Well, we have finally won! The Global Front for Healthcare will soon be officialy established and all pesky needs for cash exchange during medical inquiries will be unnecessary! Yes indeed we will all be healthy and at bargain rates thanks to Chairman Obama.
You may ask "what will change?" That is a question you are entitled to ponder silently until we give you the details. However in my euphoria over our victory I will give you a few hints!
#1. You will all get your own personal health care professional assigned to you! That's right, your own GFCP ("global front care provider") who will be adept in the economics of health initiatives and secondarily will be required to determine whether you have an illness that requires treatment. This party member will be the person you call when you need medical advice. Should this HCPM ("Health Care Party Member") deign your health care issue worthy of review he will send you an HCRFC form ("Health Care Request for Care"). You will fill it out, mail it to our request center, and a response will be mailed to you in a timely fashion. You will then know if your request was granted or denied. There will even be an appeal process for those who have been denied! That's right, a chance to express your heartfelt thanks with a request for further explanation! You are after all one of the collective deserving of a little individual attention now and then ;) (wink)!
#2. You will all receive a mailing on the requirements for health care maintenance. Now that all are on equal footing all must be equally healthy. Anyone deviating from the schedule (e.g. smoking, overeating, having children who have a high liklihood of disease without considering abortion) will need to justify this behavior.
#3. Distasteful as it sounds, some of you have requested that you be able to maintain the "relationship" you have with your non-GFC provider. This is a request that hurts all of us at the Global Front. You should all understand that your selfish need for overly expensive care bloats the system and is a danger to a unified health care system. As is rightly so in Canada so it will be here. You MAY NOT go outside the system for health care. There will be ONE TIER OF CARE FOR ALL.
Feel free to express your joy below!
I am Che' Gourmet, newly appointed Chef to the Inner Circle, currently assigned to the Gulag of NY.
As Health Kommissar, will you be issuing a new and improved healthy food pyramid? Have you really spoken to Chairman Obama so soon? Oh, how silly of me; you must have gone to his Grant Park celebration Tuesday night. Is that when he gave you this exceptional assignment?
Well, let me be the First to congratulate you, dear Leader. A superior effort, Sir.
with great awe,
In answer to your question re: the "food pyramid":
As Director of the Global Front, all issues related to maintenance of the human heart beat fall under my jurisdiction. Indeed should I so choose all will eat Winter wheat and all will abandon capitalist fast food. Wal Mart, for example, will be scrutinized for all manner of unhealthy products.
I look forward to the challenge of correcting all illnesses forced upon the people by Capitalist excess.
Give my regards to the party faithful.
We are Red Rooster, Cockled Commissar of Graveyard Entrances, necro-proxy vote counter extraordinaire for The Party(TM). We are located in Syberia, The Mothyrland.
With Dear Leaders newest ObamaCare packages going through we are looking forward to more necro-proxy votes via the Cash for Clunkers Soylent Green program.
However we understand that not all practitioners have made their commitment to Dear World Leaders plan. Dr. Fuku, as you can plainly see in this recent letter received at The State Department, there seems to be a problem:
American Medical AssociationThe American Medical Association has weighed in on the new Obama health care proposals.
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.
Most Honorable Dr. Fuku, please advise.
We in the kollektive have most recently been assigned to our ObamaCare specialists. Upon assignment we are wondering what protocol we should follow for appointments, emergencies, and surgery. So as to keep collective good standing (and get a decent Doktor dammit!) shall I return Chairman's Meow's hummels now or wait till I received my first state checkup?
Your Humble Commissar,
Your evaluation is needed on this new healthcare protocol.
Coming soon nationwide...
“Obama Dogs” will replace the traditional hot dog,
They will cost more, but you get less,
All you get is the weenie,
These will be top selling items, Congress will mandate every human in the US consume 25 ‘Bama Dogs a week.
Are you acquainted with one Dr. Fa Q? Has a small proctology practice on Kamchtka peninsulaThanks,