I'm sorry I've been gone for so long, but those of you close enough to me to know, when Election Day and Halloween approaches, I undergo a metamorphosis, not unlike Kafka's dung beetle, but more like Lon Chaney Jr's Wolfman. Hair starts growing out of my knuckles, my finger nails grow long, my teeth turn into fangs, my camel toe becomes humongous and I have an uncontrollable urge to politically campaign for anybody as long as they pledge fealty to me. Republicans claim they can't notice or tell a difference in me, but for me it's pure hell campaigning for somebody else other than ME.
Dr. Malek has been giving me injections leftover from Dr. Morell's secret stash he had for Hitler and I've had much improvement these past few weeks.
I'm looking forward to the Yule/Kwanzaa/Some Jew Holiday season and by golly with the help of the ACLU we can finally eradicate this phoney holiday known as "Christmas" this year! This of course doesn't mean we'll be getting rid of the "Christmas Tree", we'll just rename it the Wiccanbaum. After all, we have all those condoms, cock rings, and anal teasers that we've been saving throughout the year for decorating the tree on this very special occasion. The whole Cube is invited for this wonderful tradition started by me and don't forget to bring the KY Jelly.
Ho Ho Ho Hillary!
Practice on a cucumber or banana, it's fun and instructive and please gather all the young-uns around before you unwrap your wrappers and wrap your strangler in your Wranglers.
And remember- 5 Golden showers are just as good as 5 Golden Cock Rings, so bring a full bladder for a barrel of fun.
The 3 French hens will be French kissing for giggles too!
And don't worry, their will be plenty of diesel fuel for the two-stroke Hilldo.
When Vice President Al Gore and his wife Tipper entered the Blue Room for the annual White House Christmas party and saw the condoms, dildo vibrators, and crack pipes hanging from the First Lady’s Christmas tree, Mrs. Gore said, “You will not desecrate Christmas and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ;” and with one punch, Tipper Gore knocked Hillary Clinton between the eyes, flat on her back to the floor, and immediately left the Christmas party with the Vice President,” according to federal whistleblower Stewart Webb who confirmed FBI agent Aldrich’s pornographic tree assertions.