Your website makes absolutely no sense

This came in the mail last night.
===============================================
From: Michael
To: Red Square, Directorate of Pain Management
Sent: Tuesday, October 16, 2007 11:42 PM
Subject: Feedback from the Cube

Your website makes absolutely no sense, you alone discredit all liberals, feminists, environmentalists and everyone else u claim to defend and ally with.

First of all your articles about the Warsaw ghetto are complete lies. The number practice of Jews everywhere is Peace and nonviolence.

Second of all the idea of progressives is to defend minorities and try to obtain equality for all, you completely tarnish that.

Third of all your “truth generator makes no sense. I typed in John Lennon and got cruel socialist claims, none that describe him. This generators makes you sound like immature preteens.

Fourth of all if you completely preach peace then how can have a picture of a Jewish little boy, standing there with his hands up in the air as if he’s being shot at, obviously claiming he’s a Jew and then stating that Jews attacked Germans. Ironically it was the Jewish shops and Synagogues and the Jewish homes that got burned down and the 6 million JEWS that were murdered, if you don’t believe me look at the pictures. It was pretty difficult to manipulate pictures during WWII just so u know, they are accurate.

So I am just politely asking (pardon my French) that you get your face out of your shit smeared ass, and put some facts on your website instead of brain washing  all possibly, intelligent peace loving liberals, into horrifyingly ignorant and conservative lies and views.

Liberals are known for being open-minded and your website is more close minded than any conservative or even hateful racist website I have ever read.b If you truly preach peace and you truly are a liberal you would not have anti-Semitic lies (and they are lies, you should research them if you do not believe me (Anne Frank, Night by Elie Weisel would be good places to start) and stupid, insult attempts that make no sense, and you would emphasize the issues at hand and world peace by not cowardly trying to turn the world against tiny minorities with little defense, and try to unite us all in peace.  

By the way regardless of what you say (and I admit I am a pure liberal), socialism will never work. Your website is ridiculous its liberal ideology but its so radical you know it wont work, history has proved it not to work. Hong Kong has almost no poverty and it purely capitalist, the conditions living there are excellent, and America is doing well too economically. In India huge amounts of the population are in horrifying poverty, fainting on the streets. That is in a socialist economy.

Remember liberal ideology is great, but you need logic and to make sure it works and for that you need moderation and compromise, so stop embarrassing the liberals in the world and put some actual fact onto your website. Plus your website really contradicts many core liberal beliefs!
 

Big *SNERK* noise here. Ah, to be about 16 and know it all again. There's nothing quite as satisfying as watching someone be blindly sanctimonious while making a total ass out of himself. Hey Mike, check this out: http://m-w.com/dictionary/satire

The Cube "contradicts many core liberal beliefs." Yeah, ya think? How does being a "pure liberal" who cites the success of Hong Kong laissez faire capitalism work out for you? Try that one out over at DKos. By my reckoning, that definition of "liberal" died with Hayek.
 

He's right about one thing:  One does need logic for liberal ideology to work.  Which is precisely why it doesn't.
 

Comrades... I have no choice but to respond to Comrade Michael even though he may never read this post. I hope everyone understands:

Dear Comrade Michael,

HOW DARE YOU, SIR/MADAM/THING! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION OUR PURE LIBERALNESS! WE LOVE WORLD PEACE, THE EVIRONMENT, OPEN-MINDEDNESS, SEX WITH APPLIANCES AND JIHADIST! You, sir/madam/thing, have to be the most intolerant humyn being I have ever had the misfortune to experience! You are foul, crude, ignorant and probably a die-hard Israel-loving Bush $upporter! You make me so sick I have no choice but to debunk each of your lies one by one!

Michael the Imperial Warmonger Enabler

Third of all your “truth generator makes no sense. I typed in John Lennon and got cruel socialist claims, none that describe him. This generators makes you sound like immature preteens.

How would you know? Huh? How would you know? Did you know John Lennon voted for Ronald Reagan not once but TWICE! No, you didn't know that! You didn't know that because you were too busy watching Faux News! Don't sit here and lie to us, Michael! We've been around the block... you know... Moscow and all! We know the truth and guess what... THE TRUTH IS RED!

Michael the Imperial Warmonger Enabler

It was pretty difficult to manipulate pictures during WWII just so u know, they are accurate.



Uncle Joe Stalin - who was a very, very great leader who Hillary Clinton emulates - had no problem whatsoever in the manipulation of photos. Why, he airbrushed people out that managed to become Non-Persons, Michael! Did you know that! Uncle Joe Stalin had photoshop before any of you Capitalist worshipping war enablers ever had it! Another lie bites the dust, Comrades!

Michael the Imperial Warmonger Enabler

So I am just politely asking (pardon my French) that you get your face out of your shit smeared ass, and put some facts on your website instead of brain washing  all possibly, intelligent peace loving liberals, into horrifyingly ignorant and conservative lies and views.



Your French slaves are pardoned, warmonger! We know you Capitalist pigs are capturing French citizens - mostly Muslim - and using them to make cheap trinkets in many CIA operated sweat shops! And excuse me, but WE ARE THE PEACE LOVING LIBERALS! We would sacrifice anything and everything for peace! We would sacrifice the U. S of A for peace! You are the ignorant conservative coming here spreading your lies! Take your freedom and Bu$h and leave us good liberals alone who care about the evironment, progress, world peace and socialism, yes, socialism!

Michael the Imperial Warmonger Enabler

Liberals are known for being open-minded and your website is more close minded than any conservative or even hateful racist website I have ever read.b If you truly preach peace and you truly are a liberal you would not have anti-Semitic lies



We are very, very open-minded here, Michael. We are all about tolerating people even though they want to destroy the US, which by the way, is why we are liberal to begin with, idiot! YOU ARE NOT OPEN-MINDED AND ARE INSTEAD A CONSERVATIVE STOOGE SENT HERE TO DESTROY PROGRESS! President Ahmadinejad says Anti-Semitic things all the time, mind you, and he alone is the leading proponet for World Peace, Progress and mutual understanding! He is a great man and inspiration to us all and you should have been with us other liberals on the campus of Columbia University when we welcomed him while denouncing the intolerant Conservatives who said hateful things about him! You should have been there with us REAL liberals!

Michael the Imperial Warmonger Enabler

By the way regardless of what you say (and I admit I am a pure liberal), socialism will never work. Your website is ridiculous its liberal ideology but its so radical you know it wont work, history has proved it not to work.



LIAR! SOCIALISM HAS ALWAYS WORKED! Look at North Korea and how happy they are! Everytime you see a North Korean he/she/it is always smiling! EVERYONE IS HAPPY IN NORTH KOREA BECAUSE IT IS A WORKER'S PARADISE FLOWING WITH MILK AND HONEY! AND WE HAVE THE PICTURES TO PROVE IT!

Hong Kong? Prosperous!? HA HA HA! Good one! Last time I checked I read that millions are starving there and that all the skyscrapers were nothing more than cardboard cut-outs! Poverty is rampant in Hong Kong and the North Korean government has to send them aid on a daily basis! That is the truth, Michael, and I'm afraid you are being lied to by your Imperial overlords in AmeriKKKa!

Michael the Imperial Warmonger Enabler

Remember liberal ideology is great, but you need logic and to make sure it works and for that you need moderation and compromise, so stop embarrassing the liberals in the world and put some actual fact onto your website. Plus your website really contradicts many core liberal beliefs!



No! Marxist ideology is GREAT and until you come aboard with the rest of us you will be nothing more than a nobody turning tricks for the Bu$h, Cheney, Rove junta!

Vote Democrat and get your head out of the sand and realize that SOCIALISM ALWAYS WORKS!
 

You tell them, Michael. The commies at this site are the worst most vile doctrinaire Marxists on the internet. You put 'em in their place. Good letter. Keep it up, sir. Keep it up. You've got them on the run.
 

Red, what kind of bait were you using? Red herring? Holy Goremon Mackeral? Troll Smelt? Salted Libbows?
How many pounds test was the line?
Were you jigging on the bottom or floating on top?
Did you use a gaff or a net?
Did you have a steel or nylon leader?

None the less...nice catch.
Are you going to have it mounted?
 

The Progressive Truth Generator™ sez:

John Lennon, you are a bourgeois Drudge Report reader because you doubt the obvious fact that the World Trade Center was destroyed by the Mossad!

Indeed, these are nothing but cruel socialist claims, none that describe him. We will have to order our team of North Korean programmers to develop a code that precisely characterizes every single person, living (5.5 billion) or dead (10000 billion). On the other hand, will that be Truth and will it be Progressive?
 

This is almost as good as the guy who got angry when he couldn't find independent varification of a story here about the World Court finding the US guilty of its miriade crimes and ordering restitution in the amount of several years' GNP. I love how "Mike" lectures Comrade Red Square about "horrifyingly ignorant and conservative lies and views" while promoting the worst of all these views, free market capitalism! He even suggests that "America is doing well too economically" in spite of years of stories to the contrary in the NY Times and most mainstream broadcast news.

Again, let's talk about ignorance!

Beloved Madam Leader, based on this fine catch of troll, I can only guess that Comrade Red Square was using a combination of red herring and troll smelt, 200 lb test line and jigging on the bottom.
 

did "u" know we had a liberal linguist here?

"Your website is ridiculous its liberal ideology but its so radical you know it wont work, history has proved it not to work"

Yes, "Imagine no possessions" comrade John Lenin! How many freakin' Rolls Royces did he own?
 

Chairman, loved your reply to Michael.  You really hit this weak-liberal (if he is even that) with the full force of progresive truth.

<Character off>

Red Square

So I am just politely asking (pardon my French) that you get your face out of your shit smeared ass, and put some facts on your website instead of brain washing  all possibly, intelligent peace loving liberals, into horrifyingly ignorant and conservative lies and views.


<laughs hysterically>

btw, you missed a coma between "intelligent" and "peace".

Red Square

Remember liberal ideology is great, but you need logic and to make sure it works and for that you need moderation and compromise, so stop embarrassing the liberals in the world and put some actual fact onto your website. Plus your website really contradicts many core liberal beliefs!

Right, so lets see 1 liberal american movement + 1 logic (pattern, I might add) = The senario from the moive I, Robot.
 

Obviously, he is not as "open minded" as he claims to be, otherwise he would accept our Party Truths completely and be assimilated.  Lying liar.
 

Can we take out the "ch" and just put a "k" in there?
That way we can make this Michael perfect and pure.
I wonder if his aunt was in the DAR and his dad almost fought in WWII?
 

No, his mom fought in WWII.  His dad was in the gulag.
 

"Liberals are known for being open-minded"

On what plain of reality is that true???  Name ONE college campus that is "open minded" (meaning they allow conservative to express their views without reprocussions).  Progessivism/leftism is ANYTHING but "open-minded".  The STATE and the PARTY (redundant, no?) cannot be "open-minded" for they are FORCE.  And like fire, they can be a fearful master.

Progressivism/leftism IS force and any who stand against it feel that force.

Over 200 million people in the last century alone did not understand this and progressive communism/national socialism/maoism had to "correct" them.  

Now, as others have said, satire is a little too complicated for some.

Good catch though.  But do you really want to have a "dork fish" mounted?
 

That is an amazing catch indeed! We sure could use more of them here.... people we can literally use as the foundation of our glorious socialist state!
 

I bow humbly before the liberal genius posting on this forum.
You appear like angels from heaven.
Mind my thirsts for liberal knowledge.
My body craves liberal comfort.
If I died toiling in my tiny potato plot tomorrow I will have died a happy member of The Collective.
You fill me.
You satisfy me.
I am whole once again.

[mask off]OMFG....I nearly coughed up my other lung! Is there no end in site to the brilliance here? Every page is a new smorgasbord! Ok...I'm done...back to the hoe.[/mask on]
 

Volunteering to finding this michael, to eating him and making him into steaming Kapitalist bear poo. For the Rodina, of course...
 

Welcome to the People's Cube Very Large Bear, though I must admit I am a bit at a loss on what to tell you. Normally we issue new comers a shovel and direct them to the Karl Marx Re-Education Center. But you, being a member of an endangered and prosecuted species through the wanton destruction aimed at earth and your species in particular by the Bushitler and Halliburton, sort of puts me at a loss for the moment. I am sure we will come to the correct answer shortly.
 

The Blue Tongue is a nice touch.
Could the upcoming election be compared to a blue tongue vs red tongue is aka red state vs blue state?

edit...Don't get me wrong...Big Bear is a comrade cum laude!
 

I thought his tongue was blue because he'd just eaten a Smurf.
 

...or a Democrat voter...
 

There's no doubt Smurfs are Democrat voters; just check out these character sketches:

[URL=http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Characters_in_The_Smurfs]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Characters_in_The_Smurfs
[/URL]
In fact, a lot of them sound as if they hang out here at the Cube.

Now check out the villain Gargamel, archnemesis of the Smurfs. From the description, you'd think you were reading a Time or Newsweek article about George W. Bush, but his picture bears a strong physical resemblance to Mike Huckabee.
 

But Comrades! The question remains unanswered! Is a Comrade Polar Bear required to take up his/her shovel and attend the Karl Marx Re-Education Center? This question really has me bewildered. On the one paw, we are all equal and all should go through the required indoctrination, but can we hold an endangered polar bear whose time on this earth is so short given Global Change, to be held to such a standard?
 

Perhaps an accelerated course at the Karl Marx Treatment Center would the appropriate thing for The Medvyetster? We can load up Comrade Hanoi Jane on some more Meth and that should do it.

--
Blokhayev
 

Why don't we cryogenically freeze him and keep him frozen until after the world has ended so that his species will be able to re-populate the earth! (Hey, they're doing it with seeds, why not everything that's important?)
 

Zampolit Blokhayev

Perhaps an accelerated course at the Karl Marx Treatment Center would the appropriate thing for The Medvyetster? We can load up Comrade Hanoi Jane on some more Meth and that should do it.

--
Blokhayev

My bran! My poor overworked brain! What is this "Medvyetster?" Is this some word for Polar Bear in a tongue I am not fluent in?
 

Premier, at least your plan has the beauty of being understandable to a poor Commissar such as I.
 

I do what I can...

Ooh! Shiny object!

<Scurries>
 

Commissar Pupovich

Zampolit Blokhayev

Perhaps an accelerated course at the Karl Marx Treatment Center would the appropriate thing for The Medvyetster? We can load up Comrade Hanoi Jane on some more Meth and that should do it.

--
Blokhayev

My bran! My poor overworked brain! What is this "Medvyetster?" Is this some word for Polar Bear in a tongue I am not fluent in?

It is the tongue of the motherland (the rodina), Comrade Pupster, Pup-meister, Pup-a-ringo!!!

медведь -> bear.

--
 

Quote:

It is the tongue of the motherland (the rodina), Comrade Pupster, Pup-meister, Pup-a-ringo!!!


You left out Pup-Daddy. Word!
 

Zampolit Blokhayev

[It is the tongue of the motherland (the rodina), Comrade Pupster, Pup-meister, Pup-a-ringo!!!

медвед -> bear.

--

I hoped and suspected as much, thanks!
 

So... many... names....
 

Premier Betty

So... many... names....

and... not... enough... bullets.
 

Is that possible? Wow, we really need to get the slaves workers motivated somehow. Anyone up for a purge? Mass deportations to Siberia?
 

Premier Betty

...Mass deportations to Siberia?

Just send them to the Ammunition Factories.

-Mikhail
 

Zampolit Blokhayev

Premier Betty

So... many... names....

and... not... enough... bullets.

For want of a bullet......
 

And a big pile of cash to roll around in while laughing maniacally... did I just say that out loud?

<looks_around_nervously>
 

Premier Betty

And a big pile of cash to roll around in while laughing maniacally... did I just say that out loud?

<looks_around_nervously>

THOUGHTCRIME!!!

Here have a Party Approved Margarita, now with PeopleSpeak™. That should fix those malfunctioning brain cells.



--
ZB
 

Excuse me Comrade Zampolit? What is this non-sense about the Premier committing ThoughtCrime™? For rolling around in ca$h and laughing? Are you implying that the Chairman, the Empress, or even this lowly Commissar (and Honorary Vice Chairman) is also guilty? You of all people should understand that the Party Elite, those more equal than others, need time to relax following a long day controlling the lives of the masses too ignorant to think for themselves. In fact, we give the masses freedom to live happily by doing all the thinking and decision making for them, leaving them free to enjoy the bounty of their labor. Surely you know the sacrifices we have made to provide this freedom and happiness to the less equal. If the Premier is guilty of anything, it would only be for looking around nervously while rolling in cash, for he has no reason to be nervous, he should be proud, in a socialist sense of course.
 

Not to worry, Commissar Pupovich, for I will gladly drink such a margarita.

<downs_it_in_one_gulp>

Woah... I... feel dizzy...

<begins_babbeling_incoherently>
 

Commissar Pupovich

Welcome to the People's Cube Very Large Bear, though I must admit I am a bit at a loss on what to tell you. Normally we issue new comers a shovel and direct them to the Karl Marx Re-Education Center. But you, being a member of an endangered and prosecuted species through the wanton destruction aimed at earth and your species in particular by the Bushitler and Halliburton, sort of puts me at a loss for the moment. I am sure we will come to the correct answer shortly.

<sigh> This is what I get for being gone. I get to play catch up again. I assure you comrades. I am not ignoring my responsibilites to the party.

Let's see, Comrade Very Large Bear, yes, welcome to the Cube. I see from your picture that you are a polar bear. Normally, it is the duty of my department to tax wild life and robots, but since your species is in the endangered list, I have some other ideas. Tell me comrade, have you ever done any properganda work? I can see you being photoshopped with stories about how Global Warming is melting your home in the north. You think that you could give a testimoney about how you lost your whole family in an oil spill? Yes, it could be just like Free Willy, the oil spills into the ocean, gets caught on fire and your family dies because the localized Global Warming melted your home (do not worry if it is true or not, we are all the truth you need).

BTW, Priemer Betty does have a reason to fear, I still not have forgiven him for hooking me on webcomics(cocks gun). Mikhail has now made it to my blacklist too. I did come back to the Cube a few weeks ago and was reading some of the archive, and comrade Mikhail just had to post an episode of MegaTokyo. Him and his l33t! Stop snikering Betty!
 

r3d7h3pr0gr3551v3f0x

Mikhail has now made it to my blacklist too.

w00t!!!!!!11!!11!!!1!!!1!1!!


 

Commissar Pupovich

Excuse me Comrade Zampolit? What is this non-sense about the Premier committing ThoughtCrime™? For rolling around in ca$h and laughing? Are you implying that the Chairman, the Empress, or even this lowly Commissar (and Honorary Vice Chairman) is also guilty? You of all people should understand that the Party Elite, those more equal than others, need time to relax following a long day controlling the lives of the masses too ignorant to think for themselves. In fact, we give the masses freedom to live happily by doing all the thinking and decision making for them, leaving them free to enjoy the bounty of their labor. Surely you know the sacrifices we have made to provide this freedom and happiness to the less equal. If the Premier is guilty of anything, it would only be for looking around nervously while rolling in cash, for he has no reason to be nervous, he should be proud, in a socialist sense of course.

Comrade Pup,

Please! Relax!You need to understand what Comrade Premier Betty has gone through. He has been in locked mortal so many times against counter-revolutionary and anti-socialist forces, since the days the criminal Ronald RayGun was in power, this has caused brain damage and he has occasional fits of Thoughtcrime. If was not for the caring and compassion of Our Many Tittied Empress, Her Excellency Hillary Rodham Clinton, Premier Betty would still be rotting inside the dungeon at the RNC HQ/Taco Bell near Capitol Hill. A Party Approve Margarita™ (now with PeopleSpeak™) helps numb the misfiring neurons in his brain. Do not worry, He'll sober up tomorrow.

--
ZB
 

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov

r3d7h3pr0gr3551v3f0x

Mikhail has now made it to my blacklist too.

w00t!!!!!!11!!11!!!1!!!1!1!!




Don't get too execited. Betty knows that I almost strangled him through the computer screen. Although, I have to congradulate you, MegaTokyo has an archive nearly 10x the size of the stuff that Betty has shown me. Now I am hooked on several webcomics thanks to you people.

Here is fav from MegaTokyo:





I also like the be4r mod one and the one where Largo says "The akw4rd"; but I do not feel like finding them right now.

Ohy! L3ts n0t f0rg3t b0|_|t d4 l337!!!1!!11!!!!! <argh>
 

Anime=lame. I still like Concerned better.
 

Whoa! No! You are not getting me hooked on the one with Half-Life! (Alright, fine, I already read the whole thing eons ago.)
 

Okay, then you'll then have to read the rip off series I'm doing. It's a continuation of the story line because Chris is too lazy to continue Frohman into Episodes 1&2. I just hope he doesn't descend upon me with a pack of lawyers.
 

lol! I would like to read yours then.
 

Here's the first one.

 

Pretty good, you gonna reserect the Prime Minister as well?
 

Nah. He's an important character in the main story line. Frohman isn't though, so I can bring him back and have him screw everything up for the player again.
 

:) Sounds good.

-----------------------

But wait! Who is Froman gonna write letters too?
 

I've already got 4 issues done. I'm going to get around 10 before I start a website for them.
 

Let me know when you got one up.
 

Will do. By the way, did the picture just disappear?
 

It happend on your end too? There is either a linking problem or its revenge of the Mime.
 

Weird, it just came back... this is strange....
 

Oh well, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I am checking out, its late and I got a meeting tomorrow.
 

Alright. See ya.
 

Zampolit Blokhayev

Comrade Pup,

Please! Relax!You need to understand what Comrade Premier Betty has gone through. He has been in locked mortal so many times against counter-revolutionary and anti-socialist forces, since the days the criminal Ronald RayGun was in power, this has caused brain damage and he has occasional fits of Thoughtcrime. If was not for the caring and compassion of Our Many Tittied Empress, Her Excellency Hillary Rodham Clinton, Premier Betty would still be rotting inside the dungeon at the RNC HQ/Taco Bell near Capitol Hill. A Party Approve Margarita™ (now with PeopleSpeak™) helps numb the misfiring neurons in his brain. Do not worry, He'll sober up tomorrow.

--
ZB

But what is this crime you charge him with? Rolling around in ca$h? Lets be real! What I want to know is which of you committed wrecking activity here and ThoughtCrime™ by forcing the glorious sidebar off the side by posting a too large image?
 

Commissar Pupovich

...What I want to know is which of you committed wrecking activity here and ThoughtCrime™ by forcing the glorious sidebar off the side by posting a too large image?

I believe that would be Premier Betty's "Concerned - Episode One" Image creating the havoc. I would crop the image myself, but I do not have editing privileges in this thread. So please, Premier, do the honorable thing and trim the whitespace from your image for the Greater Good™.

Thank you.
-Mikhail
 

One of these days, we should charge these wreckers who force the glorious sidebar off the page for ThoughtCrime™, especially if it is done by accident or mistake! At least an intentional wrecker has the good taste to have the mind of a criminal. Yes, we need a good show trial. I would almost volunteer myself, but I must hold the record for the most trials in a given period. Someone really should step forward and volunteer for the CommonGood™. How about you Mikhail? You haven't been tried in my time here. It would be good for your soul... if you had one of course.
 

Commissar Pupovich

Zampolit Blokhayev

Comrade Pup,

Please! Relax!You need to understand what Comrade Premier Betty has gone through. He has been in locked mortal so many times against counter-revolutionary and anti-socialist forces, since the days the criminal Ronald RayGun was in power, this has caused brain damage and he has occasional fits of Thoughtcrime. If was not for the caring and compassion of Our Many Tittied Empress, Her Excellency Hillary Rodham Clinton, Premier Betty would still be rotting inside the dungeon at the RNC HQ/Taco Bell near Capitol Hill. A Party Approve Margarita™ (now with PeopleSpeak™) helps numb the misfiring neurons in his brain. Do not worry, He'll sober up tomorrow.

--
ZB

But what is this crime you charge him with? Rolling around in ca$h? Lets be real! What I want to know is which of you committed wrecking activity here and ThoughtCrime™ by forcing the glorious sidebar off the side by posting a too large image?

Listen, Pup! If Premier Betty wants to roll around in a pile of cash inside the bunker, I could not care one iota! But not out where prying eyes might see him! Hence why I have to call him on his Thoughtcrime™. Do you want to incite the proles to start an armed insurrection? Does the name Czar Nicholas II mean anything to you?

--
ZB
 

Why is everyone being so mean to me? First the cash rolling, then the image that was accidentally too big that somehow got miraculously fixed, and now back to Betty Bashing.... I feel so disliked... if only there were some way of fixing all this... by... giving... me... MONEY!!!!!!!

Let me roll around in it for all eternity, buying off senators, governors, and mayors alike! Let me do as I please without any negative repercussions and let me have my way!!!!

WAAAAAHAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
 

Commissar Pupovich

Yes, we need a good show trial....Someone really should step forward and volunteer for the CommonGood™. How about you Mikhail? You haven't been tried in my time here. It would be good for your soul... if you had one of course.

I would be honored to sacrifice myself for the Greater Glory of the Party™. As you know, I have given my all to the Motherland, and received many awards for my contributions to the State, including been made a Hero of Socialist Labor twice and received both the Lenin and State prize Laureates. Over my career I also received three Orders of Lenin, the Order of the October Revolution, the Order of the Red Banner of Labor, the Order of Friendship of the People's, and an Order of the Red Star. In addition to this I also served as a member of the Supreme Soviet on several occasions and have the Degrees of PhD, Grand PhD and Certificate of Full Professor from the WIDU. I am also the Cavalier and Commander of The World Order of Science, Education, Culture.

So as you can see, I will do all that is necessary for the greater glorification of the Soviet state, the Coming Utopia of Next Tuesday™, and above all, The Party™.

-Mikhail


 

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov

Commissar Pupovich

...What I want to know is which of you committed wrecking activity here and ThoughtCrime™ by forcing the glorious sidebar off the side by posting a too large image?

I believe that would be Premier Betty's "Concerned - Episode One" Image creating the havoc. I would crop the image myself, but I do not have editing privileges in this thread. So please, Premier, do the honorable thing and trim the whitespace from your image for the Greater Good™.

Thank you.
-Mikhail

Ah, so that explains it. That was driving me crazy last night, but I was too tried and did not realize it.

Wiether tired or not, not thinking is a valuble tool in our ranks.
 

Premier Betty

Why is everyone being so mean to me? First the cash rolling, then the image that was accidentally too big that somehow got miraculously fixed, and now back to Betty Bashing.... I feel so disliked... if only there were some way of fixing all this... by... giving... me... MONEY!!!!!!!

Let me roll around in it for all eternity, buying off senators, governors, and mayors alike! Let me do as I please without any negative repercussions and let me have my way!!!!

WAAAAAHAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Alright people, you know the drill. When someone starts whinning and crying, what do we do? Give into their demands as if we had lost the war. Why? Because our red hearts bleed.
 

Yay! Gimmie! Where's my money? Where are the apologies for being mean to me and stuff, where is my lawyer?
 

Zampolit Blokhayev

Listen, Pup! If Premier Betty wants to roll around in a pile of cash inside the bunker, I could not care one iota! But not out where prying eyes might see him! Hence why I have to call him on his Thoughtcrime™. Do you want to incite the proles to start an armed insurrection? Does the name Czar Nicholas II mean anything to you?

Don't you think it is good for the common proles to see how much the Party Elite has sacrificed of themselves in order to give the proles the freedom to work the fields, take care of the ordinary, mundane tasks, to see the growth of the glorious Worker's Utopia from the ground up? As you well know, the only time the Party elite get to experience such joy is when they are sent on vacation to the KMRC, so it is fitting if every now and then they can see for themselves the sacrifice and suffering that we endure for the Common Good™.
 

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov

I would be honored to sacrifice myself for the Greater Glory of the Party™.

<sob> You bring tears to this old socialist Comrade, to see such devotion to the Party. As you know, I have felt the joy, freedom, and cleansing that results from being the object of a Show Trial. We really should do more to give others a chance da?
 

Commissar Pupovich

Don't you think it is good for the common proles to see how much the Party Elite has sacrificed of themselves in order to give the proles the freedom to work the fields, take care of the ordinary, mundane tasks, to see the growth of the glorious Worker's Utopia from the ground up? As you well know, the only time the Party elite get to experience such joy is when they are sent on vacation to the KMRC, so it is fitting if every now and then they can see for themselves the sacrifice and suffering that we endure for the Common Good™.



NO! The Party's Elite™ must remain in the hearts and minds of the proles as this mysterious monolithic entity that Cares™ for them and about them. Public Image! It's all about Public Image! Remember how well thosecrocodile tears worked for Empress Hillary up in "Nyew Hampsha"? We can't have members of the Inner Circle™ rolling in a pile of cash, drooling all over themselves, in public. Does the name Chairman Meowsevich S. Punchenko mean anything to you?

--
ZB
 

It is all about public image! That is precisely my point. We can't have the proles thinking that we too enjoy the fruits of collectivism, tilling the good earth, working up a sweat. No, they must see us being deprived of all this so that they can have the freedom to do what they thrive on.
 

<picks_up_bag_of_money>

I'll just go do this in the bathtub while you two are arguing....

<walks_away_slowly>
 

Commissar Pupovich

It is all about public image! That is precisely my point. We can't have the proles thinking that we too enjoy the fruits of collectivism, tilling the good earth, working up a sweat. No, they must see us being deprived of all this so that they can have the freedom to do what they thrive on.

I'm concerned that someone (Meow, perhaps?) has spiked your puppy chow with a Party Approved Margarita™ (now with PeopleSpeak™).

That makes no sense. How is rolling around out in front of the proles going to free them to enjoy the fruits of collectivism? I would think the contrary would happen, given real human nature. Of course, The Messiah Karl Marx did say that "basically all people are good, and if left to themselves they will do the right thing" (or something to that effect). I'm just waiting for what he said about human nature to come true.

Premier Betty

<picks_up_bag_of_money>

I'll just go do this in the bathtub while you two are arguing....

<walks_away_slowly>


Good idea. Use the bath tub down in The Party's bunker.

--
ZB
 

Awww... but it's so far away. I was just planning to use this one right here...

<opens_door_to_find_Pinkie_and_a_mysterious_man_in_a_red_shirt_making_out>

...never mind. I think I will go into the Party Bunker™. And hide under my bed.
 

Zampolit Blokhayev

That makes no sense. How is rolling around out in front of the proles going to free them to enjoy the fruits of collectivism? I would think the contrary would happen, given real human nature. Of course, The Messiah Karl Marx did say that "basically all people are good, and if left to themselves they will do the right thing" (or something to that effect). I'm just waiting for what he said about human nature to come true.

There you go, trying to use logic and reason as opposed to feeling and Party doctrine. Would you rather them see the Party elite working just as they do? Then they would say that they were just as equal as we and demand our jobs. Instead, when they see us rolling around in cash, not getting our hands dirty, never smelling freshly turned soil, then they will know that we are more equal and they can not do what we do.
 

Premier Betty

Awww... but it's so far away. I was just planning to use this one right here...

<opens_door_to_find_Pinkie_and_a_mysterious_man_in_a_red_shirt_making_out>

...never mind. I think I will go into the Party Bunker™. And hide under my bed.

I don't know who you think you saw, Betty, but it wasn't me. For one thing, red-shirted men tend to be interested only in Obama.

In which case, maybe what you saw was Obama wearing a red headscarf while he used a shovel to do Lenin-knows-what to the red-shirted guy.
 

I don't know, but it makes me want to hide and not come out for a long time. Fortunately I have a stash of Beef Jerky and Twinkies that should sustain me for a while, and plenty of video games to keep me company. Real people are so last century.
 

Zampolit Blokhayev

Perhaps an accelerated course at the Karl Marx Treatment Center would the appropriate thing for The Medvyetster? We can load up Comrade Hanoi Jane on some more Meth and that should do it.

--
Blokhayev

Is being too late. How you are thinking my tongue is being blue?
 

Commissar Pupovich

But Comrades! The question remains unanswered! Is a Comrade Polar Bear required to take up his/her shovel and attend the Karl Marx Re-Education Center? This question really has me bewildered. On the one paw, we are all equal and all should go through the required indoctrination, but can we hold an endangered polar bear whose time on this earth is so short given Global Change, to be held to such a standard?

Question is being moot, as you should be knowing. How is operating shovel with paws and not opposing thumbs?

However, volunteering to carry Very Large keg of GW Wodka for to refreshing glorious claim tenders of North Pole. Da?