Barry: I read the two books.
Barry: Well, I skimmed most of the first one.
Bill: Which one?
Barry: I don’t know, I can’t tell the difference.
Bill: We’ll come back to the books... You know, I spent a lot of time on them. It would have been nice if you made some effort to read them.
Barry: Come on, Bill, no long face. If the Harvard Law Review couldn’t make me read the crap they wrote – and I was the head of the damn thing.... I’m not a reading man - I’m a talking man. That’s my magic.... What did the Law Review do, anyway?
Bill: It’s not important. Do you know who Marx is?
Bill: No, Karl.
Barry: Right – the funny guy with the painted-on moustache.
Bill: That’s Groucho.
Barry: So who’s Karl? Wait – he was he the guy who didn’t talk but played the harp.
Bill: No! Karl Marx is the father of Marxism.
Barry: Oh, oh, oh. Now I remember. You know, to this day, I could never figure out why do they call that whole thing, “Marxism.”
Bill: Because Marx invented the philosophy. I have this feeling that one day there'll be "Obamaisms."
Barry: What do you mean?
Bill: Never mind.
Barry: That’s the dude Jerry Wright kept telling me about, and I still don’t get it. The way Jerry talks about that guy, you’d think he was Allah.
Bill: He’s Allah to us.
Bill: No – Marx. If you get elected, you’ll be expected to follow the principles of Marx.
Barry: As in being a “Marxist.”
Bill: Correct. Look, this won’t be easy. You’ll be under tremendous scrutiny.
Barry: I can handle scrutiny. What is scrutiny?
Bill: It means to be under examination. Except by the news media, your case. Except the Fox News Channel.
Barry: There’s a news channel about foxes?
Bill: Never mind - just stick to the script and the rest’ll be taken care of.
Barry: George again, huh?
Bill: Yes, George again.
Barry: Man, that dude must have more money than Elvis.
Bill: If you stick to the teleprompter dialogue we write, we can pull this off. But there’ll be times when you’ll have to ad lib, so we’ve got to go over a few things.
Barry: Ad lib - the woman’s movement?
Bill: No, ad lib it means to talk off the cuff.
Bill: It’s an expression - it means to speak contemporaneously – without reading anything!
Barry: Hey – I’m just the talker, okay?
Bill: The trick is going to be to implement as many laws and policies as possible before enough people truly catch on to what we’re doing.
Barry: What language are you talking? What the hell’s “implement?”
Bill: Jesus... It means to put in force.
Barry: Oh – implement. I knew that. Like a farm tool implement.
Bill: Have you ever heard of “quantitative easing?”
Barry: Of course. It’s a laxative - Michelle takes it when she overeats.
Bill: It’s not a laxative. It’s about spending.
Barry: You should see how much we spend for Michelle to eat.
Bill: Forget the laxative! The strategy will be to induce a recession then convince enough people that spending will be the way out it - by the time enough people figure it out, we’ll have fundamentally changed the economy of the United States.
Barry: Man oh man - you sound like those guys who claims Oswald didn’t shoot Kennedy.
Bill: Trust me, he didn’t.
Barry: Bill, if anyone knows, it’s probably you. So who was Kennedy, anyway?
Copyright 2011 Robert Fine