Here Are The Ten Signs Your Baby May Be Progressive:

1. Class envy - Throws a temper tantrum when he or she notices that another child has more toys.

2. No sense of family bonds - Cries when his own mother picks him up, preferring to stay at the day care center.

3. Rejects traditional gender appropriate toys - Hates guns if he is a boy, and hates Barbie if she's a girl.

4. Knows the food of an evil capitalist corporation when he or she sees it - Cries at the sight of a McDonald's Happy Meal.

5. Hates anything to do with money - Vomits on his father's Wall Street Journal.

6. Has no comprehension of personal responsibility - Poops in the middle of the living room floor, and leaves the mess for someone else to clean up.

7. Hates religion and materialism - Squats over a Christmas present under the Christmas tree, and poops right there.

8. Believes in recycling everything - Pees on his peas, and then eats them.

9. Makes goo goo eyes at Nanski Peloski when she comes on the television.

10. Cries at the sight of The People's Cube on the Computer.

My little "RainbowGenderneutralGay/LesbianVegan" always throws the remote in the toilet when FoxNews is on.

My little chics seethe with anger at the site of an SUV, spit on truck drivers, blow up gas tankers, and attempt to neuter any cockerel they come across. There names are Thelma, Louise, Crankem' and Yankem'.

My doctor told me it was in the best interests of the Common Good(TM) not to reproduce. But if I did, I'm sure they would adhere to Leninka's glorious precepts.

Leninka, you have a winner here and I am posting it in the Maternity Ward as we speak.

U.S. 'governed by adults still in their terrible twos'

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I would purge my own child if they as much as raised an eyebrow in discontent at this most glorious use of People's technology.

If anything "number ten" disqualifies your child as a progressive hoping to advance any of the following; world peace, smarter and greener everything, struggling against Global Climate Disruption or converting the electorate proletariat to Islam while advancing fairness for transgendered spotted owls.

If your "baby" cries at the site of the CUBE it is nothing more than a capitalist larva. In order to prevent it contaminating the Children it should begin its career in the federal sanitation department effective the moment it discovers how to slither around!

Aaargh! This article fills me with angst. Like Dear Leader Obama, I cannot bear the thought of any womyn being punished with a baby.

Leave it to you, Comrade Opiate, to kabash the whole reason for living! Sorry to my fellow comrades for not answering them.

We do not require answers comrade, your party provided guide above is enough to keep the proles in line!

Excuse me, I must go pull the dynamite out of my gas tank.

(*crash* *bang* *smash*)

"Hey! Put the shotgun down Thelma! How many times have I told you, it's Yankem's turn to shoot at all the neighborhood boys!"

Ahrrrrrrmmmm... now where was I, oh yes! Be right back....

BOOM!!!!!

Red Rooster wrote:My little chics seethe with anger at the site of an SUV, spit on truck drivers, blow up gas tankers, and attempt to neuter any cockerel they come across. There names are Thelma, Louise, Crankem' and Yankem'.

I'll be keeping them under close scrutiny, as I drive a Gas Tanker.

I agree with the Discovery Channel bomber...Children are filthy and should be aborted at any age.

(Save the froggies!)

Leninka wrote:7. Hates religion and materialism - Squats over a Christmas present under the Christmas tree, and poops right there.

grrrrrr

Leninka.... I am for making some adjustment to the number 7 reason.

ahem

7. Hates Juice and Christian religions while admiring Islam as true Religion of Peace. Because they must also hate the materialism associated with such religions, they squat over Chrissy gifts under Chrissy tree and poop right there while peeing on dreidel.

There, all fixed.

Mrs. Al you have made a very clear clarification. The poor Mooslimics have been harassed and harangued for so very long, they should be given special considerations. That is only equal and fair from their biased point of view. Plus, they had the land belonging to the Joos never belonging to the Joos, taken from them!

But, honestly, I don't know about all this defecations and eliminations on gifts; it just seems so mess, does it not?

Comrade Whitemaleheteropig,

You have a most glorious prog child in the making, for his throwing the remote into the commode when Fox News is on, or as we say here "Faux news."

Comrade Fraulein,

As for pooping, there is an explanation to it and babies. A true progressive must give over the control of all functions to the state. No need to have any personal control over anything.

Comrade Mrs Al Czareweary,

Leave it to you to finesse the act of a progressive child towards both the Juice and the Chrissies, as you say. LOL. How you could have such a sense of humor and yet live in a cave with all of those underwives underfoot, I'll never know.

Comrade Whoopie,

Of course, the master plan is to prevent and abort all human carbon dioxide exhalers, but sometimes accidents do happen.

Comrade Central Scrutinizer,

Where did you drive that gas tank? To fuel the gas guzzling SUV's that Harry Reid and his entourage rode in for 100 yards on the way to a Green Summit?

Of course, Comrade Ingsoc, true made progressives like ourselves love the People's Cube. It's only that some progressives seem to think that we are some kind of right wing site, only pretending to be progressive. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Comrade People's Comrade,

Thank you for posting the 10 signs in the maternity ward. I am most flattered.

Comrade Red Rooster,

I see your chics are coming up nicely. I hope they are also carrying out acts of hate against Wal-Mart.

Comrade Opiate,

Yes, it is a true abominations that we humans exist at all.

Comrade Scratchanitch,

What at unsavory magazine title. The horror of raising a child to honor and respect the American way and flag.

Comrade 7.62,

Of course there are exceptions to all male progressive children looking upon a gun with horror, because as one of Dear Leader's Czar's said, we must carry out our glorious revolution at the point of a gun, otherwise, how else will we ever get the masses to comply? And yet, I can't imagine Dear Leader ever enjoying a day shooting rooks.

Leninka wrote:Leave it to you, Comrade Opiate, to kabash the whole reason for living!

Not true, Comrade, for our whole reason for living is to serve Obama The People ™ ! When Obama The People ™call to me and say "Jump!", I answer "I CAN'T JUMP, I'M A TV SET YOU STUPID COMMUNITY ORGANIZING MORON!" "How high?", for it is my highest and ONLY duty but to serve them. Likewise it is YOUR highest duty to serve The People ™, and that goes for Commissar Theocritus, Pinkie (well, maybe not Pinkie) Red Rooster, Whoopie, Fraulein Puloskies, Moe, Larry, Curly.... all of us liberals socialists communists Progressives! And our goal is to create a fair, just, equal and peaceful society by stomping the shit out of everybody that disagrees with us if need be in which all people will come to see their highest and only duty is to SERVE THE PEOPLE ™.


Like that old Twilight Zone episode... when does someone rush in and say "That book, "To Serve the People".... IT'S A COOKBOOK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Leninka,

The 10 Signs You Are Raising a Progressive Baby needs another sign. For example, another sign you are raising a Progressive Baby is that the baby is never denied his/her milk bottle as the baby celebrates its 1st birthday, 2nd birthday, 3rd birthday, 4th birthday, 5th birthday and every birthday thereafter.

Leninka wrote:Here Are The Ten Signs Your Baby May Be Progressive:

Leninika

These are great rules indeed.

But what is a comrade to do, if their future Papa Obama supporter insists on being "potty trained" ?

How can one strike out this streak of independence?

That is a very good question, Comrade Neotrotsky. As you know children are being potty trained at a later and later age. I consider capitalist products like Pampers pull-ups the rocket boosters that will one day lead to the state controlling all bodily functions. If we get it to the point where potty training becomes the responsibility of public schools, then we are insured that the state will control when and where all children poop and pee.

HA HA HA Leninka you are of much funniness!!

Even you are for knowing that if the State is to be for the responsibility of the potty training there will only be the childrens who will go from the Pampers straight to the Poise!

Hmmm.. this is much good idea. How much water can be for saving if no childrens are ever potty trained again? There will be no more of needing disgusting toilet and for those who have been mistakenly potty trained they can now use hole in ground like all good civilized peoples are doing in such places as the China, Afghanistan, Phillipines, Iran, Iraq and so many of the civilized places.

And since now such Pampers and Poise are of the bio-degradable kind there is no scaring of such waste in land fill places.

Thank you Mrs Al. Nothing quite speaks civility like pooping in a hole in the ground.

I have also heard that many Native Americans didn't bother with a hole at all, and when things got too stinky, they just moved to a different hunting ground, and that was the real reason for their never staying in one place too long. Oh, for the good old days.

Leninka wrote:Thank you Mrs Al. Nothing quite speaks civility like pooping in a hole in the ground.

To quote Drew Barrymore "I took a poo in the woods hunched over like an animal. It was awesome."

Or to put it another way..

In days of old when knights were bold and toilets weren't invented,
They left their load by the side of the road,
And walked off so contented.

Leninka wrote:.......
I have also heard that many Native Americans didn't bother with a hole at all, and when things got too stinky, they just moved to a different hunting ground, and that was the real reason for their never staying in one place too long. Oh, for the good old days.

Ah yes, tis true, dear Leninka. Have you not seen the grounds after a SEIU, ACLU or NAARCP rally or protest? Why, it is covered in . . . um, 'leavings', which is, as we know, much kinder to Mama Earth - no need for 1 ply or water wastage. We are always so humbly proud and filled with hope that the dolts in the flyover country, will eventually join in.

Yes, that is a good observation, Fraulein Pulloskies. It all started with those back to earth flower children at Woodstock, or shall we say, re-started, and I'd like to see more such progressive gatherings and "leavings," as you say.

I also thought of another sign that one is raising a progressive baby, and that is -- A sense of entitlement - does your baby throw a temper tantrum whenever he or she doesn't get their way?

Leninka wrote:...........
I also thought of another sign that one is raising a progressive baby, and that is -- A sense of entitlement - does your baby throw a temper tantrum whenever he or she doesn't get their way?

AH HA! JA! YES, YES, this is of uttermost importance, is it not?! That is something we humbly proud Progs are still encouraged to do. Why, just he other day when I was FORCED inTO McDonalds, I had a glorious temper tantrum when I was told, were out of McNuggets! I called 911 to no avail . . can you believe it?! I gave those lousy works at McD's and the local police a piece of mindlessness, of what I thought of the dire circumstance! There is just no excuse!! &*%$#@!!!!!!

Leninka wrote:That is a very good question, Comrade Neotrotsky. As you know children are being potty trained at a later and later age. I consider capitalist products like Pampers pull-ups the rocket boosters that will one day lead to the state controlling all bodily functions. If we get it to the point where potty training becomes the responsibility of public schools, then we are insured that the state will control when and where all children poop and pee.

As commissar of people's training aids, this does not fall under my jurisdiction. I don't want to hear of people coming to me saying "Elliott, Elliott! Teach my kids the correct way to aim/sit!" Don't they know I've got enough $#^! already?

I can not un-see number 8. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go squirm and wrench in a corner, then head to Jifi-Lobo. On second though, I'm just going to go to Jifi-Lobo.

Why Commissar Elliott, you've never heard of urine therapy?


Actually that idea came from a true story. A local DJ told a story of how his wife had just gotten home from the grocery store with her four young boys, and when she came in from the car, one of the boys had dropped one of the bags. The groceries were all over the kitchen floor, and the two year old was peeing on the bacon.

Leninka wrote:Why Commissar Elliott, you've never heard of urine therapy?


Actually that idea came from a true story. A local DJ told a story of how his wife had just gotten home from the grocery store with her four young boys, and when she came in from the car, one of the boys had dropped one of the bags. The groceries were all over the kitchen floor, and the two year old was peeing on the bacon.

Kind of reminds me of the world of "Higher" education.

Comrade Chedoh,

It took me all this time to figure out what you meant by "higher." I thought it was related to smoke inhalation inebriation therapy, but you really meant glad and happy hate whitey and all capitalist publicly funded learning centers. Sorry. I've been staying a little too long lately at my Jiffi-Lobo treatments. Beats following the elections. All I hear is how the Rethuglicans are going to win.

Dear Leader has got to shut down all of those right wing blogs. Of course, they would never shut us down. We are quite safe, here, being made progressive, and all.