposed and facts once exposed are concealed, a semblance of new ideas will emerge without any true change in content.
A similar effect is achieved when the content of such minds is raked by "intellectual" authors, filmmakers, and politicians - a practice they immensely enjoy, calling it a "spiritual" experience. They think of themselves as "intellectuals" while denying this title to anyone with a consistent, original mind. To have structured values is an unpardonable faux pas in their circles. Those who challenge them get sand thrown in their eyes - the punishment I was being subjected to at the Houston bookstore.
In return, I reminded my opponents about the existence of the scientific method of discovery - a logical device that had made Western civilization so successful in the past, but had now been abandoned by "progressive" thinkers. The resulting cognitive dissonance made them disoriented. In due course, they panicked and walked out, never to come back.
A few weeks later I told this story to Maggie Roddin, a radio talk show host in Philadelphia. Maggie asked me to recall some of the questions, but I could only remember a few. She insisted that I write them down to share with her audience. As I did so, more questions began to pop up. Some were new, while others I had been asking for years while trying to make sense of my American experience. The resulting list may not exactly fit the definition of Socratic questioning. But in my defense, even Socrates couldn't possibly envision the scale of absurdity a political argument could reach in the 21st century.
Dear Americans, these are some questions I have collected in 16 years of living in your country. Please see if you can answer them for me:
- If all cultures are equal, why doesn't UNESCO organize International Cannibalism Week festivals?
- Why do those demanding "equal pay for equal work" never protest against "equal pay for little or no work"?
- Why has no politician ever run on men's issues or promised to improve the lives of males?
- If all beliefs are equally valid, how come my belief in the absurdity of this maxim gets rejected by its proponents?
- Ever noticed that for the past thirty years, we've been hearing we have less than ten years to save the planet?
- Once a politician labels the truth as hate speech, can anyone trust him to speak the truth afterward?
- If a politician gets elected by the poor on a promise to eliminate poverty, wouldn't fulfilling his promise destroy his voting base? Wouldn't he rather benefit from the growing numbers of poor people? Isn't this an obvious conflict of interests?
- How did the "war on poverty" end? Has there been a peace treaty or a ceasefire? Who is the occupying force and who are the insurgents?
- Why weren't there demonstrations with anti-feudal slogans under feudal rule? And under Stalin, no anti-communist demonstrations? And under Hitler, no anti-fascist demonstrations? In a free capitalist society, anti-capitalist demonstrations are commonplace. Is capitalism really the worst system?
- If capitalism makes some people rich without making others poor, who will benefit when capitalism is destroyed?
- If the poor in America have things that people in other countries can only dream about, why is there a movement to make America more like those other countries?
- Why, on the rare occasions when Obama's actions benefit America, does his base get angry? And every time his actions are hurting this nation, his base is happy? Who exactly are these people?
- If cutting out the middleman lowers the price, why are we paying the government to stand between us and the markets?
- If racial profiling is an abomination, what do you make of the last presidential election?
- After Eric Holder called Americans a nation of cowards, what has he done personally to help the situation?
- If diversity training benefits everyone, why do those classes mostly consist of white heterosexual males?
- Why is a huge poisonous cloud over a volcano considered magnificent - but a smokestack over an American factory is ugly and harmful?
- How many Kyoto Protocols are rendered pointless by one medium-sized volcanic eruption?
- Why is burning gas in my car hurting the planet, but setting fire to housing developments in California is saving it?
- Why does Hollywood glamorize drug addicts, criminals, liberal Democrats, and mentally challenged people? What do they all have in common?
- How come Hollywood can always find a good side in thugs, but never in businesspeople? What was the last movie that pictured a self-reliant, industrious man as a role model?
- If it's capitalist greed that forces Hollywood to exploit the lowest human instincts, why didn't the same greed force Hollywood to exploit America's patriotism and make war movies showing the U.S. presence in Iraq and Afghanistan as a force for good? Wouldn't one such film bring more green cash than all the anti-American flops in the recent years? Where was Hollywood's capitalist greed then?
- How come those calling Sarah Palin a "bimbo" often look like part of Paris Hilton's entourage?
- If there are no absolutes and family is an antiquated tool of bourgeois oppression, why is having gay marriage an absolute must?
- Would you know from the media coverage that there are more sex offenders among public school teachers then among Catholic priests? How come the church gets the blame and the Department of Education doesn't?
- Why is the media so outspoken about sex abusers being priests, but avoids calling them homosexual pedophiles? Who are they afraid to offend?
- Why do those who decry modern civilization never live far from shopping centers and why don't they grind their coffee with a stone ax?
- If we are called a "consumer society" because we consume, why aren't we also called an "excreter society" because we excrete? For that matter we also sleep, dream, talk, think, invent, play music, raise children, feel pain, get sick and die. Many of us work for a living. Why aren't we called a "producer society" because we produce the things we consume? Who puts these labels on us and for what purpose?
- How come the unselfish Americans hate their country out of personal frustrations, while the selfish ones defend America with their lives?
- If describing terrorists as freedom fighters is justified by the journalistic principle of neutrality, what is the name of the principle that justifies describing U.S. troops as rapists and murderers?
- When the media portrays the killing of terrorists as "slaughter of civilians," while slaughter of civilians is portrayed as "resistance to occupation," is the media really being neutral? Whose side are they really on?
- If Hollywood types are so opposed to capitalism, why is there a warning against unauthorized distribution of their movies?
- Why is experimenting on animals cruel, but experimenting on human embryos compassionate?
- How come industrial logging is a crime against nature, but the destruction of forests by wildfires is a natural cycle of life?
- Why do those who object to tampering with the environment approve of tampering with the economy? Isn't the economy also a fragile ecosystem where a sudden change can trigger a devastating chain reaction?
- Isn't the latest economic crisis such a chain reaction?
- Aren't most of today's social ills the result of tampering with social ecosystems?
- Why is bioengineering bad, but social engineering good?
- If Al Gore is right and our consumption of the planet's resources is a moral issue, doesn't that make genocide an ethical solution? How about an artificial famine? What would Al Gore choose?
- If being a winner in nature's struggle for survival is selfish, does being extinct make you an altruist?
- Since our planet's resources are limited, wouldn't the ultimate act of environmental activism be to stop eating and starve to death?
- How come those who hate humanity for its faults are called "humanists" but those who love humanity for its virtues are called "hate-mongers"?
- If economic ups and downs are natural cycles, why is the downturn always blamed on unbridled capitalism, but the upturn is the result of a wise leadership of a Democrat president?
- Why is there never a media story praising capitalism for the booming economy?
- Ever noticed that those who demand "power to the people" also believe that people can't do anything right without government supervision?
- How exactly does dependency on the government increase "people power"?
- Why is there never a headline that says "Government program ends as its intended goal has been achieved"?
- How come so many anti-American radicals are wearing American brands, listen to American music, watch American movies, and play American video games on computers designed by American engineers?
- Why do advocates for higher taxes have accountants advising them how they can pay smaller taxes? Wouldn't you expect them instead to seek advice on how to give away more of their income to the IRS? Or at least not to hire accountants at all?
- Can you name one person who paid the IRS more than he owed because he trusted the government to put his money to good use?
- Did it occur to any of the 9/11 Truthers that a government conspiracy to murder thousands of people would have also included a plan to rub out a few troublemakers?
- If U.S. oil companies own everyone in Washington, how come they allowed Congress to grill them for the alleged price gouging - and to broadcast it on C-Span?
- Why didn't Congress also grill Hugo Chavez, Vladimir Putin, and a guy named Abdullah Ibn Abdul Aziz Bin Abdulrahman Bin Faisal Bin Turki Bin Abdullah Bin Muhammad al Saud?
- Why are windfall profits a problem when they enrich U.S. companies that pay billions in taxes - but when Hugo Chavez uses the same windfall profits to fund Marxist guerillas in Colombia, it's not a big deal?
- If George W. Bush was an oil-thirsty dictator, why couldn't he in eight years get permission from Congress to drill in ANWR? And why didn't that failure in any way hurt his dictatorial reputation with the media?
- If it's true that the media emphasized bad news and harassed President Bush only because they competed for ratings, what changed now? Aren't they worried that today's emphasis on good news from the White House will destroy their ratings and make journalism irrelevant?
- And finally, if all opinions are equal, how come a liberal who disagrees with a conservative is open-minded, but a conservative who disagrees with a liberal is a bigot?
I hope you will find my questions handy. Feel free to pass them around and propose some of your own in the comments below.
The drawing of Socrates was made by Simon Fraser, Scotland
"had enraged them so much that they decided to return the following day and give me a piece of their collective mind".
Those ladies were very generous in trying to share a commodity which they suffered such an acute shortage of.
Perhaps sharing with them that was not the "piece" you had in mind might have helped.
Comrade Square. I am in deep physical pain. I am in the emerging People's Socialist gulag of Houston and did not know you were here! We could have enjoyed the radioactive bouquet of the tap water together!! That or some fine beet-vodka I keep in my Peoples Collective storage (Party members only).
Please include my email in the collective notification list next time you are through here. That or I will remove my tin foil cap long enough to receive Laika's transmitted messages clearly.
Great Stalin's Ghost
I was talking to a women once, (an obvious refugee from the Summer of Love) who insisted that the United States was a fascist dictatorship. And this was after Obama's election. I tried asking her logical questions but she only answered (very loudly) in non sequiturs and bizarre talking points until I asked her what she read. Marx, Trotsky, and other heavyweight thinkers were on her list.
It's clear that this satirical neo-kulak piece is devastating to the reicht wingers, imagine having every question you would want answered put out for no response....
Hey wait, that sounds like D.C..... BACK TO YOUR SHOVELS!!!!
My Dear Comrade Red Square,
I must do a better job at keeping you informed.
They read my book before showing up at the book store. There is a tried and proven way to resolve this slight impass.... it's been done before. Have a beer, with them, on the White House patio with Comrade Obama presiding. Be sure to chase it with Comrade-Obama's special Kool-Aide.
No need to be concerned about the weather, manmade global warming prevails.
All the best,
Comrade Red Square, I have a brilliant idea for your next book, a book of questions!
Wow, those are great questions to ask, and I would love to hear the answers to them. Wish I was there to watch the disscussion with those women. Would have been funny to watch them get confused and angry. You should post where you are going to have your next Book signings (if you don't already), especually when you come to St. Charles, MO.
I was there, and about all of these women could come up with were progressive Current Truths we have all heard before like: "If we hadn't gone to Iraq, we would have the money for health care." So there was nothing original in their answers. Which proves the axiom that when one is confronted with the inconvenient truth and all you have in your armory is a list of memorized lies, you will soon find yourself frothing at the mouth. I can attest to the one prog's frothing, and her face was beet red, too.
My Dearest, Reddest, Squarest One. This is one of the most brilliant things I've read all year--and that's saying something, forasmuch as the year is practically over. (To think I could've waited till next week to read it and still be able to say the same thing.)
I've also asked many of those questions, but have never gotten a straight answer--and I was born here, which means I've been in this country only a few years longer than you.
What a wonderful exchange of ideas. They share some and you share some and they share a little more and you share some more. Isn't it great when all members of the party are on the same groovy wavelength.
No, seriously, the older I get the more I realize that some people really are insane; and what's worse, they don't even think that they are. Take our man, Socrates, for instance - he confronts a youth of Athens, a Euthyphro of Athens actually, on the steps of the courthouse and after a series of questions discovers that the man has absolutely no idea what he's talking about when it comes to piety. Just like your harpy duo there he too stormed off having "very important things to do".
The next time you find yourself in a contentious discussion over proper collektiv thought with a pair of babushkas, consider handing them each a Peoples' Cube from your well-stocked state store. That should keep them occupied for hours of revolutionary reflection and anti-capitalist contentment.
Opiate of the People
Why are people that are considered greedy corporatists when they are in private business suddenly become selfless altruists when they run for office as Liberal Democrats?
If government-run anything is theoretically superior to private enterprise because of the lack of a need to make a profit, wouldn't any such potential advantage be obviated by the lack of a need to control costs?
If a government-run enterprise has no fear of failure, does it also have no incentive to be successful or efficient?
Why is it that companies making profits by selling goods to people who freely buy them and distributing those profits to shareholders as dividends an example of greed but government unions making demands which taxpayers are forced to fulfill and then distributing those proceeds as benefits to their members an example of benevolence?
How come the loudest voices warning us about excessive consumption and global warming all have to travel around in private jets and limos to do so?
Why is aborting a child seen as a moral act and human right while the execution of a multiple murderer is seen as an immoral act and a violation of human rights?
A concerned comrade asked me this dangerous question:
If the imperialist capitalist nation of Amerikkka is so bad, why are there so many people risking death to escape their oppressive country and immigrate to Amerikkka?
Answer is quite simple concerned comrade: In the glorious DPRK, they are not escaping: We are purging DPRK of undesirable criminals. This will ensure the quick downfall of Amerikkka.
Happy New Year
I only wish you were able to video tape your meeting with the "great minds"
It would have been very entertaining (in a progressive way of course)
I apologize for pasting such a long article into this thread, but hidden in its depths are insights exquisitely applicable to this conversation.
Of course, anyone who reads this will have to report to his nearest gulag for re-education. Anyone who understands it will have to go for immediate End Of Life Counseling.
Question: Why don't liberals have a sense of humor?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!!!
How many feminazis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Uh, I don't know? How Many?
That's not funny, either!!!!!!!!!! (chauvinist slob)
I'M NOT LAUGHING!!!![dinosaur neanderthal]
Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна
(merely contemplating how we can deconstruct The Patriarchy™ before the next election, I think we should start with Shakespeare...)
You must come to the People's Republic of Ann Arbor! Or at least Dearborn-a-stan. Yes, my glorious copy already has your signature, but I would be honored to meet our fearless leader....not only that but there are lots of pudgy women foaming at the mouth to rile up here.
Maybe you and Catherine McKinnon would end up at the flagship Borders at the same time!
I can see it now: "The Red Square Diaries," of all the foaming mouths, and huffing progressives that come up against Red Square throughout the nation.
Great Stalin's Ghost
This morning I found myself behind a pickup truck with this tired old slogan stuck to the tailgate: "My Body, My Choice."
I think it's incomplete, and should read, "My Body, My Choice, Your Money."
If you want the government to stay out of your body, then why should my tax dollars pay for whatever you want to do with it?
As for Zampolit's new girlfriend Ginmar, I'd like to know how one "commits a homophobic act." If I refuse to engage in sexual relations with someone of my own sex, would that constitute a homophobic act? Also, why does this only apply to the Army and not the other services? How about if we throw out anyone who commits an Islamophobic act?
In the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ all 'normal' sex is burgeous homophobic act because (according to The New Wisdom™) comrades are obviously only with a member of opposite sex because of fear they will show their true collective feeling for Commissars/Commissarka's of their own gender!!
As for me, I will continue to live in fear and enjoy any Commissarka who happens to not slap the collective out of me for doing a snatch and grab of her burlap knickers in a fit of well timed homophobia after a little too much beet vodka!
"... if all opinions are equal, how come a liberal who disagrees with a conservative is open-minded, but a conservative who disagrees with a liberal is a bigot?"
Come on Comrade Red Square! Everyone knows that all cultures, opinions, and people are equal, some are just more equal than others.
. In a corollary, thay are just as wise as you, with a different wisdom that is more equal than yours , a=b, 0=1 and my head is beginning to hurt. . Your shifting sand analogy is spot on.
Great Stalin's Ghost
The People's Pancreas
It is like [soon to be outlawed] caffeine for the thinking region.
Glorious Comrade X
If yesterday's shooting in Tucson was caused by hateful vitriol and Right Wing Radio agitators, why were there no such shootings during all the hateful town hall meetings of last year when the tension was truely palpable?
if you believe there is no god or supreme being, what do you consider belief to be.
if you believe in nothing or nothingness, isn't that itself a belief in something
Don't forget Sarah Palin who has even been on TV with firearms. What more proof of the power of suggestion do we need? She has helped to arm the entire state of Alaska where it is ok to carry a concealed weapon without a permit. Such freedom cann be dangerous. No visitation to Alaska without armed bodyguards!
Sister Massively Opiated
Dear Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid,
First, let me answer the first question (it's the only one I know the answer to)... "If all cultures are equal, why doesn't UNESCO organize International Cannibalism Week festivals?"
The reason UNESCO doesn't organize International Cannibalism Week, despite the equality of all cultures and therefore their inherent right to refugee status, is that it would clash with the noble work that UNRWA (the United Nations Reliefs and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East) does. Follow my logic, if you will, please, no matter how Gordian or tortuous the knot I tie myself into...
If all cultures are equal, and if UNRWA is legitimate, then all cultures must therefore be refugee cultures, like that of the beleaguered and permanently refugeed Palestinian culture... or even powerful hegemonic Zionist cultures of victimhood perpetuated by white racist Jewish Holocaust survivors (see Janet Peto's brilliant Master's Thesis on the topic, accepted by the University of Toronto/Ontario Institute for Studies in Education... the author is a white lesbian Jewess and grandchild of Shoah survivors, as well as a member in good standing of Queers Against Israeli Apartheid (QuAIA)*). And if all cultures, no matter how hateful or Zionist, have equally free refugee standing, then under UN regulation, they would all have to have their own separate but equal United Nations Reliefs and Works Agency for *YOUR PERMANENT REFUGEE CULTURE HERE*, rather than be managed by UNHCR (the Office of the UN High Commissioner for Refugees**)
Therefore, UNESCO cannot organize International Cannibalism Week festivals, because UNESCO should logically be superseded by the United Nations Reliefs and Works Agency for Cannibal Refugee Cultures &tc. &tc., and it would fall to them to organize said festivals.
It is, therefore, not the case that there could never be some sort of International Cannabalism Week festivals... only that they must be organized by the appropriate UNRWA for each culture, thereby negating the legitimacy of any UNESCO organized International Cannibalism Week festivals.
I hope I've stated the logic of my argument clearly. If you are at all confused, please see Ms. Peto's inspiring Master's Thesis (links below). It has given me hope that I may file suit with the Kanadistanjian Human Rights Commission against my former Institute for Post Secondary Education, which forced me to hold to an unfairly high academic and scholarly standard of quality when I proposed, researched, completed and defended my own Master's Thesis, which for some unfortunate reason, was required to adhere to much more rigorous benchmarks than Ms. Peto's. I know I should be able to sue somebody.... I just haven't quite figured out who I can get the most money from (money, which will, of course, accrue to The Party™, what with me being a Kommissar and all, since I must always set an example for any proles who should find themselves with money that The Party™ is not aware of them possessing). But we can all thank Ms. Peto for singlehandedly bringing down the standard to which academic theses, Master's or otherwise, must be held, thereby making edukation much more universal. Soon, we will all be equally intelligent, though those of us who were forced to complete our edukations at a time when more rigorous standards were the norm, will probably all have to be re-edukated en masse, should our higher standard of edukation threaten the self-respekt of those who came after us....
In fact, I suspect I should probably just denounce myself now and get it over with, unless our Glorious Leader, Red, would like me to wait until I get my Human Rights Commission-mandated payout on behalf of The Party ™
As for the "Sampling of the Progressive Mind", I suspect it might account for the growing popularity of desktop "Zen Gardens". As you know, I have long dabbled in Zen (usually right before I am carted off for a short stay at the Karl Marx Treatment Centre and Party™ Spa), and as I have emptied my mind of more and more bits of disconnected information, I have been left with more and more sand to rake about. I find it an excellent break from shoveling when the stresses of modern life impinge. I simply unscrew the top of my head, move a bit of sand about with the small bamboo rake that came with my "desktop garden" (there were also some pebbles, but the more I emptied my mind and after several planned famines, I ate the pebbles), and then return the top of my head to its proper place before once again picking up my shovel on behalf of The Party™. For those not familiar with this practice, it also helps to chant while raking, usually something meaningless and rhythmic such as "owha tanas siam, owha tanas siam, owha tanas siam".
Last but not least, and just as a point of order, Abe has once again stolen my "How many radikal feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" joke... or would have, if ownership were allowed. May The Kommissariate of Housekeeeping please short sheet his bed?
As always, you're equally the Boss,
Sister Massively Opiated
Kommissar of Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection and "Limo Service"
(Official Party™ Necro-proxy Preservationista: You Snuff 'Em: We Stuff 'Em)
* For more information on Ms. Peto's Thesis and the subsequent fracas one need only search using her name and a few choice keywords - I suggest "hegemonic" and "Zionism"... or better yet, her title, "The Victimhood of the Powerful: White Jews, Zionism, and the Racism of Hegemonic Holocaust Education
".... a .pdf of this powerful piece of scholarly excreta can be downloaded from this page... just don't eat first if you have more than sand for brains... or you can look at articles such as those in Dawg's Blawg
(clearly a D-Kos wannabe though an insult to actual dogs everywhere... I don't think he's even a real dog, and so I denounce him for specie-ism), or some clearly McCarthyist stylings from less accepting so-called 'balanced media' such as Jonathan Kay at The National Post
, or another such article in The Manitoban
. Or you can just ignore the whole thing cause it all happened in Kanadistan
** For a little insight on the effects of this inequity in managing all other refugee cultures through UNHCR instead of giving them their very own personal UNRWA, see this informative though addlepated right wing article
also from the National Post on the history of UNRWA and the perpetuation of Palestinian refugee status.
Laika the Space Dog
The answer to this question is threefold:
"Why didn't Congress also grill Hugo Chavez, Vladimir Putin, and a guy named Abdullah Ibn Abdul Aziz Bin Abdulrahman Bin Faisal Bin Turki Bin Abdullah Bin Muhammad al Saud?"
1) Meat is Murder™
2) Congress ran out of cannibal BBQ sauce donated by UNRWA.
3) The charcoal lighter fluid was stolen by Bushitler and used as a weapon in his continuing illegal War for Oil™
I am troubled, comrades, by your lack of fervor and devotion to peoples glorious cause.
I am seeink only thinly veiled bourgeois "humor" so-called with reactionary wrong-thinking. We will crush you, you Obama-loving Kapitalists - and we will crush this little squirrel as well. You doubt me, you pathetic shop-owners and stock-speculators? I bang shoe on own head and tell you return to reality of our dialectic struggle: our task is terrible, total, universal, and merciless destruction.
Also please help cause I not so great at komputer stuff - how you make a cool little ikon for next to name like I see in this forums?
Спасибо, Natasha G.
An list of truly excellent questions comrade square.
We must schedule an interview with comrade Obama so that in his benevolence he may display his incomparable Brilliance! with what would be his, no doubt, seamless, unhesitating, and unequivocable extemporaneous answers to all of them.
If I remember all of them, don't think Red Square posted this one:
Question: If the President and the Democrats want to make America more competitive, then why do they apologize to other nations for America's current success? Whose side are they really on?
Good question, KR. Perhaps you will be able to discover the answer when you have been sent to count trees in North Dakota.
Father Prog Theocritus
Father Prog Theocritus
Sister, since we are old comrades-in-arms in the fight against the oppressive Kapitalist Pigge, I think that I have some knowledge of how your mind works.
So when I hear about you taking off the top of your head and raking around a bit of the white sand, I know that you're trying to cut into my Jiffy-Lobo™ market share. You might make the argument that it is more efficient for you to rake the bits of your mind by yourself but that is cutting out the middleman, as as we've seen above, that won't do. Keep the government in between.
Also I believe that you must be licensed to remove your Superheterodyne, Phased-Antenna-Array, Mu-Metal-Shielded Laika-approved Tin Foil Hat. Considering the power of your prog brain, I felt the disturbance in the Marxian field around the Rancho de Rio Grande when you removed the top of your head.
Please do not do it again.
Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна
And another thing.
If we tax cigarettes to discourage people from smoking, and we tax liquor to discourage people from drinking....why do we tax working?
Ummm... To discourage people from working?
Off to Jiffi Lobo.... sorry comrades...
Red Square, thank you for alerting your Comrades of this "Socrates" - a saboteur if there ever was one! We will make sure to notify the Temporal Guardians of the Collective Mind to add him to the list of the eliminated. We can call it "Project Hemlock."
If I recall my party dogma, there are no contradictions, only minds not in unison with the OneState.
I will be on the look out for questions like the following:
Why do Feminists not only refuse to condemn Muslims for mysoginy, but actually hold Cultural Diversity events for Muslims, where they omit any references to the rampant abuse of women in the Muslim World? If one wanted to elevate women, why would she "tolerate" their vicious abuse?
Why do Feminists and Black Studies professors often share the same department, and while the latter can praise African American Artists ™ for their "indigenous" rap music, the former will never publicly condemn the rap artists for their degrading and objectifying portrayals of women? How can one seek to liberate women when she refuses to criticize negative stereotypes in the culture, regardless of the source?
Why do universities host cultural diversity and multicultural exchanges and invite professors from foreign universities, but don't insist that the foreign universities open up for more pluralistic dialogue in their home countries by hosting a pro-American professor? Why must America's generosity always be one-sided?
These are just a few of the questions that came to mind, basically, supposed contradictions in Critical Theory movements. Cheers and I trust you will be mailing me My Fair Share ™ of your book proceeds!
Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна
Why am I anti minority if I believe entitlements trap people into unescapable poverty?
How on earth did the party that cheered the kkk, invented poll taxes, sent blacks to the back of the bus and drew a line in the segregation sand convince people they are the party that has done the most for minorities?
This is easy comrade Царевна, you see the parties switched sides. Sometime in the 60's there was a grand exodus from Democrat to Republican for all the hate-mongers and racists. Don't believe me, just look up the "Southern Strategy". This is why Martin Luther King Jr. was a Republican.
Father Prog Theocritus
Pay no attention to institutionalized racism like affirmative action, welfare, or Planned Parenthood and the plans of Margaret Sanger. These are Rethuglican lies.
D-503, why do you insist on equality or true comparisons? That is utter rubbish, as you know. Let me give you an example. One of the Bush twins had a beer underage, in a respected place, around friends who would have helped her had she had troubles. She was of course a wanton whore, a danger to children, a budding nympho, ecdysiast, procurer and coprophage.
Teddy Kennedy got drink and left a woman to die in his car, of asphyxiation, while he slept off his drunk. He was the lion of the Senate and the conscience of the Democrat Party.
Hmm, Kamerad Red Square, dieser questionen are nicht gut for die Kollektive! Du must retracten diesen questionen! Verstehen?!
Hmm, unlessen diesen questionen are fur die testen die Kollektive fur vorbitten thinken! A ha! Exposen die thoughten kriminals! Und zehr are vielen am diese thread.
Ich will meine eyeballen keepen am diese folk. Die gulagen will schnell gefillen!
Comrade Kim - I started the test but quit in the middle of it because many questions are misleading, combining apples and oranges, and generally drawing the user inside the proggish frame of reference.
That test is meant for stupid proles to convert them to progdom. It wasn't meant for esteemed Party leaders like you and I. That was why your score was so low!
On a different note, here's another question, related to the recent debt ceiling negotiations:
Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна
Why do politicians who say "pay more taxes and let us borrow more money or you will suffer default" are calling those who want you to keep your money "kidnappers and extortionists"?
Wercome back, Comlade Kim!
Great Stalin's Ghost
I took the test. At the end a note came up calling me very conservative. I've never been so insulted in all my life. I'm so progressive, I'm willing to let Matt Damon pay my taxes for me just so he can get an extra shot of self-esteem. I think that test is racist and I'm calling the ACLU to take those test makers to court. Hmmph!