Several years ago, a disturbing trend emerged among Hollywood's young glitterati: the penchant for keeping toy dogs as pets.

This repugnant manifestation of kapitalyzm has, since, trickled its way down onto “Main Street” America, where every celebutante-wannabe and her mother proudly display their pathetic little “pure breeds”, deeming them the perfect accessory for their pathetic little lives.

It's impossible to walk out of your house these days and not encounter some tarted-up skirt carrying a freakin' Chihuahua or a Shih Tzu. Toy dogs are a pestilence, comrades – a real Pox Americana.

Well, The Chairman and I think we have found a solution. Many Party members already know that we recently took up falconry as a new recreational pursuit. His raptor is known as Courtney Love and mine is Mr. Falco.

With a generous contribution from a source that will remain nameless, we have acquired a lavish Falconry Centre at a location that will remain undisclosed, lest our fellow travelers at PETA stage a protest or something. Here, using methods perfected by Pavlov, we trained our birds of prey to target toy dogs.

Yesterday marked the first time we took our peregrines out of the controlled environment and tested their skills on Rodeo Drive. It was brilliant, comrades. The raptors behaved splendidly, a testament to progressive science.

The Chairman's bird was the first to leave the gauntlet, picking off a Papillon and literally shredding the damn thing in mid air. The fur fell back to earth like large wet snowflakes.

Mr. Falco then went to work, snagging a Maltese (no pun intended), taking it about 200 feet up in the air, and then dropping the damn thing on the sidewalk in front of its horrified owner. Splat! Oh, Mr. Falco, you're so cruel. Imagine the spectacle, comrades. Rodeo Drive was a cacophony of screams, sobs, and nervous bourgeois chatter.

We quickly hooded our birds, jumped in the Escalade, and made good our get away before the kulaks knew what had hit 'em.

Dutiful Party members, will you join us in our crusade against toy dogs and the kapitalyst decadence that they represent?

Dearest Dr. P and Meowsevich,

If you would be so kind - Sister will be over shortly to put protective covers on the seats of the Escalade... The Falcon s**t will eat through the leather in no time and it will provide an easy way to collect the droppings for recycling (kiss kiss, boom boom!!! Ahahahahhaha!... sorry... have been in lab all day and fume hood 3 is malfunctioning)... Also, please be aware that there have been sightings of Dick Cheney in your area only a short time ago, so please deploy face protektion as Sister does not want to be picking buckshot out of either of you all night... again... ... .... so, come to think of it, Dr. P, perhaps if you are with Meow as I write this, you should also deploy ass protektion... not that Chicken Sushi minds picking buckshot out of your ass, but she is very busy just at this moment and I'm afraid we'd just have to sedate you and leave it in there for a while...

Finally... Keep your damn birds away from Betty and my Poodle Farm!!! We didn't work all summer to raise up a crop of small calibre poodles just so you could use them for your falconry practise... I'm serious. I can get to Meow's Dachs, and as much as I love them, I don't think your birds care whether they're tearing our Poodle munitions or Meow's Mini's to pieces... I know that's harsh, but resources must be managed. Stick to the silly "Drop Kick Dogs"... they're the ones with the ribbons. I'm sure you can train the birds to figure that out... and I know how much you like ribbons...

Good hunting!
Sister...

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:... Also, please be aware that there have been sightings of Dick Cheney in your area only a short time ago, so please deploy face protektion as Sister does not want to be picking buckshot out of either of you all night... again...

What about Rove? He's off the reservation now. He's probably rollin' with an M-60. Lenin save us, Sis! We must be on hightened alert

Sister Massively Opiated wrote: Finally... Keep your damn birds away from Betty and my Poodle Farm!!! We didn't work all summer to raise up a crop of small calibre poodles just so you could use them for your falconry practise... I'm serious. I can get to Meow's Dachs, and as much as I love them, I don't think your birds care whether they're tearing our Poodle munitions or Meow's Mini's to pieces... I know that's harsh, but resources must be managed. Stick to the silly "Drop Kick Dogs"... they're the ones with the ribbons. I'm sure you can train the birds to figure that out... and I know how much you like ribbons...

Rest assured, we'll be sticking to the be-ribboned "drop kick" species. Although, Mr. Falco seems to have taken a gastronomical interest in Meow's Dachs. Chairman, you better leave the li'l guys at home the next time we go toy-dog hunting. We don't want to confuse Courtney and Falco.

Soon, I'll be sending Mr. Falco to the stud farm. Present and future falconers unite! Buy Palimpsest Birds -- they're from the finest pedigree of toy-dog hunters.

Dr. P,

As always, for your intercession and reason, I thank you. I think I will be ordering a nice specimen for young Dolphin Aki for his birthday. He has had little experience in his short years with interspecies munitions, and, I believe your and Meow's hunting birds are useful not only for sport but also within our more serious arsenal. And as you know, Aki is a whiz at devising training programmes. Perhaps we can share knowledge accross Kommissarates and provide you with a system for a dual-purpose Falcon... a little sport mixed with some stealth weaponry. I don't know if you are aware of our Saluki Show-Dog/Stealth Drone programme... it's quite exciting... and perfect for desert combat...

In any case, for your infusion of level-headedness into this situation, again, I thank you.
SMO

Toy-dogs BEWARE!

I'm not too worried about Ku Klux Karl now that he is on the loose and free from the shackles of Dick Cheney's underground bunker... not when we have the ultimate bird of prey, Congressit Rosa DeLauro to stalk the skies!

People's Launcher
<embed width="448" height="361" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" src="https://i69.photobucket.com/player.swf? ... v"></embed>

This brilliant idea should be implemented immediately! This tool should be mass produced on a much larger scale by the people. Think of it, Mr. Falco and Courtney Love swooping in and snatching those trailer park sheek pups from the arms of those celebutante-wannabe pigs and shredding them to little pieces…It's an orgasmic feeling that comes over me!! Oh, the shear terror that must come over these women when their little rat is snatched away!! I love it!!

The remains of these “dogs” should then be put into the “People's Launcher,” Can you see it?? Can you??? These frantic attention whores running over to see if their little fluffy is still alive and then…then…wait for it… SWOOSH!!! The launcher sends them flailing about into the air screaming and wetting themselves before crashing into the ground with a glorious THUD<Me jumping up and down, clapping>

The People's launcher! Now that is entertaining. Good find!

The proletariate in every country applauds the great ideea of hunting capitalist squirrels using falcons. Most falcons have a good, proletary background.
https://www.ceausescu.org/ceausescu_med ... ngress.htm

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Toy-dogs BEWARE!

Comrade Pupovich will deny this to the end. The deepest depths of the State Organs could not pull this confession from the Mighty Pup under oath.... But even the Mighty Pup doesn't care much for little dogs. A dog should be a minimum of twice the size of even Fat Freddy Scat, and actually look like a dog for Stalin's sake!

The Pup denies that he ever posted the above even if on the surface it may seem as if he did.

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:Well, The Chairman and I think we have found a solution. Many Party members already know that we recently took up falconry as a new recreational pursuit. His raptor is known as Courtney Love and mine is Mr. Falco. With a generous contribution from a source that will remain nameless, we have acquired a lavish Falconry Centre at a location that will remain undisclosed, lest our fellow travelers at PETA stage a protest or something. Here, using methods perfected by Pavlov, we trained our birds of prey to target toy dogs.

Our super-secret falconry training facility

Some minor points Comrade.... First, that is a lovely dacha and clearly one you and the Chairman deserve for your tireless work for the Party. But I was wondering, where are the proles and why aren't they out tending the lawn? Please don't tell me they were on yet another break?

Secondly, while I have never trained a falcon, from what I read about how iit is done, it is not Pavlovian conditioning I am sad to report, rather it is operant conditioning as defined and developed by that fun loving, behavior modifying, great Socialist BF Skinner.

https://www.clickertraining.com/node/282

The new Ethel Rosenberg Falconry Centre (yes, spelled centre to give it that Euro snobbery flare) has a unique dungeon... errr... happy living-space capable of jailing...errr...damn... I mean capable of providing housing for up to 600 proles. There they help maintain our Eco-friendly green generators (human hamster wheels) that power the entire facility. We also use proles as live targets for the falcons to train on as mandated by new PETA regulations.

As for the lawn we usually just drop by Home Depot to pick up a few Undocumented Americans and show them how to use a push mower.... a motorless one, mind you. Don't want them contributing to our already growing carbon debt (you know, with the private jets and all).

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:As for the lawn we usually just drop by Home Depot to pick up a few Undocumented Americans and show them how to use a push mower.... a motorless one, mind you. Don't want them contributing to our already growing carbon debt (you know, with the private jets and all).

Ah, I suppose that is more efficient than the old ways....when a pair of scissors was all that was needed to cut the grass. I guess I will never get used to the modern world.

Comrade Sea-Bass!

Congratulations for your apprehension of notorious squirrel.
For years the Party has tried to kill Moose & Squirrel only you have succeeded where Boris and Natasha have failed.
Now get Moose and you'll have an extra beet for your borstch this month!

Comrade Pupovich wrote:...while I have never trained a falcon, from what I read about how iit is done, it is not Pavlovian conditioning I am sad to report, rather it is operant conditioning as defined and developed by that fun loving, behavior modifying, great Socialist BF Skinner.

Pardon me, Comrade Pup, I should have been more specific. When I said we use "methods perfected by Pavlov," I was not referring to Ivan Pavlov of "Pavlov's Dog" fame. Rather, I was talking about Hank "The Red Talon" Pavlov, a pioneer in arts of The New Progressive Falconry™ -- he's no relation to the former.

Removing the "con" from "Falcon" one feather at a time,

Dr. P

P.S., Thanks to Comrade Ceausescu for the endorsement! Yes, our peregrines boast a proud proletarian pedigree!

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Comrade Sea-Bass!

Congratulations for your apprehension of notorious squirrel.

I am sorry to report, but extensive investigation has revealed that the erstwhile Comrade only succeeded in eliminating yet another of Rocky's squirrel-doubles. The actual Rocky has proven to be quite elusive.

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:Pardon me, Comrade Pup, I should have been more specific. When I said we use "methods perfected by Pavlov," I was not referring to Ivan Pavlov of "Pavlov's Dog" fame. Rather, I was talking about Hank "The Red Talon" Pavlov, a pioneer in arts of The New Progressive Falconry™ -- he's no relation to the former.

Ah, forgive the Pup for failing to make this distinction. It was easy to be confused on that Da?

My lord! Courtney Love just ate Mr. Big! Oh, Mr. Falco, let the Donald go! Oh the humanity, the humanity!

Commissar Theocritus wrote:My lord! Courtney Love just ate Mr. Big! Oh, Mr. Falco, let the Donald go! Oh the humanity, the humanity!

I must not have received the memo on this.... What is the story behind this?

Courtney Love and Mr. Falco are the two falcons above; Mr. Big was the only man that Fearless Leader in <i>The Rocky Show</i> was afraid of.

Oh, please forgive me for being so dense. I suppose I was too busy making plans for my new responsibilities given me by the Party. I have heard Courtney Love's name for so many years now, and the only reason I knew why she was famous was because the news media told me she was famous. Then I learned after a few years that she was famous because she was that wimmin being banged by someone else I had never heard of. But how could I forget Mr. Big? The Pup was, and remains, a huge fan of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Needless to say, the Pup absotootly adored Mr. Peabody. The Pup adored the puns at the end.

Oooo! The Pup can't handle the potato vodka like he used to.... so forgive this Pup pun...

I lived by the sewer,
I died by the sewer.
But it wasn't murder,
It was sewercide!

But why live by the sewer? You could always live in a PeTA commune. I'm sure that they would gladly accept you as one of their own and treat you as an equal. Just be sure to use a condom.

Premier Betty wrote:But why live by the sewer? You could always live in a PeTA commune. I'm sure that they would gladly accept you as one of their own and treat you as an equal. Just be sure to use a condom.

What do you rhyme commune with...that would be funny? Now PETA, they can't even be called useful idiots. The only thing they promote is laughter... and an urge to go to a target range. I know I should apologize for that pun... but by Lenin, the Pup loves it!

I have always always been a fervent supporter of PETA with its progressive policy toward inter-species dating. It is only rank prejudice that one ought to breed only with humans. Meow believes in this so throughly that he even married the toaster Helen.

And if we insisted on breeding only within our species, we could no longer venerate Our Many Titted Empress as the model for all mothers that she really is, for how could we explain Chelsea?

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I have always always been a fervent supporter of PETA with its progressive policy toward inter-species dating.

That is there only redeeming quality friend! LOL! I will never forget when PETA first came to Louisiana to protest the Tarpon rodeo in Grand Isle. How they weren't shot by those cajuns still amazes me and forces me to apologize to the sane for their failure... of course they were under the protection of the State Police.

But the piece d'resistance was when I actually heard one of their representative claim, on WWL radio that is broadcast nationwide... that fish cry! I always wondered how they determined a fish crys. Was it the tears in their eyes, or did they hear their underwater sobs?

Commissar Pupovich, you can tell when fish cry by how rapidly they blink their eyes. Of course the fact that they do not have eyelids means nothing for they would have eyelids had not the Republicans stolen their eyelids.

Does this mean that we are starting a new government agency to collect $oft ca$h for the surgical replacement of removed fish eyelids? When do we begin siphoning off the funds for our own needs?

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Commissar Pupovich, you can tell when fish cry by how rapidly they blink their eyes. Of course the fact that they do not have eyelids means nothing for they would have eyelids had not the Republicans stolen their eyelids.

That is an outrage! We simply can not wait for the revolution to be complete! The congress must investigate this immediately!

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote: Well, The Chairman and I think we have found a solution. Many Party members already know that we recently took up falconry as a new recreational pursuit. His raptor is known as Courtney Love and mine is Mr. Falco. With a generous contribution from a source that will remain nameless, we have acquired a lavish Falconry Centre at a location that will remain undisclosed, lest our fellow travelers at PETA stage a protest or something. Here, using methods perfected by Pavlov, we trained our birds of prey to target toy dogs.

I would never want to impose upon your fun Dr. Palimpsest. By all means, if you want to hunt those yapping things go for it, but if you run out or PETA gets on your tail, do not forget your comrade here is the head of the robotics department.

<img src=https://www.freewebs.com/rrch123/sony.jpg>

Such models are already currently being sold by the kaptialist.

<img src=https://www.freewebs.com/rrch123/mil.jpg>

Here is another multi-million dollar project that the Chairman will probably scrap in the bin with the rest after we are 2/3 of the way through.

Speaking of you, dear Chairman, love your new raptor. I always thought that they were the best of the dinos, but that maybe because of Jurassic Park. I prefer the robot models over the real ones:

<img src=https://www.freewebs.com/rrch123/roboraptor.jpg>

We are going to take the Kapitalist concept and make it better. I am going to outfit it with Razor Sharp-Titanium teeth and claws. Maybe we should have a toy dog hunting contest, eh?


Oh and yes, as Comissar of Wildlife as well, I shall exploit this matter as much as possible. I can see the headlines now:

KAPITALIST MERCILESSLY RIP EYELIDS OFF OF FISH, reports from the Wildlife Department confirm.

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:Oh and yes, as Comissar of Wildlife as well, I shall exploit this matter as much as possible.

Hmmmm, in true socialist fashion, that top model looks suspiciously like one of the Pup's robotic minions... well done! Of course now I must instigate a purge of the Pup's Research and Development Labs for allowing such a security breach.

Because I feel good and generous today (i.e., drunk) having won the propaganda poster contest and such, I think I'll let you comrades falconers use my European birdhouse-dacha I'm not going to use this summer on account of having spent my vacation in Colorado.

<img src=https://thepeoplescube.com/images/Falconry_Castle.jpg>

Just make sure you don't hunt the area peasants too hard, I'll need them next summer to grow my food and scratch my heels after those long romantic walks on the beach.

Red Square wrote:Because I feel good and generous today (i.e., drunk) having won the propaganda poster contest and such, I think I'll let you comrades falconers use my European birdhouse-dacha I'm not going to use this summer on account of having spent my vacation in Colorado.

Your wisdom, generosity, and dedication to the Party is a guiding light to the rest of us! A guiding light that showcases the superiority of progressive thought! (Note - this is not kissing ass as some have suggested... not that there is anything wrong with that. I am exhorting my fellow party members to follow your example.)

Ah yes, Pup, that is right. Red, being the most equalitarian of Commies, does not need to have his ass kissed. And that is because he knows that there is just BARELY enough time in the universe to kiss the steatopygic stippled ass of Our Many Titted Empress, which must be done 24/7/12/365/100/1000.

Red, despite his awesome powers, and the fact that he still only lends out the key to the executive washroom, does not have quite the destructive powers of our MTE.

Why, even Mr. Reno is afraid of her, and Mr. Reno wasn't afraid of murdering children.

Oh. I'm getting confused. That was a good thing, right, because they weren't party members. Right?

...Bruno! Has that bitch Nansky been drinking my Mumbai Non Conflict Sapphire gin again and replacing it with Chinese lighter fluid? Bruno! Wake up.

Damned queen passed out in a pool of vomit!...feeling faint, weaving..

NANSKY! I'll get you, you old Gollum bait!..

...THUD...

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Ah yes, Pup, that is right. Red, being the most equalitarian of Commies, does not need to have his ass kissed. And that is because he knows that there is just BARELY enough time in the universe to kiss the steatopygic stippled ass of Our Many Titted Empress, which must be done 24/7/12/365/100/1000.

Red, despite his awesome powers, and the fact that he still only lends out the key to the executive washroom, does not have quite the destructive powers of our MTE..

But surely even the MTE must bow to the wisdom and example of Red, though of course the MTE is surely equally worthy (insurance, insurance Pup) as well?

Our MTE bows to no one. She is the Prime Citizen. The Original Egg. She <i>defines</i> the very essence of being.

I have learned that MTE gets what she wants, and you'd better have what she might want even if she doesn't know she might want it. I still recall the time that I didn't have one of the Crown Jewels that she developed a fancy for while watching a documentary on the Tower. The rage was felt in Harlingen. Bruno still quivers under the bed during a thunderstorm and I have to coax him out with honeyed words, and his favorite piece of leather. (He will <i>not</i> let me get rid of that thing, but queens: no reasoning with them.)

I've found it really good insurance to keep around a frozen hundredweight of frozen virgin's hypothalmus glands for her, and she really likes them soaked in the milk of virgins who have been hormonally tricked into lactating. Then a quick sautee in Danish butter--the stuff that's 84% butter fat--and throw in some white truffles. Not black ones, and they have to be harvested by the truffle pigs of the Duc de Beaufort. No other truffle pigs will do.

That, and only that, will quell her rage. After eating four, or five plates, she'll pass out on the floor. Oh, she'll lose control of her bowels and bladder, but that's okay because I still have my balls.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Our MTE bows to no one. She is the Prime Citizen. The Original Egg. She <i>defines</i> the very essence of being

Just where is the MTE? The Pup is starting to wonder if the MTE is but a Potempkin Village so to speak....
(Note to self... feign unconsciousness from a head wound and leave evidence of a hacked computer hard drive should MTE come around.)

Rabid Puppy foolishly wrote

Just where is the MTE? The Pup is starting to wonder if the MTE is but a Potempkin Village so to speak....
(Note to self... feign unconsciousness from a head wound and leave evidence of a hacked computer hard drive should MTE come around.)

My minions are everywhere, the walls have ears and eyes. Just because you don't see me posting long, rambling, incoherent rubbish that is not focused on ME getting elected does not mean I don't notice when mere commissars step out of line and deserve a ride with Smersh to Ft. Marcy Park and Craig in the backseat holding his little friend next to your skull. Perhaps Pup is a train afficianado and would like to see the under-carriage of a fast moving locomotive? I can have Dr. Fahmy Malak arrange that if you like?
What's that? You say Theocritus is always saying bad things about me? Well, we're old friends and it's a complicated love-hate relationship, besides he lets Bruno do my nails. If the truth must be known, I'm planning to divorce Bill and marry Theocritus. I'll be Potus and he'll be Botus (Beard of the United States).
MTE label doesn't bother me...since I'm the Mother-Goddess and our political philosophy is "More Government=More Tits".
Now I have funds to blackmail....er...steal....ummmm....I mean raise.
Get back to work.

H08

P.S. Theocritus, where's my Hildo? You were the last one to borrow it. The tank had better be topped off and you better have checked the oil. Mr. Reno is cumming over tonight and make sure Bruno serves the good anchovies and henbane.

Hillary wrote:Rabid Puppy foolishly wrote

Just where is the MTE? The Pup is starting to wonder if the MTE is but a Potempkin Village so to speak....
(Note to self... feign unconsciousness from a head wound and leave evidence of a hacked computer hard drive should MTE come around.)

My minions are everywhere, the walls have ears and eyes. Just because you don't see me posting long, rambling, incoherent rubbish that is not focused on ME getting elected does not mean I don't notice when mere commissars step out of line and deserve a ride with Smersh to Ft. Marcy Park and Craig in the backseat holding his little friend next to your skull. Perhaps Pup is a train afficianado and would like to see the under-carriage of a fast moving locomotive? I can have Dr. Fahmy Malak arrange that if you like?
What's that? You say Theocritus is always saying bad things about me? Well, we're old friends and it's a complicated love-hate relationship, besides he lets Bruno do my nails. If the truth must be known, I'm planning to divorce Bill and marry Theocritus. I'll be Potus and he'll be Botus (Beard of the United States).
MTE label doesn't bother me...since I'm the Mother-Goddess and our political philosophy is "More Government=More Tits".
Now I have funds to blackmail....er...steal....ummmm....I mean raise.
Get back to work.

What? Where am I? By Stalin's Ghost, my head is bleeding and it feels as if someone knocked me out with a shovel. Who dismantled my computer?

Egads! MTE! I don't know who did this but someone apparently hacked my computer and posted that nonsense! I renounce the dastardly fiend and will not cease in my efforts to capture "the real poster" and bring him/her to revolutionary justice!