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Cube Guide to Going Back to College

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[img]/images/Thinking_For_You_College.jpg[/img]

Comrades,

It's that wonderful time of year when young people get back to college to be indoctrinated educated! I thought this might be a good time to compile a People's Cube Guide to College for both freshmenpersons and those upperclassmenpersons, (oh wait, sorry for the microaggression because there are no upper or lower classes in the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™) who might have forgotten and need to be reeducated...

1. Essays/Papers. The People's Cube is a good source to get the korrekt perspective for all essays. Essays that in any way deal with political philosophy should reflect the ideals of the Party™ to which most of your professors belong. The 0.000000000001% who don't will never be given tenure and will be sent to a reeducation camp or a gulag (but then, what difference at this point does it make?™) anyway. So, the best bet is for all papers is to reflect the Current Truth™ as described here.

As an aside, when I was a freshperson, I had a hisherstory paper to write about glorious Karl Marx's rant ideas. We had to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10. Being a rebellious sort at the time, I only gave it a 4. Well, my grade suffered immensely. In the my second semester, I had a professor who was very vocal about being a disciple of Karl Marx. Even though this happy gulag didn't exist at the time, I made sure all my papers were written as if they were People's Cube postings toned down just a bit. I received the utmost respect from that glorious prog professor and naturally she blessed me with a very good grade. See that? Proof that if your papers are written according to how you would post on the People's Cube, you can and will be rewarded with glorious grades from Commie professors who are too stupid to see through it.

2. 2016 Election. Yes, Comrades, you might have been a Bernie supporter this spring. But the Current Truth™ has been korrekted and you must now vote for glorious Hillary. And if you don't, even if you vote for Comrade Jill Stein, your failure to vote for Hillary means you hate womyn.

3. Donald Trump. The very name Trump is intolerable. Hearing the word is pain. It requires a safe space. Chalking his name is dangerous speech that cannot be allowed. As soon as I finish this piece, I will retreat into my safe space funded by the people which includes cookies, milk, coloring books, and pictures of puppies. I'm surprised there are no kitten pictures but apparently most safe spaces don't have them. No baby squirrels either. Comrade Captain Craptek would be right to consider this oversight a microaggession and thus a need for reparations.

4. Climate Change. This is a very serious problem and all new construction, use of personal cars, private jets, or any other form of non-mass transportation must stop. Most importantly, Donald Trump flying around on his private jet to steal the election from Hillary is making the earth warmer. Why? It creates carbon and carbon is making the planet get warmer. Seriously, breathe less too because this is causing carbon dioxide to be emitted. By the same token, what does NOT cause global warming? New buildings on college campuses. Ripping down mature native trees on college campuses for a new building and replacing them with scrawny ornamental trees that need to be tied down. Running fancy fountains on college campuses. Heating and cooling college buildings. All the traffic caused by the scores of administrative college employees and professors of vitally important subjects like Pansexual Nonbinary Gender Pronoun Studies which awards degrees at all levels including PhDs. Private jets for climate change profiteers spokespeople. Private jets for Dear Leader and Hillary to campaign do not cause global warming either.

5. Protest. Protest is more important than studying. The most important duty of a college student is to protest an injustice. Find something. Create an excuse to protest if you can't find anything. But seriously, there are ALWAYS microaggressions if you just look hard enough. There is always speech that is hurtful and requires a safe space if you just look for it or invent a reason.

6. Salaries of college employees. Salaries for anyone in the private sector above poverty levels create income inequality and are therefore wrong. Salaries for college staff, especially executives at state colleges who make more than their state's governor, do not create unfair income inequality. Remember, by virtue of working at the college, these people are naturally THE best and deserve to be paid as much as possible. Rewarding progs does not add to income inequality.

7. Gender pronouns. Remember, it is about the comfort of the person and not the ease of communicating. So, you might have to remember 500 different gender pronouns. So what? It is important that people get called what they want to be called. Every college should have a department to identify gender pronouns and post them around campus. If your campus doesn't have one and you can't think of something else to protest, well, there you go.

So, comrades, what can you add to this handy Guide to Going Back to College?

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Aah, where are the days comrade Linen!

Some other ideas:

*protest for more government subsidies:
Education must be marinated in enormous amounts of money. This is the "medium" through which "progressiveness" can go from the Commissars (the "professors") to the party candidates (the "students"). You think reading a book, memorising the essential facts, forming your own opinion and then reproducing this on an exam is essentially cheap and could be organised for a few hundred dollars a year? That is Crimethink!

*although it is also a form of "protest", the organising of anti-semitic rallies merits a special mention: fostering Jew hatred disguised as "pity the poor Palestinian" rallies is mandatory.

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Minitrue wrote: *although it is also a form of "protest", the organising of anti-semitic rallies merits a special mention: fostering Jew hatred disguised as "pity the poor Palestinian" rallies is mandatory.
Go ahead and waste your vote on a third candidate to this dichotomy, your Gulag seat is already cold in anticipation....

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While being a productive Marxist on campus don't chance being re-productive.

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Sign Petitions at Enviro-Rallies with former college graduates!




Say some darnedest things while you're in college!






And, hey, after you're done with college, why not default on your student loans?


EDIT::

And as part of the "sexual exploration" that is of course mandatory in all perfect, liberal, freethinking schools, perhaps you can try becoming whatever the hell this girl is for a couple days:


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Microaggression awareness - check your calibration :
- your dorm room is painted white ; does this make you instantly think of Exalted Cyclops ?
- a campus lane is curved, like a nose of a Jew Zionist ; do you get teary over poor Palestine ?
- the curriculum is encrypted with numericals, e. g. Marxism 101, Lecture Room 314, 9:15-10:00 ; ..that immediately infuriates you - whad, am I supposed to be some Aynshtayn here, or whad ?

Trigger preparedness - check your sensitivity :
- some pissoirs on campus are still gender-exclusive ; you go apoplectic and storm dean's office ?
- the curriculum lacks a course in Preconceptual Veganism ; thereupon, do you throw a tantrum ?
- classmates doubt if Trigglypuff has a gender ; does this make you, like, explode or something ?

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Comrade Vlad Linen wrote:[img]/images/Thinking_For_You_College.jpg[/img]

Comrades,

It's that wonderful time of year when young people get back to college to be indoctrinated educated! I thought this might be a good time to compile a People's Cube Guide to College for both freshmenpersons and those upperclassmenpersons, (oh wait, sorry for the microaggression because there are no upper or lower classes in the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™) who might have forgotten and need to be reeducated...

1. Essays/Papers. The People's Cube is a good source to get the korrekt perspective for all essays. Essays that in any way deal with political philosophy should reflect the ideals of the Party™ to which most of your professors belong. The 0.000000000001% who don't will never be given tenure and will be sent to a reeducation camp or a gulag (but then, what difference at this point does it make?™) anyway. So, the best bet is for all papers is to reflect the Current Truth™ as described here.

As an aside, when I was a freshperson, I had a hisherstory paper to write about glorious Karl Marx's rant ideas. We had to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10. Being a rebellious sort at the time, I only gave it a 4. Well, my grade suffered immensely. In the my second semester, I had a professor who was very vocal about being a disciple of Karl Marx. Even though this happy gulag didn't exist at the time, I made sure all my papers were written as if they were People's Cube postings toned down just a bit. I received the utmost respect from that glorious prog professor and naturally she blessed me with a very good grade. See that? Proof that if your papers are written according to how you would post on the People's Cube, you can and will be rewarded with glorious grades from Commie professors who are too stupid to see through it.

2. 2016 Election. Yes, Comrades, you might have been a Bernie supporter this spring. But the Current Truth™ has been korrekted and you must now vote for glorious Hillary. And if you don't, even if you vote for Comrade Jill Stein, your failure to vote for Hillary means you hate womyn.

3. Donald Trump. The very name Trump is intolerable. Hearing the word is pain. It requires a safe space. Chalking his name is dangerous speech that cannot be allowed. As soon as I finish this piece, I will retreat into my safe space funded by the people which includes cookies, milk, coloring books, and pictures of puppies. I'm surprised there are no kitten pictures but apparently most safe spaces don't have them. No baby squirrels either. Comrade Captain Craptek would be right to consider this oversight a microaggession and thus a need for reparations.

4. Climate Change. This is a very serious problem and all new construction, use of personal cars, private jets, or any other form of non-mass transportation must stop. Most importantly, Donald Trump flying around on his private jet to steal the election from Hillary is making the earth warmer. Why? It creates carbon and carbon is making the planet get warmer. Seriously, breathe less too because this is causing carbon dioxide to be emitted. By the same token, what does NOT cause global warming? New buildings on college campuses. Ripping down mature native trees on college campuses for a new building and replacing them with scrawny ornamental trees that need to be tied down. Running fancy fountains on college campuses. Heating and cooling college buildings. All the traffic caused by the scores of administrative college employees and professors of vitally important subjects like Pansexual Nonbinary Gender Pronoun Studies which awards degrees at all levels including PhDs. Private jets for climate change profiteers spokespeople. Private jets for Dear Leader and Hillary to campaign do not cause global warming either.

5. Protest. Protest is more important than studying. The most important duty of a college student is to protest an injustice. Find something. Create an excuse to protest if you can't find anything. But seriously, there are ALWAYS microaggressions if you just look hard enough. There is always speech that is hurtful and requires a safe space if you just look for it or invent a reason.

6. Salaries of college employees. Salaries for anyone in the private sector above poverty levels create income inequality and are therefore wrong. Salaries for college staff, especially executives at state colleges who make more than their state's governor, do not create unfair income inequality. Remember, by virtue of working at the college, these people are naturally THE best and deserve to be paid as much as possible. Rewarding progs does not add to income inequality.

7. Gender pronouns. Remember, it is about the comfort of the person and not the ease of communicating. So, you might have to remember 500 different gender pronouns. So what? It is important that people get called what they want to be called. Every college should have a department to identify gender pronouns and post them around campus. If your campus doesn't have one and you can't think of something else to protest, well, there you go.

So, comrades, what can you add to this handy Guide to Going Back to College?


Most excellent advice!!! I was talking to a red nosed mother just the other day who had been crying all week because her precious snowflake was going to college at the ends of the earth (30 miles away). I think her snowflake will be just fine as mama has certainly taught her the fetal position to curl up in.

Comrade Stierlitz had some really good PSAs for returning students. I think I can add a little something to your handy Guide to Going Back to College pertaining to the upcoming election since this may be the first time some of these freshman college students will be eligible to vote......


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From an earlier Triumph CD release: "Come Poop With Me"

Triumph-2.jpg

instead of going to college I should have just wrote a really big check to the glorious Salon magazine and read their articles for four years. Salon could also have done just as good a job at teaching me how to be useful to the collective.


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Wait... I continue to be confused, komrades. Isn't this supposed to be a satire site? Aren't you supposed to be making stuff up?

Komrade Grendelssohnovovich
Library Circulation
THE Evergreen State College
Olympia, Washington, USSA

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Grendelssohnovovich wrote:Wait... I continue to be confused, komrades. Isn't this supposed to be a satire site? Aren't you supposed to be making stuff up?

Komrade Grendelssohnovovich
Library Circulation
THE Evergreen State College
[highlight=#ffff00]Olympia[/highlight], Washington, USSA

Komrade Greneld Grendelsos sohno vovichde whatever,

I'm curious - Olympia,... Olympus,... Mount Olympus? Isn't that where Kipling went to write The Gods of the Copybook Headings? They sure know how to run a planet up there on Olympus - don't they? But, I probably just made that up - I think. Anyway, I'm not going to worry about it cause that might lead to some sort of cognitive functioning, i.e., thought - bad for the health.

So, the message is "don't worry, be happy" & "let a smile be your umbrella" on a rainy, rainy day.

- Craptek out -

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Dearest Raptian Tapcrek,

Let's just say that what used to be “modest proposals” are now five-year-plans in academia, with no sense of irony. Again, what should be satire…

Seriously, watch the campus "interviews" Comrade Stierlitz provided us. That is how truly surreal it is on the front lines of "next Tuesday". Rational, independent thought? Nyet! How fill-in-the-blankphobic! And remember, these are our leaders of the future! What a comforting thought...

Korektly,
Kamrade Grendelssohnovovich

p.s. It's spelled like it sounds. (But "whatever" is kinda katchy too.)

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Grendelssohnovovich wrote:Dearest Raptian Tapcrek,

Let's just say that what used to be “modest proposals” are now five-year-plans in academia, with no sense of irony. Again, what should be satire…

Seriously, watch the campus "interviews" Comrade Stierlitz provided us. That is how truly surreal it is on the front lines of "next Tuesday". Rational, independent thought? Nyet! How fill-in-the-blankphobic! And remember, these are our leaders of the future! What a comforting thought...

Korektly,
Kamrade Grendelssohnovovich

p.s. It's spelled like it sounds. (But "whatever" is kinda katchy too.)
Prog Off.png
Kamrade G,

I was doing postgraduate work in the Experimental Psych Department of a SUNY campus during the mid/late 60's. As a result, I am quite familiar with insanity. However, I agree that compared with today's college environment a psychiatric hospital would be considered a bastion of rationality.


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Yes, it is harder and harder to spoof the spoofers.

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Captain Craptek wrote: Kamrade G,

I was doing graduate work in the Experimental Psych Department of a SUNY campus during the mid/late 60's. i.e., I am quite familiar with insanity. However, I agree that compared with today's college environment a psychiatric hospital would be considered a bastion of rationality.


Smiley.png
Yes, it is harder and harder to spoof the spoofers.


Captain Cptk,

I think I have SEEN your 60's grad wk EPD of SUNY technique before...............




 
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