(Let the politics of personal destruction begin, Obama, you're first.)
Today I am announcing that I will form an exploratory committee to run for president.
(You didn't see that coming, did you....who would have guessed?)
And I want you to join me not just for the campaign but for a conversation about the future of our country -- about the bold but practical changes we need to overcome six years of Bush administration failures.
(Like failing to clean up all of my husband's messes, not that Bush hasn't tried.)
I am going to take this conversation directly to the people of America, and I'm starting by inviting all of you to join me in a series of web chats over the next few days.
(I'll chat, you STFU.)
The stakes will be high when America chooses a new president in 2008.
(Socialism versus the Free Market of Ideas and Capital, guess which side I'm on...hahahaha)
As a senator, I will spend two years doing everything in my power to limit the damage George W. Bush can do. But only a new president will be able to undo Bush's mistakes and restore our hope and optimism.
(As a senator, I will spend two years doing everything in my power to raise soft money and launder, character assassinate, and lie, lie, lie)
Only a new president can renew the promise of America -- the idea that if you work hard you can count on the health care, education, and retirement security that you need to raise your family. These are the basic values of America that are under attack from this administration every day.
(Only a new president can renew the promise of Socialist America -- the idea that welfare, higher taxes, abortion on demand, groupism, and the destruction of the family that are under attack from this administration every day.)
And only a new president can regain America's position as a respected leader in the world.
(By bowing down to the UN)
I believe that change is coming November 4, 2008. And I am forming my exploratory committee because I believe that together we can bring the leadership that this country needs. I'm going to start this campaign with a national conversation about how we can work to get our country back on track.
(For the Road to Ruin.)
This is a big election with some very big questions. How do we bring the war in Iraq to the right end? How can we make sure every American has access to adequate health care? How will we ensure our children inherit a clean environment and energy independence? How can we reduce the deficits that threaten Social Security and Medicare?
(By voting Republican, but don't tell anybody, shhh...it's our little secret.)
No matter where you live, no matter what your political views, I want you to be a part of this important conversation right at the start. So to begin, I'm going to spend the next several days answering your questions in a series of live video web discussions. Starting Monday, January 22, at 7 p.m. EST for three nights in a row, I'll sit down to answer your questions about how we can work together for a better future. And you can participate live at my website. Sign up to join the conversation here.
I grew up in a middle-class family in the middle of America, where I learned that we could overcome every obstacle we face if we work together and stay true to our values.
(which I totally dumped when I became a Marxist Radical.)
I have worked on issues critical to our country almost all my life. I've fought for children for more than 30 years. In Arkansas, I pushed for education reform. As First Lady, I helped to expand health care coverage to millions of children and to pass legislation that dramatically increased adoptions. I also traveled to China to affirm that women's rights are human rights.
(Just ask Charlie Trie and Johnny Huang)
And in the Senate, I have worked across party lines to get billions more for children's health care, to stop the president's plan to privatize Social Security, and to make sure the victims and heroes of 9/11 and our men and women in uniform receive the fair treatment they deserve. In 2006, I led the successful fight to make Plan B contraception available to women without a prescription.
(making sure that hundreds of millions of Americans will never see a dime of money out of a system that is doomed to failure...it's not your money, it's the government's dammit!)
I have spent a lifetime opening opportunities for tens of millions who are working hard to raise a family: new immigrants, families living in poverty, people who have no health care or face an uncertain retirement.
(I have spent a lifetime opening opportunities to ensure each according to their abilities and to each according to their needs.)
The promise of America is that all of us will have access to opportunity, and I want to run a 2008 campaign that renews that promise, a campaign built on a lifetime record of results.
(And a very impressive body count.)
I have never been afraid to stand up for what I believe in or to face down the Republican machine. After nearly $70 million spent against my campaigns in New York and two landslide wins, I can say I know how Washington Republicans think, how they operate, and how to beat them.
(Send more CA$H)
I need you to be a part of this campaign, and I hope you'll start by joining me in this national conversation.
(I need you to be a part of this campaign, and I hope you'll start by joining me in this national socialism.)
As we campaign to win the White House, we will make history and remake our future. We can only break barriers if we dare to confront them, and if we have the determined and committed support of others.
(WHORES, BITCHES, and HillRaisers)
This campaign is our moment, our chance to stand up for the principles and values that we cherish; to bring new ideas, energy, and leadership to a uniquely challenging time. It's our chance to say "we can" and "we will."
(This campaign is our moment, our chance to stand up for the principles and values that we cherish; to bring new ideas, energy, and leadership to a uniquely challenging time. It's our chance to say "Triumph of the Will.")
Let's go to work. America's future is calling us.
<weeps> It was a life changing emotional event, Your Excellency, and I thank you for it! <sobs> I saw you today in Iowa talking to the hapless masses, giving them Hope®, Peace® and Good Feelings® of what tomorrow may bring..... OH WHY!? WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO HURT YOU!? <uncontolable crying> Baaaaawaaawaaaa <sniff> Booohooohooo... <dries eyes> OK, I'm fine. But someone needs to tell $oro$ to fork up the Ca$h and keep his wallet outta Osama Bin Bama's grubby little paws! How dare he, Your Excellency, how dare he deny the hand that feeds him.
Lets go raise some Hill! OFF WITH THEIR SWISS BANK ACCOUNTS!
That filthy beggar PunchenkoI nearly fell to my knees...
You better be on your knees next time, you peon! So help me if I see one useful-idiot not groveling in the presence of my dearest friend Hillary. SO HELP ME!
Oh mah Gawd; I am so jealous of your coming out party on the internet, like I was totally drooling over that red sports-coat you had on (where did you find that? Bloomingdales maybe?) How about that little seafoam number I had on during the Fascists speech; I know you liked it Hill... I wore it just for you, babe. (Lupe, fetch me a Latte and some ca$h for Hill, make it snappy wench!) Here Hill, a little something I dug up from the Appropriations Committee to get you started in Iowa. Go on, take it... you need to do a little shopping to keep your head clear of all the stress that is taking Barack HUSSEIN out... he is becoming a problem Hill - a big problem.
Alrighty, I have to go and sell myself to the Press. Like little Alexandra's docu-prop on Evangelical scum?! IT WAS TO DIE FOR, CHECK IT OUT ON HBO!
Hugs and Kisses,
Little Alex is so cute...I just want to pinch her.
Nan, I am so sorry we had a little spat. Forget that purge, it's water under the Socialist Bridge. And don't forget...it's all about Building Bridges™ (I need that little trademark thingy inserted here)
I was so wrong about you...just like this horrible, all consuming war in Iraq.
(Yeah, right...heh heh...I'm still thinking Flag Day for when I do the Bobby Kennedy thing)
Daddy's drape factory has your drapes finished, They're on the way, sorry they're late. Damn union workers.
Executive from Del-Monte who you told me not to say name said he will meet you at the Waldorf at 10:00 PM tonight, here are your flight tickets and the enevelope of ca$h you requested. Miss Nancy, may I go watch my two minutes of TV now?
My little illegal helper, Lupe,Miss Nancy, may I go watch my two minutes of TV now?
NO! You will get your ass outside and start scrubbing my Royce... ALL 10 OF THEM! When you're finished you can start weeding the garden, pressing the grapes, bottling the wine and then begin preparing breakfast for my arrival. After all of that is done (and your chores for tomorrow) then you may watch your two minutes of TV. Oh, you may also sit down as well... WHEN EVERYTHING IS DONE OF COURSE!
I have added the trade-mark as you have requested <bows and crawls away>
Her Grace, Madame Speaker Pelosivich,You better be on your knees next time, you peon! So help me if I see one useful-idiot not groveling in the presence of my dearest friend Hillary. SO HELP ME!
I apologize Your Grace! Please don't cut off the Del-Monte money, please, I beg of you!
HillaryI'm in. And I'm in to win.
Remember what I taught you, my dear.
"Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it."
Comrade Rodham, I think you should not completely destroy Osama Obama, he might become useful to us. Yes, yes, I know he is religious (Islamic), and, therefore, not one of us. Just get control of him. Consider him for your vice president, then you will have 8 years to decide what to do with him. Of course, by then you'll be president for life anyway.
I am very pleased with your progress, Comrade Rodham, to bring the masses to your obedience, I love it.
I have a brilliant choice for your secretary of defence, Comrade Rodham.
I knew you could do it!
Together We're paving the way to COMMUNISM - the DESTINY OF ALL MANKIND!